That real life music...

"Eh, they say hind sight is 20/20.  Well, they're right.  It's behind me.

Back for the third time - you know where to find me!

Hanging on the coat tail of Christ, who designed me -

Keep me off your brain.  In other words, don't mind me. ...

"We ain't in a dream world.  We're spitting that real life.

We live in the real world, and know just what it feels like.

So we're pressing in like steel spikes.

To stand in a fallen world, it don't feel nice.

Eh, even if you're rich or you've got a lot of cash, 

You're still not exempt as everybody's on the map.

We all feel the pressure, heavy burdens on our backs -

Every day, it's still hard, but we're learning like it's class."

- Trip Lee.

My Easter weekend and week was interesting.  My host from the Philippines came into town for a few days during his whirlwind tour of the US, between the end of his semester in law school and his graduation.  We went to some extra services with my church's host church for Holy Week.  It was good to see everyone there and more passionate than they usually are.  On Saturday, we had a Bible study that went late into the night.  Many people who attended the Bible study didn't sleep that night because we had a sunrise service for Easter.

I decided to skip the sunrise service because my still-recurring headaches and jaw pain have given me tremendous trouble sleeping and I was not sure how much sleep I would actually get during the last few hours of Saturday night.  Despite trying many kinds of treatments and sleeping arrangements, I slept through the night only once during a whole month.  During the day, I usually have a dull headache that gets worse as the day goes on, occasionally stabbing pains, pains that shoot around my whole jaw, and popping ears.  It's bad.  Theologically correct or not, I've told some people that everyone in hell has this condition.

So I woke up about an hour later and went to the church that I had visited last Easter.  It was great to be in the presence of almost 4000 other Christians who were passionately worshiping the one true God through songs that echoed Biblical truth.  It felt like going to a conference again.  After the service, I loaded up on books and spent time with a college friend who I had not seen since I visited the same church a year prior.

We shared prayer requests.  I asked him to pray for my career situation, specifically mentioning that I have a desire to do full-time missions in the Philippines but no definite calling on whether I should stay here or drop everything and go there.  He said he would pray for it.

The next day was Monday.  I was back at work.  During two-plus months of this pain, I had not even taken one day off from work, though I've had three emergency dental visits in the last three weeks.  The morning went like a usual morning, with a few meetings.  I let my boss know that I would need to step out in the afternoon for a dental appointment.  He was fine with it.  I started eating lunch at my desk, while still working, while my office mates were out on their lunch break.  I started hearing rumblings about some "1:00 meeting" which I had figured was for a specific project that some others on the team were working on.

Then 1:00 came.  In the middle of lunch, my boss called me into the HR office.  They told me that my performance had not improved enough since my review in January (although all marks on that review were officially good) and I could not work there anymore.  They were seeing my pain as an excuse rather than the root cause why my performance had not improved.  I explained this, but didn't bother to try fighting to keep my job.

I've really been wrestling with whether I should make this post public but anonymous on my blog or private for my Facebook friends.  This is not the first time I have lost my job.  Actually, it's the third.  The first two times, I was laid off for circumstances that were not my fault.  This time, it is officially my fault, though I think others should at least share some blame for it.  But I hate going to church and hearing "How's your job search?" instead of "Hi, how are you?" from so many of my friends.  So I've only told a few of them.

I'm also not sure whether or not I should try to fight to stay in this line of work or not.  The last place made me, occasionally, legitimately hate what I was doing for a living.  I have several choices now.  One is to look for another job - not preferable, but I'm starting to put feelers out anyway.  One is to start freelancing in hopes that it will get successful and I'll be able to live in the Philippines and keep doing it in the future.  One is to do paid work with a nonprofit or charity.  One is to become a missionary to the Philippines - and anyone who has read this blog long enough would know that I have a specific burden for that country.

During the past two weeks, I've mostly just been sleeping a lot.  I hope it is not laziness, but rather a legitimate need to rest after the pain had kept me awake every night for a month.  The pain has subsided to the point where I can function now, though my ears are still popping.  I've been staying in my house for several days at a time and rarely going out anywhere.  It feels like being a hermit.

My relationship with God has seemed distant since Easter.  Due to the pain, I haven't fasted recently; I will try to fast again soon.  And most days, I've woken up and gone straight to my computer to do research for this job hunt / career change / whatever this is going to be.  I've barely prayed about it at all and have barely been in the Word.  You can have a theology blog, be registered to attend another conference in a month, and have a relationship with God that is barely there at all.  I feel ready to worship, but without spending much time with Him - it seems more accurate that I am ready to let out emotion for emotion's sake and call it worship.

A question that keeps coming back to me is: If I stay in this line of work, does that show a lack of faith?  If I stay in America, does it show a lack of faith?  If I start another job that gives me only two weeks a year of vacation (standard in the US), I won't be able to go back to the Philippines until the end of 2013 - if the trip gets approved again.

On the other hand, a friend who is a missionary tweeted earlier this morning encouraging believers to sell all for Christ now.  Another friend who is leaving for South America as a full-time missionary in the summer told me that a trend in his missions organization is to  be an expatriate worker.  That is how a lot of missions to the unreached is being done.  I know several people who expatriated to the Philippines, though their reasons were related more to work than to missions.  There also seems to be a lot of options to teach at schools for missionary kids there, but that seems more like just supporting missions to me rather than being on the front lines.

I know my family wants me to stay in the corporate world, despite my failure there so far.  They don't want me to go and stay in the Philippines.  To many Americans, success equals success in the corporate arena.  To many Filipinos, the same is true.

I hope that whatever decision I make is legitimately surrendered to God and not based on unbelief or fear.  On the way home from work two Mondays ago, I was not crying or screaming at God as I had been after both of my layoffs in previous years.  I was peacefully surrendered to whatever God has for me next - holding my career and ambitions with an open hand and telling Him that I wanted Him to do what He wanted with it.  That's probably the most peace I have had in a while about my direction in life.

Surrender to God must not be a flash in the pan, decided in the moment and then forgotten about.  Whoever leaves anything or anyone for the sake of Christ will receive their reward in eternity:

"Then Peter said to Him, 'Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us?' And Jesus said to them, 'Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.  And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last; and the last, first.'"  (Matthew 19:27-30)

My copy of Let the Nations Be Glad arrived a few days ago.  I have read only a few pages in the preface so far and have tried to really dwell on what is being said:

"All the earth-shaking awesome forces unleashed on the world are released by the Lord Jesus Christ.  He reigns today.  He is in the control room of the universe.  He is the only Ultimate Cause; all the sins of man and machinations of Satan ultimately have to enhance the glory and kingdom of our Saviour.  This is true of our world today - in wars, famines, earthquakes, or the evil that apparently has the ascendancy.  We have become too enemy-conscious, and can over-do the spiritual warfare aspect of intercession.  We need to be more God-conscious, so that we can laugh the laugh of faith knowing that we have power over all the power of the enemy (Luke 10:19).  He has already lost control because of Calvary where the Lamb was slain.  What confidence and rest of heart this gives us as we face a world in turmoil and such spiritual need."
- Patrick Johnstone, Operation World.

Regardless of how we choose to promote Him, we must promote Him.  The Lamb will receive the full reward of His suffering.  Don't we want to be used in that great cause?

"9 After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude which no one could count, from every nation and all tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, and palm branches were in their hands; 10 and they cry out with a loud voice, saying,
   “Salvation to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.” 11 And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures; and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, 12 saying,
   “Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever. Amen.”
 13 Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, “These who are clothed in the white robes, who are they, and where have they come from?” 14 I said to him, “My lord, you know.” And he said to me, “These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15 For this reason, they are before the throne of God; and they serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who sits on the throne will spread His tabernacle over them. 16 They will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; 17 for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.”"
- Revelation 7:9-17.

Sunday is only a shadow.

The Heart of a Church Planter

If you have read my posts from several years ago, you may have noticed that I have been championing the cause of Biblical manhood and womanhood for a few years.  I used to compare myself to most of my friends and say that I was one of the most advanced "men" among them because I had a lot of the books and listened to a lot of the sermons.  Lately, I've gone through somewhat of a season of humbling regarding how advanced I am in this.

Andy Mineo's verse in 116 Clique's "Man Up Anthem" has a line which continues to stick in my head after I listen to it:
"Yeah, being a man's got nothing to do with age.
You can be a boy til the day you lay in your grave.
None of us behave like the image of who we're made.
'Cause we're fallen away - it's better known as depraved
Running from responsibility - really we crave
The easy way out of places that call us to pull our weight
Man they blowing through everyday decisions are made,
Responding to the call God's giving 'em from the gate."

The places that call me to pull my weight right now are work and ministry.  Regarding work, I'm admittedly "running out of time to make a sentimental plea".  My job is very mentally intensive, which is part of the reason why I do most of my sacred reading and writing on the weekends.  And my health has not been good this year.  After my trip to the Philippines, I had more jet lag than I have ever had and fell ill for about 2 weeks while I recovered from that.  Then I felt well for about a week or so.  Then, due to ongoing dental treatment with several different dentists, I have had terrible headaches for the past month and a half and counting.  I've needed a lot more help than I would like to ask for at work.  And my already average at best performance has gotten worse.  I sense a desire to go on vacation again and escape the responsibility for a little while.  But this is taking the easy way out of places that call me to pull my weight.  And if I do this to get away from responsibility, I am not manning up.

In ministry, I've noticed that I have mostly been choosing the aspects of my role in the church that do not involve much relation to other people.  But I am called to pull my weight in relating to others.  I am not exempt from sharing the gospel or from ministering directly to the needs of others.  God calls every believer to this role.

Today, I have been realizing that no local church will be exactly like I want it to be.  My church is historically Filipino with a lot of Filipino-Americans and some others.  We are still a small church that meets most definitions of a church plant.  I relate much better to the Filipinos than the Filipino-Americans do.  I can speak a good deal of Tagalog, embrace their culture wholeheartedly, and have been to the Philippines.  Some of the Fil-Ams are much harder for me to relate to.  I don't quite understand or know much about some of the cultural identity that they bring to the table.  So after the Saturday night service, I mostly hope that certain other guys will be there and I can talk with them.  Or it might be like last night, where I couldn't even really join a conversation.  But how sinful is my heart for choosing who I want to minister to?

Part of the regression in my path toward manhood has, no doubt, been due to the lack of examples of godly manhood among my friends in this world.  Other than my pastor, who is just a few years older than I am (more kuya than tito), I can't point to anyone in my church as a godly man who exemplifies Biblical manhood in both work, ministry, and family life - and, most importantly, in affections for Jesus Christ.

I have to say it's my own fault too!  I have a heart for helping pastors to establish Biblical churches in areas that do not have them.  Naturally, a new or restarted church plant will not always have a mature core of charter members who bring all of the strengths that their church needs to have.  Just as our physical bodies will break down and betray us more and more until we meet our Lord Jesus Christ, we should not expect the body of Christ to be perfect here on earth.  We tend to look at churches like Bethlehem Baptist Church (John Piper and soon to be Jason Meyer), Grace Community Church (John MacArthur), Covenant Life Church (Joshua Harris), and other churches like these and expect our smaller local churches to have all the same strengths that they do.  But for each one of these, there are tens or probably hundreds of smaller churches that are wondering why they are not this successful in the eyes of men.

You should follow me on Twitter here.

Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Listening To (March 2012)

"This is the end of my show.  This is the end, I know.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd."

"I can't perform no more. (eh eh)
Can't do these chores no more. (eh eh)
I'm feeling like I'm sick.  It's silly, so I quit.
That's it, I just can't try to please the Lord no more.
Cause really I'm sick of trying to make Him like me more. (you feel me)
Cause every day I've got a fight in store.
I'm guilty, so when I play I never like to score.
No good in me, and I'm sick of my plight - I'm poor.
They told me homie (whaa) the Christian life is better (word)
But they said to be holy and perform for His pleasure.
But now I'm feeling torn, cause the Lord is my treasure,
But I fall and feel scorned when I can't get it together.
But then something clicked.  It's crazy I ignored this:
But even when I slip, this ain't based on my performance.
Christ was equipped, ran a race with endurance.
When His flesh was hit, His righteousness was my assurance. (yea!)

"I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect, listen to the claps from the crowd.
I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect.  Listen to the claps from the crowd."
- Trip Lee, "Show's Over".

-----

"One God, one hope, one Winner
That shouldn't have taken claim to us sinners.
Jesus, forgive us.  We won't give up
'Cause you give life to us.  Now we're lit up
And we testify that we're rectified
By the sin that crept inside to let us die
Our fleshly pride and messy lives
We didn't deliver us.  We were rescued by You,
Who has all power and all presence to save us.  You're gracious.
And when the eyes of our hearts see You, You truly amaze us.
You were clothed in our shortcomings, so we would
Overcome in fullness, in a way a King could
We could have never climbed that hill.
We never would have got that far.
We would have gave up for real as soon as things started getting hard.
But You overcame. We know You reign.
You hold our shame and throw it in the ocean,
And You sealed us with Your holy flame."
- Dillon Chase, "You Overcame".

-----

"Man, I know that I'm insecure.
Do really You think I want to walk around like this? 
I'm tired and I'm sick and tired man I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody.  I'm tired of this.

"From the morning when I'm picking out my clothes
To the moment when I walk up out that door,
My pride is shooting up to the roof top,
While the self esteem finds its way to floor.

"Man, I know I've got problems,
And I ain't [fixing to] sit and try to hide them.
So I am [going to] take this beat and just ride it,
And tell the world what I've been finding.

"You've done seen my issues:
Insecure, but I'm not gonna sit through
Another day where I can't break
The habit where I try to please anybody.
Now I've gotta break loose:

"Growing is so hostile.  It's seeming freaking impossible.
You're trying to TAKE the time to mature, but satan will rob you ...

"... One day, Canon will get up,
Say goodbye to dat picture.
Personally separate the simpleton, split up.
Personality changing: the old Canon, I trashed that. ...

"But I'm like a pistol: getting ready to kill the problem.
My adrenaline rush got a little bit of buzz from looking into the closet of problems.
And I've got options. Well, really, one option is to be honest
And see how God has been glorified with myself as the target.
My struggle is pride.  It's so deep down inside.
And I'm tired of the entire way I'm inclined.
I just wanna see such perfection.  
I know I'm just a bride.  I'm the opposite of my husband.  He's perfect. He's a lion -
King lion.  And I ain't lying.
Really I'm sick of trying. I know I ain't perfect at being perfect - 'cause I'm blind,
I notice my instincts, knowing that, yes y'all, my end stinks.
My entire facade is my account.  It's empty.
So, Lord, build me higher than what Bob was building.
Raise me, to the bar higher than all ceilings.
The sky is never my limit, since my Father's the real thing.
So I'm burning this mask, so can you witness the real me."
- from Canon, "Man in the Mirror".

There are (almost) no poor people in America.

My apologies for not writing for the past 3 Sundays.  I emerged from several hard work weeks without any writing ideas or much desire to write.  I was going through a spiritual dry season as winter wound down here.  It is good that I do not live in northern Canada, where it snows every month but July. :-)  For the past several years, winter has been a very hard season for me.  Two winters in a row, I went through layoffs at work.  In winter of last year, I was going through the end of a courtship - recurring despondency that was only starting  to heal in the fall, but by then the despondency merely shifted focus toward my poor performance at work, where it stayed through this winter.  Also, due to health reasons, I could not hike or fast during the winter this year.  Yesterday was the first day that I could fast in 3 months.  And how good it was to be back on the trail!

Over time, I'll write more about my trip to the Philippines.  For now, I want to zero in on one recurring thought that I have had since before I went.  It has only gotten stronger since I came back.

There are no poor people in America.  Or, at least, there are very, very few of them.

I pay little attention to politics.  People all over this country get very riled up listening to talk show hosts, whose job is merely to make people mad at the government when they have only an infinitesimal capacity to change anything about it.  So I don't really know much about the Occupy protests except that they are "the 99%" - the "poor" people in America - protesting against "the 1%" - the richest people in America.

This is where it helps to have a worldview that includes as much of the world as possible - not just your own country or your own friends.

In the Philippines, I got to meet both of my current sponsored children and my past sponsored child, who had left the program because his family's financial situation improved.  The two youngest kids met me in the Mall of Asia.  This was like bringing them into my world.  With my oldest sponsored child, who is now college-age, I went into his world and visited his home.  Compassion/World Vision sponsors, this is a significant experience.  Do it if you have the chance.

The only way to get to this young man's house is on foot.  My driver, his assistant pastor, parked his van outside the neighborhood after he had driven it as close as he could.  We walked back down a road that could barely accommodate the van - really more like an alley.  And then we found his house.

Many houses here in the States have decorative front doors with windows that let in light but are not designed to be seen out of or into.  My sponsored young man's house doesn't even have a door.  He has a gun that he uses to shoot stray animals that walk into the house, as well as a mosquito zapper.  A makeshift door separates their bathroom from the rest of their house.  The rest of the house is one room with a dirt floor.  The roof is made of tarps.  Where the tarps have failed, many buckets are tied up to collect rainwater.  One of the few things they have going for them is that they live at a higher altitude than the surrounding area, so they weren't flooded out by Typhoon Ondoy a few years ago.

The house has two wooden beds in it with no mattresses.  Eight people live there: the father and mother, plus their six sons.  All the clothes they seem to have remain on two clotheslines outside the house.  When his father's company closed last year, my sponsored young man had to stop going to college to take a five-month temp job to support his whole family, because two of his older brothers are also in college and closer to graduating.  His mother works at a canteen in a school in their neighborhood, selling refreshments.  She makes 100 pesos a day, which is about $2.50.  This is only enough to pay their light bill in a small house with a minimal amount of electricity.  I spend three or four times her daily wage to go out to dinner - several times a week.

Even more staggering to me is that $2.50 is actually two times the World Bank's most recent figure for the international poverty line: $1.25 a day. If my sponsored young man and his family of eight have to only live on this, how can so many people in the world live on less?  They'd practically have to be starving.  Over 20% of Filipinos and over 60% of people in many countries in Africa live on less than $1.25 a day.  And most Americans think "poverty" means that they can't afford an Xbox 360 or the best TV on the market.

Also surprising is the high level of division between the haves and the have-nots in Philippine society.  It's true in American society too, but we notice it less because our "poor" people, in most cases, have everything that they actually need.  Many rich people in the Philippines live in gated communities with security guards who have to know who you are in the neighborhood to see.  They don't seem to want anything to do with the poor people that surround them in Metro Manila and the neighboring provinces.  Poor people there tend to, at best, be househelps who get to stay with rich people in houses that they can't afford to buy themselves, so that they can take care of the children of these rich people who often work much harder than they need to in order to provide both their needs and their wants.  Americans do the same thing with daycare.  But most of the poor people in the Philippines go mostly unnoticed - or at least unnoticed in positive ways - by the rich people.  There seems to be a division in their body of Christ between churches that try to minister to rich people and churches that try to minister to poor people, but don't we also do that to some extent in America?

Getting back from the Philippines was a hard adjustment.  I took an airline that I fell in love with during this trip and ate great food as I made the difficult journey west to east.  After two days with no sleep during the travel, I slept in my own bed again, which I did not have to share with anyone else.  I went back to work the day after I landed and received some difficult words in my annual performance review.  And my way of thinking became American again rather quickly: why did I get such a small raise?

There are heart issues here as well.  Hebrews 13:5 directs us to "Keep yourselves free from the love of money."  I think God has used this trip to the Philippines to expose my own love of money, when I thought I was being generous in giving to the poor and practicing wartime living.  In reality, I have some of my dad's tendency to give a lot to charity and missions so that we can pay less in taxes to the government.  But Jesus said, "Whose image is on that coin?"  When we file our taxes, we watch our estimated refunds go up and up until we are done and wonder what we will blow the money on when we get it.  So in giving to others, we really want to just bless ourselves.

In my case, the ATMs I use always tell me my account balance when I take money out.  Single and saving for a house, I am looking to pay cash for a small house so that I can live below my means and use as much of my income as I can to advance the gospel.  But as my balances get bigger, so does my head.  So does my pride in what I have accomplished so far.  So does my desire to invest and reach my goal faster.  So does my mentality that money is a significant motivator for my being in my line of work.  So my testimony in the workplace degrades to, "Man, my dream car is an Aston Martin One-77!"  You could sell a new Aston Martin One-77 or Bugatti Veyron and take almost everyone in my sponsored young man's entire city out to dinner.  And his city has over half a million people.  Why do we chase things that are so useless and excessive?

My pastor has been preaching through the book of James in our Saturday night services for young adults.  Last night, he preached through James 2:1-7, a text about favoritism:

1 My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. 2 For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes, 3 and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, “You sit here in a good place,” and you say to the poor man, “You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool,” 4 have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives? 5 Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? 7 Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called?

Several of his points included:
1.  You can hold the faith that God saved you with in a way that does not please God! (v.1)
2.  Do you care about people outside your own generation or small group in your church?
3.  God chose poor believers to be rich in faith toward God and heirs to the Kingdom of God. (v. 5)
4.  The fact that you dishonored this poor man negates all the books you read (Piper, Sproul, etc.) and all the Bible studies you go to. (v. 6)

A gold ring and fine (like sequins and bling) clothes reflect a super-rich status.  These are celebrities.  "Come to my church because Manny Pacquiao goes here."  "Come to my church because so-and-so is preaching today."  A poor man in shabby clothes is "dirt upon dirt upon dirt".  If we favor rich people over poor people within the body of Christ, or make any other kind of favoritism distinction within the body, we become hypocrites - judges with evil motives (thoughts) (v.4).

These poor believers are "rich in faith" toward God.  Their God is the same God as the God of the people who are rich in finances.  But they are more able to see that God is more valuable than possessions.  Living in America, we are more (or only) concerned about what we can get.  "See what God is doing with the have-nots!"

These poor believers are also "heirs to the Kingdom of God."  One of the most beautiful chapters in the Bible, Romans 8, begins with the precious statement, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  It spells out several facets of our common identity in Christ that we cannot ignore.  We have the Spirit of Christ in us (v. 9).  We are adopted as children of the Most High God (vv. 15-16).  And we are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (v. 17).  Regardless of our income level, our ethnicity, our intellect, our spiritual qualifications, our popularity - God has made us co-heirs with His only begotten Son.  "God prides Himself in saving you."

But what can poorer believers gain from us if all we do is spout doctrine?  We can have all mysteries and knowledge and yet be nothing if we show it without love (v. 2).  What can they gain from our slactivism, changing our Facebook profile pictures in support of their cause so that we feel good about it and make people sad about it?  These people have real needs which must be met.  If you are in America, you most likely do have the resources to help them.

"I don't want to just talk. I've got to show,
'Cause I've got a couple brothers in the hospital
And I've got a couple brothers from across the globe:
Poor or sick, with joy - you've got to know.
Feeling bad, you tell them, 'I want to pray for you'
But they feel worse, saying they want to pray for you.
Oh, you're thinking we've got it worse?  It's a mistake for you.
Living in America is what's great to you.
No hating you.  Prosperity's replaced the truth
When God is only enough, when He's gracin' you.
Y'all don't value faith.  You only value what your faith can do.
Y'all love to eat, but hate on the Person who made the food.
So I'll pray for you, but let's make a truce:
When famine hits, you won't ignore the light like an ambulance.
Hold on to the Savior, even in the midst of your affliction.
Remember our condition.  Your affliction's your chance to witness!"
- KB, "Enough".

I Have Not Love: A Poem on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Let's say I can write by hand in any script:
Latin, Cyrillic, Indic, Chinese,
And speak the words of any of these,
Be a polyglot with a pile of degrees
And teach others to do the same -
An intellectual exercise -
So that we can pat ourselves on the cranium for our fine accomplishments -
As others do in music, sciences, and the arts:
I forgot the most important part -
The most excellent way.

Were angels good enough as I,
They could speak the tongues of men and their own in the sky -
As useless as an endless recitation of pi
To a two-year-old - if we have not love.
A gong's clang, a cymbal's crash -
It sounds like a late afternoon's dash
Through the metropolis,
As the motorway's educated ideologists
Contribute their own sounds to a cacophony -
Ever crazier, blowing horns of various pitches,
Screaming sarcastic ne'er-too-well wishes,
Passing highway salutes to all -
And having not love!

Or I could be a mysterious man -
A prediction-gifted prince trapped in an ivory tower,
With nothing but my answers to each mystery keeping me company,
Thinking that my facts keep the world functioning
And doctrine is power,
Waiting for a similar princess to give me a flower -
When I am really just a frog this hour -
Who has not love!

Or a man with faith - and not even a dreamer,
I dreamt Olympus Mons and Everest were cast down to the sea just because God wanted them to be
And my church grew and sparkled and gleamed
In radiance: "Let all who are simple come in here"
And get programs, sound preaching, even tears
In worship of the one true God with thousands
While I only have the means and miss the end -
Christ - the source - All things made by, through, and for -
Yet I, with Sardis' heart, have not love!

Or a man with wealth - gold on top of gold
On top of platinum, on top of titanium, encrusted with diamonds -
Super Bowl rings are made from me! -
And yet I radically obey
Give it all away to feed the entire world -
For ten thousand spans of life -
And I live as a jolly average soul
And enjoy the tax breaks -
Or if I give my body from my fame
To be swallowed in ever-climbing flames
"For the sake of Your holy, precious name" -
And have not love?

I am nothing.
The Creator of music calls me noise.
The Author of knowledge deems me a fool.
The Source of true prophecy declares me a fraud.
The God of compassion says I poisoned the least of these.
The Lord who bid me come and die sees no gain in my loss.
I would be better off to never live than to never love -
As He tears the veil and shows -
I have not love -
Nor Him who is it.
In the end, none will twist His perfect love
To point back to themselves and steal His glory.

Let not the sophic man boast of his scholarship
Or the sculpted strut of his sinew
Or the opulent vaunt of his affluence
But let anyone -
Learned or simple,
Atlas' arm or Achilles' heel,
Living large or destitute -
Boast in this:
That they understand and know
Their Maker, the Source of love.

-----

The texts for this poem, as taken from the New American Standard Bible, are below.  Emphasis mine:

1 Corinthians 13:1-3:
 1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Jeremiah 9:23-24:

23 Thus says the LORD, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; 24 but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD.

Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 6

51.  I am seeking for the generations before and after me to praise the Lord.  It bothers me to see people who name the name of Christ wasting their lives on all sorts of trivial pursuits and idols, to see them constantly profaning the name of my Jesus by not deeming Him worthy of all praise and adoration.  God did not consume me with the desire to make much of Him in order for that to only remain personal.  Far from it; He has also awakened me to the need of others - both old and young, from every kind of cultural background - to praise Him with their mouths and lives.  "It is the Biblical duty of every generation of Christians to see to it that the next generation hears about the mighty acts of God. God does not drop a new Bible from heaven on every generation. He intends that the older generation will teach the newer generation to read and think and trust and obey and rejoice. It's true that God draws near personally to every new generation of believers, but he does so through the Biblical truth that they learn from the preceding generations. The Spirit comes down vertically (you might say) where the truth of God is imparted horizontally." - John Piper, "One Generation Shall Praise Your Works to Another".  (Psalm 79:13)

52.  I am called to participate in the Lord's mission of reaching every tribe, tongue, and nation on the planet with the gospel.  All Christians are part of a "royal priesthood", called to take the good news of Jesus Christ to those who do not know Him.  Whether I am called to stay where I am and pray for missionaries, or to take the gospel to a place where the flag of Zion does not yet fly, I have a job to do in world missions.  Whether I am able to see God save anyone before my eyes or not, I know that He has promised to save souls from every tribe, tongue, and nation; and I know that, as the only all-powerful God, He will not fail in carrying that out.  (Psalm 145:13; Revelation 5:9; 1 Peter 2:9)

53.  I am an undeserving recipient of the great gift of salvation.  Scripture says that the Lord saved me not because of my righteous works, which were filthy in His sight before He saved me, but because of His mercy.  He grants salvation even to corrupt tax collectors, adultresses, and murderers, saying, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick" - the sick in sin.  Even though I have stumbled in ways that American Christendom would consider much more minor, I see how serious my sins are and how much I need Christ's forgiveness.  And those who God forgives of much love Him all the more and praise Him all the more.  Seeing those who have been saved out of a life of lawless deeds is indeed, a great encouragement to my heart.  I can wrongly consider them to still be thieves, drunkards, liars, and idolaters; or I can apply some of the most beautiful words in Scripture to them: "And that is what some of you were.  But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God."  (Titus 3:5; Isaiah 64:6; Matthew 9:9-13; Luke 7:47)

54.  I am able to witness answered prayer, and I do not need to be anyone special to do that.  Since I can make requests to the Father through Christ my Mediator, I am on equal footing in this regard with any other Christian.  Elijah prayed fervently that it would not rain for 3 1/2 years.  Asking in faith and according to God's will, God granted his request.  And Scripture said Elijah was not Superman, but a regular man just like me.  (James 5:17; 1 John 5:14)

55.  I am misunderstood by the world.  I follow a Savior who, like me, honored His Father as He lived in this world, and was therefore rejected by the world.  The Lord has chosen me out of the world.  Therefore, the world, which hated Christ first, will see that I am not one of their own and will hate me also.  "Let the world despise and leave me.  They have left my Savior too." - Henry Lyte.  "Don't follow a defeated foe. Follow Christ.  It is costly.  You will be an exile in this age.  But you will be free." - John Piper.  (John 1:10-11; John 15:18-19)

56.  I am a branch attached to Christ, the vine.  He is my source of nourishment and ensures my continued life.  Continuing to abide in Him verifies that I am in Him.  "The plant world was created to be to man an object lesson teaching him his entire dependence upon God, and his security in that dependence. ...  what is its secret? Be wholly occupied with Jesus. Sink the roots of your being in faith and love and obedience deep down into Him. Come away out of every other place to abide here. Give up everything for the inconceivable privilege of being a branch on earth of the glorified Son of God in Heaven. Let Christ be first. Let Christ be all. Do not be occupied with the abiding--be occupied with Christ!" - Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ.  (John 15:5)

57.  I am pruned by the Father.  This, too, proves that I am in Christ.  Pruning is painful, since it can cut off things from my life that were living, that were bearing fruit, that I thought were good.  But the Father knows best, and He will do with me as He sees fit in order that He will be most glorified in me.  Thus I can praise Him even in these seasons.  "And even fruitful branches need pruning; for the best have notions, passions, and humours, that require to be taken away, which Christ has promised to forward the sanctification of believers, they will be thankful, for them." - Matthew Henry.  (John 15:2)

58.  I am saved by a living Savior, who defeated death and appeared alive again to over five hundred eyewitnesses before ascending to Heaven.  I rejoice that His tomb is empty!  "He’s indescribable! He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hand. You can’t outlive Him, and you can’t live without Him. Well, the Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him, and the grave couldn’t hold Him. ... That's my King!" - S.M. Lockridge, "That's My King".  (Luke 24:5-7; 1 Corinthians 15:6)

59.  I am aiming to please the Lord for however long He would have me live.  Whether I live another hundred years or just one more second, whether I should fall ill and be healed like King Hezekiah or taken home, my times are in His hands.  Truly, "All the days ordained for me were written in [His] book before one of them came to be."  I am given today to use this life on earth for His glory.  "If life be long, I will be glad that I may long obey. / If short, yet why should I be sad to soar to endless day?" - Richard Baxter.  (Philippians 1:21; Psalm 33:15-16)

60.  I am going to spend eternity praising my Creator.  How much more beautiful than the new heaven's streets and gates is the Author of the salvation of countless souls, seated on the throne, accompanied by four living creatures who spend eternity declaring His thrice-holiness!  I will not praise the new creation, but Him Who made it.  We will not need the sun or man-made lights to light our way, because the glory of the Lord Himself will be the light.  "Heaven is rightly called, 'Glory'." - C.H. Spurgeon.  (Revelation 4:6-11; Revelation 7:10; Revelation 21:23)

Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 5

41.  I am seeking to sense the presence of God and to behold His beauty.  Although in my sin nature I hated Him, God has made Himself so sweet to me that I want to destroy every act and thought of disobedience in my life that keeps me from the boundless joys of knowing Him.  Knowing Him here on earth is like experiencing something of the joys of heaven as I walk in this fallen world.  "He has destined you to something better than a short-lived blessedness, to be enjoyed only in times of special earnestness and prayer and then to pass away as you returned to those duties in which the far greater part of life has to be spent." - Andrew Murray.   (Psalm 27:4)

42.  I am given assurance of my salvation based on the work that God is doing in my life.  He has not left me the same since my conversion.  The knowledge of Him is also experiential and felt; it is not just knowing facts about Him or believing the right things.  "The life of God in the soul authenticates itself. It brings with it its own evidence. Is it possible that a believer can be a subject of the quickening grace of the Holy Spirit, and not know it? Possess union with Christ, and not know it? The pardon of sin, and not know it? Communion with God, and not know it? Breathing after holiness, and not know it? Impossible!" - Octavius Winslow.  (1 John 3:14)

43.  I am more blessed when I have little wealth than an unconverted man when he is very materially rich.  All the world's wealth does is blind me.  If wealth distracts me from loving Christ, I would rather have nothing, because the Lord is a far greater blessing.  And a man who lives to acquire a great deal of wealth in this world and does not repent of his sins will have nothing when he spends eternity in hell.  "Paul was a prisoner, sick, bruised, and very poor.  But he rejoiced in the Lord and did not ask for more." - Dillon Chase, "Dive In".  (Psalm 37:16)

44.  I am upheld by the King of Glory as I go through trials in life and suffer for His name's sake.  As He continues to break me and rid me of idols, He gives me a progressively clearer picture that His grace is sufficient.  The word "sufficient" is beautiful because logicians relate it to the word "necessary".  "Necessary" means that something must be there.  "Sufficient" means that it is the only thing you need.  God describes His grace as sufficient.  "When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace - all-sufficient - will be thy supply.  The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design: thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine." - John Rippon.  (2 Corinthians 12:9; Psalm 66:8-10)

45.  I am constantly fighting in a spiritual battle for the truth of God to be passed down to the next generation.  Though it may seem that the false doctrines that many are teaching today are new, Biblical Christianity has faced false teaching throughout its history - and false prophets both before and since Christ.  God has always preserved His Word and allowed His truth to continue being passed to people yet unborn.  I have a responsibility for living out and upholding sound doctrine in my life, and not tolerating those who proclaim a different gospel.  (Psalm 22:30-31; Jeremiah 14:14; Revelation 2:20)

46.  I am living in a war and thus called to live a wartime lifestyle.  Far from the romantic, white picket fence "simple life", the wartime lifestyle requires sacrifice, discipline, and support from the other troops on my side.  As Martin Luther said, "A faith that costs nothing and demands nothing is worth nothing."  I must truly give up the things in this life that I consider mine and chase Christ relentlessly.  If I do that, the Lord has a certain promise to me: I will find Him.  (Mark 8:35; Jeremiah 29:13; paraphrases from Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper)

47.  I am seeking to glorify God, so I cannot be a habitual self-promoter.  When I seek glory for myself, I eventually must realize that it is not mine to seek - and repent.  An infinitely faithful God has loved me - a sinner, who can only praise Him inconsistently at best - with an everlasting love.  He deserves all of my praise.  "Self cannot possibly exist in this atmosphere; all along it must be crucified ... Have no illusion about this. If you think it is a life in which you are going to make a great name, and be praised, and one in which you are going to be made wonderful, you may as well stop at this point and go back to the beginning, for he who would enter by this gate must say goodbye to self." - Martyn Lloyd-Jones.  (Psalm 115:1)

48.  I am to praise the Lord for all of my life, and even with my dying breath.  He is forever worthy of that.  "Praise is the rehearsal of our eternal song.  By grace we learn to sing, and in glory we continue to sing.  What will some of you do when you get to Heaven, if you go on grumbling all the way?  Do not hope to get to heaven in that style.  But begin now to bless the name of the Lord." - Charles Spurgeon.  (Psalm 146:2)

49.  I am able to see that the Lord really is all I need.  Even when my work produces nothing and I have no possessions, it becomes more apparent to me that the Lord is my source of strength.  "When our needs are permitted to grow to an extremity, and all visible hopes fail, then to have relief given wonderfully enhances the price of such a mercy." - John Flavel.  (Habakkuk 3:17-18; Isaiah 41:17-18)

50.  I am able to glorify God by obeying earthly rulers who do not love Him.  God allows me to not be afraid when those around me, including those in political power, do not please the Lord.  In areas of the world where He is not being worshiped, He will draw men to Himself from every tribe, tongue, and nation.  All leaders, including those who are not believers, are appointed by God.  I am concerned when I see God's law being broken, but God will act as He sees fit.  As for me, my responsibility is to commit my way to the Lord and delight in Him.  "I take my share in earthly politics, earthly labor, even earthly pain.  But let's be clear.  I am no Earthling.  I'm an alien." - Lecrae.  (Psalm 119:126; Psalm 37:5; Revelation 5:9)

The Glory of God in Loving the Bride of Christ, Part 2

 These are the full notes of my exegesis of Philemon in preparation for the lesson I taught in the Philippines.  In the lesson, I only mentioned the points of this that specifically relate to loving other believers.  Here's the bonus material. :-)

1 Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, 
This is a "prison epistle", and the only one of Paul's letters where he introduces himself as a "prisoner of Christ", in prison for preaching the gospel. I couldn't find anything that said conclusively whether Timothy was also in prison at this time. To Philemon our beloved brother and fellow worker, Philemon was a Christian ministering in the church at Colossae who was not in prison. He was wealthy enough to own at least one slave, Onesimus. Some commentators think Philemon was a pastor.

2 and to Apphia our sister,
This is the only place in the Bible where Apphia is mentioned. This may have been Philemon's wife.

and to Archippus our fellow soldier,
Archippus was also addressed briefly in the book of Colossians(4:17). In that context, Paul mentioned him right after he gave a greeting to the church at Laodicea; Archippus was the only person specifically addressed there and may have been a church leader. Some historical traditions say that he was one of the 72 disciples appointed by Christ in Luke 10. Some historical accounts also suggest that Philemon, Apphia, and Archippus were all martyred under the persecution of Nero.

and to the church in your house:
The church at Colosse was a house church that met in Philemon’s house. He opened his home to allow his church to meet there. Meeting in homes was common in the early church; church buildings did not come until much later.

3 Grace to you ... from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Grace envelopes the teaching of all of Paul's letters, due to its centrality in the Christian faith; Christians are all recipients of it. God has no problems in Himself that we can fix, and there is nothing that we can offer Him. His responses to us are gifts of His grace.

... and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
We have peace with God through Jesus Christ, and by peace, the blessings that result from grace come to us. Both grace and peace are only from God the Father through Jesus Christ. (source: Matthew Henry)

4 I thank my God always, making mention of you in my prayers,
Elsewhere in this book, Paul gives congratulations and commendations regarding Philemon and the others that he mentions based on their faith. However, he still prays for them. No Christian who is still alive is beyond the need for prayer.

5 because I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints;
"I hear of" means that Philemon himself may not have been the one telling Paul about this. The love Philemon showed for the saints and their faith toward Christ had a testimony that reached beyond their city. "Toward all the saints" does not limit Philemon's (or our) love to only believers, but it shows a deeper bond of love between believers that we have in Christ, regardless of whether these saints are Jew, Gentile, slave, free, rich, poor, or any other possible category.

6 and I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every good thing which is in you for Christ’s sake. 
But wasn't it already becoming effective?  "Fellowship" and “effective" mean that the faith was becoming manifested to men (source: John Calvin). Faith communicates itself by good works. "Every good thing which is in you" does not refer to good things that Philemon inherently had in himself, but to things that are there because of his faith in Christ ("for Christ's sake"). This is not to give glory to Philemon, but to give glory to Christ.

7 For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.
Whether he is the pastor of the church or not, Philemon is ministering to the saints in his local church. Nowhere in Scripture is it mentioned that Paul actually had ever gone to Colosse, although one of his messengers, Tychicus, carried this letter and the epistle to the Colossians to Colosse. Paul had been to Ephesus, 100 km away, and was imprisoned there. So Paul has joy that someone he most likely has not seen, who lives in a place that he has most likely never visited, is serving the believers in this local church in a Gentile region (Asia Minor), which is part of the early stages of Christianity spreading around the world and outside the Jewish people.

8 Therefore, though I have enough confidence in Christ to order you to do what is proper, 9 yet for love's sake I rather appeal to you - since I am such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus -
In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul addresses whether Christians can eat meat sacrificed to idols. He says that we can, but not all Christians have this knowledge, and less spiritually mature Christians would be tripped up by that. He says that he will not exercise this liberty around them and gives us an instruction to not cause our brothers to stumble. So he lays down his liberty. In this passage, Paul has the authority and confidence to order Philemon what to do. He was an apostle and mentions that he is "aged", probably at least 50 years old when he wrote this. And he has lived his Christian life preaching the gospel and facing much opposition. But in the verses to follow, Paul is going to lay down his authority to command his brother. He is not going to give a command, but an appeal, to Philemon. He is also writing this letter from a distance and may not know all of the circumstances involved.

10 I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my imprisonment,
"My child" does not mean that Onesimus was Paul’s biological son. "Child" here is a term of endearment. It is referring to Onesimus as a spiritual child. Onesimus and Paul may not have met until Paul was imprisoned in Rome and shared the gospel with Onesimus. You can't have faith in the gospel without first hearing it, so one who gives instruction in it is like a parent (source: John Calvin). "Begotten" means that it was a result of Paul's ministry, not by Paul’s power.  God is the one who saves.

who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me.
He was useless (a pun on his name - "useful") because he stole from his master. He was also useless to Philemon in terms of Christian fellowship because he was not yet a Christian. He is useful now because he is now a Christian, has left that life of sin, and can now be an honest servant. He is also a brother in Christ now who shares a bond with Philemon that they did not have when he stole.

12 I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart,
Onesimus is most likely going back with Tychicus because slave-catchers in their day would have intercepted him on the way if he had traveled alone (source: John MacArthur). "My very heart" is also an appeal because it implies that if Philemon rejected the appeal, he was rejecting Paul's heart (source: John Calvin).

13 whom I wished to keep with me, so that on your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel;
Here, Paul was looking out for the interests of others, not his own interests. He wanted Onesimus to stay near him in prison and minister to him, but he wanted more than that for Onesimus, an escaped slave rightfully owned by Philemon to go back to his master.

14 but without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your goodness would not be, in effect, by compulsion but of your own free will.
He wanted Philemon to obey him willingly, not begrudgingly. Paul is sending Onesimus back, with the hope that Philemon will take him back. Philemon may have been inclined to see this as Paul rejecting Onesimus, "return to sender; I'm not interested in keeping him around". Or Philemon may have seen Onesimus wrong as too significant to accept taking him back.  However, Paul is appealing to Philemon, who he has already commended for his love.

15 For perhaps he for this reason separated from you for a while, that you might have him back forever,
Onesimus went to meet Paul in Rome. Here, Paul is suggesting that the ultimate reason why Onesimus separated from Philemon is so that Philemon might have him back forever. But "forever" means beyond this lifetime. Onesimus and Philemon were not always brothers in Christ, but now they are. The text doesn't seem to say (in English) whether Paul says "he for this reason separated from you", meaning that Onesimus was intentionally doing this, or whether "this reason" means that Onesimus wanted to just run away, but God had a different purpose behind all of it. Calvin thinks it was the latter, pointing to the example of the trials Joseph went through in the book of Genesis. (Thoughts?)

16 no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.
Philemon only knew Onesimus as someone who worked for him and was dishonest at that. There was no spiritually-based relationship between the two of them. Now that has changed. Paul knows firsthand, from Onesimus' being there for him while he was in prison, that Onesimus is a beloved brother to him now. Paul’s understanding in v. 15 is that Onesimus only left Philemon "for awhile", but if Philemon receives Onesimus back, Onesimus will stay and serve him with a heart that God has changed and a repentance over his sin. Also, Onesimus never worked for Paul as his slave. Paul does not know firsthand how Onesimus served Philemon before he was a Christian. Philemon might be the one person who would see the big change in Onesimus' life ("how much more") more than anyone else. Paul claims both Onesimus and Philemon as brothers in Christ, linking the two. Onesimus was already a "brother... in the flesh" to Philemon (not sure: were they actually biological brothers or only living in the same house / of the same lineage?), but now, more importantly, he is a brother in Christ to him.

17 If then you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me.
Paul urges Philemon to accept Onesimus back because of the evidence in v.16 that he is now a beloved brother. "partner" refers to partnership in the gospel. "Accept him" - a repentant sinner showing genuine evidence of salvation - "as you would me" - a former persecutor of the church who killed Christians but has repented of even that. Philemon has already accepted Paul over a sin that could have had Philemon killed if he ever fell back into it.

18 But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account; 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand, I will repay it
This is the only place in the letter where Paul refers directly or indirectly to Onesimus’ sin. Paul takes the consequences for Onesimus' sin. Onesimus is a runaway slave, and if he has already spent the money, he can't pay it back. Paul has agreed to repay it himself so that the loss of money consequent from the sin would not be a problem for Philemon. "I... am writing this with my own hand" emphasizes that Paul is really the one writing this.

(not to mention to you that you owe to me even your own self as well).
The Bible does not say this directly, but Philemon may have been saved under Paul's ministry. This is a parenthetical statement in some translations, such as the NASB (this one).

20 Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.
The context here is Paul's appeal that Philemon accept Onesimus back. “Accept[ing] [Onesimus] as you would me" (v. 17) would be a benefit and refreshment to Paul. It would benefit Paul to see this relationship between Philemon and Onesimus restored more than it would for Onesimus to stay with Paul (vv. 13, 16).  This is a different kind of benefit and refreshment "... in the Lord... in Christ". The gospel of Christ changed Paul's heart so that he would see Onesimus' being away from him (and possibly never coming back to him) as a "benefit” and "refreshment".

21 Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, since I know that you will do even more than what I say.
Paul appealed to Philemon rather than commanding him (v.9), but still considered that if Philemon followed through on this appeal it would be "obedience" (v. 21). Paul had confidence that Philemon would obey him and accept Onesimus back. He knew that Philemon would do more than simply accept him back.

22 At the same time also prepare me a lodging, for I hope that through your prayers I will be given to you. 
Although Paul was in prison, he had faith that he would not stay there for the rest of his life. He hoped to see Philemon in Colosse. If he had gone, he would have been able to see whether Philemon accepted Onesimus back and what kind of role he had given him.

23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, greets you,
Epaphras preached the gospel to his fellow Colossians (his own people) and came to Paul in Rome with a favorable account of the Colossian church while Paul was in prison there. In Colossians 4:12, Paul tells the church at Colosse that Epaphras is "always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God... he has a deep concern for you and for those who are in Laodicea and Hierapolis." In Colossians 1, Paul reminds the church there that they heard of the gospel (v. 5) and understood the “grace of God in truth" (v. 7), which they learned from Epaphras (v.8), who Paul calls "our beloved fellow-bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our [Paul and Timothy's] behalf."

24 as do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, my fellow workers.
Mark: Historical accounts are divided over whether this was the same Mark who wrote the book of Mark. This Mark was definitely with Paul on his missionary journeys and apparently with him during his imprisonment at Rome.
Aristarchus: A Macedonian from Thessalonica. In Acts 20, Aristarchus had accompanied Paul on a missionary journey from Greece through Macedonia to Syria. Aristarchus was also on board a ship with Paul in Acts 27 when they were shipwrecked. When Paul wrote to the Colossians, Aristarchus was in prison.
Demas: Demas was with Paul during his first imprisonment in Rome. He also sends his greetings in Colossians. But in 2 Timothy, Paul writes that Demas forsook him, "having loved this present world". John Calvin wrote of Demas, "And if one of Paul’s assistants, having become weary and discouraged, was afterwards drawn aside by the vanity of the world, let no man reckon too confidently on the zeal of a single year; but, considering how large a portion of the journey still remains to be accomplished, let him pray to God for steadfastness."
Luke: A physician who wrote the Gospel of Luke and the Acts of the Apostles, possibly one of the Seventy.

25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Paul ends this letter similar to how he started it. He started it saying “Grace to you and peace."  Here, he says, "grace... be with [you]."It means that he wants the grace of God to be with his readers as they go. When we read Scripture, we are not reading it 24 hours a day. We read it for part of the day and then go live the rest of the day doing other things. Paul wants the sustaining, sovereign grace of Jesus Christ to stay with them throughout the rest of their daily life. And they need it, because his main recipients also suffer for the sake of the gospel and will eventually die for it. (source: John Piper, Future Grace)

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Applications from Philemon:
1. v4: One of the ways that Paul expressed love for Philemon and the others in his church was that he prayed for them regularly, although they were in another city and he was in prison. Do you regularly pray for other believers - whether you can see them or not - and whether your circumstances are good or not?

2. v13: Being ministered to may seem like a very good thing, but it is not always right to focus on who can help you in your trial if God would be more honored by having them go somewhere else to pursue a different calling.

3. v13: Secular work (in this context, seen as a slave serving a master) is a legitimate calling.  Don’t think that you have to be in full-time ministry in order to glorify God and serve Him.

4.  Center your friendships with other Christians on Christ.  The friendships Paul had with these other servants (Epaphras, Aristarchus, etc.) were based in advancing the gospel and suffering for it. Deep friendships involve camaraderie in a cause. If you have trouble forming deep friendships with other Christians, question the basis of those friendships. Make sure that you are centering your friendships on Christ, not on surface-level worldly interests. This will also help you minister to them, and them to you.

5. vv18-19a: Would you ever pay the consequences for another person’s sin just to restore them to another brother?

6. v21: Can it be said of you that when you are to do some form of service for another believer, you will do more than what they ask? (I'm not saying this about me in the Philippines. :-) )

7. v22: Would you go to great lengths to see or visit people who have benefited from your ministry, or who you have benefited from in their ministry? (Ditto. :-) )

The Glory of God in Loving the Bride of Christ, Part 1

Several days ago, I returned from the Philippines via about 20 hours of flying and more than 2 days without sleep.  I was questioning myself, especially after I came back, about why I would ever leave the Philippines.  I find it, in a way, disobedient to God that I could not stay.  As I drove around my town yesterday, I was asking myself why I came back.  Callings to a specific geographic location are rare.  When my health finally readjusts to this much colder weather, I want to head back to the trail for another time of prayer and fasting: for each person that I ministered to there and for how I may be able to make it back as soon as possible.

Although there was a great deal of excitement in finally going on this trip, some of the highlights were the retreat last weekend in Subic, with a group of about 17 college students and young professionals, and the visit to my sponsored children the next day.  One of my hosts invited me to speak at one session of the retreat.  I had prepared a lesson which went verse-by-verse through 1 John 4:7-21 and the whole book of Philemon.  After a test run of it in the States, I dropped most of the Philemon portion, though I plan to post it here later.

Here is the first part of my notes from the study, "The Glory of God in Loving the Bride of Christ":

Who is God?  Who does He think He is to command us to follow Him? Some Psalms keep repeating “glory" - but what is "the glory of God" anyway? How has He shown this through creation and throughout eternity? And why should we care about it when movies, video games, trolling, etc., seem more fun in the here and now? Why would we "waste our lives" (not really, but some people think so) on having a radical vision for glorifying God locally or among the nations?

The reason is that God has a radical vision for glorifying Himself throughout the world and has already seen to it that the universe brings Him glory and obeys Him. Literally everything in all of creation was made for one purpose: to glorify Jesus Christ.  Not one molecule, atom, or subatomic particle exists against this purpose.  Not one of them rebels against His will or is beyond the scope of His power.  Colossians 1:15-17 says, “He [Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities – all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” See also Hebrews 1:1-12.

I think many people our age don't get words like “infinite"... no one can really understand it, but most people won’t even start. Flippancy toward God's commands often results from a view of God that is too small and not powerful enough. I just don't know how so many people who are Christians can read the Bible or read theologians with a high view of God and be anything but stunned and awed by what they see.

God’s glory on earth:
1.  Psalms 138:4-6
2.  Psalms 104:24-32

As someone made in His image, you are a work of God.

God’s glory in the heavens (universe):
1.  Psalms 19:1
2.  Psalms 89:5-18
3.  Psalms 86:8-10
4.  Isaiah 40:25-26
5.  Job 38:31-35

God’s glory in heaven:
1.  Psalms 24:7
2.  Psalms 29:9

It is mind-blowing that a God this glorious would want anything to do with us!

How man relates in all of this:
1.  Psalms 8:3-4
2.  Psalms 19:14
3.  Psalms 33:6-12
4.  Psalm 139 (all)
5.  Psalms 148:13
6.  Psalms 65:5-8
7.  Psalm 67 (all)
8.  Psalms 86:11-12

The Psalms were written by people who really did follow God and praise Him. We can’t “walk in [His] truth” if we are not really His. So it is critical for us to know whether we are His. 1 John is written primarily so that professing Christians will be able to examine themselves to see if they are truly in the faith and to see whether they are really in fellowship with God (1:6, 5:13). It is written in the context of a false teaching called Gnosticism. Gnostics thought they had secrets for understanding the truth that other Christians did not have. They also taught that it doesn't matter what you do with your physical body. So even if you live a lifestyle of sin, that doesn't matter to them; they still consider you a believer. John countered this with the following tests of whether someone is really saved:  (This is paraphrased from an article I read at Grace to You.)

1. Have you enjoyed fellowship with Christ and the Father? In other words, do you love spending time with God? (1 John 1:2-3)

2. Do you walk in darkness (1 John 1:6), a persistent style of life that is sinful (1 John 3:6-8)? If you do, you are not saved. In other words, are you sensitive to sin?

3. Do you keep the commandments of Jesus (1 John 2:3)? The one who says he walks in a way pleasing to Christ must walk (style of life) in the same matter that He did (1 John 2:6).

4. Do you love other Christians? (1 John 2:10-11, 3:10, 3:14, 4:21)  Do you love them with "deed and truth" and not just "word or with tongue"? (1 John 3:18) Have your sins been forgiven, and are you overcoming the evil one? (1 John 2:12-14)

5. Do you love the world or the things in it, the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life (1 John 2:15-16)? A true Christian does not.

6. Do you eagerly await Christ’s return? (1 John 3:2-3)

7. Do you see a decreasing pattern of sin in your life? (1 John 3:4-10)

8. Do you experience the Holy Spirit's ministry? (1 John 2:20, 26-27) The Holy Spirit illuminates Scripture so that you can understand it, allows you to minister to others, allows you to have meaningful worship, and produces the fruit of the Spirit in your life.

9. Do you suffer opposition for your faith? (1 John 3:13)

10. Do you discern true teaching from false teaching? (1 John 4:6)

11. Do you confess that Jesus is the Son of God? (1 John 4:15)

12. Do you experience answered prayer? (1 John 5:14-15)

For this lesson, I will focus on one of the “tests of salvation”, “Do you love other Christians?”, described in 1 John 4:7-21.

(Section 1) 7 Beloved, let us love one another,
John uses "Beloved" repeatedly throughout this book as evidence that he loves those to whom he writes. The word he uses for both "beloved “and "love" is based on "agape" - "unconditional love". Back in chapter 1, verses 1-4, John distinguishes between "we" and "you". Here, he uses "us" to say, "Let me love you” and "Let you love me".

For love is from God;
Love is in God's very nature and character. Christ serves as the perfect example of unconditional love because of how He lived His life on earth and bore the penalty for our sins in His death.

and everyone who loves is born of God.
Here, we need to distinguish again between different kinds of love. An unbeliever can say, "I love you", to another person (believer or not). An unbeliever can serve and demonstrate sacrifice. But John is using "agape" again. He is saying that everyone who loves unconditionally is born of God. Earlier in the verse he said "love one another".

8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
This is almost the contrapositive of verse 7b: someone who "is born of God" "know[s] God". v.7 says that "love is from God"; v.8 says "God is love". "God is love" describes God's nature and essence and where His will and works come from (source: Henry). Several times in 1 John, John uses phrases starting with "God is" to describe God's nature.

9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
“This” is referring to something later in this verse. Christ was sent into the world so that we might live through Him. Christ retains the character of the Father; Hebrews 1:3 refers to Him as “the exact representation of His being”. We can infer that Christ had a loving character as well, as we look at (for example) His prayer for us in Gethsemane. Love is the most obvious sign to the world of the character of God. It is not doctrinal correctness, because people in the world don’t believe the Bible. It is not morality, because the world will see that as denying yourself of a good time and “Why would I want to do that?” God sent His only begotten Son into the world to die for people who hated Him. This is the ultimate expression of love. Christ even loved His enemies, but how precious was the love between Him and His disciples when they faced all sorts of opposition?

10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
In our sinful nature, we could not love God because He hated everything we were doing (sin) and He stood contrary to it. When Christ came to earth, even people that He healed were in the crowd yelling, “Crucify Him!” There was nothing that we could do to make God love us because He sees even the good deeds of unsaved people as “filthy rags” in Isaiah 53. If you cannot give something filthy as a gift to an earthly king and expect him to accept it, how much more is that true of God? God, who gives perfectly unconditional love, had to initiate love for us, and He demonstrated His love for us by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. He sent His Son to this world in a body (Christ gave up His omnipresence to take on a physical body), to live the perfect life that we could never live and die the perfect death that we could never die.

“Propitiation” means “atoning sacrifice”. Before Christ, the Jews had to make sacrifices for their sins. But they had to keep doing that throughout their lives. But when Christ died, His sacrifice was sufficient to pay for everyone’s sins, once for all, and efficient to pay for our sins once for all.

11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
Here, John uses “Beloved” again, based on that root word, “agape”. “If God so loved us” – “If God loved us to this extent,” sacrificing His own Son for us – don’t miss the significance of that! Verse 10 showed us that God’s love for us caused Him to sacrifice His perfect Son for all of these people that were giving Him filthy rags. The Greek word for “ought” means “are obligated”. We have to. But this commandment is not burdensome. “One another” means that this, again, is a reciprocal action. Based on the context, this is between believers. I have to love you. You have to love me. But if you do not love me, and in response I do not love you either, both of us have sinned. We should not make our love for another person conditional on the other person loving us. And again, the word for love that is used here is indeed for ongoing, unconditional love.

12 No one has seen God at any time;
Even in theophanies, God did not allow Himself to be seen, because He is such a glorious being that even the seraphim around His throne cover their eyes to shield themselves from Him. It is ridiculous to say things like “I want to see God’s face today.” The seraphim are completely sinless and supernaturally strengthened to endure being in His presence. We are sinful, fallen creatures who would curse ourselves like Isaiah did when He saw someone who was probably the pre-incarnate Christ on His throne in Isaiah 6. God did not allow Moses to see His face either, only His back.

if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.
This does not seem very connected to the first half of this verse, but it is the same sentence. But if we love one another, we reflect the character of God, and love is the first part of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5. “Abides” is also translated “remains” or “stays”. “Perfected” also means “brought to an end” or “completed”. Love is perfected not by what you think about, but what you do. Thinking about helping or serving someone should not be a rewarding experience to you in and of itself, because they have not benefited from the fact that you thought about them.

13 By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
The first part of this verse that destroys the arguments of the Catholic church and many other denominations and teachers. It says “by this we know”, not “by this we think” or “by this we might.” You can know that you are saved and have assurance of it. First John also has a verse that says that “these words are written so that you may know you have eternal life”, the thesis statement of 1 John. You can also know whether you abide in Christ, whether you are living moment by moment in the will of God, obeying Him. We learn from v.12 that He abides in us if we love one another. We learn from this verse that both He abides in us and we abide in Him because of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit indwells us, illuminates Scripture to us, convicts us of sin, and gives us spiritual gifts.

14 We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
There are two parts to this: “We have seen… that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world” and “We… testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.” In the Greek this verse starts with “And”. We “have seen” – looked upon – the Son as the Savior of the world. We have experienced His saving grace and power for ourselves. It’s not all in our heads, but in our lives. “Testify” – we “bear witness to” it, or “are bearing witness to” it – this is a lifestyle of telling others that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.

(Section 2) 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.
The word “confesses” here means “to speak the same”. You are speaking about it. In this day, speaking about it could carry a very high cost because many early believers died for their faith because they would not worship Caesar as Lord. The confession here is that “Jesus is the Son of God”. There is nothing in ourselves that we are confessing here.

16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us.
The verbs here are past tense. At some point, we came to know God’s love and believed it.  Initially in our depraved condition, we would not know or believe this, but at some point that changed.

God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and He in us.
He repeats “God is love” again and says that if you abide (or “are abiding”) in love you abide in God, and Him in you. This is because God’s character (“is love”) is reflected in you.

17 By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.
You may have confidence in the day of judgment because God is progressively conforming you to be more like Him. Again, “perfected” carries with it the notion of “completed”. The day of judgment takes place after the end of your life. Your confidence will not be in yourself, but in the perfect work of Christ, which shows through the fruit that is borne in your life. “This world” refers to this world system. We are supposed to function within it and go out in it to reflect the love of Christ. This is not a call for us to live our whole lives away from unbelievers, but in fact we are supposed to be around them.

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
Which kind of fear is John talking about? Is he saying, “There is no fear in love, so go skydiving without a parachute”? Is he saying, “There is no fear in love, so I’ll do something crazy to impress this girl”? Is he even saying, “There is no fear in love, so we don’t need to fear God anymore”? No to all of those. John says “fear involves punishment”. This is a clue on what kind of fear this is. The love of God is perfect and removes our fear that involves punishment.

“Punishment” here is not referring to hell. You are not perfected in love if you see yourself as just a slave of God who must obey the Master and fears getting His discipline if you disobey Him. (source: Calvin)  Because then, love is not the motivation of your obedience. Fear is, and fear is enslaving, keeping you from freely being made complete in the love of God.

19 We love, because He first loved us.
He loved us unconditionally and showed that by sending His Son to save us. This is why we love. It is in response to what He has already done.

20 If someone says, "I love God", and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.
Many people who are self-righteous emphasize their own love for God, look down on those who are not as “spiritually mature” as they are, and envy people who are spiritually “above” them.  They want to get to the top spiritually. This verse says that they do not really love God, they are liars, and they are not really Christians. But this is not only talking about people who are self-righteous. This is talking about any professing Christian who confesses with their mouth that they love God and hates their “brother”. Although the Greek word for “brother” here just means “brother”, it is metaphoric. “His brother” is not a physical brother. It means a brother in the faith – a genuine believer. It goes along with the understanding that other books in the Bible present about a “family of God”. “He is a liar” is another indictment against this false believer, because God never sins; therefore, God never lies; therefore, this person does not reflect the character of God; therefore, this person is not a Christian.

This “has seen” / “has not seen” language parallels with an earlier event in John’s life. In John 20, after Jesus was raised from the dead, John and the other disciples saw the risen Lord before Thomas did. Thomas was not with them when they first saw Him, and Thomas would not believe that Jesus rose from the dead until he saw Him and touched Him. Jesus said to Thomas in John 20:29, with the other disciples (including John) present, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.” If you see another Christian, someone who genuinely believes in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, you see someone who reflects the character of God (however imperfectly!) to you and others. If you do not love them, this verse is saying that you cannot truly say that you love God either, because God’s love is manifested in the people who love Him and reflect His character.

21 And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.
This summarizes the previous discussion. “This commandment” could also be translated as “this injunction” or “this order”. What is “this commandment”? That “the one who loves God should love his brother also”. If you really do love God, you really will love fellow believers. This is a commandment “from Him” – from the same God who created the entire universe for His glory, and it obeys Him. If you sin against this God by breaking this commandment to love your brother in the faith, you sin against someone much more glorious than any ruler on this earth.