"I assure you, the church is not in need of more girls in their late teens and early twenties who are investing their lives in relationships with young men. What we do need, however, is an army of young women with laser-sharp focus on the Lord and His bride. We need more young women serving, praying, and giving. We need more young women developing and using the spiritual gifts and talents with which they have been blessed.
"The time will come soon enough when they will be weighed down with the responsibilities of husbands, children, and households that will hinder their ability to give of themselves outside their homes. In the meantime, let's call our daughters Godward in their focus and encourage them to keep that keen focus until a young man comes along with equal or greater focus that will allow them to do more for their King together than either of them could do on their own."
- Voddie Baucham, What He Must Be: ... if He Wants to Marry My Daughter, chapter 9: "Don't Send a Woman to Do a Man's Job".
My single friends often concern themselves with "why are there no good godly women in this town?". I love this quote from Pastor Baucham because it turns this complaint on its head. If (read: since) God has called me to be a spiritual leader to my future wife, why is finding a wife more important to me than glorifying Christ? The first question must go to me. It is like Stuart Scott says in The Exemplary Husband (a book I would love to read if I can find it!): the reason why a Christian man's marriage is not as strong as it should be lies with the man; he still acts in his own interests and has not given himself enough to becoming more like Jesus Christ. Since Scripture commands us as men to love our wives like Christ loves the church, we must learn much of Christ and become much like Him in order to love at all like He loves.
And let us not think that we truly can love a woman - or anybody - to the degree that Christ loved us. The precious truth of the gospel more than deserves a mention here. Christ laid aside His kingly glory in heaven, took on human flesh, lived a life with no sin at all, and drank the full cup of His Father's wrath by dying for us. The sky went black for three hours because His Father no longer saw Him as His Son. He looked at Christ and saw my sin and the sins of all of His other children. And He accepted the sacrifice of the very life of His only Son as full payment for that sin. As Shai Linne says in "The Cross - 3 Hours",
"The source of all Godly pleasure, tormented as if He was a foul investor or child molestor.
How could He be bruised like He was a goody two-shoes who doesn't think that she needs the good news?
He's perfect in love and wisdom, but He's suffering as if He constructed the corrupt justice system.
We could mourn at the backdrop, Jesus torn like He's on the corner with crack rock, with porn on His laptop.
What is this, kid? His gifts are infinite. But He's hit with licks for religious hypocrites.
He's the Light, but being treated like He's the seedy type who likes to beat His wife.
He's treated like a rapist, treated like a slanderer, treated like a racist or maybe a philanderer.
Jesus being penalized like He had sin inside, filled with inner pride while committing genocide.
I could write for a billion years and still can't name all of the sins placed on the Lamb slain.
But know this: the main thing the cross demonstrated - the glory and the holiness of God vindicated."
Oh, how He loves us! How can I even fathom the idea of loving Him to the extent that He loved me? His love goes so far beyond my limits! Though I desire to please Him with everything, down to the inmost depths of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, I fail Him every day. His blood eternally covers those failures. How can I even comprehend loving my future asawa to the extent that Christ has loved her? I could perhaps die for her to lengthen her life in this world, but my death cannot save her soul! Praise God that His one perfect Lamb died for her too! But, O God, lay my life down that I may glorify You to the highest extent possible for me as a mortal man!
The Apostle Paul writes that the unmarried man can concern himself more with the Lord's affairs (1 Corinthians 7:32). As an unmarried man, do I? I would love to write a longer post at some point giving more detailed thoughts on courtship, but I can say this quickly: before I began my courtship with the woman who I am praying about, I had trouble believing in my life that this verse was even true. Singleness occupied so much of my concern that I thought that it could not possibly be glorifying to God. But when I had no specific woman to pray about, I had so much more time to read and study Him. Now, the young lady and I are praying about each other and seeking His perfect will for us during this courtship season. I spend very much of my time concerning myself with being a student of her. Although she knows English very well, I have been learning her native language and the culture of her country to help minimize cultural differences between me and her. I spend time learning the ways of marriage from kuyas and ates in my church. I spend time figuring out how to best prepare for her financially, emotionally, and spiritually. And commands in Scripture that once had nothing to do with me may start applying to me.
My focus is different. It went from, "Why don't I have a date this weekend?" a few years ago to "How can I glorify God by spending as much time as possible with Him?" And now it has shifted to, "I have so much activity now. How do I glorify God in these practical things that He has given me to do?" But God gives us the same number of hours in each day. And He gives us enough time to do everything we need to do in order to obey Him. How many extra things am I trying to add to my life in the time that He has given me?
"Purify my heart!
Let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart!
Let me be as gold, pure gold. ...
Purify my heart!
Cleanse me from within, and make me holy!
Purify my heart!
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within.
Refiner's fire,
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy,
Set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be holy.
Set apart for You, my Master,
Ready to do Your will."
- Brian Doerksen, "Refiner's Fire"
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