"If I ever lose sight, come and get me."

"And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word, but the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful."  —Mark 4:18-19.

I haven't touched this blog in a while.  I didn't check the stats for a while, just figured they were declining since I haven't posted anything since late April.  I wondered why I should write if no one's reading it.  The business that I'm starting has really been picking up as I prepare to start looking for clients.  And sometimes the desire to write anything is just not there.

"Find it,somewhere in your soul,
the last bit of strength that will take you on home.
Just find it,
somewhere in your heart,
to put the past in the past and go back to the start...
...
She’s a jewel in your crown.
Don't trade a million-dollar future for a nickel right now!
Mama said leave a place better than you found it
and looking in your eyes, I realize how profound that is.
Dig,
Like there's no tomorrow.
Dig like your living on time that's borrowed.Dig.
Homie, it's in there somewhere.
Dig like your life depends on it, ’cause it does.
Dig."

One of the more significant things during this season was going to "the very last Next".  Going there was a great, refreshing time.  I praise God for how He has used that conference to speak into my life and encourage me.  It's sad that Next is now done for good, but hopefully Sovereign Grace will find other people who can organize a conference like it in the future.  This year, I got to stay up after one of the night sessions and fellowship with a brother who had flown in from Australia to attend the conference.  I also got to spend several sessions and eat with a wonderful group from some Filipino churches around South Florida.  Getting to ride through Orlando while they played Shai Linne's The Attributes of God and while we talked about how the same preachers were being used to convict us of sin and draw us closer to Christ was such a blessing.  I selfishly wish that I could just move so that I could be with them—or so that they could be with me, except for the minor fact that I don't really want to live here because I wouldn't wish something like winter upon anyone resembling a nice person.  My habitat should be the tropics.

Am I Jonah?  Are they my gourd?  Coming up on a year now as a deacon in my local church, I was impacted the most at the conference and especially after it by C.J. Mahaney's message "The Church and Disappointment".  Church life is definitely not like conference life.  At a conference, you can have all kinds of fellowship with people who act like they have all sorts of time to get into the Word and read good books—who, if they were cut, would bleed a mix of Scripture and Spurgeon.  My tone is slightly sarcastic there, but my thankfulness to God for such people is significant.  There's a level of community around them that is common in many churches that have been around for a while, and wonderful to see.

"You can find it!
The wind sings the songs of the dedicated few that wouldn't fall headlong.
Just find it.
Watch me tighten my belt
When the prayers of this rapper is a desperate cry for help.
I desire a higher outcome than weed gets you.
Can't you forgive me?  If I dismiss you, it ain't to diss you
I am not a Rasta; don't let the dreads fool you.
Though I take Jah seriously,
if it's cool let me school you.
Dig!
I can't say I'm not tired.
Felt a little envious of names on flyers.
Empty handed and homesick, though I know my flow’s sick.
If y'all only knew how cold this road gets!
You gotta dig
and if I ever lose sight, come and get me.
you gotta dig."

But can I just be honest?  Aside from Next, I haven't had a day off from both work and ministry since April, haven't gone to the trail since about May, and I'm just tired.  You can't serve anyone if you don't take care of your own spiritual life first.  I feel like most of the time I've been a deacon, I've just been content to "serve God" instead of spending time with God.  Why read and pray when you can count money and put away chairs instead?  But before I was a church member, I was constantly reminding people, "You don't have to be saved to do that."

I'm also concerned for one of the ministries that I'm supposed to be serving.  When our church started, it was the biggest ministry in our church.  Attendance at our Saturday night services was almost as high as the Sunday service's.  But we've been emphasizing serving our own church a lot more this year and stopped doing the Bible study groups that were bringing new people in.  At the same time, several people from our own church who were part of it have had to move.  And we'll lose several more before the end of the year.

I'm concerned for it because the people who are still part of it are excluding people who want to come to our church and be part of our ministry.  The reasons why they're not being welcomed into our church aren't Biblical at all, as far as I can tell.  Although all of our teachers have been doing a great job expounding the Word to the people that still come, our attitude, our laziness, and our approach will probably bring that ministry to its end over time if we don't repent.  But I personally have been too dull to pray for much of anyone or to fast recently.

Several more of my close friends are moving out of the area.  One who had already "left but not really" (I still see him from time to time) invited me to his birthday party with a bunch of people from his new church.  Their church gives free Joel Osteen books to all of their visitors.  Seeing that yesterday felt like a punch in the gut.  One, who's been talking about moving out for as long as I've known him, got a new job over an hour away and is planning to move closer to it because his long commute is making him tired.  Another is a missionary leaving for the field tomorrow.  I probably won't see him again for at least 4 years.  But seeing my friends do full-time missions makes me wonder: why am I not doing it?  Am I really this wrapped up in trying to please my family?  There is so much joy to be had on the front lines of what God is doing.  It's a big reason why I decided to escape the corporate world.

There's been a lot of "I" in this post, not enough of Him.  But hopefully, writing again will serve its purpose to bless others and give me some sort of rest.  The vacation I'm taking in a few days seems like it will really help, as long as I don't take a vacation from God too.  There is a time to work, a time to play, a time to rest.  God gives us enough time to do everything He wants us to do.  But how many other things do we try to cram into our lives to distract us from knowing and doing His will?

"I'm not the artist. I'm the canvas.
Remind me of my own words, though I can't stand it.
Hold me accountable.
Call me on my laziness.
Call by my birth name,
Look me in the face, and dig.
You gotta dig.
and if I ever lose sight, come and get me!
You gotta dig."
— Propaganda and Odd Thomas, "Dig".

Praise God for the Humble Beast guys and everything they're doing to spread His fame.

Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 4

Manigong Bagong Taon sa iyo mula sa Pilipinas!  This is my first post from the Philippines, hopefully out of a few.  This has been my first time ever taking a vacation of at least a full week from work, and it is long overdue.  I have been here for about a week now.  The trip has gone well so far.  I've gotten some more ideas for things to do if I get to come back, most notably more island-hopping.

I was also pleased to see that December 2011 has been my highest-traffic month ever on this blog.  What a nice note for ending the year!  Whether you are a search indexer or a human - and I hope you are a human ;-) - thank you for reading this, and I hope you find that the posts here point you to the real gospel and push you to better know the God of the Bible.

Amidst sorting out the many photos so far from the trip, I have not had time to write an original post, so here is the next post in the "Identities" series.

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31.  I am hoping in Christ, not wealth.  The false prosperity gospel has taught that God will automatically rain expensive worldly possessions and a complete lack of illness on those who have enough faith, but some others, in reaction to this, have faith in God's salvation of their souls but not in God giving them any other sort of blessing.  But a God-focused faith teaches us that God does provide for what we need and He promises us many sorts of blessings.  Uniquely to us, this includes spiritual blessings.  "Our faith doesn't create prosperity, healings, and breakthroughs.  Our faith focuses fervently on God.  Biblical faith confidently - even ambitiously - asks God to act according to His promises.  True faith then accepts the answer.  Our faith stands on the unchanging character of God." - Dave Harvey, Rescuing Ambition.  (Ephesians 1:3; 1 Timothy 6:17)

32.  I am guaranteed persecution, at least to some level, for knowing Christ.  Yet God receives me even when others reject me.  "There is a great gulf between the Christianity that wrestles with whether to worship at the cost of imprisonment and death and the Christianity that wrestles with whether the kids should play soccer on Sunday morning." - John Piper, quoted in Dave Harvey, Rescuing Ambition.  (Psalm 27:10; 2 Timothy 3:12)

33.  I am confident to approach God's throne of grace, thanks to my High Priest, Jesus Christ.  The Lion of Judah is not even descended from Levi, but the Father has chosen Him to be my Mediator.  "Before the throne of God above, I have a strong and perfect plea: the Great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and pleads for me!" - Charitie Bancroft, "Before the Throne of God Above".  (Hebrews 4:14-16; Hebrews 7:14; 1 Timothy 2:5)

34.  I am sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see.  This faith is in Christ, not misdirected to earthly things or wealth.  "We need an anchor to keep us sure and steady. Gospel hope is our anchor in the storms of this world. It is sure and steadfast, or it could not keep us so. The free grace of God, the merits and mediation of Christ, and the powerful influences of his Spirit, are the grounds of this hope, and so it is a steadfast hope." - Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible.  (Hebrews 11:1; Hebrews 6:11-20)

35.  I am disciplined by my Heavenly Father, as His legitimate child.  I should not shy away from it, but should learn what the Lord is teaching me through it.  As my perfect Father, God will not leave me to my own devices when I sin against Him.  He cares about my staying on the right path and aims to purify my heart and sanctify me.  In order to show that I am God's workmanship, His masterpiece, He must cut away at me and mold me to reflect Him.  "If You love me, God, then chasten me." - DJ Official, "Chisel Me".  (Hebrews 12:7-11)

36.  I am intolerant of false gospels, called to separate from false teachers (who differ from me on closed-hand issues, such as the deity of Christ) and not welcome them or help their ministries.  The Lord Jesus Christ suffered and died for my sins, and God commands me to turn from my sins, not to other sins, but to Christ - to love what He loves and hate what He hates, which is a work that He must supernaturally do in me.  Realizing something of the cost that the Lord Jesus paid for my sins and the truth of this gospel makes me deeply grieved when false teachers add to it by saying that there are any good works I can do to gain salvation, reduce it by saying "Pray this prayer to accept Jesus into your little heart", or twist it to say that Christ died to give me better self-esteem or health and wealth.  "Avoid a sugared Gospel as you would shun sugar of lead. Seek that Gospel which rips up and tears and cuts and wounds and hacks and even kills, for that is the Gospel that makes alive again. And when you have found it, give good heed to it. Let it enter into your inmost being. As the rain soaks into the ground, so pray the Lord to let His Gospel soak into your soul." - C.H. Spurgeon on sugarcoating the gospel.  (Galatians 1:8; 2 John 1:7-11)

37.  I am committing my way to the Lord.  The true believer finds the yoke of obedience to Christ light and can rest in knowing that they have obeyed Him.  My only job is to do what He says when He calls.  He knows what I need and promises to sustain me.  "The ploughman sows and harrows, and then leaves the harvest to God. What can he do else? He cannot cover the heavens with clouds, or command the rain, or bring forth the sun or create the dew. He does well to leave the whole matter with God; and so to all of us it is truest wisdom, having obediently trusted in God, to leave results in His hands, and expect a blessed issue." - C.H. Spurgeon, The Treasury of David.  (Psalm 37:5)

38.  I am in first love with the Lord, whether I realize it or not.  All new Christians have a stage where they have great passion for the Lord and little knowledge of theology.  But many lose this first love as they tie themselves up in meting out God's law to others - and in some cases adding to it - without giving them grace or being sidetracked by this present world and its little pleasures.  "The sin Christ charged this church with, is, not the having left and forsaken the object of love, but having lost the fervent degree of it that at first appeared. Christ is displeased with his people, when he sees them grow remiss and cold toward him. Surely this mention in Scripture, of Christians forsaking their first love, reproves those who speak of it with carelessness, and thus try to excuse indifference and sloth in themselves and others; our Saviour considers this indifference as sinful. They must repent: they must be grieved and ashamed for their sinful declining, and humbly confess it in the sight of God. They must endeavour to recover their first zeal, tenderness, and seriousness, and must pray as earnestly, and watch as diligently, as when they first set out in the ways of God." - Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible.  (Revelation 2:2-4)

39.  I am guided as God sees fit to various geographic locations in order to make His name famous.  My Savior was homeless while He lived on earth.  Therefore, my happiness in Him cannot be tied to any earthly home.  "To me remains nor place nor time / My country is in every clime / I can be free from any care / On any shore, since God is there. / While place we seek, or place we shun, / This soul finds happiness in none. / But with a God to guide our way, / 'Tis equal joy to go or stay." - Madame Guyon, "My Lord, How Full of Sweet Content".  (Luke 9:58; Acts 1:8)

40.  I am dearly loved with an everlasting and unfailing love.  The love of the Lord for me is far greater than any love that I can have for Him.  "I find it very hard to sing about my love for God. ... For the most part you will just hear me sort of silent.  This puny thing I have, if you were to compare my love for God to the love that other men have had for God... I would be nowhere near the top. ... And then if I were to take my love [for God] and compare it to God's love for me, how could I even say, 'Oh, how I love You'?  But look what He says.  'How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!'  Love truly does cover a multitude of sins." - Paul Washer, "You Are Dearly Loved by God".  (Psalm 21:7; Song of Solomon 4:10)