Reflections on "Work and Rest" by R W Glenn

One of the most interesting and convicting sermons or conference messages I've heard all year was one that I heard a couple weeks ago when I was outside taking a walk around town.

Pastor R.W. (or is it just R W?) Glenn gave a talk called "Work and Rest" at the Desiring God National Conference back in September.  This was really timely for me.  Here are some of the things he said:

"We are so obsessed with work that we can't even rest when we rest."

"Driving 'sport utility vehicles' gives us the illusion of engaging in leisure, and at the same time being useful and productive!  We are so addicted to work that unless we can rationalize our leisure in terms of productivity, we think we have wasted our time."

"The Christian faith is not a system of achievement.  It is not a ladder you ascend to acceptance with God.  It is not a list of rules or living a brute system of ethics.  It is not about going to church or training your kids or leading a clean, moral lifestyle.  It's not a 'do' faith - a faith about all you can do for God.  Instead, Christianity is a 'done' faith.  It's about trusting in what Jesus Christ has already done for you and then basking in that. ... He did all the work, and you get to relax and enjoy all the benefits."

"How many times have you gotten your assurance of your acceptance of God from your resolve to do more, be better, and try harder - instead of from the grace of God and the gospel?"

"The reason why the culture works so hard and it feels anxious and guilty when it hasn't done enough is that it needs to build the right resume in order to be accepted into the inner circle, whatever that is. ... The problem in the church is exactly the same. ... You're also building a resume because you want acceptance.  And while it's certainly true that in the culture, you need to build the right resume to open up doors of acceptance for yourself, that's not at all true for Christianity.  And do you know why that is?  You already have a perfect resume."

"We are still living as though we have a resume that is yet to be built."

This one got a lot of likes when I posted it on Facebook:

"The reason people work so hard to build a resume to be accepted by the culture is that deep down, they believe that they need to build a resume to be accepted by the Creator. ... It is a function of failing to rest in my acceptance with the Creator. ... Your workaholism, your obsession with getting things done, your inconsolable guilt over not getting to check every item off your list, your feelings of inadequacy over failing to accomplish all you had set out to accomplish with your life or even that day, your low-grade anxiety that you are just not doing enough at home, at work, at church, your inability to unwind - the fact that you're wound up like a top - all of that comes from your tacit belief that your acceptance with God is based on your own resume! ... Why are you so willing to be accepted by the meritocracy that you kill yourself with work in order to get it?  Why are you so obsessed with your resume that your failures to be accepted devastate you - you just feel like a loser? ... The reason why you're willing to busy yourself to death is that you want to be accepted by other people.  You want to be accepted by the right circle of friends; you want to be accepted by the management for a promotion; you want to be seen as a person who values achievement rather than the mediocre nobodies who sort of fill the landscape.  And even your laziness can reflect the same desire for acceptance, just inverted.  You blow off work because you realize, 'I'm not going to make the cut, so why bother?  I'm never going to be accepted.' Or you feel bitter that your acceptance with others is based not on who you are but on what you've accomplished; you choose to accomplish nothing as a protest.  It's your rebellion against the meritocracy.  So either way, you are motivated by acceptance.... you are not resting in your acceptance with God."

"Salvation is like a day off. ... Christianity is a day off, not a day at the office.  And I get that from [Hebrews] chapter 4, verse 10."

"The reason why I worked like a lunatic was so that I could be looked up to by my colleagues, or at least feel superior to them. ... If my resume included 80+-hour workweeks and getting up at 2:30 and 3 in the morning a few days a week and superior productivity, then I'd be able to [take a deep breath] and feel secure and confident in comparison with these other guys.  But if I were resting in Jesus' resume for me, then I would not need to be seen as exceptional.  As Tullian Tchividjian puts it, I would be free to be a nobody because Jesus is my somebody."

"Who can top the resume of the Son of God?  Piper?  Nobody!!"

"Another reason I felt like I had to work like a lunatic was to assuage the guilt feelings that I had over the rest that I did take. ... I felt like I had to justify resting. [Amen!  This is where I am right now!]  But if I were resting in Christ's righteousness, I would know that everything that truly needed to be accomplished, Christ already accomplished for me.  So I could rest, I could relax, and I could actually enjoy the time away from work. ... I wouldn't have to look for justification for my rest. ... Building my pastoral resume for acceptance by others was rooted in the functional belief that I had to build my own resume to be accepted by God.  I learned that obsessive resume-building in the world was the fruit of obsessive resume-building before God.  Those two things are inseparable. ... Here's the good news: if you want to see your obsessive busyness transformed into diligent work and relaxing leisure to the glory of God, go to work on resting. ... I get that from [Hebrews 4] verse 11."

"Here is the hard work: strive with all your might to keep the gospel front and center in your life. Remember that you already have a perfect resume. Make every effort to remember all that Christ is for you in the gospel. When you do that, you can relax! Because you won't constantly be trying to earn the acceptance of God and other people by your achievements. Your work in your home and church doesn't add to your resume. You can't add to a perfect resume. The only list of accomplishments your Heavenly Father sees for you is the list amassed by Christ. And He has said: It is Finished!" (thank you, Joyful in Hope, for that quote)

Recently, I had a week where I worked all seven days on my business.  RescueTime, a great tool to keep self-employed people honest, watched my every move throughout the week and reported to me every day about my productivity.  I had about 38 productive hours out of 54 on the computer that week, plus some more time spent off the computer sketching designs and reading technical books.  With a few clicks, I can be sure of exactly how much time I was spending on sports blogs.  I'm also taking an online class that should help me generate better prospects.  And God used the message above to bring me back and show me part of the purpose of the Sabbath:

We are not to be so self-sufficient and self-trusting that we work with all our might every day of the week to give ourselves what only God can.

I was on vacation with my parents two weeks ago.  Actually, my mom had a scholarly event to attend and invited me and my dad to come with her because the additional cost was minimal.  So we went.  I was trying to make it a working vacation.  But the work that I am getting paid (a quite low amount) for right now requires a high-speed internet connection.  I'm just doing it to pay some bills while I build up my business.  Our hotel's internet connection was getting slammed the whole time we were there.  Result: I got no work, and thus no money, for that entire week.  I had missed out on work two days before we left because it came in right before I had to attend a pastoral search meeting.

Last week was similarly a very slow week in getting work.  I made a grand total of $20, though I worked 6 mostly full days identifying sales prospects and what I could do for them.  That's way under a dollar per hour worked and probably about what each of my sponsored children's families are making.  I went home from my church's Saturday night service last night and kept working until almost midnight.  Fortunately, I did achieve my goal for the week (which only dealt with the prospecting... it takes time!).  But I felt a stirring need to do work today.  The points in that "Work and Rest" message continued really hitting home for me.  I did no work today except ministry.

It's interesting to me to see how Luke 9:23 (no, I did not try to rhyme that) keeps playing itself out differently at different stages in life:

"And He was saying to {them} all, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.'"

Things that denying myself has meant:

• Denying myself the party life of college
• Denying myself a better social standing in the eyes of the world
• Denying myself the possibility of many nominal Christians thinking well of me - even in my own family
• Denying myself romantic relationships during several seasons - even if I see many of my friends around me happily in love
• and now: Denying myself some of the work time that the world says I need to make a living as a "solopreneur"*

* I realize that some people will bring up Hebrews and use "Jesus as our Sabbath-rest" as their reason for working themselves to death seven days a week, but I see the Sabbath as a bit of a liberty issue and the Holy Spirit has convicted me that I need to keep it.

I just have to trust Him and realize that "I never made a sacrifice".  David Livingstone said the same, and he sacrificed more.

Philippines: How Would I React to "No"?

Almost exactly a year ago, I posted a series of notes (part 1, part 2, part 3) that addressed the importance of Christians obeying the government. Interestingly enough, a similar topic has now come back in my life a year later, but in a work context.

If you have followed this blog for a while, you would have seen a lot of posts tagged "Philippines", including this one. One of my pastor's friends from a church where he served previously in the Philippines spent one of his semester breaks from law school in the US and made a special trip to our church to help out with our young adults' camp for several days. During the camp and afterward, he ministered to me and others in my church and sought to be as much of a blessing as possible during his short time with us. He is now back in law school, rarely having the time or opportunity for fellowship with other believers, and could use encouragement from any of his friends in the Philippines or the US.

Now I am attempting to go to the Philippines to see him and to visit one of the children who I sponsor. This would be my first trip traveling outside the US, and because others that I know who may have been able to go with me cannot go, I would be taking the trip alone. I would go mainly for a vacation (I need one badly), but I would also want to minister to others and serve the Lord while I am there. Because of family obligations, I would need to spend Christmas on a separate trip within the US and fly to the Philippines from there. The trip itself would last for the rest of his break from law school, and then I would come back and try to return to work within the next several days.

Last week, I saw some very encouraging developments that made taking this trip more possible. My friend emerged from his busy semester in law school (the Philippines has a different school year) with a successful finals week and was able to get back in touch. Several days later, my family gave their support of the trip. This was astonishing. They had been supportive of it when I had a young lady to go see, but since I no longer do, they often asked, "You're going around the world to see a guy?" They are used to young women driving my motives for just about everything. Although I do not try to do that anymore, my sense of humor, which at times relies heavily on self-parody, still reinforces that perception of me, especially with those who have known me the longest.

On Thursday, I mentioned the trip to my boss. Although I mentioned a trip to the Philippines even before I joined the company, at the time it was still a trip on which I expected to become engaged. Yet I continued to save my leave for a trip to the Philippines throughout this year without knowing much as to why, just sensing the need to do it for reasons larger than glorifying myself - and the possibility, however unlikely, that I could go this year. Although I like my job for the most part, I allowed myself to become very burnt out in it, especially during the late summer and early fall, taking as little time off as possible to continue saving leave for this trip.

Independently of my boss's reaction, an answer to prayer happened that day from an unexpected source. Earlier in the week, I had prayed on the way to work that I would bear more of the fruit of the Spirit. Often, my joy becomes very tied to my spiritual performance and to my performance at work. I expect little from others, just that they will do their job and make a good effort, but I am often a ruthless perfectionist in regards to myself. With nothing to look forward to in life for most of this year, I have become very upset when I have not performed well at work and allowed my life and testimony to go into a tailspin as others in my office see how I react to that. I started to buy the notion that no one in this office wants my Jesus because He makes my life more difficult and makes me depressed and occasionally unapproachable. Christ was not causing those bouts of depression during each workweek. I was. Even the renewed possibility of this trip made me much more at peace than usual, and I was able to work pretty well on Thursday and Friday despite being sick.

My boss, who likes to kid around, initially said no when I asked to request the time off. Then I told him that I wanted to go to the Philippines for a couple weeks and he was fine with it. And I thought, "This has to be God's will." My boss likes to mock Christians once in a while even though he has several working for him. I went to HR the following day to check on my leave balances before I put in the paperwork. I gave her more background on my trip, and her reaction was very positive. Having a clearer understanding of the dates, I submitted my time off request.

Most of the trip would be after the New Year due to schedule constraints. The catch is my company's leave policy. The policy limits how much leave I can carry into the new year. With that constraint, my trip would require more leave than that. They made an exception for my team last year so that we could make a deadline, but this year they will not be doing that. Most likely, I would have to go negative with my leave or work extended hours on about half a day's jet lag for the rest of my first week back. The company tries to not advance leave to anyone. The company's top-level executives will have a meeting tomorrow, at which they will discuss whether to let me take my trip. I would appreciate your prayers for that meeting.

I don't want just thinking about this trip to be the most rewarding experience of my life so far. I want to actually take this trip, minister to my friend and sponsored child in person, and see more of what God is doing in the nations - to sing with the stars and the whales, "How great" - how merciful - how just - how faithful - how wise - how powerful - how present - how gracious - how loving - how satisfying - how holy, holy, holy - "is our God" - my Creator - my Savior - my Rock and my Redeemer, in Whom I trust. He is the Lord over all, from the rotating and colliding galaxies to the subatomic particles that praise their Designer out of the sight of human eyes, and also my Lord, who will allow me to go where He would have me go to give Him glory. May I be a faithful servant, qualified to do His will.

So, what does this have to do with earthly authority? God is teaching me something by leaving me hanging during this weekend. He is giving me a greater sense of dependence on Him and allowing me to work closer to Him than usual. My reaction to the outcome of that meeting, whatever it is, is also a tool for me to make much of Christ. And part of the fruit of the Spirit is kind words - showing grace to my employer and not reacting harshly if they tell me no.

My boss and I stayed late at work on Friday and were talking about the trip and the executive meeting after we finished working. My conclusion there was, "We'll see what happens, and I just need to respect their decision." The executives have worked hard to keep our company in business and profitable, and they deserve the titles that they have. If they say no, I am convinced that the most professional way - and the best witness as a Christian - is not for me to tell them, "To heck with you, I'll just get another job and start there in January", and attempt to still take the trip. It is to stay in my current position and continue to serve my employer humbly and as intelligently as I know how.

I don't say this dogmatically for everyone, but just as how I am convinced to act in my own life based on wisdom. God does not really have a will of direction, only wills of decree and desire. He gives us wisdom so that we can make intelligent decisions that please Him without waiting for visions, fleeces, or writing in the sky. And He has a reason why He got me out of the work that I had been doing (at companies that gave me more leave, where it looked like it would have been more possible for me to take this trip), to make much of Him in this specific job. He has given it to me as a means to become better at my craft and support my local church financially while saving to buy a house. And, having been on the other side of (un)employment too, I praise Him for providing for me in this position. It appears He is giving me more than my daily bread now in part so that if He ever allows me to lead my own family, we can creatively live off of one income and, hopefully, practice wartime living.

I grew up as a young punk with a disdain for authority, and in some ways my ideas still jar with the establishment. As a minarchist idealistically, I'll probably never vote willingly for a Republicrat. In business, I shy away from buzzwords as much as possible and just focus on getting my job done. But it is still possible for somebody like me, as likely to listen to Celtic rock and old-school punk as gospel rap, to submit to authority genuinely without kissing up. And God is glorified in that. This is a way to be "faithful over a few things" (Matthew 25:23).

So, to end today's post, I quote these lines from 116 Clique's song "Authority", not at my company, but to myself:

"You ask them, what's a man?

They say, that dude that's got them stacks on stacks [of money]

in rubber bands, finger to the government.

'I want it; I get it; it's mine.

Can't tell me nothing, bro.

My money, my girl, and my nine:

These [are] my rules. What [are] you talkin' 'bout?'

No one man should have all that power.

He doesn't have it 'cause power is not ours!

Sinning like you're in control - no, you are owned.

God is running it. Do as you're told.

Ok, let me talk to him real quick:

Somebody being over me? We say, 'No, no!'

But we gotta get that if we are not submitting,

Then we're missing the fact that we are not our own.

Only God can judge me. And the Judge says,

'If you do not follow, then you can't lead.'

Get it? Live it. Got it? Good.

"If you can't follow, you can't ever lead.

And you don't run a thing 'til you run into the King.

Hey, Who I follow's who they follow when they follow me.

A real man bows down to authority!"

(I encourage comments, but please be sensitive to preserve my anonymity by not mentioning anything that would identify me or my employer.)

Shakespearean Sonnet: Get Wisdom.

Pay any price, that wisdom you attain

And go great lengths to bend your ear to hear

The cry of wisdom, calling o'er terrain

Nearby and far, to warn from future tears.

Prize understanding, wisdom's confidant

For knowledge works with prudence, hand in hand;

Defend yourself from growing nonchalant

Or callous to the Scripture's reprimand.

Embrace discernment; honor comes with grace,

A garland given you with beauty's crown;

Find satisfaction when you can retrace

Your days and know she did not let you down!

Heed caution's tales, replete from foolish choice

Of rebels, shunning cries of Wisdom's voice!

-----

The text for this sonnet is Proverbs 4:1-12, copied below from the New American Standard Bible:

1 Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father,
And give attention that you may gain understanding,

2 For I give you sound teaching;
Do not abandon my instruction.

3 When I was a son to my father,
Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,

4 Then he taught me and said to me,
“Let your heart hold fast my words;
Keep my commandments and live;

5 Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.

6 “Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.

7 “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.

8 “Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.

9 “She will place on your head a garland of grace;
She will present you with a crown of beauty.”

10 Hear, my son, and accept my sayings
And the years of your life will be many.

11 I have directed you in the way of wisdom;
I have led you in upright paths.

12 When you walk, your steps will not be impeded;
And if you run, you will not stumble.

Reflections on a Difficult NHL and KHL Offseason

2011 was possibly the most awkward and sad offseason in recent history for hockey. As the offseason neared its end and players took to the ice for their season openers during the past several days, I entered the new season with excitement but with a sobering thought I had never had in 16 years of following hockey: "At least no one else in hockey will die during the offseason this year."

"On May 13, 2011, [Derek] Boogaard was found dead in his Minneapolis apartment by family members. He was found unconscious and not breathing. Minneapolis Fire Department members were the first to arrive, and they pronounced him dead. He was a month and ten days short of his 29th birthday. ... An autopsy was performed, the results of which led a Minnesota medical examiner to conclude that Boogaard's death was accidental, albeit due to the lethal mixing of alcohol and oxycodone."

"A family member found [Rick] Rypien dead in his Crowsnest Pass, Alberta, home August 15, 2011. The cause of death was later confirmed as suicide. It is noted that he was battling depression for more than ten years."

"At approximately 1:33 p.m. on August 31, 2011, [Wade] Belak was found dead in a condo at the One King Street West hotel in Toronto. Police have not confirmed a cause of death, but Toronto Police treated it as a suicide. He was 35 years old, and had been preparing to take part in the upcoming season of Battle of the Blades. His death was the third in a string of NHL players found dead in a four-month span, following Derek Boogaard and Rick Rypien. His mother stated that he had been suffering from depression."

As a fan of fighting in hockey (and I don't want to start a debate over that here), I would go home from work and play hockey video games where I would fight against these three men and dozens of others like them. But video games miss the humanity of these men. Even the most diligent, most meticulous creators of video games can recreate humans at a mere photographic or cinematic level at best. Characters in video games do not go home to their families and friends and personally affect their lives. Characters in video games do not have to answer in a real-life court of law for their actions on or off the field. Their off-field struggles are, at best, a storyline to make the games more interesting.

In case the hockey world had not already experienced enough sadness for a decade during one offseason, one week after Belak's death, we heard about the horrific loss of, initially, 36 passengers and 7 of 8 crew members aboard a Yak-Service Yakovlev Yak-42 aircraft, which was carrying Lokomotiv Yaroslavl of the Kontinental Hockey League to Minsk, Belarus, to begin their 2011-12 season. Alexander Galimov remained conscious for several hours after the impact but was ultimately induced into a coma and died in hospital five days after the crash. The crash claimed the life of a Stanley Cup champion, Josef Vasicek. Vasicek, Karel Rachunek, Jan Marek, and Stefan Liv had also each won a gold medal at the World Championships. Liv had won an Olympic gold medal with Sweden in 2010. Karlis Skrastins held the NHL record for the most consecutive games by a defenseman. Pavol Demitra had gone to the KHL after a long and successful NHL career that saw him score 304 goals, appear in three All-Star games, and win the Lady Byng trophy as the league's most gentlemanly player. These losses, and the others, were huge losses for a great sport. Their impact will be felt during the years to come, not only for their families and others within one or two degrees of separation, but for entire teams and fanbases, everywhere that hockey is played or followed.

Every player and coach on the team died except for Maxim Zyuzyakin, a 20-year-old forward who head coach Brad McCrimmon asked to stay in Yaroslavl to rest and meet with them for their next game, and goaltending coach Jorma Valtonen, who was asked to stay in Yaroslavl to work with the junior team. The decisions to keep Zyuzyakin and Valtonen in Yaroslavl meant that their head coach saved their lives while the rest of their team boarded a plane to Minsk expecting to play their next game, but did not arrive in Minsk to play it. On the flip side, another 20-year-old player, defenseman Yuri Urychev, could not play the game in Minsk because he was injured and suspended, but he made the trip with his team anyway. Dedication to his team cost him his life.

A question many Americans tend to ask in response to a tragedy - most commonly, 10 years ago in response to the terrorist attacks in New York and DC - is "Where was God in this?" I do not know if Europeans would ask the same or a similar question. Americans ask it because, historically, we have had a nominally religious country, where faith in God is still a very influential factor in political candidacies and God takes the blame for a lot of tragic events, but we can take a look around us to demonstrate that this country is largely not Christian. A missionary friend on deputation to go to Europe told me that Europe has largely moved away from its formalistic religious traditions and become largely secular. Indeed, I have searched for and not seen any religiously-influenced responses to the tragedies of this past several months in hockey. Despite being neither a journalist nor a pastor, I might be the first.

Few players in professional hockey publicly promote any kind of religion. When Nazem Kadri practices his Muslim faith or his teammate James Reimer speaks out as a Christian, the hockey world sees that as unusual. I would venture to guess that hockey is probably the least religious, least spiritual of all major sports. In MLB, the NBA, and the NFL, expressing faith is more common. Thus it is fitting for the hockey world to have a largely aspiritual response to the deaths that occurred over this past offseason.

The tributes throughout the hockey world to their fallen teammates have been touching. Yaroslavl held a large mass funeral at their arena for their team's players and another one after Alexander Galimov died several days after the crash. Several NHL teams added memorials to their uniforms for their former players who had died in Yaroslavl. Several goaltenders have ordered new masks to pay tribute to their former teammates. The KHL delayed the start of its season by a week, and each of the seven games that took place on the new opening day began with a minute of silence.

True reflection on life takes more than a minute. The hockey world found these tragedies difficult but was able to resume cheering on the teams and players that remained. A hockey player does not skate around an artificial frozen pond, 200 feet long, solely for the purpose of making people cheer him on. He does not spend all 24 hours of each day skating in a vast cage bounded by ice, boards, Plexiglas, and the scoreboard and ceiling above him. After the game ends, the arena goes silent. The player must resume his life between the games. And so must you, as a fan. He, and you, have others in your lives to care for; a mind for thinking, planning, and reflecting; a heart for conveying a vast range of human emotions; and, most importantly and perhaps most overlooked of all, a soul.

Your purpose in life, regardless of your occupation or your beliefs, is to bring glory to God. That is the reason why you are here. There is a God who made and sovereignly controls this entire universe and everyone in it. As He made each facet of creation, He proclaimed that it was good and took joy in what He made. He watches and actively works as the galaxies, stars, planets, moons, oceans, plants, animals, cells, molecules, atoms, and subatomic particles work out His purpose. It all gives Him glory as He watches it on both the macro and micro scale. Humans are the only creatures with the capacity to hear what He has commanded them to do and refuse to do it. This is sin. It can be intentional or unintentional. You can commit sin without knowing what sin is.

Our cultures often give undue stress to certain kinds of hot-button sins, but God looks on the heart and the heart of every man, woman, and child is by nature sinful. If you wanted to stop evil, where would you stop it? It would be great to stop all killing, rape, human trafficking, assault, and theft in the world. Almost everyone considers those acts to be evil and does not like them. But what about lying - even white lies? What about slandering others, gossiping, insulting, or failing to respect others? What about thoughts of hatred, bitterness, envy, or wanting revenge against someone else? Do you think you have kept all ten commandments from the Torah: do not have any other gods before God, do not make carved images and worship them, do not take God's name in vain, honor your parents, do not kill, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not lie, and do not covet? Jesus said that if you hate someone, that is tantamount to murder; and if you lust after someone in your mind, that is as sinful as adultery. These are all sins against a God Who has never sinned and Who cannot tolerate any kind of sin in His presence. These are all ways around giving Him glory that we devise as we live for ourselves or for others instead of for Him. He has to do something about it.

If people lived forever, we could take a gander at how much knowledge they could achieve and what they could contribute to society as they each studied one or multiple fields for hundreds or thousands of years on end. But people would also develop an infinite capacity to do evil. Even people that desire to do their society as much good as possible have evil in their hearts, and there is a punishment for any kind of evil: death. Death is actually, in a sense, an act of mercy because if someone dies young, they have sinned less than someone who lives a long life. And by nature, we are also all deserving of hell, where we will successfully give God glory by being tormented for all eternity as He punishes us forever for all of our sins.

Many people downplay the reality of hell or think it is too harsh - "cruel and unusual punishment" for someone who is basically good. But consider the authority of the God Who you sin against. If you tell a lie to someone else in your family, they may be mad at you, but you still usually get away with it, in terms of going on with life as usual. If you tell a lie under oath in a court of law and the judge is just, he will punish you, probably send you to prison for a felony and take away many of your rights. That is only a judge. If you betray a friend, you will probably lose that friend. If you betray your country, you will, in many cases, lose your life because of treason. God is a Judge with a standard of absolute perfection and the only sovereign King of Kings. Every nation on the earth is a drop in the bucket to Him because He has absolute authority and sovereignty in all of the universe. Sin against a God with limitless power and authority, Who is alone worthy of absolute respect and worship from everyone in the world, deserves infinite punishment.

Death can free you from the power of sin in this life, but in His mercy, God has provided a means to be free from the eternal penalty of sin! You and I deserve to die for our sins against Him. So if anyone died for us, it would have to be another man, to adequately atone for our sins. Yet, if that man was also sinful like you and me, he would have our problem too; he could only die for his own sins and not escape the eternal penalty of them. The Man who died for us had to be perfect like God in order to satisfy the wrath of God. So God, in His plan of redemption, sent His Son, Jesus Christ, into the world to live the perfect life that we could not live and die the perfect death that we could not die. And because Jesus was not sinful, He did not remain dead, but rose again on the third day. The resurrection proved that He was without sin!

You know that you can be saved if this news has an effect on you. If it causes you to hate your sin, you have at least the beginnings of repentance over your sin - a change of mind that says you will not live for sin and self anymore, but live for Christ instead and make war with the sin that remains in your life. Aside from this, you need only to believe wholeheartedly that Christ can save you through His finished work on the cross. There are no magic words, good deeds, religious rituals, participation in ministry, or even preaching the gospel faithfully to others that can save you. Salvation is only by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ alone. And He can save you - and you need Him to save you - regardless of how much evil you have done. Please repent of your sins, even of your righteousness if that righteousness is only in yourself.

Christians still have indwelling sin in their lives, and they still die every day. However, they do not face the same judgment from God as unbelievers do. God will see unbelievers as their Judge, looking at all of their misdeeds and sentencing them to eternal punishment in hell. He will look at Christians as their Father, reward them for what they have done in their lives for Him, and usher them in to an eternity of joy with Him in heaven. There are many fake Christians in the world. The true Christians are those who see that they have been forgiven and, in response to that, do what He commands and live a changed life that proves their changed heart.

I am not going to say that the members of Lokomotiv Yaroslavl and the NHL players who died this offseason are definitely in heaven or definitely in hell. A lot of bad theology tends to come out at funerals, as people comfort one another with "He is in a better place now" and similar statements. Where they are now is known by them and God. I did not know any of them on a personal level or read much about their personal lives, so I do not know where they are. I will say this: if any of them genuinely knew Christ, those around them would have seen a difference in them from the other people around them. I hope that they did know Christ and are rejoicing with their Lord today. On the other hand, they had one life to use in bringing God glory. If they did not bring God glory here on earth, hell is eternal. You are still alive and still have your chance to turn from our sins and trust in Christ. How long you will remain alive and have that chance is not guaranteed. There were probably some people on that plane who thought they had more time.

Please do not think that this post was anti-hockey or anti-sports. In case you have not seen my writing before, I believe that work was created by God and any kind of work that is not wrong in itself (e.g. working as a career criminal) gives Him praise if done for that reason. This includes sports, as I wrote on "The Proper Place of Sports and Delighting in God". I wrote this, not to be hateful, but out of love for not only other hockey fans and anyone else who might read this, but more than that, for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is worthy of all of my praise, worship, and obedience. The gospel, if presented accurately according to the Bible, is by its nature offensive. Yet through an offensive cross and a violent death, Jesus took on all of my sins and saved me and can do the same for you.

In conclusion, the new hockey season is underway on both sides of the Atlantic. Let's remember the players and coaches who can't be part of it and thankfully root on those who we still get to see.

Andy Mineo (f.k.a. C-Lite) - "Who's Watching"

Theoretical situation:

I take all of your thoughts, just in the past hour, and put them up on a projector screen for everybody to see.

Yo, God sees those.

We're really that wicked. He's really that holy.

Now, He sees those

Lies from the guys that try to divide.

But God's on my side, so the bride will survive.

Keep my eyes on the prize when the conflict arise.

To live is Christ, and it's gain if I die.

Might seem strange, insane in the eyes

Mainstream cats, they chasin' the lies

Thinkin' that everything they attain is the idealistic,

But really, it all stays when you die.

Think I'm crazed 'cause I don't put my faith in the phrase of a page of a book that was made by man?

That's the statement that stands, my neighbors in France (?)

I think you need the basics, man.

If they never look to see what it says, they can't test

To see if it's true or even take the exam.

Basically, fam, they don't want to think about the grave when it's really time to lay in the sand.

And really, it's only because they're afraid to examine

The ways of their heart. It don't make them say, "Yeah!"

If they find truth in the faith in the jam 'cause all of a sudden it would put a change in their plans.

Can't get crunk, can't get high,

No sex yet, gotta wait for your bride.

If that's the concern of your whole life's purpose,

You missed the whole point. That life's worthless.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

What are they trying to say?

Christians, trapped like a prisoner?

Really got it backwards, mister.

[You've] got the roles twisted, just don't see the big picture.

Gotta zoom out, see the truth now.

It's the things that we're staying away from,

Make you think that we're lame and evade fun.

'Cause we call it sin and refrain, my friend.

Yo, it's 'cause we know it'll bring pain in the end.

Let me give examples that's ample:

A mouth (?) can't keep your pants on, romance on the couch

With your girlfriend and a couple more - ow

Sooner or later, you're going to say, "Ouch!"

Or what about when it's time to settle down,

Want to get married, maybe have a small child.

With the girl of your dreams, you could share all your secrets.

What if she asks, "How many girls did you sleep with?"

Or vice versa! A double standard? If you knew how many mans [sic] was in it, it would hurt you.

When you come face to face to touch lips, and wonder what else just kissed you.

I ain't trying to dis. None of us [are] perfect.

But why live in sin if you know it brings a hearse trip?

It ain't worth it! We [were] made for a purpose:

His praise and His worship.

I'm hoping you learn this.

Sin is so wack!

It eventually exploits itself. By the time you figure it out, you can't go back!

That's the reason why I serve Him. He's so real, and I'm so certain.

How do I know?

Well, I met Him when I let Him come up in my frame

I opened my heart and believed, and I ain't never been the same

Outside the blood that was spilled for my sin.

Then I called on His name: Jesus!

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(This song is from Andy's mixtape Sin Is Wack, available on his website. If you are reading this because you were looking for the words to this song, please check out my other posts from the menu at the right! Also, please let me know if I got any of this wrong.)

Waxen Wings

You placed each star.

A thousand years a blink, and a second retards

To a millennium likewise.

Yet the stars, unfixed, can swirl

In poetic motion, like sonnets of the Bard

And catch the eye with a curious whirl,

Or we see only mudpies.

Man has thought hard to make sense of it,

Long believing that they stood in the midst of it.

But only fact could advance reason.

Copernicus came after Dark Age season,

With the sun in the hub of our world-play.

Without Ptolemy's epicycles,

Defended with Galileo's final breath: "E pur si muove."

Human reason, summed up in a line: "Cogito ergo sum" -

Yet "before you thought, I AM" -

His thought, eternal - before you dwelt in womb,

Before Abraham and Adam's eyes consumed

The world around them, in new delight and reverent fear,

His glory shone for many a trillion year.

"Look to your new-found courage, young man,

For that is the way to the stars."

Maybe a man will set foot on Mars,

Maybe reign there like the czars.

"Run farther, faster than the last man ran;

bring back new knowledge in jars.

They will talk of it in bazaars

And hail this new truth as ours.

"Three-score and ten, perhaps five-score

Is all you can give to the knowledge war.

So push the limits well. Achieve."

And time after time, we believe

That our Icarus wings will never melt

As coronal heat meets the wax we felt

Would hold, man's wisdom meets defeat.

Have we ever stood to praise

The God of All, Whose creation is a maze

For our minds to completely understand?

Glory to God that He would ignite curiosity,

That man would try to think at the highest velocity!

But our thoughts can never expand

To the unlimited delight that He takes in all creation,

To His boundless understanding of its innermost details,

To His incalculable power to move each constellation,

To His immeasurable might to create it as He exhales.

To the only wise God whose glory knows no twilight,

To better see Your saving work, move to improve my eyesight,

And save me from the limelight when You know it's only pyrite.

I praise You, all-wise God, because You made me finite!

I do not wish to trade my wings for nicer waxen wings,

Which will melt before Your presence like hay and other things.

Your breath will blow on man's works and destroy

The beauty in the flowers men enjoy,

But Your faithful Word You inspired outlasts

All Your unabashed iconoclasts.

Give me instead a heart with desire

Not to be You, but to love You, heart afire.

Your unsearchable understanding also knew a way to redeem

Me from each oft-wayward thought and dream.

And You remind me best when I lie faint.

In this world, grief and loss You would acquaint,

Far more than mine.

Here, You demonstrate love's sign:

A Savior, winged in glory, dons my waxen wings and dies

For each of my acts in selfish pride,

And by Your grace, Your hand denies

Me no truly good thing, and will one day make me rise

And be clothed and wed, brought with the Lamb to dine.

My Trip Report from Next 2011: Part 1

Having a church camp and the Next Conference on back-to-back weekends is, to say the least, a great spiritual high. This year I was pleased to attend Next with three other young men who I knew from Bible studies at my previous church. The theme of Next this year dealt with God's sovereignty over all things and how that should influence our worldview and our work here on earth. The books that they sold at the conference this year all centered on that focus. Having a long reading list for right now and trying to concentrate on finishing Future Grace by John Piper and Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray, I decided to only buy one: The Heavens: Intimate Moments with Your Majestic God by Kevin Hartnett. So far, that book has been a blessing as it helps me to consider the vastness and beauty of the universe and how it reflects the beauty of the God who made and is sovereign over it all.

I felt like I had stepped back in time several years when the speakers addressed postmodernism. My previous church, which I attended for about 22 years, has tended to embrace evangelical fads throughout its ministry. When this means a change in worship style, they change their worship style. When it means catering to a particular audience, they cater to that audience. Their pastors quote teachers from many areas of the evangelical map, from Reformed theologians to moralistic therapeutic deists. Several years ago they became emergent-friendly, quoting Rob Bell and others from that movement. (This was before he wrote Love Wins and came out of the universalist closet.) Around the same time, I read Why We're Not Emergent by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck to become more educated about the movement and why I wasn't part of it either. I was only then starting to become Reformed and was still a cage-stage Calvinist. I was also reading the Pyromaniacs blog several times a week, where they often discussed postmodernism and "emerg*". But my current church, which has many international members from the Philippines, has to deal with different issues than postmodernism and the emerging church. Those issues don't have as strong of a hold in the Philippines. Our pastor preaches against Ang Dating Daan, Iglesia ni Cristo, the prosperity teaching of Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer, and so on. So I felt like I had taken a step back to 2008. Are postmodernism and the emerging church still big problems across the wider scale of evangelicalism?

Since Next had five general sessions, three breakouts, and the Next conference website has most of the messages, I won't repeat too much of what was said on my blog, but just give thoughts about my general experience going to the conference and list what struck me the most from the sessions.

Before the conference started, I was reading my Bible and jotted down Hebews 12:4-6: "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives." I was still thinking about this in the context of my courtship. Ending my courtship in early March, I thought of Next as the big Reset button on my life that would save me from the memories and the sadness and let me get on with life. It was only on the way there that I realized that it could be discipline from the Lord. So I also wrote down a line from DJ Official's song "Chisel Me": "If you love me, Lord, then chasten me."

We were privileged to have a brother in the Lord drive us to the hotel. He only had a few short minutes with us and sought to really maximize that and encourage us in our faith. We will probably never see him again in this lifetime, but we knew that we had a brother in Christ there with a strong appetite for Scripture and a strong desire to encourage others with it. He got the four of us going on justification and the gospel. That really set the tone for us to glorify God at this conference.

Pastor Jeff Purswell spoke in the first session about how God will not relinquish His creation to evil. His first point was "The created world, though affected by sin, is nevertheless God's creation and is to be valued, appreciated, and cared for." I had become somewhat put off by environmentalists in the secular world, figuring, "I don't do anything that intentionally damages the created order, so I'm good. Why do you continue talking about this so much?" A biblical worldview does not merely acknowledge the existence of created reality, but joins God in affirming it as good as He did when He created it. When I put down my various kinds of entertainment to go on a hike in the woods, meditate on the beauty of God's creation there, and exalt Christ as more beautiful, that is a way of celebrating the most basic distinction in the universe, the one between Creator and creature. Without it, I would worship nature.

Pastor Purswell also mentioned that everything created by God is good, not amoral, as long as we receive it with thanksgiving and do not worship or exploit it. He applied this more specifically to our vocations. So do I thank God for my work as something good, not just something to give me money or keep me out of trouble? Do I still act like the work that I am given is a good thing when it does not go well, or do I curse in reaction to Adam's curse? How do I display the character of God as I work?

In session 2, Dr. K. Scott Oliphint spoke on "The Role of Reason in the Life of Faith" from Romans 1:18-32. If you follow the Next Conference on Twitter, you may have seen a quote from this session: "Western philosophy is simply articulate unbelief." Hegel and other philosophers like him have spent their lives attempting to explain, in all kinds of intelligent-sounding language, how there is "an absolute" but denying that God is that absolute.

Two other things also stood out to me from this session. First, everyone has a relationship with God. For unbelievers, this relationship is not saving knowledge. They will still relate to God on judgment day when they attempt to give Him a defense for their unbelief and He sends them to hell. No one can tell Him, "Not enough evidence", because His revelation of Himself through creation does not return void. Second, the words "worshiped" and "served" the creature rather than the Creator are very strong words and reflect how we are all creatures who must worship. Suppressing the truth forces people to create idols to worship and serve. In our culture, this rarely looks like an idol that people literally bow down to. Dr. Oliphint gave the example of addictions as a choice to serve something other than God, effectively saying, "I will pick my idol. This I will worship... because no one who is created in the image of God will worship nothing." Worshiping the true God, however, allows us to revel in the fact that we cannot figure Him out!

I attended Pastor Kevin DeYoung's breakout session titled "Jesus and Other Religions". This was my second time to see him speak. He summarized Christianity as believing in one God, two ontological realities, and three Persons. He contrasted "one God" with Buddhism, which seems to not believe in any God at all, and Hinduism, which believes in many gods. Most other religions are "one-ism", saying that man is at one with nature, but Christianity is distinctly "two-ism". He gave 7 reasons for the Trinity which are all in Scripture: there is one God; the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all God; the Father is not the Son; the Son is not the Holy Spirit; and the Holy Spirit is not the Father. I look at this as a concise way to defend those who do not believe that the Christian God is a Trinity. The other thing he said that struck me was that without a Trinity, love is not eternal, because if God were only one Person He would not have been able to express love to anyone before He created the world. This reminded me of the first chapters of The Pleasures of God.

He gave the practical application for the uniqueness of Christ:

1. The well-being and salvation of the lost is at stake; go where Christ has not been named, out of love for the lost (broken heart, not a clenched fist) (Romans 10:14). (And my parents, who are not Reformed, say that Reformed people are against missions and evangelism!)

2. The courage and joy of our missionaries. The uniqueness of Christ shows that their work is not in vain.

3. The health of your soul is at stake. It is never good to see what God's word says and find out a way to disbelieve it.

4. The glory of Jesus is at stake. "A Jesus of 'a way' is a Jesus of lesser glory."

During the session break, I worked out to some gospel rap from my Canon playlist: his features "Refocus" with Brothatone, "116 Canon Remix" with Pro, and "Blow Your High" with Lecrae, among others.

Dr. D.A. Carson gave a message called "The Gospel and the Postmodern Mind" in session 3. He began by stating, "Postmodernism is dead in some pretty fundamental ways", because postmodernism started in France and the French no longer buy into it. One thing he said that struck me was that when you talk about the gospel, you are not writing on a blank hard drive. When the Apostle Paul preached in Acts 17, he was preaching to pagan Biblical illiterates (like many in today's culture) and starting from their angle, discussing Christianity in terms of philosophy. He was cut off while he preached but continued taking questions about the gospel in the marketplace. He highlighted many important doctrines about God in his message in Acts 17. For brevity, I won't include it here, but please take time to listen to this session. One more point that struck me in the application was that good theology is like a well-oiled machine. If you take anything out to make it sound better, it falls out of line until the machine stops.

Later that night, I listened to a short message from Brother Paul Washer called "A Young Man's Invitation to a Life of Sacrifice." This message is only 10 minutes but deserves its own post. Young men and women, please listen to this one. Brother Washer does not go on the attack, necessarily, against people who speak at conferences but challenges us to do missions on the front lines where we won't be famous, but Christ has not been named there. We shouldn't be writing blogs where we discuss fine points of theology that we know nothing about when there are people out there. "Young man, go somewhere and die, where only God and hell will know your name - God because He loves you and His Spirit is powerful upon you, and hell because hell hates you." Oh, that I could go. I want to at least take one trip. Listening to this highlighted the tension in my life about whether I should continue attempting to glorify God in a secular job here or leave it all and go to the Philippines. I am speechless even now about what I should continue to write at this point.

But this post is getting quite long, so I will write about the rest of the conference next week, Lord willing.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 3

18. If I compare myself with others, I will cease to be satisfied in Christ and will probably become covetous. He really is all-satisfying, and I really do see Him as all-sufficient, if I run after Him like a horse wearing blinders. Covetousness, on the other hand, is at the root of all kinds of sin, not the least of which is discontentment with what God has given me. If I balk at losing a courtship, how would I handle real suffering for the name of Christ?

19. There is no magic reset button that erases my memory of the courtship and helps me feel much better. And I don't want that. I don't regret meeting her. I was expecting that a recent church camp and conference in May would cure me of the pain that I have felt as a result of this courtship ending. But I continue to think about it every day; it enters my mind whenever my mind is idle, and even when I am trying to read or worship. Thoughts about her and the other characters in this story haunt me. Healing takes however long it takes, and I cannot draw a deadline for it.

20. I must rejoice with those who rejoice regardless of whether I have received the same blessings. Recently, one of my good friends got married. He is in his mid-30s and had never been on a date until about 2 years ago. Their wedding, in May between the church camp and the conference, was hard for me to bear. This was the first wedding I had attended since my courtship ended. I was happy for them, but during the ceremony my expression was a blank stare. One of my friends noticed that. Ignoring another person's happiness is actually disobeying Scripture.

21. People in the theological rarefied air of Reformed Christianity tend to have less faith than people who embrace false doctrine. Her family firmly believes that God will turn the Philippines into a Christian nation with an all-Christian government and no political corruption, if only they pray and fast enough. They were also quite convinced for a while that God would give them good things and that I was "the man for her". Meanwhile, I would sit in my collection of books and podcasts, trying to deconstruct the myth of "the one" for them and explain how God promises that Christians are going to suffer and you should feel fortunate if God gives you anything good on this earth. And my conclusion is that maybe I have gone too far in this. I am believing the right things, but it has led me to a general lack of faith and a doubt when I pray for God to bless me or to work in the lives of others. And that shouldn't be. My God is bigger than the god of the health and wealth gospel, because He saves me from my sin, not my lack of self-esteem, and He keeps me regardless of me.

22. I am still trying to rebuild a prayer life that was formerly much better than it became during the courtship. Before the courtship started, I was praying radically for the nations, especially for the Philippines. On the way to work, I would pray through tears for members of the New People's Army and the Abu Sayyaf, the two most major terrorist organizations in the Philippines, that God would tear out their hearts of stone, which exist in every man, woman, and child, not only in criminals, and replace them with a heart of flesh that can respond to Him - that He would pour clean water on them and they would be clean, for His glory. During the courtship, my prayers turned mostly toward her, that she would be right for me, that she would make much of Christ and grow in Christlikeness and knowledge of and about Him. As the courtship went on and I realized that she and I did not share the same vision, my prayers about her got more and more desperate until I realized, months later, that I just needed to submit to the Lord and let her go. But now that I don't have her to pray about, I am praying more for myself and others to be able to sustain their spiritual and emotional highs that we get at camps and conferences.

23. Much of what I looked for and prayed for in a wife does not really matter. I was focused too much on outward appearance and background. Just because I have a covenant with my eyes regarding how I look at women, that I will only look at their faces, does not mean at all that I don't have idolatry regarding "what is the perfect face"! Even if I do not focus my prayers toward the... er... non-facial attributes of a woman's appearance, I still spent a lot of time before I met her telling God, "Lord, I want her to be exactly this cute!" After a while, He answered that prayer and showed me over time that I should not have prayed for that.

24. The above raises a question: why are my prayers so focused on her outward appearance? A large part of it is the pride that I will feel if I outdo other members of my family or my friends by marrying someone who looks very beautiful. I have never been popular, but being able to be the ugly half of the world's cutest couple gives me status among my friends. Having cute children in the future increases that status. During my courtship, I felt much more confident than I did before or do now. Another reason is fear. I know several men who more well-read in theology than I am, quite close to Christ, quite a lot more well-prepared for marriage than most of the "men" I know who actually get married - and yet they do not marry until later in life than most. I have fear that it is my fate to stay single for life or for a while, when I am too weak to stay unmarried intentionally for an extended time, and then settle for a woman who takes care of herself spiritually but not physically. (Speaking of which, I have a very disciplined workout routine and took a break from my workout for this morning to write this. I took a break since I have the time and energy to write right now. :-) ) Yet God's grace is enough.

25. The other half of that question is "... when God looks at the heart?" - both her heart and mine. The pool of available candidates becomes much smaller when I narrow it to only women who are not Sunday Christians, but who have a radical vision to make much of Christ. And having a common vision is not about wanting to have a bunch of cute kids and raising them just so, because that can be done in a way that does not make much of Him. Rather, it is a question of where her ambitions lie. Does she realize the seriousness and urgency of Christ's kingdom and seek to live in a war? Does she know how to be alone with the Lord and delight in Him? Does she desire to sit under sound preaching and be convicted by the Word of God? Does she know how to be an intercessor, not for health and wealth, but for redemptive history to move forward, for Christ to be supreme locally and among the nations? Does she have a heart to draw others closer to Christ? Does she love the body of Christ sacrificially? Can it truly be said that this world is not worthy of her? All of this is what matters, and not her perfection in each point but her making progress toward it. As a man, I must be able to lead this kind of woman spiritually. To do that, I must not be a Sunday Christian either. This also intensifies my own drive to spiritual maturity. When I do meet her (probably another "her" now), I must also be the kind of person that desires to make God's name great in my own life, in my local church, and among the nations.

These and the lessons I listed in the two previous posts are just 25 of the lessons that I have learned in the first 3 months since my courtship ended. I am sure the Lord will continue to teach me about this as time goes on. My courtship was not recreational dating, so going through this has felt like going through a divorce. For now, I still think about her and what might have been every day. But I am starting to move past it, by the grace of God.

In the next post, God willing, I would like to make exhortations to my fellow singles in the body of Christ who sense a calling to marriage but are still waiting to meet their future spouse.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 1

As I mentioned in the previous post, I have been putting together a list of 25 things I have learned during and after my international courtship. Here is the first part of that list:

1. Distance is not a bad thing in a relationship, as long as you maintain clear and regular lines of communication. If anything, distance can actually help because the relationship becomes based on words. It also helps maintain a higher standard of physical purity and takes away temptations to fall in that area. However, emotional temptations still exist and probably become stronger.

2. Trust between two partners in a long-distance courtship is critically important. A great deal of doubts and suspicion arise when you cannot trust the other person to stay committed in a courtship. For about 8 months, I never smiled with interest at another woman, lest I betray my trust to her. She and I were in a stalemate because I would not tell her that I loved her until she showed commitment to me, and she would not give me her commitment or her love until I told her that I loved her. So she allowed other young men to stay in the picture, although her only other suitor was an unbeliever. Ultimately, I did not tell her that I loved her (although I definitely did!) because our doctrinal differences would have left her unwilling to stay involved in my church and my first loyalty is to God, not to a woman. (To clarify, if I were married, I would not divorce my wife if she turned out to embrace false doctrine or be a false believer. Scripture forbids that. But this was a courtship.)

3. Do not use theology to manipulate a courtship partner. For most of this courtship, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I had access to great theological resources and she did not. So in effect, I was using the courtship as a means to teach her sound doctrine. After a while, she felt like she had to earn my love. Men, you have to know what you believe and what she believes before the courtship begins. Do not bait her with, "If you will suddenly stop being an Arminian and believe the 5 solas and the 5 points, you can have a courtship with me" or "As soon as you say, 'I am a Calvidispiebaptogelical' or 'I am a hedonist. I seek my pleasure ... / not in wealth, no, He's my treasure!', I will have a rock for your finger!" (If you live on a gravel road, rocks are cheap. ;-) )

4. Know when to walk away. I spent a significant amount of time in prayer about her and fasted for probably a total of a week and a half to two weeks, spread over the whole courtship period. During the last month of the courtship, I realized that I already knew what was pleasing to God and was using fasting to try to manipulate Him. I really just needed to obey Him in faith.

5. "They are somehow our brothers, man." - Sho Baraka. Some people who subscribe to false teaching are merely trapped there and will accept the true Word of God when it is shared with them. However, to keep listening to false teachers, they refuse to discern. We cannot say that everyone who does not reject the teaching of a heretic is unconverted. Many people who accept false teaching bear more good fruit for the Lord than I do. Their communion with God is more uninterrupted; they are better at loving the brethren; they are more willing to serve. If I do not love them back, that reflects a problem with my heart, not with theirs.

6. Don't expect someone from an egalitarian background to suddenly become a complementarian because of love. I said in the previous post that her father is a pastor. Her mother is also a pastor and regularly preaches in their church's service on Sundays. To any Reformed Baptist, this is a red flag. Scripture does not permit women to teach or have authority over men in the church. Many people have said this instruction from the Apostle Paul merely applies to the culture of New Testament times, when he did his ministry. I would counter with this: if a church permits women to preach, that is often indicative of more important compromises in doctrine. Here, there were many. I never mentioned the issue of women preaching to her or her family, not wanting to start a fight over a side issue, but I kept this in the back of my mind. People put up a false front to get other people to love them.

7. Doctrinal differences that can be smoothed over between friends become magnified a thousand fold in a courtship, engagement, or marriage. Biblical manhood and womanhood is one very significant area for couples. She had never heard those terms or was unfamiliar with them, so I tried to explain to her what they meant. I showed her from Scripture that it is good for a married woman to be busy at home and have her heart at home, not in the workplace; to work only out of necessity and not define herself by her job. And I told her that my goal in working and planning my future is not to be rich, but to still give her no financial reason to need to work outside the home. Although she was possibly telling me this from a short-sighted point of view, she told me she wanted to always work and admitted to me that she is a workaholic before her long hours started. After the long hours started, she mostly only wanted to discuss her job and did not want to talk about God with me. That was when I truly realized that our visions do not line up. Having a common vision for the family based on a common understanding of Biblical manhood and womanhood resolves many conflicts.

8. I became deeply aware of the global theological famine and, in particular, its effects on Christians in the Third World. Desiring God International Outreach uses the term "global theological famine" to describe the inability of Christians outside the Western world to access theological resources that help establish them in sound doctrine. Even Christians who have access to a complete Bible do not always know how to read it in a profitable way that shows them the truth. They cannot learn the historical and cultural context of the Word. As a result, many of them do not realize that Jeremiah 29:11 was not written to them, claim it as their favorite verse, and believe that God has promised by it to get them out of poverty. And then when they have spent the whole rest of their lives in poverty, their faith is crushed.

What Happened To My Courtship

Back in the Godly Fellowship series, I mentioned that I was courting a young woman, praying about her, and seeking the advice of godly kuyas and ates from my church. I really wanted to write a "Preliminary Thoughts on Courtship" post describing what I have learned about a variety of topics - her, myself, God, the courtship process, our cultures, and so on - during the process.

For context, please permit me to write a short timeline of the events that took place. Last April, she took a truly providential business trip to the US. Initially, her company had selected other people to go. Yet that changed, and they chose her and several of her friends instead for the trip. The company initially slated them to go to a different state, halfway across the country. Two more changes later, the company sent her and her friends to my state for four weeks.

One of my kuyas at church is from the same city as this young woman. Their fathers are pastors and know each other well. My kuya's father, who has since returned to the Philippines, was in town for a short while and preached at my church on the day that I met her. He told me that he had someone for me to meet, a pastor's daughter. Initially, I said no. I was not looking for anyone to date or court. Late in 2007, I had repented of recreational dating and started to read good theological books and pursue God harder than I ever had before. But my friends convinced me to go meet her, and I decided to go with them.

That day still goes down in my life as a memorable day. I do not regret my decision to meet her. She is a quite beautiful, usually very nice girl. We had good godly fellowship from day one. And I started thinking in terms of the first question in the Desiring God article "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage": "What do you believe about everything?" That Saturday, my church was having a special worship service. She, two of her friends, and one of my best friends came with me. Both of my pastors preached. She heard good, sound preaching on worship and liked what she heard. The next week, my seasonal allergies arrived and left me sick for a week and a half. Her company extended her stay for one week because at least one person in her group had arrived in the US after she did and they wanted to have all four of them come home on the same flight. I went out with her and her friends several more times during that week. While we were in an observation tower at an amusement park, we made our courtship official. The next Friday night, I took her to a large, peaceful park where I enjoy hiking and then out to dinner at one of the nicest malls in the area. We talked in the hotel lobby for a bit and then exchanged probably the tightest, most emotional hug I have ever had. That was the farthest we went physically. She waved to me as I drove off, and when I was out of sight of the hotel, I wept enough that I could barely see to drive.

We stayed in touch very regularly for a while after she went home. We would chat online five nights a week, and on Fridays after work we would talk on the phone for three, four, five-plus hours. It was an almost sacred night of the week for me. On my work calendar, I marked myself busy every Friday night and told my friends that if they wanted to spend time with me, they would need to do it on Saturday or Sunday. Friday nights were her time. We read through Joshua Harris's book Dug Down Deep together and talked about what we were reading. Throughout the summer and early fall, we became a lot closer to each other even though we were half a world apart.

Then her work told her that she was in line for a promotion. She was already working about 9-10 hours a day with a long commute on top of that, but in October her client increased her goals while she was also spending an almost full-time effort training new hires. Twelve hours became a short work day for her. This took a huge toll on her spiritual life, and our conversations lost depth as well. Our doctrinal differences became much more apparent, with one of my pastors becoming the new senior pastor of my church and my church's becoming much more focused on expositional preaching and the hard demands of Christ's Lordship over our lives. I was finding that, while she initially agreed with a lot of what I said, as I started to tell her what my pastor was saying, she had little to say and did not really agree with it. Around the same time, I was regularly in touch with her family, who would frequently tell me about prophetic dreams and visions, which they see as binding but often do not back up with Scripture.

As the long hours continued, we stopped chatting online. Another guy at her work, who is not a believer, became interested in her. She would not let him court her, but she never gave her commitment to me either. I stayed in touch with her mostly through her family and occasional phone calls during lunch or on Friday nights. And as I learned more about her doctrine from her family, the Holy Spirit (the one who regenerates dead hearts and convicts of sin, not the one Benny Hinn talks about!) convicted me and left me with a total lack of peace. In February, my pastor showed a video of Benny Hinn's services in church and explained how unbiblical they are. He is also well aware of the organization overseas that my friend and her family are part of and told me that they do similar things. Her family was constantly telling me that I need to fly across the world to attend that group's conferences. I told my pastor that there was no way that I could be part of that and I was going to end the courtship. For several weeks, I did not contact her at all except for one phone call. We both decided to end the courtship in early March.

So it has now been more than two months since the courtship ended. Our one-year anniversary would have been several weeks ago. Recently, she contacted me to inform me that she is now in love with her unbelieving suitor. This was very painful news to take.

God has been teaching me a lot through this. As I have been learning from Him, I have been writing. For the next several posts, I hope to show you, as my reader(s), what He has taught me in hopes that you may exercise wisdom.

Daughters and sons of Jerusalem, Washington, Manila, and every other city, I charge you, for the sake of the name of the King of Glory, the purity of the members of the Body of Christ, and the protection of young men and women's hearts:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,

Though it demand all cost of you and fires

On this fallen sphere."