Reflections on "Work and Rest" by R W Glenn

One of the most interesting and convicting sermons or conference messages I've heard all year was one that I heard a couple weeks ago when I was outside taking a walk around town.

Pastor R.W. (or is it just R W?) Glenn gave a talk called "Work and Rest" at the Desiring God National Conference back in September.  This was really timely for me.  Here are some of the things he said:

"We are so obsessed with work that we can't even rest when we rest."

"Driving 'sport utility vehicles' gives us the illusion of engaging in leisure, and at the same time being useful and productive!  We are so addicted to work that unless we can rationalize our leisure in terms of productivity, we think we have wasted our time."

"The Christian faith is not a system of achievement.  It is not a ladder you ascend to acceptance with God.  It is not a list of rules or living a brute system of ethics.  It is not about going to church or training your kids or leading a clean, moral lifestyle.  It's not a 'do' faith - a faith about all you can do for God.  Instead, Christianity is a 'done' faith.  It's about trusting in what Jesus Christ has already done for you and then basking in that. ... He did all the work, and you get to relax and enjoy all the benefits."

"How many times have you gotten your assurance of your acceptance of God from your resolve to do more, be better, and try harder - instead of from the grace of God and the gospel?"

"The reason why the culture works so hard and it feels anxious and guilty when it hasn't done enough is that it needs to build the right resume in order to be accepted into the inner circle, whatever that is. ... The problem in the church is exactly the same. ... You're also building a resume because you want acceptance.  And while it's certainly true that in the culture, you need to build the right resume to open up doors of acceptance for yourself, that's not at all true for Christianity.  And do you know why that is?  You already have a perfect resume."

"We are still living as though we have a resume that is yet to be built."

This one got a lot of likes when I posted it on Facebook:

"The reason people work so hard to build a resume to be accepted by the culture is that deep down, they believe that they need to build a resume to be accepted by the Creator. ... It is a function of failing to rest in my acceptance with the Creator. ... Your workaholism, your obsession with getting things done, your inconsolable guilt over not getting to check every item off your list, your feelings of inadequacy over failing to accomplish all you had set out to accomplish with your life or even that day, your low-grade anxiety that you are just not doing enough at home, at work, at church, your inability to unwind - the fact that you're wound up like a top - all of that comes from your tacit belief that your acceptance with God is based on your own resume! ... Why are you so willing to be accepted by the meritocracy that you kill yourself with work in order to get it?  Why are you so obsessed with your resume that your failures to be accepted devastate you - you just feel like a loser? ... The reason why you're willing to busy yourself to death is that you want to be accepted by other people.  You want to be accepted by the right circle of friends; you want to be accepted by the management for a promotion; you want to be seen as a person who values achievement rather than the mediocre nobodies who sort of fill the landscape.  And even your laziness can reflect the same desire for acceptance, just inverted.  You blow off work because you realize, 'I'm not going to make the cut, so why bother?  I'm never going to be accepted.' Or you feel bitter that your acceptance with others is based not on who you are but on what you've accomplished; you choose to accomplish nothing as a protest.  It's your rebellion against the meritocracy.  So either way, you are motivated by acceptance.... you are not resting in your acceptance with God."

"Salvation is like a day off. ... Christianity is a day off, not a day at the office.  And I get that from [Hebrews] chapter 4, verse 10."

"The reason why I worked like a lunatic was so that I could be looked up to by my colleagues, or at least feel superior to them. ... If my resume included 80+-hour workweeks and getting up at 2:30 and 3 in the morning a few days a week and superior productivity, then I'd be able to [take a deep breath] and feel secure and confident in comparison with these other guys.  But if I were resting in Jesus' resume for me, then I would not need to be seen as exceptional.  As Tullian Tchividjian puts it, I would be free to be a nobody because Jesus is my somebody."

"Who can top the resume of the Son of God?  Piper?  Nobody!!"

"Another reason I felt like I had to work like a lunatic was to assuage the guilt feelings that I had over the rest that I did take. ... I felt like I had to justify resting. [Amen!  This is where I am right now!]  But if I were resting in Christ's righteousness, I would know that everything that truly needed to be accomplished, Christ already accomplished for me.  So I could rest, I could relax, and I could actually enjoy the time away from work. ... I wouldn't have to look for justification for my rest. ... Building my pastoral resume for acceptance by others was rooted in the functional belief that I had to build my own resume to be accepted by God.  I learned that obsessive resume-building in the world was the fruit of obsessive resume-building before God.  Those two things are inseparable. ... Here's the good news: if you want to see your obsessive busyness transformed into diligent work and relaxing leisure to the glory of God, go to work on resting. ... I get that from [Hebrews 4] verse 11."

"Here is the hard work: strive with all your might to keep the gospel front and center in your life. Remember that you already have a perfect resume. Make every effort to remember all that Christ is for you in the gospel. When you do that, you can relax! Because you won't constantly be trying to earn the acceptance of God and other people by your achievements. Your work in your home and church doesn't add to your resume. You can't add to a perfect resume. The only list of accomplishments your Heavenly Father sees for you is the list amassed by Christ. And He has said: It is Finished!" (thank you, Joyful in Hope, for that quote)

Recently, I had a week where I worked all seven days on my business.  RescueTime, a great tool to keep self-employed people honest, watched my every move throughout the week and reported to me every day about my productivity.  I had about 38 productive hours out of 54 on the computer that week, plus some more time spent off the computer sketching designs and reading technical books.  With a few clicks, I can be sure of exactly how much time I was spending on sports blogs.  I'm also taking an online class that should help me generate better prospects.  And God used the message above to bring me back and show me part of the purpose of the Sabbath:

We are not to be so self-sufficient and self-trusting that we work with all our might every day of the week to give ourselves what only God can.

I was on vacation with my parents two weeks ago.  Actually, my mom had a scholarly event to attend and invited me and my dad to come with her because the additional cost was minimal.  So we went.  I was trying to make it a working vacation.  But the work that I am getting paid (a quite low amount) for right now requires a high-speed internet connection.  I'm just doing it to pay some bills while I build up my business.  Our hotel's internet connection was getting slammed the whole time we were there.  Result: I got no work, and thus no money, for that entire week.  I had missed out on work two days before we left because it came in right before I had to attend a pastoral search meeting.

Last week was similarly a very slow week in getting work.  I made a grand total of $20, though I worked 6 mostly full days identifying sales prospects and what I could do for them.  That's way under a dollar per hour worked and probably about what each of my sponsored children's families are making.  I went home from my church's Saturday night service last night and kept working until almost midnight.  Fortunately, I did achieve my goal for the week (which only dealt with the prospecting... it takes time!).  But I felt a stirring need to do work today.  The points in that "Work and Rest" message continued really hitting home for me.  I did no work today except ministry.

It's interesting to me to see how Luke 9:23 (no, I did not try to rhyme that) keeps playing itself out differently at different stages in life:

"And He was saying to {them} all, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.'"

Things that denying myself has meant:

• Denying myself the party life of college
• Denying myself a better social standing in the eyes of the world
• Denying myself the possibility of many nominal Christians thinking well of me - even in my own family
• Denying myself romantic relationships during several seasons - even if I see many of my friends around me happily in love
• and now: Denying myself some of the work time that the world says I need to make a living as a "solopreneur"*

* I realize that some people will bring up Hebrews and use "Jesus as our Sabbath-rest" as their reason for working themselves to death seven days a week, but I see the Sabbath as a bit of a liberty issue and the Holy Spirit has convicted me that I need to keep it.

I just have to trust Him and realize that "I never made a sacrifice".  David Livingstone said the same, and he sacrificed more.

"Anchor of my soul, You sustain."

It's been hard to write for a while.  My pastor announced in August that he was stepping down at the end of the year, but recent events in our church caused him to leave already.  None of it was his fault or directly involved him.  Our first service without him was on Sunday.  Ironically, our church anniversary is next week and we're supposed to have a party.

So I've been on a pastoral search committee for a little over a month now, and I'm working on a redesign for the church's website that I need to have in my portfolio ASAP so that I can get other work.  I'm on the church's finance committee too, and next year's budget will be due soon.  Ministry is getting busier across the board.  Last week, during the circumstances where our pastor stepped down, I was in meetings or on the phone with people every day of the week trying to mediate.  The pastor's job has fallen on the elders and deacons until we have another pastor (interim or permanent).  We should all be busier.  And I'm busier in ministry than I have ever been.

Meanwhile, my business is slow.  This week I'm really starting to pound the market for leads, but I'm making less than a dollar an hour most weeks (over more than 40 hours per week!) and I still have real bills.  I've lost money every week for over 6 months now.  The car insurance bill just came.  One of the hardest parts is having to study a whole new profession while I do all of this.  My savings are starting to take a hit, both for funding the business and paying bills.

But I'll stick to my original commitment of giving the business at least a year to succeed before I think about being an employee again.  There's practically nothing worse for me in ministry than to have a heart for missions but a job that ties me down to living in this state and sitting behind a desk 50+ weeks out of the year or that forces me into a state with an even higher cost of living while doing the same.  Why limit myself to only 2 weeks a year of living with a purpose?

This raises another question.  After all of those meetings going on at church, I was taking a walk around town while listening to a sermon by Tim Keller from Romans 12:1-8.  I think it was called "Everyone with a Gift".  He gave a very interesting illustration from Dr. John Gerstner.  I'll paraphrase it here.

An American woman in the 1930s was saved at a Christian conference at the age of 15 or 16.  Unlike many people who profess faith in such circumstances, she made a commitment to Christ and stuck to it.  She wanted to take her hands off her life and give everything to God as a lifetime missionary.  So she decided she would go to Bible college and eventually go into full-time missions in Asia.  

At this time, single women were not going to Asia to be missionaries.  It was not safe for them to travel there without a husband.  The missions boards told her that she needed cross-cultural training and she needed to be married before they would send her.  Near the end of high school, this young woman prayed: 

"Lord, I take my hands off my life.  I give you everything.  I don't care about a comfortable life.  I don't care about a safe life.  I'm going to give You my whole life. ... I'm going to do all the training I need.  There is only one thing I need from You: I just need a husband."

She went through Bible college, knowing that it would not prepare her for many other careers, and graduated without a husband, no boyfriend, no prospects.  Then she went to a missionary training school, like a grad school.

On the last night of grad school, she still had no husband, no boyfriend, and no prospects.  She said she sat in her dorm room "an angry young woman", wrestling and struggling with God.

That night, she realized that she had been kidding herself.  Pastor Keller said,

"She was not miserable because she had taken her hands off her life.  She was miserable because she never had. ... She had this idea of a noble, heroic life.  And she was telling God, 'That's the life You've got to give me. ... And here's how You've got to get it for me.'  And she was doing basically everything she could so that she could put God in her debt so He'd have to do it.  And she realized, '... I was using God.  I wasn't serving God!  I was telling [Him] what He had to do!'"  

Dr. Gerstner closed his sermon with this:

"If that girl, who spent a third of her life being ready for missionary service, saying goodbye to everything, to fun, to safety, to comfort - to everything - and thought she had taken her hands off her life, and that night realized she never had done it... do you think you have, then?  I doubt it."

Pastor Keller's conclusion was this:

"She was saying, 'I'll obey if.'  Whatever's on the other side of the 'if' is the real thing you are sacrificing for.  And it's not God."

So what does God want me to do about work, life, ministry, missions, ...?  Only He can answer that question - because I call Him "Lord".  If He thinks this treating new career as tentmaking and going overseas for the gospel will give Him the most glory, He will do it.

I have to get to a point where my future wife/asawa/esposa/moglie/patni/soție/vợ/etc. (for the record, I care a lot less about her ethnicity than you might think) is not the real thing I am sacrificing for, but God alone is.  I think I'm closer but still not there yet.  I was just reminded of that again after I went to a great wedding this weekend and caught the garter during the reception.  I forgot what I was supposed to do with it next.  People wanted pictures with me, and then I left to go to dinner with one of my Bible study groups.  Many people think I'm a good catch - my friends, young ladies' parents, and so on - everyone but the young ladies themselves.  This idol must go.

But I have a lot more peace now than I did a year ago when I was taking large paychecks every other week to exhaust myself in a line of work that I had never prayed about going into.

-----

"... who shall I fear if my Anchor is secure? Learning to consider it pure joy when I'm facing tribulations,
Praising God instead of complaining or getting overtaken with bitterness.
Looking at the pages of the book of James and seeing the ways that God works through the trials to make us more mature in our faith.
It reminds me how desperate I am in this desert land,
thirsty for Your mercy and plan while You give me the strength to stand.
You're my greatest pleasure, yeah, no matter the weather I face, Lord you never forsake.
My fragile life is safe under Your sovereign grace. ...
"At some point every human looks right in the eyes of agony and through the tragedy asks himself, 'how can this happen to me?'
You might be the type with enough insight to hold on for your dear life
but slip because your grip is not as tight as I might like. ...
When faced with adversity your truth constantly reminds me that you command the seas with ease and with words you're turning wind to breeze.
It helps me to understand that we stand on solid rock not on sinking sand.
Through the providence of pain, You perfect Your plan.
Predestined to be tested when the works and the Words of God cooperate and educate men in the great gift of Grace and Faith.
And even though it's obvious, when my outlook's ominous
You've bound my heart and my conscience and gave me a constant calmness.
So when the pain comes like rain from the parts of life that maintains its strain
I can put my trust in the hands that sustain.
It's profound that with all these sinking ships around me,
He surrounds me and He anchors me with His grace abounding.
"Anchor of my soul, You sustain. You sustain.
When I'm in the storm, You remain. You remain -Good to me, good to me."
- Beautiful Eulogy feat. Josh Garrels, "Anchor".
Thanks YouTube for the lyrics.

-----

"Only when you lose her do you learn to appreciate her. Like even when I'm with her, I'm itching to get rid of her. And she only gives you one shot. Blow it, and she's gone.

"I took advantage of her.  That's why I'm telling you this: you can't rush her - or slow her down. You better keep her by your side, she will slip through your fingers like sand.  Her name is TIME. 

"She told me a secret: that multitasking is a myth; you're not doing anything good, just everything awful. She begged me to stop stretching her thin, and stuffing her full, and stop being so concerned with the old her and future her, but love her NOW!  

"Her presence is God's present.  And you should be that: present."
- Propaganda, "Be Present".

Shakespearean Sonnet: Get Wisdom.

Pay any price, that wisdom you attain

And go great lengths to bend your ear to hear

The cry of wisdom, calling o'er terrain

Nearby and far, to warn from future tears.

Prize understanding, wisdom's confidant

For knowledge works with prudence, hand in hand;

Defend yourself from growing nonchalant

Or callous to the Scripture's reprimand.

Embrace discernment; honor comes with grace,

A garland given you with beauty's crown;

Find satisfaction when you can retrace

Your days and know she did not let you down!

Heed caution's tales, replete from foolish choice

Of rebels, shunning cries of Wisdom's voice!

-----

The text for this sonnet is Proverbs 4:1-12, copied below from the New American Standard Bible:

1 Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father,
And give attention that you may gain understanding,

2 For I give you sound teaching;
Do not abandon my instruction.

3 When I was a son to my father,
Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,

4 Then he taught me and said to me,
“Let your heart hold fast my words;
Keep my commandments and live;

5 Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.

6 “Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.

7 “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.

8 “Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.

9 “She will place on your head a garland of grace;
She will present you with a crown of beauty.”

10 Hear, my son, and accept my sayings
And the years of your life will be many.

11 I have directed you in the way of wisdom;
I have led you in upright paths.

12 When you walk, your steps will not be impeded;
And if you run, you will not stumble.

Reflections on a Difficult NHL and KHL Offseason

2011 was possibly the most awkward and sad offseason in recent history for hockey. As the offseason neared its end and players took to the ice for their season openers during the past several days, I entered the new season with excitement but with a sobering thought I had never had in 16 years of following hockey: "At least no one else in hockey will die during the offseason this year."

"On May 13, 2011, [Derek] Boogaard was found dead in his Minneapolis apartment by family members. He was found unconscious and not breathing. Minneapolis Fire Department members were the first to arrive, and they pronounced him dead. He was a month and ten days short of his 29th birthday. ... An autopsy was performed, the results of which led a Minnesota medical examiner to conclude that Boogaard's death was accidental, albeit due to the lethal mixing of alcohol and oxycodone."

"A family member found [Rick] Rypien dead in his Crowsnest Pass, Alberta, home August 15, 2011. The cause of death was later confirmed as suicide. It is noted that he was battling depression for more than ten years."

"At approximately 1:33 p.m. on August 31, 2011, [Wade] Belak was found dead in a condo at the One King Street West hotel in Toronto. Police have not confirmed a cause of death, but Toronto Police treated it as a suicide. He was 35 years old, and had been preparing to take part in the upcoming season of Battle of the Blades. His death was the third in a string of NHL players found dead in a four-month span, following Derek Boogaard and Rick Rypien. His mother stated that he had been suffering from depression."

As a fan of fighting in hockey (and I don't want to start a debate over that here), I would go home from work and play hockey video games where I would fight against these three men and dozens of others like them. But video games miss the humanity of these men. Even the most diligent, most meticulous creators of video games can recreate humans at a mere photographic or cinematic level at best. Characters in video games do not go home to their families and friends and personally affect their lives. Characters in video games do not have to answer in a real-life court of law for their actions on or off the field. Their off-field struggles are, at best, a storyline to make the games more interesting.

In case the hockey world had not already experienced enough sadness for a decade during one offseason, one week after Belak's death, we heard about the horrific loss of, initially, 36 passengers and 7 of 8 crew members aboard a Yak-Service Yakovlev Yak-42 aircraft, which was carrying Lokomotiv Yaroslavl of the Kontinental Hockey League to Minsk, Belarus, to begin their 2011-12 season. Alexander Galimov remained conscious for several hours after the impact but was ultimately induced into a coma and died in hospital five days after the crash. The crash claimed the life of a Stanley Cup champion, Josef Vasicek. Vasicek, Karel Rachunek, Jan Marek, and Stefan Liv had also each won a gold medal at the World Championships. Liv had won an Olympic gold medal with Sweden in 2010. Karlis Skrastins held the NHL record for the most consecutive games by a defenseman. Pavol Demitra had gone to the KHL after a long and successful NHL career that saw him score 304 goals, appear in three All-Star games, and win the Lady Byng trophy as the league's most gentlemanly player. These losses, and the others, were huge losses for a great sport. Their impact will be felt during the years to come, not only for their families and others within one or two degrees of separation, but for entire teams and fanbases, everywhere that hockey is played or followed.

Every player and coach on the team died except for Maxim Zyuzyakin, a 20-year-old forward who head coach Brad McCrimmon asked to stay in Yaroslavl to rest and meet with them for their next game, and goaltending coach Jorma Valtonen, who was asked to stay in Yaroslavl to work with the junior team. The decisions to keep Zyuzyakin and Valtonen in Yaroslavl meant that their head coach saved their lives while the rest of their team boarded a plane to Minsk expecting to play their next game, but did not arrive in Minsk to play it. On the flip side, another 20-year-old player, defenseman Yuri Urychev, could not play the game in Minsk because he was injured and suspended, but he made the trip with his team anyway. Dedication to his team cost him his life.

A question many Americans tend to ask in response to a tragedy - most commonly, 10 years ago in response to the terrorist attacks in New York and DC - is "Where was God in this?" I do not know if Europeans would ask the same or a similar question. Americans ask it because, historically, we have had a nominally religious country, where faith in God is still a very influential factor in political candidacies and God takes the blame for a lot of tragic events, but we can take a look around us to demonstrate that this country is largely not Christian. A missionary friend on deputation to go to Europe told me that Europe has largely moved away from its formalistic religious traditions and become largely secular. Indeed, I have searched for and not seen any religiously-influenced responses to the tragedies of this past several months in hockey. Despite being neither a journalist nor a pastor, I might be the first.

Few players in professional hockey publicly promote any kind of religion. When Nazem Kadri practices his Muslim faith or his teammate James Reimer speaks out as a Christian, the hockey world sees that as unusual. I would venture to guess that hockey is probably the least religious, least spiritual of all major sports. In MLB, the NBA, and the NFL, expressing faith is more common. Thus it is fitting for the hockey world to have a largely aspiritual response to the deaths that occurred over this past offseason.

The tributes throughout the hockey world to their fallen teammates have been touching. Yaroslavl held a large mass funeral at their arena for their team's players and another one after Alexander Galimov died several days after the crash. Several NHL teams added memorials to their uniforms for their former players who had died in Yaroslavl. Several goaltenders have ordered new masks to pay tribute to their former teammates. The KHL delayed the start of its season by a week, and each of the seven games that took place on the new opening day began with a minute of silence.

True reflection on life takes more than a minute. The hockey world found these tragedies difficult but was able to resume cheering on the teams and players that remained. A hockey player does not skate around an artificial frozen pond, 200 feet long, solely for the purpose of making people cheer him on. He does not spend all 24 hours of each day skating in a vast cage bounded by ice, boards, Plexiglas, and the scoreboard and ceiling above him. After the game ends, the arena goes silent. The player must resume his life between the games. And so must you, as a fan. He, and you, have others in your lives to care for; a mind for thinking, planning, and reflecting; a heart for conveying a vast range of human emotions; and, most importantly and perhaps most overlooked of all, a soul.

Your purpose in life, regardless of your occupation or your beliefs, is to bring glory to God. That is the reason why you are here. There is a God who made and sovereignly controls this entire universe and everyone in it. As He made each facet of creation, He proclaimed that it was good and took joy in what He made. He watches and actively works as the galaxies, stars, planets, moons, oceans, plants, animals, cells, molecules, atoms, and subatomic particles work out His purpose. It all gives Him glory as He watches it on both the macro and micro scale. Humans are the only creatures with the capacity to hear what He has commanded them to do and refuse to do it. This is sin. It can be intentional or unintentional. You can commit sin without knowing what sin is.

Our cultures often give undue stress to certain kinds of hot-button sins, but God looks on the heart and the heart of every man, woman, and child is by nature sinful. If you wanted to stop evil, where would you stop it? It would be great to stop all killing, rape, human trafficking, assault, and theft in the world. Almost everyone considers those acts to be evil and does not like them. But what about lying - even white lies? What about slandering others, gossiping, insulting, or failing to respect others? What about thoughts of hatred, bitterness, envy, or wanting revenge against someone else? Do you think you have kept all ten commandments from the Torah: do not have any other gods before God, do not make carved images and worship them, do not take God's name in vain, honor your parents, do not kill, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not lie, and do not covet? Jesus said that if you hate someone, that is tantamount to murder; and if you lust after someone in your mind, that is as sinful as adultery. These are all sins against a God Who has never sinned and Who cannot tolerate any kind of sin in His presence. These are all ways around giving Him glory that we devise as we live for ourselves or for others instead of for Him. He has to do something about it.

If people lived forever, we could take a gander at how much knowledge they could achieve and what they could contribute to society as they each studied one or multiple fields for hundreds or thousands of years on end. But people would also develop an infinite capacity to do evil. Even people that desire to do their society as much good as possible have evil in their hearts, and there is a punishment for any kind of evil: death. Death is actually, in a sense, an act of mercy because if someone dies young, they have sinned less than someone who lives a long life. And by nature, we are also all deserving of hell, where we will successfully give God glory by being tormented for all eternity as He punishes us forever for all of our sins.

Many people downplay the reality of hell or think it is too harsh - "cruel and unusual punishment" for someone who is basically good. But consider the authority of the God Who you sin against. If you tell a lie to someone else in your family, they may be mad at you, but you still usually get away with it, in terms of going on with life as usual. If you tell a lie under oath in a court of law and the judge is just, he will punish you, probably send you to prison for a felony and take away many of your rights. That is only a judge. If you betray a friend, you will probably lose that friend. If you betray your country, you will, in many cases, lose your life because of treason. God is a Judge with a standard of absolute perfection and the only sovereign King of Kings. Every nation on the earth is a drop in the bucket to Him because He has absolute authority and sovereignty in all of the universe. Sin against a God with limitless power and authority, Who is alone worthy of absolute respect and worship from everyone in the world, deserves infinite punishment.

Death can free you from the power of sin in this life, but in His mercy, God has provided a means to be free from the eternal penalty of sin! You and I deserve to die for our sins against Him. So if anyone died for us, it would have to be another man, to adequately atone for our sins. Yet, if that man was also sinful like you and me, he would have our problem too; he could only die for his own sins and not escape the eternal penalty of them. The Man who died for us had to be perfect like God in order to satisfy the wrath of God. So God, in His plan of redemption, sent His Son, Jesus Christ, into the world to live the perfect life that we could not live and die the perfect death that we could not die. And because Jesus was not sinful, He did not remain dead, but rose again on the third day. The resurrection proved that He was without sin!

You know that you can be saved if this news has an effect on you. If it causes you to hate your sin, you have at least the beginnings of repentance over your sin - a change of mind that says you will not live for sin and self anymore, but live for Christ instead and make war with the sin that remains in your life. Aside from this, you need only to believe wholeheartedly that Christ can save you through His finished work on the cross. There are no magic words, good deeds, religious rituals, participation in ministry, or even preaching the gospel faithfully to others that can save you. Salvation is only by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ alone. And He can save you - and you need Him to save you - regardless of how much evil you have done. Please repent of your sins, even of your righteousness if that righteousness is only in yourself.

Christians still have indwelling sin in their lives, and they still die every day. However, they do not face the same judgment from God as unbelievers do. God will see unbelievers as their Judge, looking at all of their misdeeds and sentencing them to eternal punishment in hell. He will look at Christians as their Father, reward them for what they have done in their lives for Him, and usher them in to an eternity of joy with Him in heaven. There are many fake Christians in the world. The true Christians are those who see that they have been forgiven and, in response to that, do what He commands and live a changed life that proves their changed heart.

I am not going to say that the members of Lokomotiv Yaroslavl and the NHL players who died this offseason are definitely in heaven or definitely in hell. A lot of bad theology tends to come out at funerals, as people comfort one another with "He is in a better place now" and similar statements. Where they are now is known by them and God. I did not know any of them on a personal level or read much about their personal lives, so I do not know where they are. I will say this: if any of them genuinely knew Christ, those around them would have seen a difference in them from the other people around them. I hope that they did know Christ and are rejoicing with their Lord today. On the other hand, they had one life to use in bringing God glory. If they did not bring God glory here on earth, hell is eternal. You are still alive and still have your chance to turn from our sins and trust in Christ. How long you will remain alive and have that chance is not guaranteed. There were probably some people on that plane who thought they had more time.

Please do not think that this post was anti-hockey or anti-sports. In case you have not seen my writing before, I believe that work was created by God and any kind of work that is not wrong in itself (e.g. working as a career criminal) gives Him praise if done for that reason. This includes sports, as I wrote on "The Proper Place of Sports and Delighting in God". I wrote this, not to be hateful, but out of love for not only other hockey fans and anyone else who might read this, but more than that, for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is worthy of all of my praise, worship, and obedience. The gospel, if presented accurately according to the Bible, is by its nature offensive. Yet through an offensive cross and a violent death, Jesus took on all of my sins and saved me and can do the same for you.

In conclusion, the new hockey season is underway on both sides of the Atlantic. Let's remember the players and coaches who can't be part of it and thankfully root on those who we still get to see.

Expositional Poetry on 1 Kings 9:9-18, Part 2

This is a continuation of "Expositional Poetry on 1 Kings 9:9-18, Part 1".

A whirl

Of breeze, barely felt

In an arid land - but something is different about it.

A pearl

Of wisdom comes inside it as he dwelt

In the cave where he had felt shelter from the storms.

A whorl

In his fingers feels this air,

So insignificant if he would not just listen.

Almost a calm

To follow the whole gale

Of tornadic force that he could barely withstand.

He puts his mantle back on, still shaken to his core

That a "failure" like himself would be given more

To do for the Almighty against his enemies' roar.

Be still, and know the stillness is too hard to ignore:

"You, in a silent breath of wind?"

"You see life with one eye through a shattered prism,

Two-dimensional - no depth perception.

You see the world through this savage system

Do I lack the power to change its direction?

What are you doing here, Elijah -

Continuing to place all faith in you?

What are you doing here, Elijah -

In causeless depression, through and through?

Just listen, Elijah -

If you trust, I level crooked paths.

Just listen, Elijah -

I will save a remnant from My wrath.

"A remnant -

Of seven thousand strong whose knees stay fixed,

Upright against the rulers' brazen god. They will resist

The advance of false worship in My land

Of a god of matter brought to being by My hand.

A new king

Will end the praise of Baal

Even after you are caught to be with Me.

I will find you still ever faithful, to the point

That the closest few that my Son will appoint

Will need a reminder - worship Me instead of you.

Have faith, until sight comes, in future grace,

Which arrives forever when you see My face."

"Repentance -

Even over despondency

Over kings killing me

And remnants writing me off

For my faults as a leader."

Resemblance -

To repent means change of mind -

"Go and sin no more", like the well woman -

And to replace sin with something,

To grab hold of God with no intention of letting go,

Trusting not in my hold on You

but Your hold on me.

It is promised in

Your Word - Saving breath of wind.

"You will follow

Until My work in you is done.

You will anoint the men to carry on

My work to praise My name under My sun.

From the rising to the setting of all days

In My city, earth, and heaven, I still reign.

Creation groans for its redemption and full praise

Of Me. I rule the waves and wind."

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 3

18. If I compare myself with others, I will cease to be satisfied in Christ and will probably become covetous. He really is all-satisfying, and I really do see Him as all-sufficient, if I run after Him like a horse wearing blinders. Covetousness, on the other hand, is at the root of all kinds of sin, not the least of which is discontentment with what God has given me. If I balk at losing a courtship, how would I handle real suffering for the name of Christ?

19. There is no magic reset button that erases my memory of the courtship and helps me feel much better. And I don't want that. I don't regret meeting her. I was expecting that a recent church camp and conference in May would cure me of the pain that I have felt as a result of this courtship ending. But I continue to think about it every day; it enters my mind whenever my mind is idle, and even when I am trying to read or worship. Thoughts about her and the other characters in this story haunt me. Healing takes however long it takes, and I cannot draw a deadline for it.

20. I must rejoice with those who rejoice regardless of whether I have received the same blessings. Recently, one of my good friends got married. He is in his mid-30s and had never been on a date until about 2 years ago. Their wedding, in May between the church camp and the conference, was hard for me to bear. This was the first wedding I had attended since my courtship ended. I was happy for them, but during the ceremony my expression was a blank stare. One of my friends noticed that. Ignoring another person's happiness is actually disobeying Scripture.

21. People in the theological rarefied air of Reformed Christianity tend to have less faith than people who embrace false doctrine. Her family firmly believes that God will turn the Philippines into a Christian nation with an all-Christian government and no political corruption, if only they pray and fast enough. They were also quite convinced for a while that God would give them good things and that I was "the man for her". Meanwhile, I would sit in my collection of books and podcasts, trying to deconstruct the myth of "the one" for them and explain how God promises that Christians are going to suffer and you should feel fortunate if God gives you anything good on this earth. And my conclusion is that maybe I have gone too far in this. I am believing the right things, but it has led me to a general lack of faith and a doubt when I pray for God to bless me or to work in the lives of others. And that shouldn't be. My God is bigger than the god of the health and wealth gospel, because He saves me from my sin, not my lack of self-esteem, and He keeps me regardless of me.

22. I am still trying to rebuild a prayer life that was formerly much better than it became during the courtship. Before the courtship started, I was praying radically for the nations, especially for the Philippines. On the way to work, I would pray through tears for members of the New People's Army and the Abu Sayyaf, the two most major terrorist organizations in the Philippines, that God would tear out their hearts of stone, which exist in every man, woman, and child, not only in criminals, and replace them with a heart of flesh that can respond to Him - that He would pour clean water on them and they would be clean, for His glory. During the courtship, my prayers turned mostly toward her, that she would be right for me, that she would make much of Christ and grow in Christlikeness and knowledge of and about Him. As the courtship went on and I realized that she and I did not share the same vision, my prayers about her got more and more desperate until I realized, months later, that I just needed to submit to the Lord and let her go. But now that I don't have her to pray about, I am praying more for myself and others to be able to sustain their spiritual and emotional highs that we get at camps and conferences.

23. Much of what I looked for and prayed for in a wife does not really matter. I was focused too much on outward appearance and background. Just because I have a covenant with my eyes regarding how I look at women, that I will only look at their faces, does not mean at all that I don't have idolatry regarding "what is the perfect face"! Even if I do not focus my prayers toward the... er... non-facial attributes of a woman's appearance, I still spent a lot of time before I met her telling God, "Lord, I want her to be exactly this cute!" After a while, He answered that prayer and showed me over time that I should not have prayed for that.

24. The above raises a question: why are my prayers so focused on her outward appearance? A large part of it is the pride that I will feel if I outdo other members of my family or my friends by marrying someone who looks very beautiful. I have never been popular, but being able to be the ugly half of the world's cutest couple gives me status among my friends. Having cute children in the future increases that status. During my courtship, I felt much more confident than I did before or do now. Another reason is fear. I know several men who more well-read in theology than I am, quite close to Christ, quite a lot more well-prepared for marriage than most of the "men" I know who actually get married - and yet they do not marry until later in life than most. I have fear that it is my fate to stay single for life or for a while, when I am too weak to stay unmarried intentionally for an extended time, and then settle for a woman who takes care of herself spiritually but not physically. (Speaking of which, I have a very disciplined workout routine and took a break from my workout for this morning to write this. I took a break since I have the time and energy to write right now. :-) ) Yet God's grace is enough.

25. The other half of that question is "... when God looks at the heart?" - both her heart and mine. The pool of available candidates becomes much smaller when I narrow it to only women who are not Sunday Christians, but who have a radical vision to make much of Christ. And having a common vision is not about wanting to have a bunch of cute kids and raising them just so, because that can be done in a way that does not make much of Him. Rather, it is a question of where her ambitions lie. Does she realize the seriousness and urgency of Christ's kingdom and seek to live in a war? Does she know how to be alone with the Lord and delight in Him? Does she desire to sit under sound preaching and be convicted by the Word of God? Does she know how to be an intercessor, not for health and wealth, but for redemptive history to move forward, for Christ to be supreme locally and among the nations? Does she have a heart to draw others closer to Christ? Does she love the body of Christ sacrificially? Can it truly be said that this world is not worthy of her? All of this is what matters, and not her perfection in each point but her making progress toward it. As a man, I must be able to lead this kind of woman spiritually. To do that, I must not be a Sunday Christian either. This also intensifies my own drive to spiritual maturity. When I do meet her (probably another "her" now), I must also be the kind of person that desires to make God's name great in my own life, in my local church, and among the nations.

These and the lessons I listed in the two previous posts are just 25 of the lessons that I have learned in the first 3 months since my courtship ended. I am sure the Lord will continue to teach me about this as time goes on. My courtship was not recreational dating, so going through this has felt like going through a divorce. For now, I still think about her and what might have been every day. But I am starting to move past it, by the grace of God.

In the next post, God willing, I would like to make exhortations to my fellow singles in the body of Christ who sense a calling to marriage but are still waiting to meet their future spouse.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 2

9. My love for the Philippines is not tied to her. I still have a deep love for that country and its people! At nag-aaral pa ako sa wikang Tagalog... :-) More than ever, I want to take a missions trip there. In part, this courtship has helped me to define why I want to go and what work desperately needs to be done there. Their love for others is great, but their doctrine is shallow. I wish that they would learn our doctrine and we Americans could learn their love. Love is, in fact, a much greater sign that someone truly knows Christ than good doctrine; anyone can memorize. Although I am but a layman, I would love to go over there and teach young men about how to read Scripture in context and discern truth from error. Many preachers do not know how to do this, especially in the Third World. American Reformed Christians, we have an abundance of theological resources that we must use to reach the world and build up Christ's pan-national Bride!

10. My desire to go to the Philippines is now more about edifying specific brothers. After my church's young adult group's camp, I tweeted that one brother had made the trip from the Philippines to our church to help out with our camp. He was only here for a little while, but I grew close to him quickly. I honestly want to fly around the world just to see this brother and spend more time with him. And the original reason for wanting to go remains. I sponsor two children in the Philippines through Compassion and want to see them. There is only so much I can do for them when I am at a distance and only have small amounts of time to write. Even when I can't have intimacy with God very often, I still think about missions. Even when I am at work in my "secular" vocation, I think about missions. And what part of "go" don't I understand??

11. Loving the Bride of Christ is more important than finding love. When I met her, I had never been a member of a church and had barely any clue how to love the local church. I was also outside the will of God because the Holy Spirit had been prompting me for many years to be baptized and I didn't want to be. I was using this blog as a way to love the global body of Christ while not identifying myself with a local body. I signed my church's membership covenant last fall and took water baptism soon after. Since then, God has shown me more about what loving the church means, by putting me in a local church where no one looks like me and where the people my age are overwhelmingly male. If you think a young man should come to church to find a wife, you would say I probably went to the wrong church. But this church is a great place for me to serve.

12. Not delighting in God more than her during a courtship will result in idolatry. Not delighting in God more than her after a courtship ends will result in insanity and resentment toward Him. He is glorified, and I am properly happy in Him, when I delight in Him alone.

13. God can teach through the scars of self-inflicted wounds. I use this language to describe wounds of the heart; I have never cut myself, although I have recently found myself listening to emo! Although my friends initially looked at this courtship quite favorably, as we kept learning more and thinking about it more, we realized it really was not good. And I have realized that, as a man, this was all my fault.

14. Don't move too fast. Because she was only in the United States for 5 weeks, I felt like I had to be utterly convinced that she was right for me before she boarded her plane to return home. I felt like I had to spend every waking minute with her while she was here. This is infatuation, not love. Trying to do something like this will not allow you to look at the whole situation with your eyes open and determine which imperfections you are willing to accept. Everyone, aside from Christ, has them. Even as we follow Christ, we (especially in my generation) tend to find some aspects of Him that we do not want to follow. We want the crown, but not the cross. I want to worship Him, but I rarely want to evangelize; and some of my peers are the opposite.

15. Solitude with Christ is still precious, and I must fight for it to remain solitude with Christ. Before and during the courtship, solitude was a great luxury for me. I could spend whole days alone in the presence of the Lord. But during this season, when in solitude for extended periods, I have found myself thinking about her, about what might have been. And it has led me to resent God. I need time to just read and write and pray without distractions. Thoughts about her are crippling to my fellowship with Christ because they take my focus off of Christ, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross to bear the wrath of His Father for each of my sins - oh, to meditate on just that for days and to worship Him Who paid it all! He is worthy of all affection and adoration!

16. I must go on serving the Lord. We make much of God when we contribute to the work of the Bride of Christ on this earth. This does not only mean money; it also means using the spiritual gifts that He has given me to exhort and teach His followers. The work is still there even when I do not feel strong enough to do it. In fact, continuing to do it when my spiritual life is not going as well requires a greater trust in Him than it does when I feel strong. Who am I to ever call myself strong? I am weak by nature; I see something of this weakness every time I sin! The Lord calls the weak and the broken!

16. Even in despair, I must remain in gospel-driven community and keep that community gospel-driven. I need brothers in Christ to help me keep my focus on Him and not on myself. Sometimes I am discouraged by how little godly fellowship I actually get and how the people that I fellowship with tend to center it on things other than God or just talk about problems they see in the church. And hanging out talking about nothing only masks problems rather than solving them with more of Christ. I don't want to dwell on problems in the church, because she is the bride of Christ and Christ does not see His bride as unfaithful. Sometimes during this season, I really have not desired God. But He is still God. He is still my Lord and my Master. He still has a hold on me, even when I don't like that. He disciplines and chisels those who are really His. And the chisel only gets stronger until we meet Him in glory.

17. I should never boast to anyone about my love for Christ. Last year, I was listening to a sermon by Paul Washer where he mentioned that he finds it hard to sing about his love for Christ because it pales in comparison to Christ's love for Him. During this season, I have learned this more deeply and experientially. Christ died for my resentment of Him regarding her and having to give her up as part of the cost of following Him.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 1

As I mentioned in the previous post, I have been putting together a list of 25 things I have learned during and after my international courtship. Here is the first part of that list:

1. Distance is not a bad thing in a relationship, as long as you maintain clear and regular lines of communication. If anything, distance can actually help because the relationship becomes based on words. It also helps maintain a higher standard of physical purity and takes away temptations to fall in that area. However, emotional temptations still exist and probably become stronger.

2. Trust between two partners in a long-distance courtship is critically important. A great deal of doubts and suspicion arise when you cannot trust the other person to stay committed in a courtship. For about 8 months, I never smiled with interest at another woman, lest I betray my trust to her. She and I were in a stalemate because I would not tell her that I loved her until she showed commitment to me, and she would not give me her commitment or her love until I told her that I loved her. So she allowed other young men to stay in the picture, although her only other suitor was an unbeliever. Ultimately, I did not tell her that I loved her (although I definitely did!) because our doctrinal differences would have left her unwilling to stay involved in my church and my first loyalty is to God, not to a woman. (To clarify, if I were married, I would not divorce my wife if she turned out to embrace false doctrine or be a false believer. Scripture forbids that. But this was a courtship.)

3. Do not use theology to manipulate a courtship partner. For most of this courtship, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I had access to great theological resources and she did not. So in effect, I was using the courtship as a means to teach her sound doctrine. After a while, she felt like she had to earn my love. Men, you have to know what you believe and what she believes before the courtship begins. Do not bait her with, "If you will suddenly stop being an Arminian and believe the 5 solas and the 5 points, you can have a courtship with me" or "As soon as you say, 'I am a Calvidispiebaptogelical' or 'I am a hedonist. I seek my pleasure ... / not in wealth, no, He's my treasure!', I will have a rock for your finger!" (If you live on a gravel road, rocks are cheap. ;-) )

4. Know when to walk away. I spent a significant amount of time in prayer about her and fasted for probably a total of a week and a half to two weeks, spread over the whole courtship period. During the last month of the courtship, I realized that I already knew what was pleasing to God and was using fasting to try to manipulate Him. I really just needed to obey Him in faith.

5. "They are somehow our brothers, man." - Sho Baraka. Some people who subscribe to false teaching are merely trapped there and will accept the true Word of God when it is shared with them. However, to keep listening to false teachers, they refuse to discern. We cannot say that everyone who does not reject the teaching of a heretic is unconverted. Many people who accept false teaching bear more good fruit for the Lord than I do. Their communion with God is more uninterrupted; they are better at loving the brethren; they are more willing to serve. If I do not love them back, that reflects a problem with my heart, not with theirs.

6. Don't expect someone from an egalitarian background to suddenly become a complementarian because of love. I said in the previous post that her father is a pastor. Her mother is also a pastor and regularly preaches in their church's service on Sundays. To any Reformed Baptist, this is a red flag. Scripture does not permit women to teach or have authority over men in the church. Many people have said this instruction from the Apostle Paul merely applies to the culture of New Testament times, when he did his ministry. I would counter with this: if a church permits women to preach, that is often indicative of more important compromises in doctrine. Here, there were many. I never mentioned the issue of women preaching to her or her family, not wanting to start a fight over a side issue, but I kept this in the back of my mind. People put up a false front to get other people to love them.

7. Doctrinal differences that can be smoothed over between friends become magnified a thousand fold in a courtship, engagement, or marriage. Biblical manhood and womanhood is one very significant area for couples. She had never heard those terms or was unfamiliar with them, so I tried to explain to her what they meant. I showed her from Scripture that it is good for a married woman to be busy at home and have her heart at home, not in the workplace; to work only out of necessity and not define herself by her job. And I told her that my goal in working and planning my future is not to be rich, but to still give her no financial reason to need to work outside the home. Although she was possibly telling me this from a short-sighted point of view, she told me she wanted to always work and admitted to me that she is a workaholic before her long hours started. After the long hours started, she mostly only wanted to discuss her job and did not want to talk about God with me. That was when I truly realized that our visions do not line up. Having a common vision for the family based on a common understanding of Biblical manhood and womanhood resolves many conflicts.

8. I became deeply aware of the global theological famine and, in particular, its effects on Christians in the Third World. Desiring God International Outreach uses the term "global theological famine" to describe the inability of Christians outside the Western world to access theological resources that help establish them in sound doctrine. Even Christians who have access to a complete Bible do not always know how to read it in a profitable way that shows them the truth. They cannot learn the historical and cultural context of the Word. As a result, many of them do not realize that Jeremiah 29:11 was not written to them, claim it as their favorite verse, and believe that God has promised by it to get them out of poverty. And then when they have spent the whole rest of their lives in poverty, their faith is crushed.

What Happened To My Courtship

Back in the Godly Fellowship series, I mentioned that I was courting a young woman, praying about her, and seeking the advice of godly kuyas and ates from my church. I really wanted to write a "Preliminary Thoughts on Courtship" post describing what I have learned about a variety of topics - her, myself, God, the courtship process, our cultures, and so on - during the process.

For context, please permit me to write a short timeline of the events that took place. Last April, she took a truly providential business trip to the US. Initially, her company had selected other people to go. Yet that changed, and they chose her and several of her friends instead for the trip. The company initially slated them to go to a different state, halfway across the country. Two more changes later, the company sent her and her friends to my state for four weeks.

One of my kuyas at church is from the same city as this young woman. Their fathers are pastors and know each other well. My kuya's father, who has since returned to the Philippines, was in town for a short while and preached at my church on the day that I met her. He told me that he had someone for me to meet, a pastor's daughter. Initially, I said no. I was not looking for anyone to date or court. Late in 2007, I had repented of recreational dating and started to read good theological books and pursue God harder than I ever had before. But my friends convinced me to go meet her, and I decided to go with them.

That day still goes down in my life as a memorable day. I do not regret my decision to meet her. She is a quite beautiful, usually very nice girl. We had good godly fellowship from day one. And I started thinking in terms of the first question in the Desiring God article "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage": "What do you believe about everything?" That Saturday, my church was having a special worship service. She, two of her friends, and one of my best friends came with me. Both of my pastors preached. She heard good, sound preaching on worship and liked what she heard. The next week, my seasonal allergies arrived and left me sick for a week and a half. Her company extended her stay for one week because at least one person in her group had arrived in the US after she did and they wanted to have all four of them come home on the same flight. I went out with her and her friends several more times during that week. While we were in an observation tower at an amusement park, we made our courtship official. The next Friday night, I took her to a large, peaceful park where I enjoy hiking and then out to dinner at one of the nicest malls in the area. We talked in the hotel lobby for a bit and then exchanged probably the tightest, most emotional hug I have ever had. That was the farthest we went physically. She waved to me as I drove off, and when I was out of sight of the hotel, I wept enough that I could barely see to drive.

We stayed in touch very regularly for a while after she went home. We would chat online five nights a week, and on Fridays after work we would talk on the phone for three, four, five-plus hours. It was an almost sacred night of the week for me. On my work calendar, I marked myself busy every Friday night and told my friends that if they wanted to spend time with me, they would need to do it on Saturday or Sunday. Friday nights were her time. We read through Joshua Harris's book Dug Down Deep together and talked about what we were reading. Throughout the summer and early fall, we became a lot closer to each other even though we were half a world apart.

Then her work told her that she was in line for a promotion. She was already working about 9-10 hours a day with a long commute on top of that, but in October her client increased her goals while she was also spending an almost full-time effort training new hires. Twelve hours became a short work day for her. This took a huge toll on her spiritual life, and our conversations lost depth as well. Our doctrinal differences became much more apparent, with one of my pastors becoming the new senior pastor of my church and my church's becoming much more focused on expositional preaching and the hard demands of Christ's Lordship over our lives. I was finding that, while she initially agreed with a lot of what I said, as I started to tell her what my pastor was saying, she had little to say and did not really agree with it. Around the same time, I was regularly in touch with her family, who would frequently tell me about prophetic dreams and visions, which they see as binding but often do not back up with Scripture.

As the long hours continued, we stopped chatting online. Another guy at her work, who is not a believer, became interested in her. She would not let him court her, but she never gave her commitment to me either. I stayed in touch with her mostly through her family and occasional phone calls during lunch or on Friday nights. And as I learned more about her doctrine from her family, the Holy Spirit (the one who regenerates dead hearts and convicts of sin, not the one Benny Hinn talks about!) convicted me and left me with a total lack of peace. In February, my pastor showed a video of Benny Hinn's services in church and explained how unbiblical they are. He is also well aware of the organization overseas that my friend and her family are part of and told me that they do similar things. Her family was constantly telling me that I need to fly across the world to attend that group's conferences. I told my pastor that there was no way that I could be part of that and I was going to end the courtship. For several weeks, I did not contact her at all except for one phone call. We both decided to end the courtship in early March.

So it has now been more than two months since the courtship ended. Our one-year anniversary would have been several weeks ago. Recently, she contacted me to inform me that she is now in love with her unbelieving suitor. This was very painful news to take.

God has been teaching me a lot through this. As I have been learning from Him, I have been writing. For the next several posts, I hope to show you, as my reader(s), what He has taught me in hopes that you may exercise wisdom.

Daughters and sons of Jerusalem, Washington, Manila, and every other city, I charge you, for the sake of the name of the King of Glory, the purity of the members of the Body of Christ, and the protection of young men and women's hearts:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,

Though it demand all cost of you and fires

On this fallen sphere."

This Entertaining Truth, Part 5: Having Great Theology Does Not Equal Repentance And Belief.

I mentioned in a recent post that I visited a Biblical megachurch for their Easter Sunday service this year. The church had a baptism for three people that morning. In at least one of the testimonies, I saw a theme that seems common in youth who grow up in Biblical churches: Kid grows up attending Biblical church with parents. Kid gets old enough to make their own decisions, falls into a sinful lifestyle, leaves the church, gets into all sorts of trouble. At some point, kid hits rock bottom and God saves them, and kid returns to the church they grew up in - but this time, as a true believer.

Reformed churches tend to stress catechizing children - doing this, not with the guarantee of "this will save them", but in hopes that through diligent plowing, the truth will take root in their hearts and they will be genuinely saved. This is a great thing. But it often backfires as God shows us that we are not saved by our own effort or the effort of our parents - "born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:13, ESV). Parents can be raising the "perfect" children, discipling them well at home, having them sit under the preaching of a modern-day Spurgeon Sunday after Sunday, training them like Pavlov's dog to come up with the right answers to every theological question whenever you ask, and have them not really know Jesus Christ. And as they sit under true Biblical preaching week after week, they will search for more and more loopholes around that truth. And if they are listening to a preacher who knows how to close all of those loopholes, they will learn to appease their parents by continuing to hear it while, all the while, deeply hating that truth in their hearts and seeking every possible way to rebel against it.

I grew up as one of those kids who would fire off a whole chapter of Awana sections every week. As a wee lad, I was good at word-for-word memorization. I would finish my books with half a school year left to spare, then complete Scripture memory packets and, at least once, started memorizing a whole book of the Bible. I was the Awana leaders' dream, but I couldn't say much about what the verses actually meant. I wasn't much of a Christian - if I was even one at all at the time. "Repent" was just a word that sounded cool and spiritual. "Application" in sermons that I heard was a foreign language to me. In the background, I wanted to be in another world, whether an imaginary world or a real world where Game Time never ended. And in high school I just wanted my music and my movies. My desire wasn't for God; it was for fun. I didn't want to be part of any small groups where people would actually hold me accountable for growing in sanctification; I just wanted to hang out with my friends and do the minimum to appease their desires to see me bear fruit. And in college, when I started to listen to internet radio, fun meant listening to mostly disgusting comedy routines for hours on end with the excuse that a good clean routine would come on once in a while. Through headphones, you can deceive a lot of people. "What are you laughing at?" "Oh, nothing." Christ had to die for that "nothing" - and for the lie that it was "nothing". You can live casually until you see sin's gravity. But a blind eye can't even begin to see the infinite severity of even one sin against an infinitely holy God.

There is a huge danger in wanting to bear only a minimum amount of fruit for the Lord. It is quite possible that, in effect, in this desire, someone is really saying, "I'm really bearing thistles, but let me spray-paint them to look as much like figs as I can, in my fleshly power, so that, from a distance, more spiritual people will glance at me and say, 'That guy is doing his job for the Kingdom', and they will want me to be their friend. But, oh, how I fear the scrutiny of those who want to look closely at my heart. They will realize, 'He's saying the right words, but his heart is far from Christ. If he were to leave this world right now, God would look on him as his Judge and sentence him to an eternity of eternities in hell, while this hero of deception has everyone, most of all himself, believing that he would be in heaven.' I must do everything I can to keep people from judging me like that." And all the while, they say loudly to others, "I am a five-point Calvinist." They carry a big Bible in a word-for-word translation. They know how to evaluate preachers: "He is a talented exegete and sesquipedalian, but I do not listen to him because we differ on infra- versus supralapsarianism. I would much rather listen to sermons by [fill in the blank]." They sing worship songs only to affirm, "That's... correct. That's... correct. Hey, that ain't right!" But where is the genuine fruit, the genuine rejection of your own sin (not only other people's), and the genuine affections for the Lord?

You can believe in your head without believing in your heart. The more advanced an unconverted person becomes in theology, the more they might become able to trust their own knowledge and say, "Look at me. I read Edwards. I'm definitely in." But that is not trusting in the finished work of Christ and realizing deeply that He had to die even for the pride of propping up your own religious accomplishments. God alone is capable of doing that in the heart of an unconverted person, who by nature hates Him. The Israelites did not have to speak of their own qualifications to look at the bronze serpent on a pole. They only, in their desperate condition, had to fix their eyes on that frightening creature that looks like the same thing that killed their families and friends, and they would be saved from death. And today, you cannot save yourself from spiritual death by knowing which theologians to quote when. Godmust open your eyes and turn your head to look on Christ in His frightening perfections, frightening because Christ is everything you are not and the Lord is thoroughly offended by even the good things you do in your own flesh. But the Father sent His Son, who laid aside His glory to die a gruesome death for your sins on this earth. The unconverted crowd looked upon Him with ridicule, as if to say, "He is not our King! We were expecting dashing good looks and the end of Roman rule, and instead we got this donkey-riding man from Nazareth. Whatever good ever came from there?" But the poor in spirit know: "In this Savior, who died for me, there really is a certain salvation, 'certain' in the surest sense of that word. And, as Spurgeon said, 'How can I [even] trifle with the evil that killed my best Friend?'" Forget yourself; look on Christ and live. Seek Him while He may be found. Turn away from your sins, to Christ, and believe in this gospel.

I do not write this with anyone in particular in mind. If I saw someone in my life acting like this, I would go to them privately and tell them rather than blogging about it. But maybe God will use this to wake someone up. The Lion is not tame, and His truth is not a toy.

On Laymen's Usefulness to the Kingdom

Recently I tweeted, "Who disheartens me more? People who want me to waste my life or people who think I need a seminary education to not waste it?"

I did not write that or this with the intention of appearing to be someone who makes a career out of criticizing the church; God has taught me a lot over the past year about how I should love the church instead of doing that. I write this instead out of love for the body of Christ and a desire to allow all of its parts to contribute what they can, for the glory of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We can be very good at times at saying to the other parts of the body, "I don't need you."

On one hand, many in the body of Christ are content with wasting their lives and helping others to do the same: working to provide themselves with as many of their material wants as possible, spending their spare time gaming or watching television, ending a Bible study after half an hour so that they can go eat ice cream, ignoring their own and others' spiritual needs for things that are not needs at all.

On the other hand, others tend to be the theological equivalent of an armchair quarterback. They fill up Biblical megachurches that burgeon with great doctrine, where every week they receive a course in systematic from the pulpit but they don't consider themselves or me to be qualified to teach others the truth of Scripture because they have never been to seminary or earned a long list of doctorates.

Here is a question: How useful are you if your head is full of sound doctrine, God has given you the ability to teach it to others, and all you do for the body of Christ is put away chairs in the fellowship hall, if even that? And furthermore, you tear down anyone who has a desire for the "higher gifts" but is not qualified in your view (regardless of Scripture's view) to use them?

All a Christian really needs to be used by God is a willing heart and a teachable spirit. Last night, a guest speaker preached at my church's Saturday night service for youth and young adults. He is college-age and has not been to Bible college or seminary. But our pastor has been discipling him, and he did a great job last night teaching us expositionally from John 17. I know I was blessed and challenged by his message. Yet many people would look down on him and would not have let him preach in their churches because of his age or the fact that his training was informal.

For every Biblical megachurch that has arrived at some lofty level, where the pastor has become a big name in Reformed circles, where thousands of people are able to gather after the service and discuss the finer points of the limited atonement over coffee, countless Biblical, Reformed churches exist where the work is just getting started or has grown slowly.

In my church, the work is growing steadily but not without cost. We began as a Filipino church plant, Reformed Baptist but emphasizing "Filipino" more than "Reformed Baptist". We became a great place for Filipino Christians who were just traveling through or recently settling in our area of the US to meet each other. As you may imagine, in uniting around "Filipino" more than "Reformed Baptist" we had many more non-Reformed Filipinos than Reformed Baptists. A new pastor joined our church last spring and took over our Senior Pastor role last fall. (I am not saying that either of my pastors is better than the other; they are both faithful servants of my Lord, and I love both of these men!) He shifted our church's emphasis to historic Reformed Baptist doctrine and has boldly proclaimed to us a gospel that costs us everything: our old way of life, ambitions, desires, everything; a gospel that makes the world oppose us. Most people do not want to hear that. So many of the old members of our church have left, some to go to churches where they just get an emotional high and hear what they want to hear. Praise God that He has brought many new people to our church, or there would not be many of us left.

On Easter, I did not write a new blog post because my church had a sunrise service. That was our only service for the day. Already awake, several of us decided to attend another service later that day. I decided to drive over an hour to one of the Biblical megachurches and hear about our Lord's resurrection from a well-known pastor. It was one of the most incredible church services I have ever attended. The worship was euphoric, singing songs with deep theological truth, with hands up all over the room! The sermon was on point as well. It really made me look forward to attending a conference later this year with some of the people that I met there. I also got to fellowship with two of my college friends who are members of that church.

God also used that service to, once again, confirm my calling to minister in my local church. Yes, it is good to go to a Biblical megachurch once in a while. I found that very encouraging and refreshing. Yet God has given me a Biblical church in the geographic area where He wants me to live and work during this season of my life. The work of ministry that He has given me to do is within my local church, to teach whenever I have the opportunity and serve as I can in the young adults' ministry, the men's ministry, and in the church as a whole. Starting the work is hard, and sustaining it when it does not grow as fast as we would like or I do not see all of the benefits I want to see from it is harder. And yet this work belongs to God, who alone determines its standards for success and its outcome. Those willing and qualified to be part of it work, knowing that God's Word does not return void and we do this for a God whose glory will never fade away. "Not unto us" can be a dangerous prayer indeed, with discouraging results if we look only to ourselves, but "for every look at self, take ten looks at Christ", and He will give us the strength to keep working.

My calling to travel to the Philippines still remains very much alive. Going to a church where I see many Filipinos allows me to fulfill my calling to the ones that live here, but I really want to go there and serve. But of course, one person (not from my church or Filipino) told me recently that I would basically be useless there because what their young men who want to do ministry really need is a seminary education, not just a layperson willing to show them, as much as possible, what right doctrine is. I'll let God determine that. All I know is there is a need to teach men there what true doctrine is because, although so many people in that country call themselves Christians, many heresies, false gospels, and false prophets have a very strong hold there and many people who think they are saved are on their way to hell because of that. Yet the desk where I sit right now to write this post has several wonderful theological books on it where I am learning much more truth than I am able to live out. Since I do my vocational work in America, I would not be able to stay in the Philippines for very long if I were able to go. But if I, even a sinful wretch as I, could go be an encouragement to those who can stay there and carry on or start that work, that trip would pay off in eternity.

Lord, for the sake of Your glory alone, please put me on that plane. Let me never say in the end that I have wasted my life or this calling.