Andy Mineo (f.k.a. C-Lite) - "Who's Watching"

Theoretical situation:

I take all of your thoughts, just in the past hour, and put them up on a projector screen for everybody to see.

Yo, God sees those.

We're really that wicked. He's really that holy.

Now, He sees those

Lies from the guys that try to divide.

But God's on my side, so the bride will survive.

Keep my eyes on the prize when the conflict arise.

To live is Christ, and it's gain if I die.

Might seem strange, insane in the eyes

Mainstream cats, they chasin' the lies

Thinkin' that everything they attain is the idealistic,

But really, it all stays when you die.

Think I'm crazed 'cause I don't put my faith in the phrase of a page of a book that was made by man?

That's the statement that stands, my neighbors in France (?)

I think you need the basics, man.

If they never look to see what it says, they can't test

To see if it's true or even take the exam.

Basically, fam, they don't want to think about the grave when it's really time to lay in the sand.

And really, it's only because they're afraid to examine

The ways of their heart. It don't make them say, "Yeah!"

If they find truth in the faith in the jam 'cause all of a sudden it would put a change in their plans.

Can't get crunk, can't get high,

No sex yet, gotta wait for your bride.

If that's the concern of your whole life's purpose,

You missed the whole point. That life's worthless.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

What are they trying to say?

Christians, trapped like a prisoner?

Really got it backwards, mister.

[You've] got the roles twisted, just don't see the big picture.

Gotta zoom out, see the truth now.

It's the things that we're staying away from,

Make you think that we're lame and evade fun.

'Cause we call it sin and refrain, my friend.

Yo, it's 'cause we know it'll bring pain in the end.

Let me give examples that's ample:

A mouth (?) can't keep your pants on, romance on the couch

With your girlfriend and a couple more - ow

Sooner or later, you're going to say, "Ouch!"

Or what about when it's time to settle down,

Want to get married, maybe have a small child.

With the girl of your dreams, you could share all your secrets.

What if she asks, "How many girls did you sleep with?"

Or vice versa! A double standard? If you knew how many mans [sic] was in it, it would hurt you.

When you come face to face to touch lips, and wonder what else just kissed you.

I ain't trying to dis. None of us [are] perfect.

But why live in sin if you know it brings a hearse trip?

It ain't worth it! We [were] made for a purpose:

His praise and His worship.

I'm hoping you learn this.

Sin is so wack!

It eventually exploits itself. By the time you figure it out, you can't go back!

That's the reason why I serve Him. He's so real, and I'm so certain.

How do I know?

Well, I met Him when I let Him come up in my frame

I opened my heart and believed, and I ain't never been the same

Outside the blood that was spilled for my sin.

Then I called on His name: Jesus!

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(This song is from Andy's mixtape Sin Is Wack, available on his website. If you are reading this because you were looking for the words to this song, please check out my other posts from the menu at the right! Also, please let me know if I got any of this wrong.)

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 3

18. If I compare myself with others, I will cease to be satisfied in Christ and will probably become covetous. He really is all-satisfying, and I really do see Him as all-sufficient, if I run after Him like a horse wearing blinders. Covetousness, on the other hand, is at the root of all kinds of sin, not the least of which is discontentment with what God has given me. If I balk at losing a courtship, how would I handle real suffering for the name of Christ?

19. There is no magic reset button that erases my memory of the courtship and helps me feel much better. And I don't want that. I don't regret meeting her. I was expecting that a recent church camp and conference in May would cure me of the pain that I have felt as a result of this courtship ending. But I continue to think about it every day; it enters my mind whenever my mind is idle, and even when I am trying to read or worship. Thoughts about her and the other characters in this story haunt me. Healing takes however long it takes, and I cannot draw a deadline for it.

20. I must rejoice with those who rejoice regardless of whether I have received the same blessings. Recently, one of my good friends got married. He is in his mid-30s and had never been on a date until about 2 years ago. Their wedding, in May between the church camp and the conference, was hard for me to bear. This was the first wedding I had attended since my courtship ended. I was happy for them, but during the ceremony my expression was a blank stare. One of my friends noticed that. Ignoring another person's happiness is actually disobeying Scripture.

21. People in the theological rarefied air of Reformed Christianity tend to have less faith than people who embrace false doctrine. Her family firmly believes that God will turn the Philippines into a Christian nation with an all-Christian government and no political corruption, if only they pray and fast enough. They were also quite convinced for a while that God would give them good things and that I was "the man for her". Meanwhile, I would sit in my collection of books and podcasts, trying to deconstruct the myth of "the one" for them and explain how God promises that Christians are going to suffer and you should feel fortunate if God gives you anything good on this earth. And my conclusion is that maybe I have gone too far in this. I am believing the right things, but it has led me to a general lack of faith and a doubt when I pray for God to bless me or to work in the lives of others. And that shouldn't be. My God is bigger than the god of the health and wealth gospel, because He saves me from my sin, not my lack of self-esteem, and He keeps me regardless of me.

22. I am still trying to rebuild a prayer life that was formerly much better than it became during the courtship. Before the courtship started, I was praying radically for the nations, especially for the Philippines. On the way to work, I would pray through tears for members of the New People's Army and the Abu Sayyaf, the two most major terrorist organizations in the Philippines, that God would tear out their hearts of stone, which exist in every man, woman, and child, not only in criminals, and replace them with a heart of flesh that can respond to Him - that He would pour clean water on them and they would be clean, for His glory. During the courtship, my prayers turned mostly toward her, that she would be right for me, that she would make much of Christ and grow in Christlikeness and knowledge of and about Him. As the courtship went on and I realized that she and I did not share the same vision, my prayers about her got more and more desperate until I realized, months later, that I just needed to submit to the Lord and let her go. But now that I don't have her to pray about, I am praying more for myself and others to be able to sustain their spiritual and emotional highs that we get at camps and conferences.

23. Much of what I looked for and prayed for in a wife does not really matter. I was focused too much on outward appearance and background. Just because I have a covenant with my eyes regarding how I look at women, that I will only look at their faces, does not mean at all that I don't have idolatry regarding "what is the perfect face"! Even if I do not focus my prayers toward the... er... non-facial attributes of a woman's appearance, I still spent a lot of time before I met her telling God, "Lord, I want her to be exactly this cute!" After a while, He answered that prayer and showed me over time that I should not have prayed for that.

24. The above raises a question: why are my prayers so focused on her outward appearance? A large part of it is the pride that I will feel if I outdo other members of my family or my friends by marrying someone who looks very beautiful. I have never been popular, but being able to be the ugly half of the world's cutest couple gives me status among my friends. Having cute children in the future increases that status. During my courtship, I felt much more confident than I did before or do now. Another reason is fear. I know several men who more well-read in theology than I am, quite close to Christ, quite a lot more well-prepared for marriage than most of the "men" I know who actually get married - and yet they do not marry until later in life than most. I have fear that it is my fate to stay single for life or for a while, when I am too weak to stay unmarried intentionally for an extended time, and then settle for a woman who takes care of herself spiritually but not physically. (Speaking of which, I have a very disciplined workout routine and took a break from my workout for this morning to write this. I took a break since I have the time and energy to write right now. :-) ) Yet God's grace is enough.

25. The other half of that question is "... when God looks at the heart?" - both her heart and mine. The pool of available candidates becomes much smaller when I narrow it to only women who are not Sunday Christians, but who have a radical vision to make much of Christ. And having a common vision is not about wanting to have a bunch of cute kids and raising them just so, because that can be done in a way that does not make much of Him. Rather, it is a question of where her ambitions lie. Does she realize the seriousness and urgency of Christ's kingdom and seek to live in a war? Does she know how to be alone with the Lord and delight in Him? Does she desire to sit under sound preaching and be convicted by the Word of God? Does she know how to be an intercessor, not for health and wealth, but for redemptive history to move forward, for Christ to be supreme locally and among the nations? Does she have a heart to draw others closer to Christ? Does she love the body of Christ sacrificially? Can it truly be said that this world is not worthy of her? All of this is what matters, and not her perfection in each point but her making progress toward it. As a man, I must be able to lead this kind of woman spiritually. To do that, I must not be a Sunday Christian either. This also intensifies my own drive to spiritual maturity. When I do meet her (probably another "her" now), I must also be the kind of person that desires to make God's name great in my own life, in my local church, and among the nations.

These and the lessons I listed in the two previous posts are just 25 of the lessons that I have learned in the first 3 months since my courtship ended. I am sure the Lord will continue to teach me about this as time goes on. My courtship was not recreational dating, so going through this has felt like going through a divorce. For now, I still think about her and what might have been every day. But I am starting to move past it, by the grace of God.

In the next post, God willing, I would like to make exhortations to my fellow singles in the body of Christ who sense a calling to marriage but are still waiting to meet their future spouse.

What Happened To My Courtship

Back in the Godly Fellowship series, I mentioned that I was courting a young woman, praying about her, and seeking the advice of godly kuyas and ates from my church. I really wanted to write a "Preliminary Thoughts on Courtship" post describing what I have learned about a variety of topics - her, myself, God, the courtship process, our cultures, and so on - during the process.

For context, please permit me to write a short timeline of the events that took place. Last April, she took a truly providential business trip to the US. Initially, her company had selected other people to go. Yet that changed, and they chose her and several of her friends instead for the trip. The company initially slated them to go to a different state, halfway across the country. Two more changes later, the company sent her and her friends to my state for four weeks.

One of my kuyas at church is from the same city as this young woman. Their fathers are pastors and know each other well. My kuya's father, who has since returned to the Philippines, was in town for a short while and preached at my church on the day that I met her. He told me that he had someone for me to meet, a pastor's daughter. Initially, I said no. I was not looking for anyone to date or court. Late in 2007, I had repented of recreational dating and started to read good theological books and pursue God harder than I ever had before. But my friends convinced me to go meet her, and I decided to go with them.

That day still goes down in my life as a memorable day. I do not regret my decision to meet her. She is a quite beautiful, usually very nice girl. We had good godly fellowship from day one. And I started thinking in terms of the first question in the Desiring God article "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage": "What do you believe about everything?" That Saturday, my church was having a special worship service. She, two of her friends, and one of my best friends came with me. Both of my pastors preached. She heard good, sound preaching on worship and liked what she heard. The next week, my seasonal allergies arrived and left me sick for a week and a half. Her company extended her stay for one week because at least one person in her group had arrived in the US after she did and they wanted to have all four of them come home on the same flight. I went out with her and her friends several more times during that week. While we were in an observation tower at an amusement park, we made our courtship official. The next Friday night, I took her to a large, peaceful park where I enjoy hiking and then out to dinner at one of the nicest malls in the area. We talked in the hotel lobby for a bit and then exchanged probably the tightest, most emotional hug I have ever had. That was the farthest we went physically. She waved to me as I drove off, and when I was out of sight of the hotel, I wept enough that I could barely see to drive.

We stayed in touch very regularly for a while after she went home. We would chat online five nights a week, and on Fridays after work we would talk on the phone for three, four, five-plus hours. It was an almost sacred night of the week for me. On my work calendar, I marked myself busy every Friday night and told my friends that if they wanted to spend time with me, they would need to do it on Saturday or Sunday. Friday nights were her time. We read through Joshua Harris's book Dug Down Deep together and talked about what we were reading. Throughout the summer and early fall, we became a lot closer to each other even though we were half a world apart.

Then her work told her that she was in line for a promotion. She was already working about 9-10 hours a day with a long commute on top of that, but in October her client increased her goals while she was also spending an almost full-time effort training new hires. Twelve hours became a short work day for her. This took a huge toll on her spiritual life, and our conversations lost depth as well. Our doctrinal differences became much more apparent, with one of my pastors becoming the new senior pastor of my church and my church's becoming much more focused on expositional preaching and the hard demands of Christ's Lordship over our lives. I was finding that, while she initially agreed with a lot of what I said, as I started to tell her what my pastor was saying, she had little to say and did not really agree with it. Around the same time, I was regularly in touch with her family, who would frequently tell me about prophetic dreams and visions, which they see as binding but often do not back up with Scripture.

As the long hours continued, we stopped chatting online. Another guy at her work, who is not a believer, became interested in her. She would not let him court her, but she never gave her commitment to me either. I stayed in touch with her mostly through her family and occasional phone calls during lunch or on Friday nights. And as I learned more about her doctrine from her family, the Holy Spirit (the one who regenerates dead hearts and convicts of sin, not the one Benny Hinn talks about!) convicted me and left me with a total lack of peace. In February, my pastor showed a video of Benny Hinn's services in church and explained how unbiblical they are. He is also well aware of the organization overseas that my friend and her family are part of and told me that they do similar things. Her family was constantly telling me that I need to fly across the world to attend that group's conferences. I told my pastor that there was no way that I could be part of that and I was going to end the courtship. For several weeks, I did not contact her at all except for one phone call. We both decided to end the courtship in early March.

So it has now been more than two months since the courtship ended. Our one-year anniversary would have been several weeks ago. Recently, she contacted me to inform me that she is now in love with her unbelieving suitor. This was very painful news to take.

God has been teaching me a lot through this. As I have been learning from Him, I have been writing. For the next several posts, I hope to show you, as my reader(s), what He has taught me in hopes that you may exercise wisdom.

Daughters and sons of Jerusalem, Washington, Manila, and every other city, I charge you, for the sake of the name of the King of Glory, the purity of the members of the Body of Christ, and the protection of young men and women's hearts:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,

Though it demand all cost of you and fires

On this fallen sphere."

Godly Fellowship: Part 7: He Loves Us So Much More Than We Can Love.

"I assure you, the church is not in need of more girls in their late teens and early twenties who are investing their lives in relationships with young men. What we do need, however, is an army of young women with laser-sharp focus on the Lord and His bride. We need more young women serving, praying, and giving. We need more young women developing and using the spiritual gifts and talents with which they have been blessed.

"The time will come soon enough when they will be weighed down with the responsibilities of husbands, children, and households that will hinder their ability to give of themselves outside their homes. In the meantime, let's call our daughters Godward in their focus and encourage them to keep that keen focus until a young man comes along with equal or greater focus that will allow them to do more for their King together than either of them could do on their own."

- Voddie Baucham, What He Must Be: ... if He Wants to Marry My Daughter, chapter 9: "Don't Send a Woman to Do a Man's Job".

My single friends often concern themselves with "why are there no good godly women in this town?". I love this quote from Pastor Baucham because it turns this complaint on its head. If (read: since) God has called me to be a spiritual leader to my future wife, why is finding a wife more important to me than glorifying Christ? The first question must go to me. It is like Stuart Scott says in The Exemplary Husband (a book I would love to read if I can find it!): the reason why a Christian man's marriage is not as strong as it should be lies with the man; he still acts in his own interests and has not given himself enough to becoming more like Jesus Christ. Since Scripture commands us as men to love our wives like Christ loves the church, we must learn much of Christ and become much like Him in order to love at all like He loves.

And let us not think that we truly can love a woman - or anybody - to the degree that Christ loved us. The precious truth of the gospel more than deserves a mention here. Christ laid aside His kingly glory in heaven, took on human flesh, lived a life with no sin at all, and drank the full cup of His Father's wrath by dying for us. The sky went black for three hours because His Father no longer saw Him as His Son. He looked at Christ and saw my sin and the sins of all of His other children. And He accepted the sacrifice of the very life of His only Son as full payment for that sin. As Shai Linne says in "The Cross - 3 Hours",

"The source of all Godly pleasure, tormented as if He was a foul investor or child molestor.

How could He be bruised like He was a goody two-shoes who doesn't think that she needs the good news?

He's perfect in love and wisdom, but He's suffering as if He constructed the corrupt justice system.

We could mourn at the backdrop, Jesus torn like He's on the corner with crack rock, with porn on His laptop.

What is this, kid? His gifts are infinite. But He's hit with licks for religious hypocrites.

He's the Light, but being treated like He's the seedy type who likes to beat His wife.

He's treated like a rapist, treated like a slanderer, treated like a racist or maybe a philanderer.

Jesus being penalized like He had sin inside, filled with inner pride while committing genocide.

I could write for a billion years and still can't name all of the sins placed on the Lamb slain.

But know this: the main thing the cross demonstrated - the glory and the holiness of God vindicated."

Oh, how He loves us! How can I even fathom the idea of loving Him to the extent that He loved me? His love goes so far beyond my limits! Though I desire to please Him with everything, down to the inmost depths of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, I fail Him every day. His blood eternally covers those failures. How can I even comprehend loving my future asawa to the extent that Christ has loved her? I could perhaps die for her to lengthen her life in this world, but my death cannot save her soul! Praise God that His one perfect Lamb died for her too! But, O God, lay my life down that I may glorify You to the highest extent possible for me as a mortal man!

The Apostle Paul writes that the unmarried man can concern himself more with the Lord's affairs (1 Corinthians 7:32). As an unmarried man, do I? I would love to write a longer post at some point giving more detailed thoughts on courtship, but I can say this quickly: before I began my courtship with the woman who I am praying about, I had trouble believing in my life that this verse was even true. Singleness occupied so much of my concern that I thought that it could not possibly be glorifying to God. But when I had no specific woman to pray about, I had so much more time to read and study Him. Now, the young lady and I are praying about each other and seeking His perfect will for us during this courtship season. I spend very much of my time concerning myself with being a student of her. Although she knows English very well, I have been learning her native language and the culture of her country to help minimize cultural differences between me and her. I spend time learning the ways of marriage from kuyas and ates in my church. I spend time figuring out how to best prepare for her financially, emotionally, and spiritually. And commands in Scripture that once had nothing to do with me may start applying to me.

My focus is different. It went from, "Why don't I have a date this weekend?" a few years ago to "How can I glorify God by spending as much time as possible with Him?" And now it has shifted to, "I have so much activity now. How do I glorify God in these practical things that He has given me to do?" But God gives us the same number of hours in each day. And He gives us enough time to do everything we need to do in order to obey Him. How many extra things am I trying to add to my life in the time that He has given me?

"Purify my heart!

Let me be as gold and precious silver.

Purify my heart!

Let me be as gold, pure gold. ...

Purify my heart!

Cleanse me from within, and make me holy!

Purify my heart!

Cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

Refiner's fire,

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy,

Set apart for You, Lord.

I choose to be holy.

Set apart for You, my Master,

Ready to do Your will."

- Brian Doerksen, "Refiner's Fire"

Godly Fellowship: Part Six: With Absolute Purity.

"No one warns young people to follow Adam's example. He waited till God saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared for his mate, and brought her to him. We need more of this 'being asleep' in the will of God. Then we can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all.

"Instead we are set as blood-hounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around. It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women---but he can think of them as he ought--- as sisters, not as sparring partners!"

- Jim Elliot, The Journals of Jim Elliot.

My church is an international church with many Filipino members, so I have had firsthand or secondhand exposure to many cultural customs of the Philippines. One of the customs that, as a Westerner, I have the most trouble grasping is that of a barkada - that guys and girls actually hang out with each other in groups as "just friends" without any romance involved. In junior high and high school, the way I was raised, my mom would often make a big deal whenever I even said hi to a girl. Then I would be so encouraged at my chance to leave my singleness that I thought every single girl that said hi to me was a prospective wife. To this day, I almost only hang out with other guys.

I'm questioning exactly how Biblical it is for a young man to only make it a point to spend time with other young men - or even with older men too. The Bible says that we are to treat older men as fathers, older women as mothers, younger men as brothers, and younger women as sisters - with absolute purity. For a young man in my culture, it is hard to balance "absolute purity" with having anything at all to do with the younger women. It doesn't bother me to spend time with women who are older than me, although if they are married their husbands should be present. And it doesn't bother me to spend time with kids. But then when young ladies who are within several years of my age enter the picture, how can I Biblically have fellowship with them without messing with their hearts – or with mine?

To totally ignore the younger women is to show favoritism towards "my boys" and discriminate against them. This is as bad as the tendency I touched on in a previous post for young men to complete ignore fellowship with the rest of the church body in order to spend more time with a young lady. There are ways that we as Christians often tell each other, "Sit on the floor by my feet" (James 2:3) in more places than just the worship service. Yet they are part of the body of Christ and can be very helpful for fellowship. So, in order for younger women and younger men to best edify one another, we must see each other as Christ sees us, through our identity in Him, which comes from what the Lord has called us, what He has done for us, and how He has set us apart for Him. And it would do us very well to not sensationalize the interactions between the brothers and sisters. If, theoretically, we will do anything short of sin to promote the glory of God, why do we filter out who we will spend time within the body of Christ even though these younger women are, in fact, blood-bought children of the Most High God who, like us, desire to reject sin, follow Christ, and make much of Him?

To seek out only the younger women in fellowship can also have several negative implications. Lecrae has a song called "Live Free" in which he says, "They walk in the church dressed flyer than sea birds / She came to see him; he [is] hoping to see her / Their motives ain't right, and their hearts ain't either / And over God they choose to feed their fever." This is, of course, wrong. And we ought not to fellowship with one segment of the church body at the expense of another.

If I seek out younger women excessively, I ignore my other relationships within the body, perhaps most importantly (for me as a younger man) the "older men as fathers". To become more spiritually mature, I need to learn from men who are older than I am and mature in the faith. One of the best ways to do that is to work alongside these men in various sorts of ministry. But words are as important as actions. To get off on a separate rabbit trail, talk is cheap; but you also cannot share your faith with just your lifestyle. You need words. And similarly, in good godly fellowship, you need both words and action.

In junior high and high school, I often went to my old church to see which girls were there each week. And my motivation for wanting that church's youth ministry to do more outreaches was not getting the Gospel out to more people, but getting more cute girls to come to the church. As I started to grow in the knowledge of the things of God later, I started to realize how wrong it is to think this way. Purity in physical affections is very important, but having a pure heart is harder to maintain. We can hide our hearts' true motives from others more easily than we can conceal physical affection. Seeking to see others within the body the way that God sees them is a constant fight, and we must make war against the sin of seeing other true believers in a way that defines our perceptions of them according to any kind of discriminating factor, not just looks. I pray to this end.

Godly Fellowship: Part Five: Kuyas and Ates, and the Trade of Becoming a Biblical Adult.

“ ^11: I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— ^12: that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.”

- Romans 1:11-12

Now what about the other men?

Older men and married men can pour a lot of knowledge into single men. And since single men have more time to spend reading the Bible and theology books, perhaps the edification can go both ways. (* That is if they are the Apostle Paul's kind of single. I know almost completely beyond a doubt that I do not have the gift of remaining single forever, and I am still somewhat perplexed that the Word of God calls it a "gift". But at the same time, the verse that said single people have more time to serve the Lord is not nonsense. I have said, "Yeah, right", to that passage for many years. But we should treat it as no less inerrant, no less divinely inspired, and no less true than anything else in Scripture. Let us not think for a second that the God who saved us and is perfect in every way would ever tell a lie.)

Voddie Baucham's book What He Must Be is an amazing explanation of biblical manhood and how to prepare ourselves as young men for leading a family Biblically when God, in His timing, entrusts us to fulfill that role in our households.

Pastor Baucham had this to say to fathers:

"Take an interest in young men in your church. Engage them in conversation. Find out who they are, what they like, how they think, and what their hopes and dreams are. I am convinced that there are more eligible young men out there than most of us think. Unfortunately, we are not simply turning over enough rocks to find what we're looking for. We are all searching for the young man who looks like a king while ignoring the shepherd boy who has exactly what God is looking for (1 Samuel 16:1-12)."

This is part of a very well-titled chapter: "Can't Find One?... Build One."

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We as young people would do well to live this out in the other way: by purposefully seeking to spend time with older believers (our Kuyas and Ates, for my readers from the Philippines :-) ). Not all of them are living out Biblical manhood and womanhood, but we can identify those who are and seek them out. Pastor Mason, in a four-part series of sermons called The Wise Man and The Wise Woman, brought up the point that we ought not to trust just anyone’s advice in regards to spiritual maturity or Biblical manhood and womanhood:

“[They are] very careful what women they listen to. They don’t let all women in the body speak into their life. … She’s willing to call into remembrance everything that’s in the Word of God and say, ‘That sounds good, but it’s not Bible.’ In other words, you’ve got to begin … to have a funnel for who you allow to speak into your life, because somebody could be trying to speak the order of God right out of your life – and then you’ll begin to subtract in value. You begin to subtract in value, because you’ve taken order into your own hands.”

- Eric Mason, “The Wise Woman, Part 1”

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“Just because someone is old does not make them wise. Never forget: the fables are the ones 'carried by elderly women'. There are a lot of old fools, who have no business giving counsel in the church because their counsel is based on their experience. I don't need your 'experience', unless it is only given as an illustration to what you're teaching me in the Word. Do not give your opinion; it's worth nothing. Be able to open up your mouth and give the Word. 'Well, I think...' - no, it doesn't matter. What does He say? …

"And just because someone is young does not make them foolish.... [Robert Murray McCheyne] is a boy when he is writing some of this stuff - a boy! And yet I can spend a thousand days in my study and not be able to come up with what he has written in a paragraph!

"Young people, listen to me: You have been taught the lie of adolescence, so that you believe that you're not supposed to become a man or a mature woman until you are in your thirties. There are 12-year-olds that God has used to change the world. Why don't you join the ranks? Lay aside the Xboxes and all the silly things on television; and discipline yourself to godliness, so that God can use you!"

- Paul Washer, “Things Applicable for God’s Servants”

Biblical manhood and womanhood is a trade that we younger Christians must learn – and take even more seriously than we do our own jobs. And not all other Christians that you meet will give you Biblically correct, sound advice. Some will give you false doctrine or thoughts based in psychology or other worldly wisdom. While we need to respect our elders (Leviticus 19:32 and others) and obey them when told as long as it does not force us to disobey God, we need to consider their advice to us in light of Scripture.

Most of the time, people are thought of as “open-minded” or “closed-minded”. “Open-minded” means that they will accept anything they are told; “closed-minded” means that they are set in their ways and beliefs and will not change for any reason. In one of my favorite parts of his book The Bravehearted Gospel, Eric Ludy says that as Christians we need to have what he calls the “canon-mind”, testing everything and holding onto the good (1 Thessalonians 5:21) and using Scripture as the measuring rod to determine what ideas and thoughts to accept or reject. (For an example of this, he tells how early church fathers would determine what books to include in the Bible. It is a fascinating read.)

Reading good Christian books and listening to sermons about this is great. Most of our peers are not doing that, but they should. But it is better to also see this truth lived out. This is one of the best practical benefits that we can gain from church: the community. This extends beyond your own age and your own hobbies. If a fellow Christian who seeks out sound doctrine can speak any of the same languages that you do, you can minister to them; and they, to you. Even if a language barrier does exist between you and them, you can still both learn from each other’s actions.

Whether they serve in full-time ministry or not, every young man in a church body ought to take some lessons from the life of Timothy. And the older men discipling them ought to model Paul by providing words and actions worth emulating. This is how the faith gets passed down: not by assuming that the generation after us knows the gospel and does not need to hear any more about it, but by constantly learning the truths of God and pouring them into future generations. Pray hard that you will leave this kind of legacy on earth after God takes you home:

"These are my last words. This is my last phrase.

These are my last thoughts. These are my last days.

My life's invested in you, just as Jesus did for me.

And through you I live on, so continue on with this legacy.

Your prayer for me - carry out the evidence of this love,

And let the truth you learned in youth that you're convinced of.

Yes, sir; God inspired these words to teach you

So you'll know the truth and it could reach you.

Then it reproves you and it beats you,

Corrects you and straightens you up just where it needs to.

Then it instructs you and disciplines and trains you

In righteousness, so you're equipped to be who God has made you.

And what I gave you is more than my words.

It's my life transferred, since the day we conferred.

So preach the Word, in and out of season. The reason

is Jesus. Believe that I've seen Him. They need Him.

"Now, I've been running this race for some time.

Now I hand it off to you 'cause it's the end of my life.

I'm praying that, oh, wherever you roam,

[you] know you'll never walk alone, oh no.

Keep your faith in the Word of the Lord.

Teaching men to worship Christ is what we live for.

Then give it back like I'm giving to you.

The time is yours. It's yours."

- 116 Clique, "It's Yours (2 Timothy)"

Godly Fellowship: Part Four: The Way of a Man with a Maiden.

[Note: This was one of the first notes I wrote in this series. The content of this post is mostly unedited from the original draft from fall 2009, since I still consider the points valid.]

¹⁸ "There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:

¹⁹ the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.”

- Proverbs 30:18-19

“Love is not a slave lord that whips a man out of all other thinking or doing, leaving him only with the desire or power to love.”

- Jim Elliot, The Journals of Jim Elliot, “Ecuador, 1952-1955”

How Biblical is it to segment the church body into ages by year, genders, marital statuses, relationship statuses, and the like?

It's not.

And yet, why are most of my friends other single young men who are not in relationships?

Granted, I don't seek out the company of most women. I have some friends who are married women, some friends who are single women significantly older than I am, and some female friends that are just friends.

But most of the time, I seek out godly men for fellowship. This is because, if I seek to become too involved in talking to the ladies and fellowshipping with them face-to-face, it can become a great challenge (greater than it already is) to guard my heart - and to do my part in guarding theirs. I heard something in a sermon by Eric Mason that really validated that. He mentioned how shortly after he got married, an older man in his church took him aside and told him that the way he went about edifying other women in his church was wrong:

"The way that you are ministering to her is flirtatious. I bet when you tell her, 'We need to stop hanging out', she's going to break down crying."

Pastor Mason then said, "Even though I was not sinning with her, it was an encumbrance that was stopping her from growing and stopping me from growing."

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Now what about the men who are in relationships, but not yet married?

These are the people that I just do not get. Sure, you're seeing somebody. Sure, you want to spend time with her. But don't ditch your boys in the process!

You see, you can be real around your boys. If you're following a worldly dating relationship, chances are you are not being real around that girl. Some of you are showing your girlfriends your best face so that you can keep her. And while it is a girl's business to know if her prospective future husband has any skeletons in his closet (spiritual or otherwise), if you're being as open about things you are struggling with to a girl that you are just dating, you or she can still decide to end the relationship, go your separate ways... and she can tell all of her friends your life story. Basically, what I'm saying is: during your non-married life your closest go-to people for spiritual advice, fellowship, or anything ought to be other men who seek to live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world.

I have a few young men that I still fellowship with on a semi-regular basis. One thing they have in common is that most of them are single and not seeing anybody. But other young men (plural!) who would be a great source of fellowship have basically kicked me out of the orchestra (not even second fiddle) as soon as they started seeing somebody. Or at the very least, I become a third wheel.

I realize I may seem like I have been whining in this section of the post. But what I want to say is, I am there for you if you want me to be there. If you don't want me to be there, I suppose I should either make my case to you Biblically about why I should still be there, or get out of your way. Don't kick a single person out of your circle of friends just for being single, without giving them book, chapter, and verse as to why. And if your only reason why is that they are single, you won't be able to give them book, chapter, and verse - because it's not there. I realize that people in different seasons of their lives can, in some ways, be better ministered to by others who are in the same situation. However, the Bible still calls for cross-generational, cross- relationship status fellowship that does not come at the complete expense of ministering and fellowshipping with others who are like ourselves. All who the Lord has saved and, therefore, made into a new creation ought to claim their identity in Christ.

I haven't seen anything in the Bible yet that says the New Testament church needs to be segregated or divided on this particular line, or that there is any social hierarchy in the church's fellowship based on relationship status. (I do realize that elders and deacons need to be "the man of but one wife" - basically, one-woman men, since the Apostle Paul remained single. I am also not considering sinful types of relationships to be Scripturally valid. This is a separate rabbit trail and should not be considered the theme of this post or comment-worthy.)

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^{“ 4}For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

“ ⁵May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, ⁶so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

“ ⁷Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. ⁸ For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews on behalf of God's truth, to confirm the promises made to the patriarchs ⁹ so that the Gentiles may glorify God for his mercy, as it is written:
"Therefore I will praise You among the Gentiles;
I will sing hymns to Your name." ¹⁰ Again, it says,
"Rejoice, O Gentiles, with His people." ¹¹ And again,
"Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles,
and sing praises to him, all you peoples." ¹² And again, Isaiah says,
"The Root of Jesse will spring up,
one who will arise to rule over the nations;
the Gentiles will hope in Him."^[f]

- Romans 15:4-12