"If I ever lose sight, come and get me."

"And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word, but the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful."  —Mark 4:18-19.

I haven't touched this blog in a while.  I didn't check the stats for a while, just figured they were declining since I haven't posted anything since late April.  I wondered why I should write if no one's reading it.  The business that I'm starting has really been picking up as I prepare to start looking for clients.  And sometimes the desire to write anything is just not there.

"Find it,somewhere in your soul,
the last bit of strength that will take you on home.
Just find it,
somewhere in your heart,
to put the past in the past and go back to the start...
...
She’s a jewel in your crown.
Don't trade a million-dollar future for a nickel right now!
Mama said leave a place better than you found it
and looking in your eyes, I realize how profound that is.
Dig,
Like there's no tomorrow.
Dig like your living on time that's borrowed.Dig.
Homie, it's in there somewhere.
Dig like your life depends on it, ’cause it does.
Dig."

One of the more significant things during this season was going to "the very last Next".  Going there was a great, refreshing time.  I praise God for how He has used that conference to speak into my life and encourage me.  It's sad that Next is now done for good, but hopefully Sovereign Grace will find other people who can organize a conference like it in the future.  This year, I got to stay up after one of the night sessions and fellowship with a brother who had flown in from Australia to attend the conference.  I also got to spend several sessions and eat with a wonderful group from some Filipino churches around South Florida.  Getting to ride through Orlando while they played Shai Linne's The Attributes of God and while we talked about how the same preachers were being used to convict us of sin and draw us closer to Christ was such a blessing.  I selfishly wish that I could just move so that I could be with them—or so that they could be with me, except for the minor fact that I don't really want to live here because I wouldn't wish something like winter upon anyone resembling a nice person.  My habitat should be the tropics.

Am I Jonah?  Are they my gourd?  Coming up on a year now as a deacon in my local church, I was impacted the most at the conference and especially after it by C.J. Mahaney's message "The Church and Disappointment".  Church life is definitely not like conference life.  At a conference, you can have all kinds of fellowship with people who act like they have all sorts of time to get into the Word and read good books—who, if they were cut, would bleed a mix of Scripture and Spurgeon.  My tone is slightly sarcastic there, but my thankfulness to God for such people is significant.  There's a level of community around them that is common in many churches that have been around for a while, and wonderful to see.

"You can find it!
The wind sings the songs of the dedicated few that wouldn't fall headlong.
Just find it.
Watch me tighten my belt
When the prayers of this rapper is a desperate cry for help.
I desire a higher outcome than weed gets you.
Can't you forgive me?  If I dismiss you, it ain't to diss you
I am not a Rasta; don't let the dreads fool you.
Though I take Jah seriously,
if it's cool let me school you.
Dig!
I can't say I'm not tired.
Felt a little envious of names on flyers.
Empty handed and homesick, though I know my flow’s sick.
If y'all only knew how cold this road gets!
You gotta dig
and if I ever lose sight, come and get me.
you gotta dig."

But can I just be honest?  Aside from Next, I haven't had a day off from both work and ministry since April, haven't gone to the trail since about May, and I'm just tired.  You can't serve anyone if you don't take care of your own spiritual life first.  I feel like most of the time I've been a deacon, I've just been content to "serve God" instead of spending time with God.  Why read and pray when you can count money and put away chairs instead?  But before I was a church member, I was constantly reminding people, "You don't have to be saved to do that."

I'm also concerned for one of the ministries that I'm supposed to be serving.  When our church started, it was the biggest ministry in our church.  Attendance at our Saturday night services was almost as high as the Sunday service's.  But we've been emphasizing serving our own church a lot more this year and stopped doing the Bible study groups that were bringing new people in.  At the same time, several people from our own church who were part of it have had to move.  And we'll lose several more before the end of the year.

I'm concerned for it because the people who are still part of it are excluding people who want to come to our church and be part of our ministry.  The reasons why they're not being welcomed into our church aren't Biblical at all, as far as I can tell.  Although all of our teachers have been doing a great job expounding the Word to the people that still come, our attitude, our laziness, and our approach will probably bring that ministry to its end over time if we don't repent.  But I personally have been too dull to pray for much of anyone or to fast recently.

Several more of my close friends are moving out of the area.  One who had already "left but not really" (I still see him from time to time) invited me to his birthday party with a bunch of people from his new church.  Their church gives free Joel Osteen books to all of their visitors.  Seeing that yesterday felt like a punch in the gut.  One, who's been talking about moving out for as long as I've known him, got a new job over an hour away and is planning to move closer to it because his long commute is making him tired.  Another is a missionary leaving for the field tomorrow.  I probably won't see him again for at least 4 years.  But seeing my friends do full-time missions makes me wonder: why am I not doing it?  Am I really this wrapped up in trying to please my family?  There is so much joy to be had on the front lines of what God is doing.  It's a big reason why I decided to escape the corporate world.

There's been a lot of "I" in this post, not enough of Him.  But hopefully, writing again will serve its purpose to bless others and give me some sort of rest.  The vacation I'm taking in a few days seems like it will really help, as long as I don't take a vacation from God too.  There is a time to work, a time to play, a time to rest.  God gives us enough time to do everything He wants us to do.  But how many other things do we try to cram into our lives to distract us from knowing and doing His will?

"I'm not the artist. I'm the canvas.
Remind me of my own words, though I can't stand it.
Hold me accountable.
Call me on my laziness.
Call by my birth name,
Look me in the face, and dig.
You gotta dig.
and if I ever lose sight, come and get me!
You gotta dig."
— Propaganda and Odd Thomas, "Dig".

Praise God for the Humble Beast guys and everything they're doing to spread His fame.

The Heart of a Church Planter

If you have read my posts from several years ago, you may have noticed that I have been championing the cause of Biblical manhood and womanhood for a few years.  I used to compare myself to most of my friends and say that I was one of the most advanced "men" among them because I had a lot of the books and listened to a lot of the sermons.  Lately, I've gone through somewhat of a season of humbling regarding how advanced I am in this.

Andy Mineo's verse in 116 Clique's "Man Up Anthem" has a line which continues to stick in my head after I listen to it:
"Yeah, being a man's got nothing to do with age.
You can be a boy til the day you lay in your grave.
None of us behave like the image of who we're made.
'Cause we're fallen away - it's better known as depraved
Running from responsibility - really we crave
The easy way out of places that call us to pull our weight
Man they blowing through everyday decisions are made,
Responding to the call God's giving 'em from the gate."

The places that call me to pull my weight right now are work and ministry.  Regarding work, I'm admittedly "running out of time to make a sentimental plea".  My job is very mentally intensive, which is part of the reason why I do most of my sacred reading and writing on the weekends.  And my health has not been good this year.  After my trip to the Philippines, I had more jet lag than I have ever had and fell ill for about 2 weeks while I recovered from that.  Then I felt well for about a week or so.  Then, due to ongoing dental treatment with several different dentists, I have had terrible headaches for the past month and a half and counting.  I've needed a lot more help than I would like to ask for at work.  And my already average at best performance has gotten worse.  I sense a desire to go on vacation again and escape the responsibility for a little while.  But this is taking the easy way out of places that call me to pull my weight.  And if I do this to get away from responsibility, I am not manning up.

In ministry, I've noticed that I have mostly been choosing the aspects of my role in the church that do not involve much relation to other people.  But I am called to pull my weight in relating to others.  I am not exempt from sharing the gospel or from ministering directly to the needs of others.  God calls every believer to this role.

Today, I have been realizing that no local church will be exactly like I want it to be.  My church is historically Filipino with a lot of Filipino-Americans and some others.  We are still a small church that meets most definitions of a church plant.  I relate much better to the Filipinos than the Filipino-Americans do.  I can speak a good deal of Tagalog, embrace their culture wholeheartedly, and have been to the Philippines.  Some of the Fil-Ams are much harder for me to relate to.  I don't quite understand or know much about some of the cultural identity that they bring to the table.  So after the Saturday night service, I mostly hope that certain other guys will be there and I can talk with them.  Or it might be like last night, where I couldn't even really join a conversation.  But how sinful is my heart for choosing who I want to minister to?

Part of the regression in my path toward manhood has, no doubt, been due to the lack of examples of godly manhood among my friends in this world.  Other than my pastor, who is just a few years older than I am (more kuya than tito), I can't point to anyone in my church as a godly man who exemplifies Biblical manhood in both work, ministry, and family life - and, most importantly, in affections for Jesus Christ.

I have to say it's my own fault too!  I have a heart for helping pastors to establish Biblical churches in areas that do not have them.  Naturally, a new or restarted church plant will not always have a mature core of charter members who bring all of the strengths that their church needs to have.  Just as our physical bodies will break down and betray us more and more until we meet our Lord Jesus Christ, we should not expect the body of Christ to be perfect here on earth.  We tend to look at churches like Bethlehem Baptist Church (John Piper and soon to be Jason Meyer), Grace Community Church (John MacArthur), Covenant Life Church (Joshua Harris), and other churches like these and expect our smaller local churches to have all the same strengths that they do.  But for each one of these, there are tens or probably hundreds of smaller churches that are wondering why they are not this successful in the eyes of men.

You should follow me on Twitter here.

Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Listening To (March 2012)

"This is the end of my show.  This is the end, I know.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd."

"I can't perform no more. (eh eh)
Can't do these chores no more. (eh eh)
I'm feeling like I'm sick.  It's silly, so I quit.
That's it, I just can't try to please the Lord no more.
Cause really I'm sick of trying to make Him like me more. (you feel me)
Cause every day I've got a fight in store.
I'm guilty, so when I play I never like to score.
No good in me, and I'm sick of my plight - I'm poor.
They told me homie (whaa) the Christian life is better (word)
But they said to be holy and perform for His pleasure.
But now I'm feeling torn, cause the Lord is my treasure,
But I fall and feel scorned when I can't get it together.
But then something clicked.  It's crazy I ignored this:
But even when I slip, this ain't based on my performance.
Christ was equipped, ran a race with endurance.
When His flesh was hit, His righteousness was my assurance. (yea!)

"I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect, listen to the claps from the crowd.
I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect.  Listen to the claps from the crowd."
- Trip Lee, "Show's Over".

-----

"One God, one hope, one Winner
That shouldn't have taken claim to us sinners.
Jesus, forgive us.  We won't give up
'Cause you give life to us.  Now we're lit up
And we testify that we're rectified
By the sin that crept inside to let us die
Our fleshly pride and messy lives
We didn't deliver us.  We were rescued by You,
Who has all power and all presence to save us.  You're gracious.
And when the eyes of our hearts see You, You truly amaze us.
You were clothed in our shortcomings, so we would
Overcome in fullness, in a way a King could
We could have never climbed that hill.
We never would have got that far.
We would have gave up for real as soon as things started getting hard.
But You overcame. We know You reign.
You hold our shame and throw it in the ocean,
And You sealed us with Your holy flame."
- Dillon Chase, "You Overcame".

-----

"Man, I know that I'm insecure.
Do really You think I want to walk around like this? 
I'm tired and I'm sick and tired man I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody.  I'm tired of this.

"From the morning when I'm picking out my clothes
To the moment when I walk up out that door,
My pride is shooting up to the roof top,
While the self esteem finds its way to floor.

"Man, I know I've got problems,
And I ain't [fixing to] sit and try to hide them.
So I am [going to] take this beat and just ride it,
And tell the world what I've been finding.

"You've done seen my issues:
Insecure, but I'm not gonna sit through
Another day where I can't break
The habit where I try to please anybody.
Now I've gotta break loose:

"Growing is so hostile.  It's seeming freaking impossible.
You're trying to TAKE the time to mature, but satan will rob you ...

"... One day, Canon will get up,
Say goodbye to dat picture.
Personally separate the simpleton, split up.
Personality changing: the old Canon, I trashed that. ...

"But I'm like a pistol: getting ready to kill the problem.
My adrenaline rush got a little bit of buzz from looking into the closet of problems.
And I've got options. Well, really, one option is to be honest
And see how God has been glorified with myself as the target.
My struggle is pride.  It's so deep down inside.
And I'm tired of the entire way I'm inclined.
I just wanna see such perfection.  
I know I'm just a bride.  I'm the opposite of my husband.  He's perfect. He's a lion -
King lion.  And I ain't lying.
Really I'm sick of trying. I know I ain't perfect at being perfect - 'cause I'm blind,
I notice my instincts, knowing that, yes y'all, my end stinks.
My entire facade is my account.  It's empty.
So, Lord, build me higher than what Bob was building.
Raise me, to the bar higher than all ceilings.
The sky is never my limit, since my Father's the real thing.
So I'm burning this mask, so can you witness the real me."
- from Canon, "Man in the Mirror".

There are (almost) no poor people in America.

My apologies for not writing for the past 3 Sundays.  I emerged from several hard work weeks without any writing ideas or much desire to write.  I was going through a spiritual dry season as winter wound down here.  It is good that I do not live in northern Canada, where it snows every month but July. :-)  For the past several years, winter has been a very hard season for me.  Two winters in a row, I went through layoffs at work.  In winter of last year, I was going through the end of a courtship - recurring despondency that was only starting  to heal in the fall, but by then the despondency merely shifted focus toward my poor performance at work, where it stayed through this winter.  Also, due to health reasons, I could not hike or fast during the winter this year.  Yesterday was the first day that I could fast in 3 months.  And how good it was to be back on the trail!

Over time, I'll write more about my trip to the Philippines.  For now, I want to zero in on one recurring thought that I have had since before I went.  It has only gotten stronger since I came back.

There are no poor people in America.  Or, at least, there are very, very few of them.

I pay little attention to politics.  People all over this country get very riled up listening to talk show hosts, whose job is merely to make people mad at the government when they have only an infinitesimal capacity to change anything about it.  So I don't really know much about the Occupy protests except that they are "the 99%" - the "poor" people in America - protesting against "the 1%" - the richest people in America.

This is where it helps to have a worldview that includes as much of the world as possible - not just your own country or your own friends.

In the Philippines, I got to meet both of my current sponsored children and my past sponsored child, who had left the program because his family's financial situation improved.  The two youngest kids met me in the Mall of Asia.  This was like bringing them into my world.  With my oldest sponsored child, who is now college-age, I went into his world and visited his home.  Compassion/World Vision sponsors, this is a significant experience.  Do it if you have the chance.

The only way to get to this young man's house is on foot.  My driver, his assistant pastor, parked his van outside the neighborhood after he had driven it as close as he could.  We walked back down a road that could barely accommodate the van - really more like an alley.  And then we found his house.

Many houses here in the States have decorative front doors with windows that let in light but are not designed to be seen out of or into.  My sponsored young man's house doesn't even have a door.  He has a gun that he uses to shoot stray animals that walk into the house, as well as a mosquito zapper.  A makeshift door separates their bathroom from the rest of their house.  The rest of the house is one room with a dirt floor.  The roof is made of tarps.  Where the tarps have failed, many buckets are tied up to collect rainwater.  One of the few things they have going for them is that they live at a higher altitude than the surrounding area, so they weren't flooded out by Typhoon Ondoy a few years ago.

The house has two wooden beds in it with no mattresses.  Eight people live there: the father and mother, plus their six sons.  All the clothes they seem to have remain on two clotheslines outside the house.  When his father's company closed last year, my sponsored young man had to stop going to college to take a five-month temp job to support his whole family, because two of his older brothers are also in college and closer to graduating.  His mother works at a canteen in a school in their neighborhood, selling refreshments.  She makes 100 pesos a day, which is about $2.50.  This is only enough to pay their light bill in a small house with a minimal amount of electricity.  I spend three or four times her daily wage to go out to dinner - several times a week.

Even more staggering to me is that $2.50 is actually two times the World Bank's most recent figure for the international poverty line: $1.25 a day. If my sponsored young man and his family of eight have to only live on this, how can so many people in the world live on less?  They'd practically have to be starving.  Over 20% of Filipinos and over 60% of people in many countries in Africa live on less than $1.25 a day.  And most Americans think "poverty" means that they can't afford an Xbox 360 or the best TV on the market.

Also surprising is the high level of division between the haves and the have-nots in Philippine society.  It's true in American society too, but we notice it less because our "poor" people, in most cases, have everything that they actually need.  Many rich people in the Philippines live in gated communities with security guards who have to know who you are in the neighborhood to see.  They don't seem to want anything to do with the poor people that surround them in Metro Manila and the neighboring provinces.  Poor people there tend to, at best, be househelps who get to stay with rich people in houses that they can't afford to buy themselves, so that they can take care of the children of these rich people who often work much harder than they need to in order to provide both their needs and their wants.  Americans do the same thing with daycare.  But most of the poor people in the Philippines go mostly unnoticed - or at least unnoticed in positive ways - by the rich people.  There seems to be a division in their body of Christ between churches that try to minister to rich people and churches that try to minister to poor people, but don't we also do that to some extent in America?

Getting back from the Philippines was a hard adjustment.  I took an airline that I fell in love with during this trip and ate great food as I made the difficult journey west to east.  After two days with no sleep during the travel, I slept in my own bed again, which I did not have to share with anyone else.  I went back to work the day after I landed and received some difficult words in my annual performance review.  And my way of thinking became American again rather quickly: why did I get such a small raise?

There are heart issues here as well.  Hebrews 13:5 directs us to "Keep yourselves free from the love of money."  I think God has used this trip to the Philippines to expose my own love of money, when I thought I was being generous in giving to the poor and practicing wartime living.  In reality, I have some of my dad's tendency to give a lot to charity and missions so that we can pay less in taxes to the government.  But Jesus said, "Whose image is on that coin?"  When we file our taxes, we watch our estimated refunds go up and up until we are done and wonder what we will blow the money on when we get it.  So in giving to others, we really want to just bless ourselves.

In my case, the ATMs I use always tell me my account balance when I take money out.  Single and saving for a house, I am looking to pay cash for a small house so that I can live below my means and use as much of my income as I can to advance the gospel.  But as my balances get bigger, so does my head.  So does my pride in what I have accomplished so far.  So does my desire to invest and reach my goal faster.  So does my mentality that money is a significant motivator for my being in my line of work.  So my testimony in the workplace degrades to, "Man, my dream car is an Aston Martin One-77!"  You could sell a new Aston Martin One-77 or Bugatti Veyron and take almost everyone in my sponsored young man's entire city out to dinner.  And his city has over half a million people.  Why do we chase things that are so useless and excessive?

My pastor has been preaching through the book of James in our Saturday night services for young adults.  Last night, he preached through James 2:1-7, a text about favoritism:

1 My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. 2 For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes, 3 and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, “You sit here in a good place,” and you say to the poor man, “You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool,” 4 have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives? 5 Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? 7 Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called?

Several of his points included:
1.  You can hold the faith that God saved you with in a way that does not please God! (v.1)
2.  Do you care about people outside your own generation or small group in your church?
3.  God chose poor believers to be rich in faith toward God and heirs to the Kingdom of God. (v. 5)
4.  The fact that you dishonored this poor man negates all the books you read (Piper, Sproul, etc.) and all the Bible studies you go to. (v. 6)

A gold ring and fine (like sequins and bling) clothes reflect a super-rich status.  These are celebrities.  "Come to my church because Manny Pacquiao goes here."  "Come to my church because so-and-so is preaching today."  A poor man in shabby clothes is "dirt upon dirt upon dirt".  If we favor rich people over poor people within the body of Christ, or make any other kind of favoritism distinction within the body, we become hypocrites - judges with evil motives (thoughts) (v.4).

These poor believers are "rich in faith" toward God.  Their God is the same God as the God of the people who are rich in finances.  But they are more able to see that God is more valuable than possessions.  Living in America, we are more (or only) concerned about what we can get.  "See what God is doing with the have-nots!"

These poor believers are also "heirs to the Kingdom of God."  One of the most beautiful chapters in the Bible, Romans 8, begins with the precious statement, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  It spells out several facets of our common identity in Christ that we cannot ignore.  We have the Spirit of Christ in us (v. 9).  We are adopted as children of the Most High God (vv. 15-16).  And we are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (v. 17).  Regardless of our income level, our ethnicity, our intellect, our spiritual qualifications, our popularity - God has made us co-heirs with His only begotten Son.  "God prides Himself in saving you."

But what can poorer believers gain from us if all we do is spout doctrine?  We can have all mysteries and knowledge and yet be nothing if we show it without love (v. 2).  What can they gain from our slactivism, changing our Facebook profile pictures in support of their cause so that we feel good about it and make people sad about it?  These people have real needs which must be met.  If you are in America, you most likely do have the resources to help them.

"I don't want to just talk. I've got to show,
'Cause I've got a couple brothers in the hospital
And I've got a couple brothers from across the globe:
Poor or sick, with joy - you've got to know.
Feeling bad, you tell them, 'I want to pray for you'
But they feel worse, saying they want to pray for you.
Oh, you're thinking we've got it worse?  It's a mistake for you.
Living in America is what's great to you.
No hating you.  Prosperity's replaced the truth
When God is only enough, when He's gracin' you.
Y'all don't value faith.  You only value what your faith can do.
Y'all love to eat, but hate on the Person who made the food.
So I'll pray for you, but let's make a truce:
When famine hits, you won't ignore the light like an ambulance.
Hold on to the Savior, even in the midst of your affliction.
Remember our condition.  Your affliction's your chance to witness!"
- KB, "Enough".

Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 1

"I give names in hope and prayer that my sons will become what their names imply. But God has the right and the power to cause anyone He names to become what the name implies. The names He gives are sure indicators of the destiny of those He names."

- John Piper, "I Am Who I Am".

"At the beginning of the 19th century, most obituaries made some mention of the character of the deceased. ... But by 1990 [a person's occupation] had become the key means by which a person was identified. This substitution of function for character is a unique mark of how the modern world now understands personhood."

- David F. Wells, God in the Wasteland; quoted in Tullian Tchividjian, Unfashionable.

"From now on, we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do it no longer."

- 2 Corinthians 5:16.

In my personal Bible studies over the past year or so, I have been asking myself, "What does the Bible say a Christian is? How can I express characteristics of all Christians in terms of 'I am [fill in the blank]' statements?" Originally setting out to find 100 "identities" in the New Testament, I have found over 150 in a search that has also spanned Psalms and Proverbs and called back to my mind other passages in the Old Testament.

I do not intend this to be an exhaustive list; and although my Reformed Baptist tendencies shine through in a few of the statements, I have tried to focus on and elaborate on areas where Biblical Christians from many denominations will find common ground. Some of these are not automatic "identities" but goals to work toward as a Christian. They are not organized by topic or passage, but only in the order that I thought of them. I'll continue to flesh these out and post these in many parts until the series is done, though I will probably take breaks during my upcoming trip to the Philippines and as I get ideas for more immediate writing.

1. I am a stranger in a strange land. Many people start to describe their identity based on the country of their birth. As a Christian, my identity properly begins with my standing in Christ. He transcends all boundaries built by man. Man's countries are strange places to me, since wherever I can go in this world, many people live as though God never gave them a law to obey. Ultimately, my citizenship is in heaven. And, unlike immigration processes in this world, my eternally permanent residency there will be certain. "Lord, I would not [want to] be a citizen where Jesus was an alien. ... My heart burns within me by the way when Thou dost speak to me. And though I be a sojourner, I am far more blessed than those who sit on thrones, and far more at home than those who dwell in their ceiled houses." - C.H. Spurgeon. (1 Peter 2:11; Philippians 3:20)

2. I am chosen for God since before time began. God has spent redemptive history gathering for Himself His elect - all those who repent of their sins and believe on Him alone for salvation. And He is not subject to their whims and fancies. He chose His sheep before the foundation of the world. He calls them; they hear His voice, and they come to Him. "Predestination we call the eternal decree of God, by which He has determined in Himself, what He would have to become of every individual of mankind. For they are not all created with a similar destiny; but eternal life is foreordained for some and eternal death for others. Every man, therefore, being created for one or the other of these ends, we say he is predestinated either to life or to death." - John Calvin. (Ephesians 1:4; John 10:27)

3. I am saved for the glory of God. He has chosen to glorify Himself by saving me by His grace, which I can testify in my life is completely unmerited favor. Yet He is glorified when He says that He can save an idolatrous wretch such as I. He operates for His own sake and has no reason to give His glory to anyone else. "God is the one Being in all the universe for whom seeking His own praise is the ultimately loving act. For Him, self-exaltation is the highest virtue. When He does all things 'for the praise of His glory' as Ephesians 1 says, He preserves for us and offers to us the only thing in all the world which can satisfy our longings." - John Piper, "Is God for Us or for Himself?". (Isaiah 48:11; Ephesians 1:11-14).

4. I am given a specific mission on this earth: to make God's name great in every area of my life. This includes both obvious spiritual activities, such as prayer and worship, and the common things of everyday life, such as work and leisure time. God, by His sovereign design, made the common tasks of life and work necessary. We ought not to regard these as barriers to ministry or other more preferable activities. "God is pursued as I play with my son and we talk. / As we play hide and seek, God is seeing my heart. / There's no separation in places where He wants worship. / From my church to my work, God calls me to service. / So I serve Him." - Dillon Chase, "The Pursuit". (1 Corinthians 10:31)

5. I am passing through this world, not here forever. Human bodies aging over time and dying only prove that God has created our earthly bodies as temporal and mortal. The fact that God has allowed us to be aliens in strangers in a world where Biblical Christianity is not popular merely reinforces that we do not have a home on this planet. Instead, we look forward to the eternal "home of righteousness". "Heaven is not here; it's There. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for." - Elisabeth Elliot. (Romans 6:12; 2 Peter 2:13)

6. I am a slave to Christ, not sin. Rather than continuing to worship and serve the creatures of God as I once did, I am driven to obey Christ, the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being, Who sustains all things by His powerful word and is sure to sustain me as He sees fit. His commands on me are not burdensome, and obeying them brings me greater joy. Shunning anything of this world that causes me to see Him as less wonderful is not legalism to me, because it ultimately causes me to see Christ as more beautiful and satisfying. "If Christ has died for me, ungodly as I am, without strength as I am, then I cannot live in sin any longer. I must arouse myself to love and serve Him who has redeemed me. I cannot trifle with the evil that killed my best Friend. I must be holy for His sake. How can I live in sin when He has died to save me from it?" - C.H. Spurgeon. "And like a bondslave, you have no will of your own. / Just follow the will of God until you kneel at the throne." - 116 Clique, "It's Yours". (Romans 1:25; Romans 7:25; Hebrews 1:3; 1 John 5:3)

7. I am gazing at the Serpent on a pole. The ancient Israelites had to look at a bronze snake to be saved from the snakes that were killing them. The Son of Man was lifted up on a cross - dying the most offensive kind of death, given at that time only to criminal, non-Roman citizens. There, He died to save me. "Fix your eyes on the cross. And never get beyond it." - Arturo Azurdia, "Cross Eyed Life". "You will need nothing to build strange fires in your oven, if you only catch a glimpse of what He did on that tree." - Paul Washer, "Ten Indictments against the Modern Church in America". (Numbers 21:4-9; John 3)

8. I am continually broken so that God may empty me of myself, conform me to His image, and fill me with Himself. Although unbelievers may also find themselves broken as they go through the struggles of life, they do not experience trials to grow them in their faith because God has not given them repentance and faith. "Just as water ever seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds you abased and empty, His glory and power flow in." - Andrew Murray. (Romans 8:29)

9. I am pursued by God. I began my life in this world as a lost person - like a lost sheep. I had, possibly, some remembrance of who the Shepherd was, but I did not know where I was supposed to be, how to get there, or where the Shepherd was. He had to leave the ninety-nine found sheep and find me. The ninety-nine found displayed an outward religious veneer that showed themselves as perfect, with no need for a Savior. Yet Jesus found me in my sin - in my great need for turning from that sin and trusting wholly in Him alone - and He granted me repentance and faith and saved me. "He continues his care of the sheep that did not go astray; they are safe in the wilderness. But there is a particular care to be taken of this lost sheep; and though he has a hundred sheep, a considerable flock, yet he will not lose that one, but he goes after it, and shows abundance of care, in finding it out. He follows it, enquiring after it, and looking about for it, until he finds it. God follows backsliding sinners with the calls of his word and the strivings of his Spirit, until at length they are wrought upon to think of returning. ... There is a world of holy angels that are as the ninety-nine sheep, a noble flock; yet God sends his Son to seek and save that which was lost." - Matthew Henry. (Luke 15:7; Acts 11:18; 2 Timothy 2:25)

10. I am a pursuer of God. Called to flee the evil desires that I have known since birth, I must shun this world's natural passions and instead pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace - characteristics of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Much of this life pursuing God must be a hidden life. "See what a hidden life the life of a good Christian is and how much of it is concealed from the eye and the observation of the world. The most important part of the business lies between God and our own souls, in the frame of our spirits and the workings of our hearts, in our actions that no eye sees except the all-seeing God." - Matthew Henry, Experiencing God's Presence. (Psalm 83:3; 2 Timothy 2:22).

Practical Application: Lecrae's "Rebel Intro"

Many songs are very rich with practical truth that needs to be applied, not just heard. It's easy to hear a song with deep truth and go fast over it from one song to the next. Maybe the song will get stuck in our heads, but sometimes it stays there because it is catchy.

So, because Scripture commands us in James to be a doer of the word and not only a hearer of it, I would like to dive in on a song that has affected me multiple times since I first heard it: Lecrae's "Rebel Intro". As Voice said in "Whatever It Takes", "So now let's make this thing practical, since I am convinced this is God's Word and factual / but not merely a list of facts and features; they are truths that inform for all [of] what belief is." He said this of Scripture, so I will not say that the words of a song are divinely inspired. However, the songs can show us how we can apply truth that is divinely inspired.

Whether teaching us in preaching, singing, rapping, writing, or ministering where life exists, teachers who teach falsely will come under greater condemnation than those who follow them. Similarly, those of us who have heard more truth and refused to live it out have committed more disobedience against God than those who have heard less of the truth. So let's dive in and apply this.

"I'm in rebellion"

What kind of rebellion? The rest will explain.

"Jesus was a rebel, a renegade, outlaw

A sanctified troublemaker but He never sinned, naw"

Jesus was a rebel because He never sinned. Most people define "rebel" by whether we rebel against cultural norms. Criminals are "rebels" because most people believe practically that people are basically good and criminals somehow act against their basically good nature when they break the laws of the land. More conservative people think that people with multicolored hair or a lot of tattoos are "rebels" because they rebel against society's definition of a clean appearance. But Romans 3:10 says that all have sinned and rebelled against God. Christ, as God in human flesh, was by definition a rebel against the society around Him on earth.

"and He lived His life by a different set of Rules

the culture ain't approve so you know they had to bruise Him "

Secular society's rules today tend to base themselves around either 1) living for yourself, or 2) living for others but leaving God out of it. The former are all about pursuing their own happiness by having as much money, power, toys, work, leisure, sex, and other treasures of this world as they can. The latter tend to gravitate toward causes of goodwill but emphasize service to their fellow man more than God. That is living for the glory of others, not the glory of God.

Let me spin it another way for Christians: Many church people (not all are Christians) do not have a Biblical understanding of their new relationship to law. One group is antinomians: "We are under grace now. Throw the law out. Let's do what we want." Another group is legalists, who make their own set of rules, usually starting off with Scripture but leading into absurd applications that don't really fit and forcing them on others. This has a strong moralistic component and often produces outward obedience without a change in heart.

Jesus' set of rules was different because the culture around Him focused on obeying the Mosaic law. Among religious people, obedience to that law was the norm. But Jesus revealed that the hearts of the culture around Him were sinful toward God; what they were doing to get close to God was not good enough, because they still had sin. Perhaps He showed this most notably in the Sermon on the Mount, in several concrete applications of "Love your neighbor as yourself", an old law from Deuteronomy that may have seemed vague. Hating someone was on the same level as killing them; who would have thought? And culture tended not to follow Him; most settled back into "This is how we have always defined and done righteousness", while missing the entire picture.

"that's the way they do man, they swear they so gangsta

everyone the same, everybody do the same stuff

tattoos, piercings, smokin' up and drinking, money and sex plus them extravagant weekends"

Rebellion against God is the norm in society. It is only expressed in different ways and to different extents. I'm not trying to say that getting a tattoo or getting a piercing is right or wrong; that is not my focus in writing this. But most of society rebels against God in ways that are culturally acceptable. They live for the weekends when they can get drunk and enjoy the fruits of their hard work. Or they spend themselves at work in order to become thought of as great in their field or just to have more money. Or they are too lazy to contribute anything to society. These are all different ways to rebel against God.

"man if that's the high life I'll puff puff pass that

you live evaporated like missing a gas cap

I guess I'm passed that; I am in rebellion"

A Christian should rebel against the world's standards of how to live life and live by God's. But do so humbly. "I'm in rebellion" does not mean "Look at how holy I am." It means "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me. And the life which I lived in the flesh..." - even if that life meant looking to your own self-righteousness and using that to please God instead of repenting of that and having faith in the finished work of Christ to please God - "I live by faith in the Son of God" - and His present and future grace! - "Who loved me and gave Himself for me." Obey Christ and love Him because He is all you will ever have and all you will ever need.

"I'd rather have a dollar in my pocket than a million

I'm scared to worship money, and my wants over Elyon"

This line strikes me the most of any in this song right now. I'm a young professional with minimal bills and almost 5 years of working full-time. Even though I give more than ten percent of my income to my church and I also give to missions and charity, that giving is not sacrificial. It is out of abundance. I can't imagine being someone who lives for the kingdom of God as a full-time missionary and has to really trust God for their provisions. I like being able to go to the ATM, take more money out than I may need, and see that balance keep going up. Can it be said that I love money?

"I'll remain a rebel while the rest of them just carry on

this is what I live for, this the hill I'm buried on"

The rest are carrying on because they are opposed to the gospel message lived out in you. What you live for is not your own personal holiness, but for Christ Himself.

"if Jesus is the truth that means one of us is VERY wrong

think about it"

And it's not about winning an argument; it's about an absolute standard that God has established and expected us to live by, knowing full well that we can't do it. We will transgress His law. We do need a Savior several times over. We are children of the first Adam, who sinned. We inherited that Adam's sin nature. And we continue to sin each day. Does the depth of "VERY wrong" break you? "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity; and in sin my mother conceived me." It did for King David. One of us is very wrong because one of us continues to follow the ways of the world. But the Christian was once an unbeliever and just as wrong.

"I know that in our day rebel means sinner.

But everyone is sinning, so it is no longer rebellious to sin!

Jesus was a rebel who was counter-cultural."

"No glory in me

all glory to the King on the throne (Jesus)"

Don't rebel to bring glory to yourself. The world won't give you glory. You might give yourself selfish pride if you rebel for this reason. But God's glory far outshines ten billion kings'. He will not allow any part of His glory to be stolen by His creation.

"you either love Him or leave Him alone, but you can't do both"

Being a true disciple of Christ does not leave room for indecisively waffling at the door. You can't be indifferent toward Christ as you may be able to be about a job or a country. You cannot serve two masters, and if you both love Him and leave Him alone - or to put it differently, accept part of Him and reject part of His character and commands - you are doing that and creating God in your own image, when you are really created in His image to give Him glory. Eventually, you will love Christ and hate the ways of this world, or you will love the ways of this world and hate Christ.

"yeah, I know you heard that once in song

I pray you hear 10 more fo ya gone

hey listen up, homes"

Every time you hear truth and don't obey it, your heart will grow harder. But many people have to hear the truth many times before it will change them. God must work at the pace that He wills, to bring Him the most glory. But how many times have I heard the commands of Christ and refused to obey them, thinking they were too radical for me? How many times have I been told to share the gospel with others or even given a specific person to whom I must share the gospel, and I wouldn't do it? How wicked am I?

"Stage is the corner and my crowd is the streets

And I rap the bread of life cause they dyin' to eat"

"The streets" - they are not in the church yet. Most of them don't want to go near it. A Christian has non-Christians in his audience who watch him perform each facet of his life either for the glory of God or for the glory of himself. The world is watching. And they're dying to eat, but they will only eat the bread of life if God gives them a taste for it. They are more inclined to eat what will not satisfy because that is what they want, in their sinful nature. But the sower sowed the seed on all ground, not only the ground that looked fertile; God saw to it that those who would be saved by that message were saved.

"I'm a rebel, you know the kind that die in the street

Cause you refuse to conform, won't eat the kings meat"

Expect opposition from this world system today. Refusing to eat meat that has been sacrificed to an idol is not one of our issues today. But our cultures today have equivalents. And our rebellion against this world system can carry a high cost. Jesus was willing to die in His.

"Christ rebelled by shunning the culture

He eatin' with sinners, giving Pharisees ulcers

He never got married, he was broke, plus homeless

yeah that's the God I roll with"

Jesus Christ was willing to eat with unbelievers. That was significant because Pharisees only associated with their own and looked down on everyone else. When was the last time I sat down with an unbeliever and really talked with them, willingly? For me, evangelism is easier if I am in an unfamiliar place and I have met the person that I am witnessing to for the first time. But when co-workers who are not Christians talk to me, I tend to see it either as a bother from the task at hand or as a necessary break. In doing life, I tend to gravitate toward other believers to the extent that it may make me a Pharisee.

"ya boy gotta wife and no I never cheated"

Never cheating on your wife is by the grace of God. If you are a man with status, other women will want you. If you travel a lot (and rappers do), your wife could never find out if you broke your covenant with her. So this statement has to do with rebellion, but it is not just for status. Nearly every man goes through this form of temptation. It is only by God's grace that we stay faithful.

"I'm prayin for humility whenever I get heated"

Among other times, you can get mad or frustrated when you see the world living in a way contrary to Scripture or yourself not living to a high enough standard. In the former case, the temptation is to exalt yourself for beating the world's game. But that keeps you from standing for the truth with a tear in your eye and pointing the world to Christ.

"forget about the drugs; rebel against pornography"

Don't use sin, such as drugs, as a means of rebellion. Rebel against sin itself, such as looking at pornography, by refusing to engage in it and refusing to support or defend it. Christians should rescue those who are trapped in sins like that. But use wisdom, so that you will not fall. By the grace of God, I don't look at porn. But I have met many Christian men who do. And I don't want to fall, so I know there are some places I cannot go. Draw the line that you will not cross as far from the cliff as you can, and do it while in a wise frame of mind so that you will not have to try to do it in the heat of passion.

"this ain't how it oughta be, homie it' how it's gotta be

A rebel!"

The truth is not just a suggestion or one man's good idea. It is an absolute, worth striving hard for. Here, we have no lasting city. We seek a city that is to come. But that shouldn't stop us from seeking to bring others to that lasting city and using this life to long for that lasting city rather than our temporary monuments to human "greatness" that are passing away.

"You are just a conformist, if you are drunk and naked, driving around on a loud motorcycle, smoking cigarettes and breaking commandments, getting pregnant out of wedlock. Everyone has done that, it's so tired! If you really want to be a rebel, read your Bible, because no one is doing that! That's rebellion. That's the only rebellion left!"

-----

There is nothing better to do with your life today than to give Him glory. Have a passion for His glory and for your joy in that glory; "those two are one passion"!

"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose . . ! You drove them from me, you who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, you who are sweeter than all pleasure, though not to flesh and blood, you who outshine all light, yet are hidden deeper than any secret in our hearts, you who surpass all honor, though not in the eyes of men who see all honor in themselves. . . . O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation."

- Augustine, Confessions.

"I have seen, when I was a boy, a juggler in the street throw up half-a-dozen balls, or knives and plates, and continue catching and throwing them, and to me it seemed marvellous; but the religious juggler beats all others hollow. He has to keep up Christianity and worldliness at the same time, and catch two sets of balls at once. To be a freeman of Christ and a slave of the world, at the same time, must need fine acting. One of these days you, Sir Juggler, will make a slip with one of the balls, and your game will be over."

- C.H. Spurgeon.

Andy Mineo (f.k.a. C-Lite) - "Who's Watching"

Theoretical situation:

I take all of your thoughts, just in the past hour, and put them up on a projector screen for everybody to see.

Yo, God sees those.

We're really that wicked. He's really that holy.

Now, He sees those

Lies from the guys that try to divide.

But God's on my side, so the bride will survive.

Keep my eyes on the prize when the conflict arise.

To live is Christ, and it's gain if I die.

Might seem strange, insane in the eyes

Mainstream cats, they chasin' the lies

Thinkin' that everything they attain is the idealistic,

But really, it all stays when you die.

Think I'm crazed 'cause I don't put my faith in the phrase of a page of a book that was made by man?

That's the statement that stands, my neighbors in France (?)

I think you need the basics, man.

If they never look to see what it says, they can't test

To see if it's true or even take the exam.

Basically, fam, they don't want to think about the grave when it's really time to lay in the sand.

And really, it's only because they're afraid to examine

The ways of their heart. It don't make them say, "Yeah!"

If they find truth in the faith in the jam 'cause all of a sudden it would put a change in their plans.

Can't get crunk, can't get high,

No sex yet, gotta wait for your bride.

If that's the concern of your whole life's purpose,

You missed the whole point. That life's worthless.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

What are they trying to say?

Christians, trapped like a prisoner?

Really got it backwards, mister.

[You've] got the roles twisted, just don't see the big picture.

Gotta zoom out, see the truth now.

It's the things that we're staying away from,

Make you think that we're lame and evade fun.

'Cause we call it sin and refrain, my friend.

Yo, it's 'cause we know it'll bring pain in the end.

Let me give examples that's ample:

A mouth (?) can't keep your pants on, romance on the couch

With your girlfriend and a couple more - ow

Sooner or later, you're going to say, "Ouch!"

Or what about when it's time to settle down,

Want to get married, maybe have a small child.

With the girl of your dreams, you could share all your secrets.

What if she asks, "How many girls did you sleep with?"

Or vice versa! A double standard? If you knew how many mans [sic] was in it, it would hurt you.

When you come face to face to touch lips, and wonder what else just kissed you.

I ain't trying to dis. None of us [are] perfect.

But why live in sin if you know it brings a hearse trip?

It ain't worth it! We [were] made for a purpose:

His praise and His worship.

I'm hoping you learn this.

Sin is so wack!

It eventually exploits itself. By the time you figure it out, you can't go back!

That's the reason why I serve Him. He's so real, and I'm so certain.

How do I know?

Well, I met Him when I let Him come up in my frame

I opened my heart and believed, and I ain't never been the same

Outside the blood that was spilled for my sin.

Then I called on His name: Jesus!

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(This song is from Andy's mixtape Sin Is Wack, available on his website. If you are reading this because you were looking for the words to this song, please check out my other posts from the menu at the right! Also, please let me know if I got any of this wrong.)

"We need to keep theological thugs like you off the street."

As I have mentioned in some earlier posts, I finished switching churches a little more than a year ago. Since then, I have only had occasional contact with friends from my old church. One guy in particular became fast friends with me when he first started going there, when he had not really found his niche there yet. We have a similar educational background, do similar work, and have a similar interest in Reformed doctrine. Meeting him in a church that was pretty close to Arminian (believing only the P of TULIP) was a bit of a shock. When I met him, I was still a cage-stage Calvinist that went to Bible study each week with a long list of quotes from Reformed sermons that I had written down at work. The sermon quotes genuinely helped other members of the group, though others who took a less intellectual approach to Christianity probably felt beat up by some of them

We got back in touch a couple weeks ago for the first time since Next, when he wanted to show me the new place he is renting in preparation for his wedding next month. When he asked what was new, I told him that I was doing pretty well, working hard, and keeping busy serving in my church. And his reply started with this:

"Glad to hear you're keeping busy. Its best we keep theological thugs like you off the street, lol. :)"

Several weeks later, I'm still thinking about this. "Theological thug"? Wow. Is this really the legacy that I left at my old church when I left it?

This assessment is fair any way you look at it. When I was still going to two churches, I was learning a good deal about how to love the brethren. Yet I applied that love conditionally, toward people with a similar interest in theology. I am still doing that, to some extent. I don't enjoy pointless hanging out, talking about nothing, for hours on end. So my love becomes conditional and I become indifferent toward anyone who was not "last seen swimming in a sea of old books with Paul Washer blasting through his earbuds".

The word "thug" is interestingly applied. I'm not a thug in the conventional sense. I look like a yuppie, minus the Starbucks, plus a smoothie. I neither have nor want tattoos or piercings. I've never been in trouble with the law of the land, despite my paranoid nature around speed cameras. In short, some people might call me a model son for a white homeschooling Christian family in a lot of ways - minus, of course, that I graduated from a secular university. People might be surprised to find out that I spent a year as a pseudo-goth in high school and have a current affinity for Christian hip-hop.

When Jesus warns that few actually find the way to eternal life (Matthew 7:14), He is talking to a group of religious people that believe they are saved. It is worth it to keep this in mind. When armchair theologians engage in their version of thuggery, they often do so with no love at all. Pharisees had no love for those who did not reach their level of perceived holiness. Theological thugs of our day are often the same way. They only see love this way:

"And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it." (2 John 1:6)

Without context, you can barely tell what the commandment is. If you are a theological thug, what do you do with texts like these?

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." (1 John 4:7)

"If someone says, 'I love God', and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen." (1 John 4:20)

And it all goes back to these:

"And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, 'Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?' And He said to him, 'What is written in the law? How does it read to you?' And he answered, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.' And He said to him, 'You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.' But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbor?'" (Luke 10:25-29).

Here, Jesus affirms the whole point of the law in loving God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind, and in loving your neighbor as yourself. The lawyer realizes that he can't justify himself according to this. When have I ever loved the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength, and all my mind? At best, it is an imperfect passion. When have I ever loved my neighbor as myself? At best, my love for others is inconsistent. Even if I could master this over a lifetime, what about all of my frequent smaller-looking failings where I still acted in my own self-interests rather than in God's interests or the interests of others? What about the years of my life when I lived, not even knowing about this commandment from the law? God's standard still applies to me even when I was ignorant about it. I cannot trust myself for my own salvation!

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loves us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)

You did not start by loving God. If you only love God's commandments and your own ability to keep them, your love is really for your own ability to get everything right. If you really love God, you will love what He loves - and who. You will not only hate outward sins that plague "the world", but the inward sins of your own heart that affect you deeply every day.

The tenses of "love" in this verse are interesting. Other translations might not capture it as well. "We loved God" - I can't tell which past tense this is in the Greek (I don't know Greek), but does this mean "one time", as in, "We never even once loved God"? "He loves us" - this is ongoing. Never failing. Eternal. Perfect love. He never fails to keep us sustained within this love that always protects us, always perseveres, and always ensures our full salvation from the wrath that we deserve to experience for all of eternity.

"His Son" - the object of the Father's love since eternity past and for eternity future. God's love is eternal because He did not have to create anything to make Himself a loving being. He has existed in three persons since before creation: eternally loving, eternally just, eternally all-powerful, eternally all-knowing, and eternally worthy of all praise and adoration. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have had a perfect love for each other for all of time. The only time the Father did not see the Son as perfectly worthy of His love was on the cross, when He saw Him as a sinner who was taking on the sin of everyone for whom He died. God does not need us to love Him (imperfectly) or worship Him (imperfectly) for Him to feel perfectly worshiped.

"propitiation for our sins" - Of everyone who has ever lived in a human body, only Christ is sinless. Only Christ lived the perfect life that we could not live and died the perfect death that we could not die. Therefore, only Christ could atone for our many sins against God. Only Christ could satisfy His Father's righteous, just anger against our sins against Him - including the idolatry of wanting to know everything we can theologically with the improper motive of lording it over others and condemning them for not wanting to have that knowledge or seeing side issues differently than we do.

"Did you know that hell is of infinite duration? The primary reason is because every sin you commit is committed against an infinitely worthy and good God. ...

"David sinned against his people. David committed adultery with a woman. David murdered a man, but in the end he said this:

"'Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned.'

"Why is sin so terrible? Because it is committed against God. Why don't we tremble? We don't know what that means. And why don't we know what that means? Because we do not know who God is. Such a glorious and blessed being!"

- Paul Washer.

Do we even see the sinfulness of theological thuggery - as sinful as any other sin against a holy, just, and merciful God? I'm not saying this about orthodoxy in and of itself, but of orthodoxy for the sake of being proud about it. We need to check ourselves against it and know what it means to be broken over it - not only so that our legacy with others will not involve "he was all law, without grace" or "he was all doctrine, without love", but because sin against the God who loves perfectly runs so much deeper than that. It is more than just an unbalanced application of Scripture. It is actually sin that God hates as much as He hates adultery and murder.

"Please hear my heart, like a stethoscope.

We're taking steps toward death, but looking for hope.

Because we were captured by sin.

We were seized. Now we need to be captured again.

That's why we need to pick them Scriptures up,

Start praying and fasting, and ask the Father to forgive us of -

Forgive us for laziness, forgive us Lord for our pride.

Forgive us for worldliness. Forgive us, cleanse us inside. ...

We confess our lack of love. We confess selfish ambition. ...

O Lord, bring us to repentance!"

- Flame.

Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Reading and Listening To

A few things have happened in my life recently. Two weekends ago, I finally finished reading Future Grace by John Piper and started reading The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott. Future Grace was an amazing read, and I have now lent it to another young man in my small group. The main point in it that has applied to me this year was that, although thoughts of depression are common in the Christian life, allowing them to stay there and sink into a state of despondency is a sin that I must make war against. Christ made war against despondency as He prayed in the garden of Gethsemane while His disciples slept. Charles Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, likewise made war against despondency as depression came up very frequently in his Christian life.

Obeying this exhortation to make war against despondency brought me to conviction about the music that I was listening to. On this blog I have occasionally made much of my collection of gospel rap and worship music, but I also listened to a lot of secular metal, industrial music, and depressing rock music that all contained lyrics that, while not objectionable on the surface, fostered depressed and discontent attitudes in me that allowed me to remain in despair and unbelief in the goodness and faithfulness of God. The day that I finished Future Grace, I deleted over 900 songs from my iPod. (Please note: I did not do this as a legalistic statement against listening to secular music. I am not going to legislate that my fellow Christians must do the same thing or else they are not holy. In fact, I did not delete all of my secular music, only that which caused me to sin. I still have a great deal of mostly instrumental trance music, worldbeat music, and other secular music that does not cause me to sin.)

Some would question my decision to read books like The Exemplary Husband. I am not married and not courting anyone. However, the obligations of Biblical manhood that can apply to single men still apply to me. And it is actually refreshing to me to read a book about marriage that does not rely on worldly wisdom. I first heard of this book because Brother Paul Washer has mentioned it in numerous sermons about the family. And I realize that husbands will find this book convicting in different ways than I will, but it is convicting even to me as I consider whether and how I live too casually with respect to the gravity of God's glory.

Last Sunday, my church also voted on its first deacons. I was chosen along with six others, and several more people were nominated for deacon and elder roles. For now, I am one of the two youngest deacons and the only one who is not married or engaged. The roles of deacons in my church are to serve the church, serve as a point of contact for ministries (as a go-between for our pastor/elders and those in charge of ministries, for accountability), and provide Biblical counseling for families in the church. Please pray that all of us as well as our pastor and elders will serve God and the body of Christ for His glory and not our own, in a way that God will find us faithful to Him and His Word.

My church was also quite blessed to collaborate with several other churches around our region yesterday for a quarterly Olympic Games "in-reach". It was encouraging to see several brothers from other churches for the first time in several months and discuss ministry, studies, and our walk with Christ. One of my friends told me that his brother has gone back overseas to study in Bible college, to prepare for a life of missions in a closed country, with the understanding that he will probably lose his life for the gospel there. I have never met this young man but sense a strong desire to fast and pray for him - not to avoid danger for the gospel but to suffer well for Christ when it comes.

Sometimes, it just helps to reflect on words that others have written, sung, and spoken. These are some lyrics in songs that have done a great deal to edify me recently.

"Man all I ever wanted was to be labeled the greatest,

Cassius Clay on spittin' rhymes while rockin' the lastest.

But that crept into my life in Christ. It was evident

As I debated how I was better than the rest of them. [So guilty here!!]

Works-based righteousness: based my worth on some type of list and

If I keep it or not, perfected every night since this.

Now, I'm looking for approval, and I'm selfish,

So all I want to do is try to outdo you!

Silent when you ask me. Later, I'm bragging like a fool.

Far from His image and couldn't see it. Where is the Zoom?

This is grace in my moment of reproof. That helps me see the truth.

Just how I sound, no AutoTune.

And in this life, the last will be first and the first is last.

And He's a servant to the end. We're certain of that.

That's what I heard: freedom from the curse.

Livin' to a hearse, but the latter doesn't matter when you're in reverse."

- Tedashii, "Reverse".

"I found myself in You,

Believing in Your promises. Nothing else is true.

It's all fleeting, gone any minute.

I stand on Christ, the Solid Rock, until Your work is finished.

You could have came as a conquering King,

who knocked dead His opponents, one, two, three.

But You came as a Babe, so meek,

Lived a perfect life and died for me.

Any response would bring glory to Your name.

Holy is the Most High. We live to spread Your fame.

Yes, You're the King that the prophets spoke about,

that the Father was pleased to crush. You took our sins out!

I'll never know how much it really cost when You stretched out Your arms and took up my cross.

I was blind, but now I see right.

You give sight.

You're the Way, the Truth, the Life.

"Man, I wasn't even looking.

I didn't even know how lost I was.

But now the mystery's revealed.
My chance [?] is what it took Him,

but by the Lord's grace, now I'm bought by blood,

because the mystery's revealed."

- Dillon Chase feat. Tre Marquis, "Mystery Revealed".

"All for me, why? No, we don't deserve Your grace.

We deserve the place after death burning under graves.

That's why we praise, 'cause we've been saved from the flames.

Enslaved by Your ways, it's You I try to imitate.

'Daddy, Daddy' - that's what I call You now.

Entrusted like loving vows, stuffing Your word in my mouth,

Chew it up and breathe it out. We love You and scream it loud.

Lord, crush all of our doubts. I stand in awe of You - wow! ...

"I'm in awe of You. And what's amazing is I haven't seen all of You. ...
There is no English word that can describe Your glory.

Though I'm a mess with filthy rags, You didn't ignore me.

You sought covenant with me despite my story,

In fact, You pursued me like Hawks hunt Corey. [?]

I made so many mistakes,

But You sent Jesus so my sins would be replaced.

There are times where I felt that You should've [taken] my life

Or embarrassed me. But instead, Your love took flight.

In fact, in every hard time You've always came to the rescue.

Right on time, and I was never left to

Do it on my own. That's why I stand in awe,

Because You're the greatest one that I ever saw."

- Colt feat. K-Drama, "In Awe of You".