Reflections on "Work and Rest" by R W Glenn

One of the most interesting and convicting sermons or conference messages I've heard all year was one that I heard a couple weeks ago when I was outside taking a walk around town.

Pastor R.W. (or is it just R W?) Glenn gave a talk called "Work and Rest" at the Desiring God National Conference back in September.  This was really timely for me.  Here are some of the things he said:

"We are so obsessed with work that we can't even rest when we rest."

"Driving 'sport utility vehicles' gives us the illusion of engaging in leisure, and at the same time being useful and productive!  We are so addicted to work that unless we can rationalize our leisure in terms of productivity, we think we have wasted our time."

"The Christian faith is not a system of achievement.  It is not a ladder you ascend to acceptance with God.  It is not a list of rules or living a brute system of ethics.  It is not about going to church or training your kids or leading a clean, moral lifestyle.  It's not a 'do' faith - a faith about all you can do for God.  Instead, Christianity is a 'done' faith.  It's about trusting in what Jesus Christ has already done for you and then basking in that. ... He did all the work, and you get to relax and enjoy all the benefits."

"How many times have you gotten your assurance of your acceptance of God from your resolve to do more, be better, and try harder - instead of from the grace of God and the gospel?"

"The reason why the culture works so hard and it feels anxious and guilty when it hasn't done enough is that it needs to build the right resume in order to be accepted into the inner circle, whatever that is. ... The problem in the church is exactly the same. ... You're also building a resume because you want acceptance.  And while it's certainly true that in the culture, you need to build the right resume to open up doors of acceptance for yourself, that's not at all true for Christianity.  And do you know why that is?  You already have a perfect resume."

"We are still living as though we have a resume that is yet to be built."

This one got a lot of likes when I posted it on Facebook:

"The reason people work so hard to build a resume to be accepted by the culture is that deep down, they believe that they need to build a resume to be accepted by the Creator. ... It is a function of failing to rest in my acceptance with the Creator. ... Your workaholism, your obsession with getting things done, your inconsolable guilt over not getting to check every item off your list, your feelings of inadequacy over failing to accomplish all you had set out to accomplish with your life or even that day, your low-grade anxiety that you are just not doing enough at home, at work, at church, your inability to unwind - the fact that you're wound up like a top - all of that comes from your tacit belief that your acceptance with God is based on your own resume! ... Why are you so willing to be accepted by the meritocracy that you kill yourself with work in order to get it?  Why are you so obsessed with your resume that your failures to be accepted devastate you - you just feel like a loser? ... The reason why you're willing to busy yourself to death is that you want to be accepted by other people.  You want to be accepted by the right circle of friends; you want to be accepted by the management for a promotion; you want to be seen as a person who values achievement rather than the mediocre nobodies who sort of fill the landscape.  And even your laziness can reflect the same desire for acceptance, just inverted.  You blow off work because you realize, 'I'm not going to make the cut, so why bother?  I'm never going to be accepted.' Or you feel bitter that your acceptance with others is based not on who you are but on what you've accomplished; you choose to accomplish nothing as a protest.  It's your rebellion against the meritocracy.  So either way, you are motivated by acceptance.... you are not resting in your acceptance with God."

"Salvation is like a day off. ... Christianity is a day off, not a day at the office.  And I get that from [Hebrews] chapter 4, verse 10."

"The reason why I worked like a lunatic was so that I could be looked up to by my colleagues, or at least feel superior to them. ... If my resume included 80+-hour workweeks and getting up at 2:30 and 3 in the morning a few days a week and superior productivity, then I'd be able to [take a deep breath] and feel secure and confident in comparison with these other guys.  But if I were resting in Jesus' resume for me, then I would not need to be seen as exceptional.  As Tullian Tchividjian puts it, I would be free to be a nobody because Jesus is my somebody."

"Who can top the resume of the Son of God?  Piper?  Nobody!!"

"Another reason I felt like I had to work like a lunatic was to assuage the guilt feelings that I had over the rest that I did take. ... I felt like I had to justify resting. [Amen!  This is where I am right now!]  But if I were resting in Christ's righteousness, I would know that everything that truly needed to be accomplished, Christ already accomplished for me.  So I could rest, I could relax, and I could actually enjoy the time away from work. ... I wouldn't have to look for justification for my rest. ... Building my pastoral resume for acceptance by others was rooted in the functional belief that I had to build my own resume to be accepted by God.  I learned that obsessive resume-building in the world was the fruit of obsessive resume-building before God.  Those two things are inseparable. ... Here's the good news: if you want to see your obsessive busyness transformed into diligent work and relaxing leisure to the glory of God, go to work on resting. ... I get that from [Hebrews 4] verse 11."

"Here is the hard work: strive with all your might to keep the gospel front and center in your life. Remember that you already have a perfect resume. Make every effort to remember all that Christ is for you in the gospel. When you do that, you can relax! Because you won't constantly be trying to earn the acceptance of God and other people by your achievements. Your work in your home and church doesn't add to your resume. You can't add to a perfect resume. The only list of accomplishments your Heavenly Father sees for you is the list amassed by Christ. And He has said: It is Finished!" (thank you, Joyful in Hope, for that quote)

Recently, I had a week where I worked all seven days on my business.  RescueTime, a great tool to keep self-employed people honest, watched my every move throughout the week and reported to me every day about my productivity.  I had about 38 productive hours out of 54 on the computer that week, plus some more time spent off the computer sketching designs and reading technical books.  With a few clicks, I can be sure of exactly how much time I was spending on sports blogs.  I'm also taking an online class that should help me generate better prospects.  And God used the message above to bring me back and show me part of the purpose of the Sabbath:

We are not to be so self-sufficient and self-trusting that we work with all our might every day of the week to give ourselves what only God can.

I was on vacation with my parents two weeks ago.  Actually, my mom had a scholarly event to attend and invited me and my dad to come with her because the additional cost was minimal.  So we went.  I was trying to make it a working vacation.  But the work that I am getting paid (a quite low amount) for right now requires a high-speed internet connection.  I'm just doing it to pay some bills while I build up my business.  Our hotel's internet connection was getting slammed the whole time we were there.  Result: I got no work, and thus no money, for that entire week.  I had missed out on work two days before we left because it came in right before I had to attend a pastoral search meeting.

Last week was similarly a very slow week in getting work.  I made a grand total of $20, though I worked 6 mostly full days identifying sales prospects and what I could do for them.  That's way under a dollar per hour worked and probably about what each of my sponsored children's families are making.  I went home from my church's Saturday night service last night and kept working until almost midnight.  Fortunately, I did achieve my goal for the week (which only dealt with the prospecting... it takes time!).  But I felt a stirring need to do work today.  The points in that "Work and Rest" message continued really hitting home for me.  I did no work today except ministry.

It's interesting to me to see how Luke 9:23 (no, I did not try to rhyme that) keeps playing itself out differently at different stages in life:

"And He was saying to {them} all, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.'"

Things that denying myself has meant:

• Denying myself the party life of college
• Denying myself a better social standing in the eyes of the world
• Denying myself the possibility of many nominal Christians thinking well of me - even in my own family
• Denying myself romantic relationships during several seasons - even if I see many of my friends around me happily in love
• and now: Denying myself some of the work time that the world says I need to make a living as a "solopreneur"*

* I realize that some people will bring up Hebrews and use "Jesus as our Sabbath-rest" as their reason for working themselves to death seven days a week, but I see the Sabbath as a bit of a liberty issue and the Holy Spirit has convicted me that I need to keep it.

I just have to trust Him and realize that "I never made a sacrifice".  David Livingstone said the same, and he sacrificed more.

"If I ever lose sight, come and get me."

"And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word, but the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful."  —Mark 4:18-19.

I haven't touched this blog in a while.  I didn't check the stats for a while, just figured they were declining since I haven't posted anything since late April.  I wondered why I should write if no one's reading it.  The business that I'm starting has really been picking up as I prepare to start looking for clients.  And sometimes the desire to write anything is just not there.

"Find it,somewhere in your soul,
the last bit of strength that will take you on home.
Just find it,
somewhere in your heart,
to put the past in the past and go back to the start...
...
She’s a jewel in your crown.
Don't trade a million-dollar future for a nickel right now!
Mama said leave a place better than you found it
and looking in your eyes, I realize how profound that is.
Dig,
Like there's no tomorrow.
Dig like your living on time that's borrowed.Dig.
Homie, it's in there somewhere.
Dig like your life depends on it, ’cause it does.
Dig."

One of the more significant things during this season was going to "the very last Next".  Going there was a great, refreshing time.  I praise God for how He has used that conference to speak into my life and encourage me.  It's sad that Next is now done for good, but hopefully Sovereign Grace will find other people who can organize a conference like it in the future.  This year, I got to stay up after one of the night sessions and fellowship with a brother who had flown in from Australia to attend the conference.  I also got to spend several sessions and eat with a wonderful group from some Filipino churches around South Florida.  Getting to ride through Orlando while they played Shai Linne's The Attributes of God and while we talked about how the same preachers were being used to convict us of sin and draw us closer to Christ was such a blessing.  I selfishly wish that I could just move so that I could be with them—or so that they could be with me, except for the minor fact that I don't really want to live here because I wouldn't wish something like winter upon anyone resembling a nice person.  My habitat should be the tropics.

Am I Jonah?  Are they my gourd?  Coming up on a year now as a deacon in my local church, I was impacted the most at the conference and especially after it by C.J. Mahaney's message "The Church and Disappointment".  Church life is definitely not like conference life.  At a conference, you can have all kinds of fellowship with people who act like they have all sorts of time to get into the Word and read good books—who, if they were cut, would bleed a mix of Scripture and Spurgeon.  My tone is slightly sarcastic there, but my thankfulness to God for such people is significant.  There's a level of community around them that is common in many churches that have been around for a while, and wonderful to see.

"You can find it!
The wind sings the songs of the dedicated few that wouldn't fall headlong.
Just find it.
Watch me tighten my belt
When the prayers of this rapper is a desperate cry for help.
I desire a higher outcome than weed gets you.
Can't you forgive me?  If I dismiss you, it ain't to diss you
I am not a Rasta; don't let the dreads fool you.
Though I take Jah seriously,
if it's cool let me school you.
Dig!
I can't say I'm not tired.
Felt a little envious of names on flyers.
Empty handed and homesick, though I know my flow’s sick.
If y'all only knew how cold this road gets!
You gotta dig
and if I ever lose sight, come and get me.
you gotta dig."

But can I just be honest?  Aside from Next, I haven't had a day off from both work and ministry since April, haven't gone to the trail since about May, and I'm just tired.  You can't serve anyone if you don't take care of your own spiritual life first.  I feel like most of the time I've been a deacon, I've just been content to "serve God" instead of spending time with God.  Why read and pray when you can count money and put away chairs instead?  But before I was a church member, I was constantly reminding people, "You don't have to be saved to do that."

I'm also concerned for one of the ministries that I'm supposed to be serving.  When our church started, it was the biggest ministry in our church.  Attendance at our Saturday night services was almost as high as the Sunday service's.  But we've been emphasizing serving our own church a lot more this year and stopped doing the Bible study groups that were bringing new people in.  At the same time, several people from our own church who were part of it have had to move.  And we'll lose several more before the end of the year.

I'm concerned for it because the people who are still part of it are excluding people who want to come to our church and be part of our ministry.  The reasons why they're not being welcomed into our church aren't Biblical at all, as far as I can tell.  Although all of our teachers have been doing a great job expounding the Word to the people that still come, our attitude, our laziness, and our approach will probably bring that ministry to its end over time if we don't repent.  But I personally have been too dull to pray for much of anyone or to fast recently.

Several more of my close friends are moving out of the area.  One who had already "left but not really" (I still see him from time to time) invited me to his birthday party with a bunch of people from his new church.  Their church gives free Joel Osteen books to all of their visitors.  Seeing that yesterday felt like a punch in the gut.  One, who's been talking about moving out for as long as I've known him, got a new job over an hour away and is planning to move closer to it because his long commute is making him tired.  Another is a missionary leaving for the field tomorrow.  I probably won't see him again for at least 4 years.  But seeing my friends do full-time missions makes me wonder: why am I not doing it?  Am I really this wrapped up in trying to please my family?  There is so much joy to be had on the front lines of what God is doing.  It's a big reason why I decided to escape the corporate world.

There's been a lot of "I" in this post, not enough of Him.  But hopefully, writing again will serve its purpose to bless others and give me some sort of rest.  The vacation I'm taking in a few days seems like it will really help, as long as I don't take a vacation from God too.  There is a time to work, a time to play, a time to rest.  God gives us enough time to do everything He wants us to do.  But how many other things do we try to cram into our lives to distract us from knowing and doing His will?

"I'm not the artist. I'm the canvas.
Remind me of my own words, though I can't stand it.
Hold me accountable.
Call me on my laziness.
Call by my birth name,
Look me in the face, and dig.
You gotta dig.
and if I ever lose sight, come and get me!
You gotta dig."
— Propaganda and Odd Thomas, "Dig".

Praise God for the Humble Beast guys and everything they're doing to spread His fame.

That real life music...

"Eh, they say hind sight is 20/20.  Well, they're right.  It's behind me.

Back for the third time - you know where to find me!

Hanging on the coat tail of Christ, who designed me -

Keep me off your brain.  In other words, don't mind me. ...

"We ain't in a dream world.  We're spitting that real life.

We live in the real world, and know just what it feels like.

So we're pressing in like steel spikes.

To stand in a fallen world, it don't feel nice.

Eh, even if you're rich or you've got a lot of cash, 

You're still not exempt as everybody's on the map.

We all feel the pressure, heavy burdens on our backs -

Every day, it's still hard, but we're learning like it's class."

- Trip Lee.

My Easter weekend and week was interesting.  My host from the Philippines came into town for a few days during his whirlwind tour of the US, between the end of his semester in law school and his graduation.  We went to some extra services with my church's host church for Holy Week.  It was good to see everyone there and more passionate than they usually are.  On Saturday, we had a Bible study that went late into the night.  Many people who attended the Bible study didn't sleep that night because we had a sunrise service for Easter.

I decided to skip the sunrise service because my still-recurring headaches and jaw pain have given me tremendous trouble sleeping and I was not sure how much sleep I would actually get during the last few hours of Saturday night.  Despite trying many kinds of treatments and sleeping arrangements, I slept through the night only once during a whole month.  During the day, I usually have a dull headache that gets worse as the day goes on, occasionally stabbing pains, pains that shoot around my whole jaw, and popping ears.  It's bad.  Theologically correct or not, I've told some people that everyone in hell has this condition.

So I woke up about an hour later and went to the church that I had visited last Easter.  It was great to be in the presence of almost 4000 other Christians who were passionately worshiping the one true God through songs that echoed Biblical truth.  It felt like going to a conference again.  After the service, I loaded up on books and spent time with a college friend who I had not seen since I visited the same church a year prior.

We shared prayer requests.  I asked him to pray for my career situation, specifically mentioning that I have a desire to do full-time missions in the Philippines but no definite calling on whether I should stay here or drop everything and go there.  He said he would pray for it.

The next day was Monday.  I was back at work.  During two-plus months of this pain, I had not even taken one day off from work, though I've had three emergency dental visits in the last three weeks.  The morning went like a usual morning, with a few meetings.  I let my boss know that I would need to step out in the afternoon for a dental appointment.  He was fine with it.  I started eating lunch at my desk, while still working, while my office mates were out on their lunch break.  I started hearing rumblings about some "1:00 meeting" which I had figured was for a specific project that some others on the team were working on.

Then 1:00 came.  In the middle of lunch, my boss called me into the HR office.  They told me that my performance had not improved enough since my review in January (although all marks on that review were officially good) and I could not work there anymore.  They were seeing my pain as an excuse rather than the root cause why my performance had not improved.  I explained this, but didn't bother to try fighting to keep my job.

I've really been wrestling with whether I should make this post public but anonymous on my blog or private for my Facebook friends.  This is not the first time I have lost my job.  Actually, it's the third.  The first two times, I was laid off for circumstances that were not my fault.  This time, it is officially my fault, though I think others should at least share some blame for it.  But I hate going to church and hearing "How's your job search?" instead of "Hi, how are you?" from so many of my friends.  So I've only told a few of them.

I'm also not sure whether or not I should try to fight to stay in this line of work or not.  The last place made me, occasionally, legitimately hate what I was doing for a living.  I have several choices now.  One is to look for another job - not preferable, but I'm starting to put feelers out anyway.  One is to start freelancing in hopes that it will get successful and I'll be able to live in the Philippines and keep doing it in the future.  One is to do paid work with a nonprofit or charity.  One is to become a missionary to the Philippines - and anyone who has read this blog long enough would know that I have a specific burden for that country.

During the past two weeks, I've mostly just been sleeping a lot.  I hope it is not laziness, but rather a legitimate need to rest after the pain had kept me awake every night for a month.  The pain has subsided to the point where I can function now, though my ears are still popping.  I've been staying in my house for several days at a time and rarely going out anywhere.  It feels like being a hermit.

My relationship with God has seemed distant since Easter.  Due to the pain, I haven't fasted recently; I will try to fast again soon.  And most days, I've woken up and gone straight to my computer to do research for this job hunt / career change / whatever this is going to be.  I've barely prayed about it at all and have barely been in the Word.  You can have a theology blog, be registered to attend another conference in a month, and have a relationship with God that is barely there at all.  I feel ready to worship, but without spending much time with Him - it seems more accurate that I am ready to let out emotion for emotion's sake and call it worship.

A question that keeps coming back to me is: If I stay in this line of work, does that show a lack of faith?  If I stay in America, does it show a lack of faith?  If I start another job that gives me only two weeks a year of vacation (standard in the US), I won't be able to go back to the Philippines until the end of 2013 - if the trip gets approved again.

On the other hand, a friend who is a missionary tweeted earlier this morning encouraging believers to sell all for Christ now.  Another friend who is leaving for South America as a full-time missionary in the summer told me that a trend in his missions organization is to  be an expatriate worker.  That is how a lot of missions to the unreached is being done.  I know several people who expatriated to the Philippines, though their reasons were related more to work than to missions.  There also seems to be a lot of options to teach at schools for missionary kids there, but that seems more like just supporting missions to me rather than being on the front lines.

I know my family wants me to stay in the corporate world, despite my failure there so far.  They don't want me to go and stay in the Philippines.  To many Americans, success equals success in the corporate arena.  To many Filipinos, the same is true.

I hope that whatever decision I make is legitimately surrendered to God and not based on unbelief or fear.  On the way home from work two Mondays ago, I was not crying or screaming at God as I had been after both of my layoffs in previous years.  I was peacefully surrendered to whatever God has for me next - holding my career and ambitions with an open hand and telling Him that I wanted Him to do what He wanted with it.  That's probably the most peace I have had in a while about my direction in life.

Surrender to God must not be a flash in the pan, decided in the moment and then forgotten about.  Whoever leaves anything or anyone for the sake of Christ will receive their reward in eternity:

"Then Peter said to Him, 'Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us?' And Jesus said to them, 'Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.  And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last; and the last, first.'"  (Matthew 19:27-30)

My copy of Let the Nations Be Glad arrived a few days ago.  I have read only a few pages in the preface so far and have tried to really dwell on what is being said:

"All the earth-shaking awesome forces unleashed on the world are released by the Lord Jesus Christ.  He reigns today.  He is in the control room of the universe.  He is the only Ultimate Cause; all the sins of man and machinations of Satan ultimately have to enhance the glory and kingdom of our Saviour.  This is true of our world today - in wars, famines, earthquakes, or the evil that apparently has the ascendancy.  We have become too enemy-conscious, and can over-do the spiritual warfare aspect of intercession.  We need to be more God-conscious, so that we can laugh the laugh of faith knowing that we have power over all the power of the enemy (Luke 10:19).  He has already lost control because of Calvary where the Lamb was slain.  What confidence and rest of heart this gives us as we face a world in turmoil and such spiritual need."
- Patrick Johnstone, Operation World.

Regardless of how we choose to promote Him, we must promote Him.  The Lamb will receive the full reward of His suffering.  Don't we want to be used in that great cause?

"9 After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude which no one could count, from every nation and all tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, and palm branches were in their hands; 10 and they cry out with a loud voice, saying,
   “Salvation to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.” 11 And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures; and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, 12 saying,
   “Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever. Amen.”
 13 Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, “These who are clothed in the white robes, who are they, and where have they come from?” 14 I said to him, “My lord, you know.” And he said to me, “These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15 For this reason, they are before the throne of God; and they serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who sits on the throne will spread His tabernacle over them. 16 They will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; 17 for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.”"
- Revelation 7:9-17.

Sunday is only a shadow.

Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Listening To (March 2012)

"This is the end of my show.  This is the end, I know.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd."

"I can't perform no more. (eh eh)
Can't do these chores no more. (eh eh)
I'm feeling like I'm sick.  It's silly, so I quit.
That's it, I just can't try to please the Lord no more.
Cause really I'm sick of trying to make Him like me more. (you feel me)
Cause every day I've got a fight in store.
I'm guilty, so when I play I never like to score.
No good in me, and I'm sick of my plight - I'm poor.
They told me homie (whaa) the Christian life is better (word)
But they said to be holy and perform for His pleasure.
But now I'm feeling torn, cause the Lord is my treasure,
But I fall and feel scorned when I can't get it together.
But then something clicked.  It's crazy I ignored this:
But even when I slip, this ain't based on my performance.
Christ was equipped, ran a race with endurance.
When His flesh was hit, His righteousness was my assurance. (yea!)

"I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect, listen to the claps from the crowd.
I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect.  Listen to the claps from the crowd."
- Trip Lee, "Show's Over".

-----

"One God, one hope, one Winner
That shouldn't have taken claim to us sinners.
Jesus, forgive us.  We won't give up
'Cause you give life to us.  Now we're lit up
And we testify that we're rectified
By the sin that crept inside to let us die
Our fleshly pride and messy lives
We didn't deliver us.  We were rescued by You,
Who has all power and all presence to save us.  You're gracious.
And when the eyes of our hearts see You, You truly amaze us.
You were clothed in our shortcomings, so we would
Overcome in fullness, in a way a King could
We could have never climbed that hill.
We never would have got that far.
We would have gave up for real as soon as things started getting hard.
But You overcame. We know You reign.
You hold our shame and throw it in the ocean,
And You sealed us with Your holy flame."
- Dillon Chase, "You Overcame".

-----

"Man, I know that I'm insecure.
Do really You think I want to walk around like this? 
I'm tired and I'm sick and tired man I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody.  I'm tired of this.

"From the morning when I'm picking out my clothes
To the moment when I walk up out that door,
My pride is shooting up to the roof top,
While the self esteem finds its way to floor.

"Man, I know I've got problems,
And I ain't [fixing to] sit and try to hide them.
So I am [going to] take this beat and just ride it,
And tell the world what I've been finding.

"You've done seen my issues:
Insecure, but I'm not gonna sit through
Another day where I can't break
The habit where I try to please anybody.
Now I've gotta break loose:

"Growing is so hostile.  It's seeming freaking impossible.
You're trying to TAKE the time to mature, but satan will rob you ...

"... One day, Canon will get up,
Say goodbye to dat picture.
Personally separate the simpleton, split up.
Personality changing: the old Canon, I trashed that. ...

"But I'm like a pistol: getting ready to kill the problem.
My adrenaline rush got a little bit of buzz from looking into the closet of problems.
And I've got options. Well, really, one option is to be honest
And see how God has been glorified with myself as the target.
My struggle is pride.  It's so deep down inside.
And I'm tired of the entire way I'm inclined.
I just wanna see such perfection.  
I know I'm just a bride.  I'm the opposite of my husband.  He's perfect. He's a lion -
King lion.  And I ain't lying.
Really I'm sick of trying. I know I ain't perfect at being perfect - 'cause I'm blind,
I notice my instincts, knowing that, yes y'all, my end stinks.
My entire facade is my account.  It's empty.
So, Lord, build me higher than what Bob was building.
Raise me, to the bar higher than all ceilings.
The sky is never my limit, since my Father's the real thing.
So I'm burning this mask, so can you witness the real me."
- from Canon, "Man in the Mirror".

The Glory of God in Loving the Bride of Christ, Part 2

 These are the full notes of my exegesis of Philemon in preparation for the lesson I taught in the Philippines.  In the lesson, I only mentioned the points of this that specifically relate to loving other believers.  Here's the bonus material. :-)

1 Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, 
This is a "prison epistle", and the only one of Paul's letters where he introduces himself as a "prisoner of Christ", in prison for preaching the gospel. I couldn't find anything that said conclusively whether Timothy was also in prison at this time. To Philemon our beloved brother and fellow worker, Philemon was a Christian ministering in the church at Colossae who was not in prison. He was wealthy enough to own at least one slave, Onesimus. Some commentators think Philemon was a pastor.

2 and to Apphia our sister,
This is the only place in the Bible where Apphia is mentioned. This may have been Philemon's wife.

and to Archippus our fellow soldier,
Archippus was also addressed briefly in the book of Colossians(4:17). In that context, Paul mentioned him right after he gave a greeting to the church at Laodicea; Archippus was the only person specifically addressed there and may have been a church leader. Some historical traditions say that he was one of the 72 disciples appointed by Christ in Luke 10. Some historical accounts also suggest that Philemon, Apphia, and Archippus were all martyred under the persecution of Nero.

and to the church in your house:
The church at Colosse was a house church that met in Philemon’s house. He opened his home to allow his church to meet there. Meeting in homes was common in the early church; church buildings did not come until much later.

3 Grace to you ... from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Grace envelopes the teaching of all of Paul's letters, due to its centrality in the Christian faith; Christians are all recipients of it. God has no problems in Himself that we can fix, and there is nothing that we can offer Him. His responses to us are gifts of His grace.

... and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
We have peace with God through Jesus Christ, and by peace, the blessings that result from grace come to us. Both grace and peace are only from God the Father through Jesus Christ. (source: Matthew Henry)

4 I thank my God always, making mention of you in my prayers,
Elsewhere in this book, Paul gives congratulations and commendations regarding Philemon and the others that he mentions based on their faith. However, he still prays for them. No Christian who is still alive is beyond the need for prayer.

5 because I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints;
"I hear of" means that Philemon himself may not have been the one telling Paul about this. The love Philemon showed for the saints and their faith toward Christ had a testimony that reached beyond their city. "Toward all the saints" does not limit Philemon's (or our) love to only believers, but it shows a deeper bond of love between believers that we have in Christ, regardless of whether these saints are Jew, Gentile, slave, free, rich, poor, or any other possible category.

6 and I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every good thing which is in you for Christ’s sake. 
But wasn't it already becoming effective?  "Fellowship" and “effective" mean that the faith was becoming manifested to men (source: John Calvin). Faith communicates itself by good works. "Every good thing which is in you" does not refer to good things that Philemon inherently had in himself, but to things that are there because of his faith in Christ ("for Christ's sake"). This is not to give glory to Philemon, but to give glory to Christ.

7 For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.
Whether he is the pastor of the church or not, Philemon is ministering to the saints in his local church. Nowhere in Scripture is it mentioned that Paul actually had ever gone to Colosse, although one of his messengers, Tychicus, carried this letter and the epistle to the Colossians to Colosse. Paul had been to Ephesus, 100 km away, and was imprisoned there. So Paul has joy that someone he most likely has not seen, who lives in a place that he has most likely never visited, is serving the believers in this local church in a Gentile region (Asia Minor), which is part of the early stages of Christianity spreading around the world and outside the Jewish people.

8 Therefore, though I have enough confidence in Christ to order you to do what is proper, 9 yet for love's sake I rather appeal to you - since I am such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus -
In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul addresses whether Christians can eat meat sacrificed to idols. He says that we can, but not all Christians have this knowledge, and less spiritually mature Christians would be tripped up by that. He says that he will not exercise this liberty around them and gives us an instruction to not cause our brothers to stumble. So he lays down his liberty. In this passage, Paul has the authority and confidence to order Philemon what to do. He was an apostle and mentions that he is "aged", probably at least 50 years old when he wrote this. And he has lived his Christian life preaching the gospel and facing much opposition. But in the verses to follow, Paul is going to lay down his authority to command his brother. He is not going to give a command, but an appeal, to Philemon. He is also writing this letter from a distance and may not know all of the circumstances involved.

10 I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my imprisonment,
"My child" does not mean that Onesimus was Paul’s biological son. "Child" here is a term of endearment. It is referring to Onesimus as a spiritual child. Onesimus and Paul may not have met until Paul was imprisoned in Rome and shared the gospel with Onesimus. You can't have faith in the gospel without first hearing it, so one who gives instruction in it is like a parent (source: John Calvin). "Begotten" means that it was a result of Paul's ministry, not by Paul’s power.  God is the one who saves.

who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me.
He was useless (a pun on his name - "useful") because he stole from his master. He was also useless to Philemon in terms of Christian fellowship because he was not yet a Christian. He is useful now because he is now a Christian, has left that life of sin, and can now be an honest servant. He is also a brother in Christ now who shares a bond with Philemon that they did not have when he stole.

12 I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart,
Onesimus is most likely going back with Tychicus because slave-catchers in their day would have intercepted him on the way if he had traveled alone (source: John MacArthur). "My very heart" is also an appeal because it implies that if Philemon rejected the appeal, he was rejecting Paul's heart (source: John Calvin).

13 whom I wished to keep with me, so that on your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel;
Here, Paul was looking out for the interests of others, not his own interests. He wanted Onesimus to stay near him in prison and minister to him, but he wanted more than that for Onesimus, an escaped slave rightfully owned by Philemon to go back to his master.

14 but without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your goodness would not be, in effect, by compulsion but of your own free will.
He wanted Philemon to obey him willingly, not begrudgingly. Paul is sending Onesimus back, with the hope that Philemon will take him back. Philemon may have been inclined to see this as Paul rejecting Onesimus, "return to sender; I'm not interested in keeping him around". Or Philemon may have seen Onesimus wrong as too significant to accept taking him back.  However, Paul is appealing to Philemon, who he has already commended for his love.

15 For perhaps he for this reason separated from you for a while, that you might have him back forever,
Onesimus went to meet Paul in Rome. Here, Paul is suggesting that the ultimate reason why Onesimus separated from Philemon is so that Philemon might have him back forever. But "forever" means beyond this lifetime. Onesimus and Philemon were not always brothers in Christ, but now they are. The text doesn't seem to say (in English) whether Paul says "he for this reason separated from you", meaning that Onesimus was intentionally doing this, or whether "this reason" means that Onesimus wanted to just run away, but God had a different purpose behind all of it. Calvin thinks it was the latter, pointing to the example of the trials Joseph went through in the book of Genesis. (Thoughts?)

16 no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.
Philemon only knew Onesimus as someone who worked for him and was dishonest at that. There was no spiritually-based relationship between the two of them. Now that has changed. Paul knows firsthand, from Onesimus' being there for him while he was in prison, that Onesimus is a beloved brother to him now. Paul’s understanding in v. 15 is that Onesimus only left Philemon "for awhile", but if Philemon receives Onesimus back, Onesimus will stay and serve him with a heart that God has changed and a repentance over his sin. Also, Onesimus never worked for Paul as his slave. Paul does not know firsthand how Onesimus served Philemon before he was a Christian. Philemon might be the one person who would see the big change in Onesimus' life ("how much more") more than anyone else. Paul claims both Onesimus and Philemon as brothers in Christ, linking the two. Onesimus was already a "brother... in the flesh" to Philemon (not sure: were they actually biological brothers or only living in the same house / of the same lineage?), but now, more importantly, he is a brother in Christ to him.

17 If then you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me.
Paul urges Philemon to accept Onesimus back because of the evidence in v.16 that he is now a beloved brother. "partner" refers to partnership in the gospel. "Accept him" - a repentant sinner showing genuine evidence of salvation - "as you would me" - a former persecutor of the church who killed Christians but has repented of even that. Philemon has already accepted Paul over a sin that could have had Philemon killed if he ever fell back into it.

18 But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account; 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand, I will repay it
This is the only place in the letter where Paul refers directly or indirectly to Onesimus’ sin. Paul takes the consequences for Onesimus' sin. Onesimus is a runaway slave, and if he has already spent the money, he can't pay it back. Paul has agreed to repay it himself so that the loss of money consequent from the sin would not be a problem for Philemon. "I... am writing this with my own hand" emphasizes that Paul is really the one writing this.

(not to mention to you that you owe to me even your own self as well).
The Bible does not say this directly, but Philemon may have been saved under Paul's ministry. This is a parenthetical statement in some translations, such as the NASB (this one).

20 Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.
The context here is Paul's appeal that Philemon accept Onesimus back. “Accept[ing] [Onesimus] as you would me" (v. 17) would be a benefit and refreshment to Paul. It would benefit Paul to see this relationship between Philemon and Onesimus restored more than it would for Onesimus to stay with Paul (vv. 13, 16).  This is a different kind of benefit and refreshment "... in the Lord... in Christ". The gospel of Christ changed Paul's heart so that he would see Onesimus' being away from him (and possibly never coming back to him) as a "benefit” and "refreshment".

21 Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, since I know that you will do even more than what I say.
Paul appealed to Philemon rather than commanding him (v.9), but still considered that if Philemon followed through on this appeal it would be "obedience" (v. 21). Paul had confidence that Philemon would obey him and accept Onesimus back. He knew that Philemon would do more than simply accept him back.

22 At the same time also prepare me a lodging, for I hope that through your prayers I will be given to you. 
Although Paul was in prison, he had faith that he would not stay there for the rest of his life. He hoped to see Philemon in Colosse. If he had gone, he would have been able to see whether Philemon accepted Onesimus back and what kind of role he had given him.

23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, greets you,
Epaphras preached the gospel to his fellow Colossians (his own people) and came to Paul in Rome with a favorable account of the Colossian church while Paul was in prison there. In Colossians 4:12, Paul tells the church at Colosse that Epaphras is "always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God... he has a deep concern for you and for those who are in Laodicea and Hierapolis." In Colossians 1, Paul reminds the church there that they heard of the gospel (v. 5) and understood the “grace of God in truth" (v. 7), which they learned from Epaphras (v.8), who Paul calls "our beloved fellow-bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our [Paul and Timothy's] behalf."

24 as do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, my fellow workers.
Mark: Historical accounts are divided over whether this was the same Mark who wrote the book of Mark. This Mark was definitely with Paul on his missionary journeys and apparently with him during his imprisonment at Rome.
Aristarchus: A Macedonian from Thessalonica. In Acts 20, Aristarchus had accompanied Paul on a missionary journey from Greece through Macedonia to Syria. Aristarchus was also on board a ship with Paul in Acts 27 when they were shipwrecked. When Paul wrote to the Colossians, Aristarchus was in prison.
Demas: Demas was with Paul during his first imprisonment in Rome. He also sends his greetings in Colossians. But in 2 Timothy, Paul writes that Demas forsook him, "having loved this present world". John Calvin wrote of Demas, "And if one of Paul’s assistants, having become weary and discouraged, was afterwards drawn aside by the vanity of the world, let no man reckon too confidently on the zeal of a single year; but, considering how large a portion of the journey still remains to be accomplished, let him pray to God for steadfastness."
Luke: A physician who wrote the Gospel of Luke and the Acts of the Apostles, possibly one of the Seventy.

25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Paul ends this letter similar to how he started it. He started it saying “Grace to you and peace."  Here, he says, "grace... be with [you]."It means that he wants the grace of God to be with his readers as they go. When we read Scripture, we are not reading it 24 hours a day. We read it for part of the day and then go live the rest of the day doing other things. Paul wants the sustaining, sovereign grace of Jesus Christ to stay with them throughout the rest of their daily life. And they need it, because his main recipients also suffer for the sake of the gospel and will eventually die for it. (source: John Piper, Future Grace)

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Applications from Philemon:
1. v4: One of the ways that Paul expressed love for Philemon and the others in his church was that he prayed for them regularly, although they were in another city and he was in prison. Do you regularly pray for other believers - whether you can see them or not - and whether your circumstances are good or not?

2. v13: Being ministered to may seem like a very good thing, but it is not always right to focus on who can help you in your trial if God would be more honored by having them go somewhere else to pursue a different calling.

3. v13: Secular work (in this context, seen as a slave serving a master) is a legitimate calling.  Don’t think that you have to be in full-time ministry in order to glorify God and serve Him.

4.  Center your friendships with other Christians on Christ.  The friendships Paul had with these other servants (Epaphras, Aristarchus, etc.) were based in advancing the gospel and suffering for it. Deep friendships involve camaraderie in a cause. If you have trouble forming deep friendships with other Christians, question the basis of those friendships. Make sure that you are centering your friendships on Christ, not on surface-level worldly interests. This will also help you minister to them, and them to you.

5. vv18-19a: Would you ever pay the consequences for another person’s sin just to restore them to another brother?

6. v21: Can it be said of you that when you are to do some form of service for another believer, you will do more than what they ask? (I'm not saying this about me in the Philippines. :-) )

7. v22: Would you go to great lengths to see or visit people who have benefited from your ministry, or who you have benefited from in their ministry? (Ditto. :-) )

Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 4

Manigong Bagong Taon sa iyo mula sa Pilipinas!  This is my first post from the Philippines, hopefully out of a few.  This has been my first time ever taking a vacation of at least a full week from work, and it is long overdue.  I have been here for about a week now.  The trip has gone well so far.  I've gotten some more ideas for things to do if I get to come back, most notably more island-hopping.

I was also pleased to see that December 2011 has been my highest-traffic month ever on this blog.  What a nice note for ending the year!  Whether you are a search indexer or a human - and I hope you are a human ;-) - thank you for reading this, and I hope you find that the posts here point you to the real gospel and push you to better know the God of the Bible.

Amidst sorting out the many photos so far from the trip, I have not had time to write an original post, so here is the next post in the "Identities" series.

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31.  I am hoping in Christ, not wealth.  The false prosperity gospel has taught that God will automatically rain expensive worldly possessions and a complete lack of illness on those who have enough faith, but some others, in reaction to this, have faith in God's salvation of their souls but not in God giving them any other sort of blessing.  But a God-focused faith teaches us that God does provide for what we need and He promises us many sorts of blessings.  Uniquely to us, this includes spiritual blessings.  "Our faith doesn't create prosperity, healings, and breakthroughs.  Our faith focuses fervently on God.  Biblical faith confidently - even ambitiously - asks God to act according to His promises.  True faith then accepts the answer.  Our faith stands on the unchanging character of God." - Dave Harvey, Rescuing Ambition.  (Ephesians 1:3; 1 Timothy 6:17)

32.  I am guaranteed persecution, at least to some level, for knowing Christ.  Yet God receives me even when others reject me.  "There is a great gulf between the Christianity that wrestles with whether to worship at the cost of imprisonment and death and the Christianity that wrestles with whether the kids should play soccer on Sunday morning." - John Piper, quoted in Dave Harvey, Rescuing Ambition.  (Psalm 27:10; 2 Timothy 3:12)

33.  I am confident to approach God's throne of grace, thanks to my High Priest, Jesus Christ.  The Lion of Judah is not even descended from Levi, but the Father has chosen Him to be my Mediator.  "Before the throne of God above, I have a strong and perfect plea: the Great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and pleads for me!" - Charitie Bancroft, "Before the Throne of God Above".  (Hebrews 4:14-16; Hebrews 7:14; 1 Timothy 2:5)

34.  I am sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see.  This faith is in Christ, not misdirected to earthly things or wealth.  "We need an anchor to keep us sure and steady. Gospel hope is our anchor in the storms of this world. It is sure and steadfast, or it could not keep us so. The free grace of God, the merits and mediation of Christ, and the powerful influences of his Spirit, are the grounds of this hope, and so it is a steadfast hope." - Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible.  (Hebrews 11:1; Hebrews 6:11-20)

35.  I am disciplined by my Heavenly Father, as His legitimate child.  I should not shy away from it, but should learn what the Lord is teaching me through it.  As my perfect Father, God will not leave me to my own devices when I sin against Him.  He cares about my staying on the right path and aims to purify my heart and sanctify me.  In order to show that I am God's workmanship, His masterpiece, He must cut away at me and mold me to reflect Him.  "If You love me, God, then chasten me." - DJ Official, "Chisel Me".  (Hebrews 12:7-11)

36.  I am intolerant of false gospels, called to separate from false teachers (who differ from me on closed-hand issues, such as the deity of Christ) and not welcome them or help their ministries.  The Lord Jesus Christ suffered and died for my sins, and God commands me to turn from my sins, not to other sins, but to Christ - to love what He loves and hate what He hates, which is a work that He must supernaturally do in me.  Realizing something of the cost that the Lord Jesus paid for my sins and the truth of this gospel makes me deeply grieved when false teachers add to it by saying that there are any good works I can do to gain salvation, reduce it by saying "Pray this prayer to accept Jesus into your little heart", or twist it to say that Christ died to give me better self-esteem or health and wealth.  "Avoid a sugared Gospel as you would shun sugar of lead. Seek that Gospel which rips up and tears and cuts and wounds and hacks and even kills, for that is the Gospel that makes alive again. And when you have found it, give good heed to it. Let it enter into your inmost being. As the rain soaks into the ground, so pray the Lord to let His Gospel soak into your soul." - C.H. Spurgeon on sugarcoating the gospel.  (Galatians 1:8; 2 John 1:7-11)

37.  I am committing my way to the Lord.  The true believer finds the yoke of obedience to Christ light and can rest in knowing that they have obeyed Him.  My only job is to do what He says when He calls.  He knows what I need and promises to sustain me.  "The ploughman sows and harrows, and then leaves the harvest to God. What can he do else? He cannot cover the heavens with clouds, or command the rain, or bring forth the sun or create the dew. He does well to leave the whole matter with God; and so to all of us it is truest wisdom, having obediently trusted in God, to leave results in His hands, and expect a blessed issue." - C.H. Spurgeon, The Treasury of David.  (Psalm 37:5)

38.  I am in first love with the Lord, whether I realize it or not.  All new Christians have a stage where they have great passion for the Lord and little knowledge of theology.  But many lose this first love as they tie themselves up in meting out God's law to others - and in some cases adding to it - without giving them grace or being sidetracked by this present world and its little pleasures.  "The sin Christ charged this church with, is, not the having left and forsaken the object of love, but having lost the fervent degree of it that at first appeared. Christ is displeased with his people, when he sees them grow remiss and cold toward him. Surely this mention in Scripture, of Christians forsaking their first love, reproves those who speak of it with carelessness, and thus try to excuse indifference and sloth in themselves and others; our Saviour considers this indifference as sinful. They must repent: they must be grieved and ashamed for their sinful declining, and humbly confess it in the sight of God. They must endeavour to recover their first zeal, tenderness, and seriousness, and must pray as earnestly, and watch as diligently, as when they first set out in the ways of God." - Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Bible.  (Revelation 2:2-4)

39.  I am guided as God sees fit to various geographic locations in order to make His name famous.  My Savior was homeless while He lived on earth.  Therefore, my happiness in Him cannot be tied to any earthly home.  "To me remains nor place nor time / My country is in every clime / I can be free from any care / On any shore, since God is there. / While place we seek, or place we shun, / This soul finds happiness in none. / But with a God to guide our way, / 'Tis equal joy to go or stay." - Madame Guyon, "My Lord, How Full of Sweet Content".  (Luke 9:58; Acts 1:8)

40.  I am dearly loved with an everlasting and unfailing love.  The love of the Lord for me is far greater than any love that I can have for Him.  "I find it very hard to sing about my love for God. ... For the most part you will just hear me sort of silent.  This puny thing I have, if you were to compare my love for God to the love that other men have had for God... I would be nowhere near the top. ... And then if I were to take my love [for God] and compare it to God's love for me, how could I even say, 'Oh, how I love You'?  But look what He says.  'How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!'  Love truly does cover a multitude of sins." - Paul Washer, "You Are Dearly Loved by God".  (Psalm 21:7; Song of Solomon 4:10)

Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 3

21.  I am differently driven.  Exhorted to do nothing out of selfish ambition, I must humbly seek to glorify God in everything I do.  This does not mean throwing away all ambitious dreams, but sanctifying them.  "Sometimes God brings our dreams to life; sometimes He doesn't.  But how we respond to His work creates an important intersection for change in our lives.  As we cooperate with Him, we discover that it's not ultimately about nailing the promotion, or raising well-behaved kids, or winning the Daytona 500 - as good as all of those things may be.  It's about something much bigger: how I become like Christ while I pursue these dreams." - Dave Harvey, Rescuing Ambition.  (Philippians 2:3)

22.  I am on the Lord's side.  This means that, particularly in times of distress, He gives me triumph over those who hate me and stand against me.  Nothing happens to anyone, believer or unbeliever, outside God's control.  But since I am His child, my Father in Heaven actively fights for me against my enemies.  "God will repay.  You cannot improve upon His justice.  He sees every angle of the evil against you - far better than you can see it.  His justice will be more thorough than any justice you could administer." - John Piper, Future Grace.  (Psalm 118:6-7, Romans 8:31-33).

23.  I am a hyper-conqueror through Him Who loved me.  The Lord gives me a most glorious victory in any trial, whether tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger, or sword.  Nothing can separate me from His love, as He is sovereign over all as the Creator and Sustainer of all things.  "They [trials] have the effect of making us super conquerors because in those times of weakness we are infused with divine strength.  Those trials work to our greater good.  They work to our eternal glory." - John MacArthur, "The Challenges to Christian Invincibility".  (Romans 8:37)

24.  I am looking forward to a different world, whose architect and builder is God.  Rather than living for this world, I look forward to another world and lay up my treasures there, not here.  Rather than looking to this world for ultimate satisfaction, I look forward to another world that is uncontaminated by idolatry, misdirected ambitions, and other forms of sin.  To me, heaven is wonderful because God is there; I would not want to spend eternity in a wonderful place without Him.  "Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power; might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of." - Jonathan Edwards, "The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards".  (Matthew 6:20; Hebrews 11:10)

25.  I am growing in God's grace and knowledge, aiming to have a faith in Him that is both zealous and intelligent.  Far from a call to put rational thought on hold, God calls me to discover more of the truth about Himself that He has spent 66 books revealing.  In addition to commanding me to love Him with my heart, soul, and strength, Christ also exhorts me to love Him with my mind.  "God's gift of understanding is through thinking, not instead of thinking." - John Piper, God's Passion for His Glory.  (Luke 10:27; Philippians 1:9-11; Romans 12:11; 2 Peter 3:18)

26.  I am forgiven of much, and I must forgive much.  My sins, regardless of their presumed severity and impact upon others, helped make the death of Christ necessary for my salvation.  Even a wayward thought, which no one sees and no one knows that I have had, is a sin against a holy God if not taken captive outright.  Even the smallest misdeed, when set against the background of a great Savior's tremendous sacrifice for it, is something that screams out of my life, "I need a Savior!"  How can I then say that I have the right to not forgive another person's wrongs against me?  "But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent of guilt which is left over.  To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian character; it is only fairness.  To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." - C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory.  "No prayers can be heard which do not come from a forgiving heart." - J.C. Ryle.  (Luke 7:41-48; Colossians 3:13)

27.  I am rejoicing when I see my brothers standing firm in the Lord.  Though it needs to be self-focused in the sense that I need to watch myself regarding sin and spending time with and obeying the Lord, the focus of my faith does not stop with me.  Even when my walk with Christ shows little progress, seeing others' faith not waver, particularly as they endure trials, is an encouragement to my faith.  (1 Thessalonians 3:8)

28.  I am finding Christ in common with other believers, even when their other interests do not match mine.  Such friendships are possible because commonality in Christ takes precedence over all worldly interests.  Even when I cannot speak the same languages that they speak, our devotion to Christ marks us out; as many missionaries can attest, they can tell when they are in the presence of brothers and sisters in the Lord.  I am hopeful that God will make my godly fellowship with other believers possible on a more worldwide scale.  (1 Thessalonians 3:11)

29.  I am a Jew under the new covenant.  In the old covenant, Jews had to be Jews outwardly through circumcision.  The new covenant changed our understanding of how the law is fulfilled because Christ fulfilled the law.  Many Jews in the outward sense opposed Christ and His ministry.  The true circumcision is not of flesh but of heart.  "... Christ Himself is 'the seed' of Abraham (Galatians 3:16), so that being in Christ means being Abraham's 'seed', and, therefore, heirs of the promise (Galatians 3:29, 16). ... So knowing that we non-Jews are 'latecomers' to the covenant of Abraham and that we are nevertheless loved as full fellow-heirs should humble us and give us hope.  Humble hope in the Messiah, Jesus Christ, is the aim of all redemption.  For humility puts us in our lowly place of happy dependence, and hope puts God in His exalted place of glorious mercy." - John Piper, Taste and See.  (Romans 2:29)

30.  I am serving a perfect Master.  The world serves masters that will ultimately fail them: money, sex, power, pleasure in self, even family and goodwill.  These masters will fail them because the God over all, Who gave them life and breath and the ability to chase these things, will not allow them or anyone else to steal His glory.  He will be ultimately glorified in the end.  And no one can serve two masters.  He will hate one, even if it is something good that he is doing for the wrong reasons, and love the other.  Or he will hate the other and love the one.  "And I don't want to change on the so called spiritual level. I want to change in the inner chambers of my heart. That even His thoughts the deepest expression of who He is; it was his desire that they be according to the will of almighty God. The freest man on the face of the earth is the one who makes himself a slave to a perfect master. Where has God been wrong, and where has He wronged you? Has there ever been a time when listened to Him? When you obeyed Him, when you sought out His will that He has misled you somehow? "Never!" But have you ever followed your own ways and been mislead by your own devices? Always." - Paul Washer, "This Is War".  (Luke 16:13).

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This might be my last post before I go to the Philippines, depending on how much time I have to write on my upcoming trips.  In case I don't get to write again before or on Christmas, merry Christmas and happy New Year (maligayang Pasko, at manigong Bagong Taon!).

This trip is the first "vacation" I have ever prepared for by prayer and fasting.  I don't know whether to call it a vacation or a missions trip, or some of both.  My hosts and I will go do some fun stuff and sightseeing.  I also have a long Bible study prepared to present for the annual kickoff of my main host's Bible study group.  Last Friday, I did a test run of it for three other men in my Bible study who are also leaders in our church.  It was well-received, and their comments were helpful.  Lord willing, I will go verse-by-verse through a passage of 1 John and also look at Philemon.  I have a full verse-by-verse lesson on Philemon prepared too, but it does not align well with the topic of the study, so I will shorten it unless people want to hear the whole thing.  After I give the study lesson, I plan to post it here.  I'm sure I will also want to write about my trip.  So I don't know if the next post during or after the trip will be "Identities... Part 4" or something else. :-)

Lord willing, I will also see at least one of the children that I have sponsored there.  He is a college student, though he is taking some time off from that so that his parents can support putting one of his older brothers through college.  Please pray that I will minister well to everyone I get to meet in the Philippines, that I will live the gospel life before them and in private, that I will grow in the Lord and that I will set for them a good example of Christlike character and manhood.

"'I am going down into the pit; you hold the ropes', said Carey, the pioneer missionary. They that hold the ropes, and the daring miner that swings away down in the darkness, are one in work, may be one in the motive, and, if they are, shall be one in the reward. "

- Alexander MacLaren.

"We need to keep theological thugs like you off the street."

As I have mentioned in some earlier posts, I finished switching churches a little more than a year ago. Since then, I have only had occasional contact with friends from my old church. One guy in particular became fast friends with me when he first started going there, when he had not really found his niche there yet. We have a similar educational background, do similar work, and have a similar interest in Reformed doctrine. Meeting him in a church that was pretty close to Arminian (believing only the P of TULIP) was a bit of a shock. When I met him, I was still a cage-stage Calvinist that went to Bible study each week with a long list of quotes from Reformed sermons that I had written down at work. The sermon quotes genuinely helped other members of the group, though others who took a less intellectual approach to Christianity probably felt beat up by some of them

We got back in touch a couple weeks ago for the first time since Next, when he wanted to show me the new place he is renting in preparation for his wedding next month. When he asked what was new, I told him that I was doing pretty well, working hard, and keeping busy serving in my church. And his reply started with this:

"Glad to hear you're keeping busy. Its best we keep theological thugs like you off the street, lol. :)"

Several weeks later, I'm still thinking about this. "Theological thug"? Wow. Is this really the legacy that I left at my old church when I left it?

This assessment is fair any way you look at it. When I was still going to two churches, I was learning a good deal about how to love the brethren. Yet I applied that love conditionally, toward people with a similar interest in theology. I am still doing that, to some extent. I don't enjoy pointless hanging out, talking about nothing, for hours on end. So my love becomes conditional and I become indifferent toward anyone who was not "last seen swimming in a sea of old books with Paul Washer blasting through his earbuds".

The word "thug" is interestingly applied. I'm not a thug in the conventional sense. I look like a yuppie, minus the Starbucks, plus a smoothie. I neither have nor want tattoos or piercings. I've never been in trouble with the law of the land, despite my paranoid nature around speed cameras. In short, some people might call me a model son for a white homeschooling Christian family in a lot of ways - minus, of course, that I graduated from a secular university. People might be surprised to find out that I spent a year as a pseudo-goth in high school and have a current affinity for Christian hip-hop.

When Jesus warns that few actually find the way to eternal life (Matthew 7:14), He is talking to a group of religious people that believe they are saved. It is worth it to keep this in mind. When armchair theologians engage in their version of thuggery, they often do so with no love at all. Pharisees had no love for those who did not reach their level of perceived holiness. Theological thugs of our day are often the same way. They only see love this way:

"And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it." (2 John 1:6)

Without context, you can barely tell what the commandment is. If you are a theological thug, what do you do with texts like these?

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." (1 John 4:7)

"If someone says, 'I love God', and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen." (1 John 4:20)

And it all goes back to these:

"And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, 'Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?' And He said to him, 'What is written in the law? How does it read to you?' And he answered, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.' And He said to him, 'You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.' But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbor?'" (Luke 10:25-29).

Here, Jesus affirms the whole point of the law in loving God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind, and in loving your neighbor as yourself. The lawyer realizes that he can't justify himself according to this. When have I ever loved the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength, and all my mind? At best, it is an imperfect passion. When have I ever loved my neighbor as myself? At best, my love for others is inconsistent. Even if I could master this over a lifetime, what about all of my frequent smaller-looking failings where I still acted in my own self-interests rather than in God's interests or the interests of others? What about the years of my life when I lived, not even knowing about this commandment from the law? God's standard still applies to me even when I was ignorant about it. I cannot trust myself for my own salvation!

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loves us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)

You did not start by loving God. If you only love God's commandments and your own ability to keep them, your love is really for your own ability to get everything right. If you really love God, you will love what He loves - and who. You will not only hate outward sins that plague "the world", but the inward sins of your own heart that affect you deeply every day.

The tenses of "love" in this verse are interesting. Other translations might not capture it as well. "We loved God" - I can't tell which past tense this is in the Greek (I don't know Greek), but does this mean "one time", as in, "We never even once loved God"? "He loves us" - this is ongoing. Never failing. Eternal. Perfect love. He never fails to keep us sustained within this love that always protects us, always perseveres, and always ensures our full salvation from the wrath that we deserve to experience for all of eternity.

"His Son" - the object of the Father's love since eternity past and for eternity future. God's love is eternal because He did not have to create anything to make Himself a loving being. He has existed in three persons since before creation: eternally loving, eternally just, eternally all-powerful, eternally all-knowing, and eternally worthy of all praise and adoration. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have had a perfect love for each other for all of time. The only time the Father did not see the Son as perfectly worthy of His love was on the cross, when He saw Him as a sinner who was taking on the sin of everyone for whom He died. God does not need us to love Him (imperfectly) or worship Him (imperfectly) for Him to feel perfectly worshiped.

"propitiation for our sins" - Of everyone who has ever lived in a human body, only Christ is sinless. Only Christ lived the perfect life that we could not live and died the perfect death that we could not die. Therefore, only Christ could atone for our many sins against God. Only Christ could satisfy His Father's righteous, just anger against our sins against Him - including the idolatry of wanting to know everything we can theologically with the improper motive of lording it over others and condemning them for not wanting to have that knowledge or seeing side issues differently than we do.

"Did you know that hell is of infinite duration? The primary reason is because every sin you commit is committed against an infinitely worthy and good God. ...

"David sinned against his people. David committed adultery with a woman. David murdered a man, but in the end he said this:

"'Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned.'

"Why is sin so terrible? Because it is committed against God. Why don't we tremble? We don't know what that means. And why don't we know what that means? Because we do not know who God is. Such a glorious and blessed being!"

- Paul Washer.

Do we even see the sinfulness of theological thuggery - as sinful as any other sin against a holy, just, and merciful God? I'm not saying this about orthodoxy in and of itself, but of orthodoxy for the sake of being proud about it. We need to check ourselves against it and know what it means to be broken over it - not only so that our legacy with others will not involve "he was all law, without grace" or "he was all doctrine, without love", but because sin against the God who loves perfectly runs so much deeper than that. It is more than just an unbalanced application of Scripture. It is actually sin that God hates as much as He hates adultery and murder.

"Please hear my heart, like a stethoscope.

We're taking steps toward death, but looking for hope.

Because we were captured by sin.

We were seized. Now we need to be captured again.

That's why we need to pick them Scriptures up,

Start praying and fasting, and ask the Father to forgive us of -

Forgive us for laziness, forgive us Lord for our pride.

Forgive us for worldliness. Forgive us, cleanse us inside. ...

We confess our lack of love. We confess selfish ambition. ...

O Lord, bring us to repentance!"

- Flame.