Andy Mineo (f.k.a. C-Lite) - "Who's Watching"

Theoretical situation:

I take all of your thoughts, just in the past hour, and put them up on a projector screen for everybody to see.

Yo, God sees those.

We're really that wicked. He's really that holy.

Now, He sees those

Lies from the guys that try to divide.

But God's on my side, so the bride will survive.

Keep my eyes on the prize when the conflict arise.

To live is Christ, and it's gain if I die.

Might seem strange, insane in the eyes

Mainstream cats, they chasin' the lies

Thinkin' that everything they attain is the idealistic,

But really, it all stays when you die.

Think I'm crazed 'cause I don't put my faith in the phrase of a page of a book that was made by man?

That's the statement that stands, my neighbors in France (?)

I think you need the basics, man.

If they never look to see what it says, they can't test

To see if it's true or even take the exam.

Basically, fam, they don't want to think about the grave when it's really time to lay in the sand.

And really, it's only because they're afraid to examine

The ways of their heart. It don't make them say, "Yeah!"

If they find truth in the faith in the jam 'cause all of a sudden it would put a change in their plans.

Can't get crunk, can't get high,

No sex yet, gotta wait for your bride.

If that's the concern of your whole life's purpose,

You missed the whole point. That life's worthless.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

What are they trying to say?

Christians, trapped like a prisoner?

Really got it backwards, mister.

[You've] got the roles twisted, just don't see the big picture.

Gotta zoom out, see the truth now.

It's the things that we're staying away from,

Make you think that we're lame and evade fun.

'Cause we call it sin and refrain, my friend.

Yo, it's 'cause we know it'll bring pain in the end.

Let me give examples that's ample:

A mouth (?) can't keep your pants on, romance on the couch

With your girlfriend and a couple more - ow

Sooner or later, you're going to say, "Ouch!"

Or what about when it's time to settle down,

Want to get married, maybe have a small child.

With the girl of your dreams, you could share all your secrets.

What if she asks, "How many girls did you sleep with?"

Or vice versa! A double standard? If you knew how many mans [sic] was in it, it would hurt you.

When you come face to face to touch lips, and wonder what else just kissed you.

I ain't trying to dis. None of us [are] perfect.

But why live in sin if you know it brings a hearse trip?

It ain't worth it! We [were] made for a purpose:

His praise and His worship.

I'm hoping you learn this.

Sin is so wack!

It eventually exploits itself. By the time you figure it out, you can't go back!

That's the reason why I serve Him. He's so real, and I'm so certain.

How do I know?

Well, I met Him when I let Him come up in my frame

I opened my heart and believed, and I ain't never been the same

Outside the blood that was spilled for my sin.

Then I called on His name: Jesus!

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(This song is from Andy's mixtape Sin Is Wack, available on his website. If you are reading this because you were looking for the words to this song, please check out my other posts from the menu at the right! Also, please let me know if I got any of this wrong.)

Lessons I Learned from Next 2011

Here are some lessons for my spiritual life that I took away from this year's Next Conference. The sessions did not cover these points, but I thought of them as a result of worshiping God and having fellowship with other believers there.

1. Do not think of corporate worship as a performance where you must be seen by God or others. After a couple sessions, the passion of the worship sets started to get to my head. Before one session, I went down the stairs of the hotel like an arena announcer was about to call my name to get on the court in the NBA Finals. And I had my hands in the air like a lot of other people, but no tears in that worship set. I could not really think about God. I wondered why I could not behold the beauty of Christ or really think about what I was singing. I was doing what I was doing not in order to be close to God and worship Him as I ought, but to get the emotional high and the general sense of euphoria first. Crying in a song is stupid unless the subject of the song means more to you than life.

2. If you see someone who you will probably never see again and you know that they also know the Lord, maximize that short time with them by pouring into their life and being a blessing. Similarly, lean upon and learn from the words of Scripture to a point where, as C.H. Spurgeon said, if people cut you, you bleed Scripture. This can be a great encouragement to others.

3. My "bachelor pack", as Brother Washer calls it, is a great help to me spiritually, but is not forever. Four of us made the trip to Next and stayed in two hotel rooms. My roommate, who has been a great friend to me during the several years that I have known him, will be married by the end of this year. One of the other men has been pursuing a young lady for a year. And the other one seems to meet a new young lady every other week! (Only an inside joke. :-) ) As a career-age single, I know that people get married and move on. Several men from my previous church with whom I used to spend a lot of time are now married and have been mostly or completely out of touch with me since their weddings. (It's almost comedic, the responses I may get from saying this. Even recently, someone told me, "You're 25? You're so young. You shouldn't be married yet!" And I'm sure many people from my old homeschool group would think I belong in a monastery because I am not married at my age. Silly culture! ;-) )

4. Thy bachelor pack is not sufficient for thee. There are times when I cannot continue hanging out in my bachelor pack; I must be alone with God. Spending time with them is very edifying but does not, in the end, leave me satisfied. Regularly, I just need to cordon off certain times in my life and say that only God can go there with me. And this does not come, necessarily, at a set time. I can't just schedule certain times in my life for God to reveal more of Himself to me and leave me undone. My schedule is subject to Christ's Lordship. Sometimes He just calls me to come away with Him, and I must do it, or else miss a time of deep and abiding fellowship with my Lord.

5. I was bolder in evangelism on this trip than I am at home. In my own town, I almost never witness, since my work is very busy and tiring and most of my free time goes to either the church or solitude with God. At Next, around many other Christians, I had a few minutes to explain to a Catholic man at the resort why so many people were there for the conference, and hopefully left him with a better understanding of who the God of Scripture is and why we should worship Him. The conference itself could be used as a means to witness to others in the host city.

6. Sometimes the best worship is just to sing the words of God back to Him. The song I will remember the most from this conference is Shane & Shane's "Worthy of Affection", based on Hebrews 1:

"We are the broken down, and we are the beaten up.

But what could stop us from a song of unending love?

Holy is the Lord!

You are a treasure, the hope, the bright and Morning Star.

You are the Lover of our Souls, and You've won our hearts.

We sing of Your great love.

So we sing. We lift our hands and sing:

"You are worthy of affection!

You're the radiance of all of His glory.

Let adoration fill this place.

You hold everything together

By the word of Your immovable power.

We sing a song of praise!"

-----

"1:1 Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, 2 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. 3 He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4 having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.

5 For to which of the angels did God ever say,

“You are my Son,
today I have begotten you”?

Or again,

“I will be to him a father,
and he shall be to me a son”?

6 And again, when he brings the firstborn into the world, he says,

“Let all God's angels worship him.”

7 Of the angels he says,

“He makes his angels winds,
and his ministers a flame of fire.”

8 But of the Son he says,

“Your throne, O God, is forever and ever,
the scepter of uprightness is the scepter of your kingdom.
9 You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has anointed you
with the oil of gladness beyond your companions.”

- Hebrews 1:1-9 (ESV, emphasis mine).

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 3

18. If I compare myself with others, I will cease to be satisfied in Christ and will probably become covetous. He really is all-satisfying, and I really do see Him as all-sufficient, if I run after Him like a horse wearing blinders. Covetousness, on the other hand, is at the root of all kinds of sin, not the least of which is discontentment with what God has given me. If I balk at losing a courtship, how would I handle real suffering for the name of Christ?

19. There is no magic reset button that erases my memory of the courtship and helps me feel much better. And I don't want that. I don't regret meeting her. I was expecting that a recent church camp and conference in May would cure me of the pain that I have felt as a result of this courtship ending. But I continue to think about it every day; it enters my mind whenever my mind is idle, and even when I am trying to read or worship. Thoughts about her and the other characters in this story haunt me. Healing takes however long it takes, and I cannot draw a deadline for it.

20. I must rejoice with those who rejoice regardless of whether I have received the same blessings. Recently, one of my good friends got married. He is in his mid-30s and had never been on a date until about 2 years ago. Their wedding, in May between the church camp and the conference, was hard for me to bear. This was the first wedding I had attended since my courtship ended. I was happy for them, but during the ceremony my expression was a blank stare. One of my friends noticed that. Ignoring another person's happiness is actually disobeying Scripture.

21. People in the theological rarefied air of Reformed Christianity tend to have less faith than people who embrace false doctrine. Her family firmly believes that God will turn the Philippines into a Christian nation with an all-Christian government and no political corruption, if only they pray and fast enough. They were also quite convinced for a while that God would give them good things and that I was "the man for her". Meanwhile, I would sit in my collection of books and podcasts, trying to deconstruct the myth of "the one" for them and explain how God promises that Christians are going to suffer and you should feel fortunate if God gives you anything good on this earth. And my conclusion is that maybe I have gone too far in this. I am believing the right things, but it has led me to a general lack of faith and a doubt when I pray for God to bless me or to work in the lives of others. And that shouldn't be. My God is bigger than the god of the health and wealth gospel, because He saves me from my sin, not my lack of self-esteem, and He keeps me regardless of me.

22. I am still trying to rebuild a prayer life that was formerly much better than it became during the courtship. Before the courtship started, I was praying radically for the nations, especially for the Philippines. On the way to work, I would pray through tears for members of the New People's Army and the Abu Sayyaf, the two most major terrorist organizations in the Philippines, that God would tear out their hearts of stone, which exist in every man, woman, and child, not only in criminals, and replace them with a heart of flesh that can respond to Him - that He would pour clean water on them and they would be clean, for His glory. During the courtship, my prayers turned mostly toward her, that she would be right for me, that she would make much of Christ and grow in Christlikeness and knowledge of and about Him. As the courtship went on and I realized that she and I did not share the same vision, my prayers about her got more and more desperate until I realized, months later, that I just needed to submit to the Lord and let her go. But now that I don't have her to pray about, I am praying more for myself and others to be able to sustain their spiritual and emotional highs that we get at camps and conferences.

23. Much of what I looked for and prayed for in a wife does not really matter. I was focused too much on outward appearance and background. Just because I have a covenant with my eyes regarding how I look at women, that I will only look at their faces, does not mean at all that I don't have idolatry regarding "what is the perfect face"! Even if I do not focus my prayers toward the... er... non-facial attributes of a woman's appearance, I still spent a lot of time before I met her telling God, "Lord, I want her to be exactly this cute!" After a while, He answered that prayer and showed me over time that I should not have prayed for that.

24. The above raises a question: why are my prayers so focused on her outward appearance? A large part of it is the pride that I will feel if I outdo other members of my family or my friends by marrying someone who looks very beautiful. I have never been popular, but being able to be the ugly half of the world's cutest couple gives me status among my friends. Having cute children in the future increases that status. During my courtship, I felt much more confident than I did before or do now. Another reason is fear. I know several men who more well-read in theology than I am, quite close to Christ, quite a lot more well-prepared for marriage than most of the "men" I know who actually get married - and yet they do not marry until later in life than most. I have fear that it is my fate to stay single for life or for a while, when I am too weak to stay unmarried intentionally for an extended time, and then settle for a woman who takes care of herself spiritually but not physically. (Speaking of which, I have a very disciplined workout routine and took a break from my workout for this morning to write this. I took a break since I have the time and energy to write right now. :-) ) Yet God's grace is enough.

25. The other half of that question is "... when God looks at the heart?" - both her heart and mine. The pool of available candidates becomes much smaller when I narrow it to only women who are not Sunday Christians, but who have a radical vision to make much of Christ. And having a common vision is not about wanting to have a bunch of cute kids and raising them just so, because that can be done in a way that does not make much of Him. Rather, it is a question of where her ambitions lie. Does she realize the seriousness and urgency of Christ's kingdom and seek to live in a war? Does she know how to be alone with the Lord and delight in Him? Does she desire to sit under sound preaching and be convicted by the Word of God? Does she know how to be an intercessor, not for health and wealth, but for redemptive history to move forward, for Christ to be supreme locally and among the nations? Does she have a heart to draw others closer to Christ? Does she love the body of Christ sacrificially? Can it truly be said that this world is not worthy of her? All of this is what matters, and not her perfection in each point but her making progress toward it. As a man, I must be able to lead this kind of woman spiritually. To do that, I must not be a Sunday Christian either. This also intensifies my own drive to spiritual maturity. When I do meet her (probably another "her" now), I must also be the kind of person that desires to make God's name great in my own life, in my local church, and among the nations.

These and the lessons I listed in the two previous posts are just 25 of the lessons that I have learned in the first 3 months since my courtship ended. I am sure the Lord will continue to teach me about this as time goes on. My courtship was not recreational dating, so going through this has felt like going through a divorce. For now, I still think about her and what might have been every day. But I am starting to move past it, by the grace of God.

In the next post, God willing, I would like to make exhortations to my fellow singles in the body of Christ who sense a calling to marriage but are still waiting to meet their future spouse.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 2

9. My love for the Philippines is not tied to her. I still have a deep love for that country and its people! At nag-aaral pa ako sa wikang Tagalog... :-) More than ever, I want to take a missions trip there. In part, this courtship has helped me to define why I want to go and what work desperately needs to be done there. Their love for others is great, but their doctrine is shallow. I wish that they would learn our doctrine and we Americans could learn their love. Love is, in fact, a much greater sign that someone truly knows Christ than good doctrine; anyone can memorize. Although I am but a layman, I would love to go over there and teach young men about how to read Scripture in context and discern truth from error. Many preachers do not know how to do this, especially in the Third World. American Reformed Christians, we have an abundance of theological resources that we must use to reach the world and build up Christ's pan-national Bride!

10. My desire to go to the Philippines is now more about edifying specific brothers. After my church's young adult group's camp, I tweeted that one brother had made the trip from the Philippines to our church to help out with our camp. He was only here for a little while, but I grew close to him quickly. I honestly want to fly around the world just to see this brother and spend more time with him. And the original reason for wanting to go remains. I sponsor two children in the Philippines through Compassion and want to see them. There is only so much I can do for them when I am at a distance and only have small amounts of time to write. Even when I can't have intimacy with God very often, I still think about missions. Even when I am at work in my "secular" vocation, I think about missions. And what part of "go" don't I understand??

11. Loving the Bride of Christ is more important than finding love. When I met her, I had never been a member of a church and had barely any clue how to love the local church. I was also outside the will of God because the Holy Spirit had been prompting me for many years to be baptized and I didn't want to be. I was using this blog as a way to love the global body of Christ while not identifying myself with a local body. I signed my church's membership covenant last fall and took water baptism soon after. Since then, God has shown me more about what loving the church means, by putting me in a local church where no one looks like me and where the people my age are overwhelmingly male. If you think a young man should come to church to find a wife, you would say I probably went to the wrong church. But this church is a great place for me to serve.

12. Not delighting in God more than her during a courtship will result in idolatry. Not delighting in God more than her after a courtship ends will result in insanity and resentment toward Him. He is glorified, and I am properly happy in Him, when I delight in Him alone.

13. God can teach through the scars of self-inflicted wounds. I use this language to describe wounds of the heart; I have never cut myself, although I have recently found myself listening to emo! Although my friends initially looked at this courtship quite favorably, as we kept learning more and thinking about it more, we realized it really was not good. And I have realized that, as a man, this was all my fault.

14. Don't move too fast. Because she was only in the United States for 5 weeks, I felt like I had to be utterly convinced that she was right for me before she boarded her plane to return home. I felt like I had to spend every waking minute with her while she was here. This is infatuation, not love. Trying to do something like this will not allow you to look at the whole situation with your eyes open and determine which imperfections you are willing to accept. Everyone, aside from Christ, has them. Even as we follow Christ, we (especially in my generation) tend to find some aspects of Him that we do not want to follow. We want the crown, but not the cross. I want to worship Him, but I rarely want to evangelize; and some of my peers are the opposite.

15. Solitude with Christ is still precious, and I must fight for it to remain solitude with Christ. Before and during the courtship, solitude was a great luxury for me. I could spend whole days alone in the presence of the Lord. But during this season, when in solitude for extended periods, I have found myself thinking about her, about what might have been. And it has led me to resent God. I need time to just read and write and pray without distractions. Thoughts about her are crippling to my fellowship with Christ because they take my focus off of Christ, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross to bear the wrath of His Father for each of my sins - oh, to meditate on just that for days and to worship Him Who paid it all! He is worthy of all affection and adoration!

16. I must go on serving the Lord. We make much of God when we contribute to the work of the Bride of Christ on this earth. This does not only mean money; it also means using the spiritual gifts that He has given me to exhort and teach His followers. The work is still there even when I do not feel strong enough to do it. In fact, continuing to do it when my spiritual life is not going as well requires a greater trust in Him than it does when I feel strong. Who am I to ever call myself strong? I am weak by nature; I see something of this weakness every time I sin! The Lord calls the weak and the broken!

16. Even in despair, I must remain in gospel-driven community and keep that community gospel-driven. I need brothers in Christ to help me keep my focus on Him and not on myself. Sometimes I am discouraged by how little godly fellowship I actually get and how the people that I fellowship with tend to center it on things other than God or just talk about problems they see in the church. And hanging out talking about nothing only masks problems rather than solving them with more of Christ. I don't want to dwell on problems in the church, because she is the bride of Christ and Christ does not see His bride as unfaithful. Sometimes during this season, I really have not desired God. But He is still God. He is still my Lord and my Master. He still has a hold on me, even when I don't like that. He disciplines and chisels those who are really His. And the chisel only gets stronger until we meet Him in glory.

17. I should never boast to anyone about my love for Christ. Last year, I was listening to a sermon by Paul Washer where he mentioned that he finds it hard to sing about his love for Christ because it pales in comparison to Christ's love for Him. During this season, I have learned this more deeply and experientially. Christ died for my resentment of Him regarding her and having to give her up as part of the cost of following Him.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 1

As I mentioned in the previous post, I have been putting together a list of 25 things I have learned during and after my international courtship. Here is the first part of that list:

1. Distance is not a bad thing in a relationship, as long as you maintain clear and regular lines of communication. If anything, distance can actually help because the relationship becomes based on words. It also helps maintain a higher standard of physical purity and takes away temptations to fall in that area. However, emotional temptations still exist and probably become stronger.

2. Trust between two partners in a long-distance courtship is critically important. A great deal of doubts and suspicion arise when you cannot trust the other person to stay committed in a courtship. For about 8 months, I never smiled with interest at another woman, lest I betray my trust to her. She and I were in a stalemate because I would not tell her that I loved her until she showed commitment to me, and she would not give me her commitment or her love until I told her that I loved her. So she allowed other young men to stay in the picture, although her only other suitor was an unbeliever. Ultimately, I did not tell her that I loved her (although I definitely did!) because our doctrinal differences would have left her unwilling to stay involved in my church and my first loyalty is to God, not to a woman. (To clarify, if I were married, I would not divorce my wife if she turned out to embrace false doctrine or be a false believer. Scripture forbids that. But this was a courtship.)

3. Do not use theology to manipulate a courtship partner. For most of this courtship, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I had access to great theological resources and she did not. So in effect, I was using the courtship as a means to teach her sound doctrine. After a while, she felt like she had to earn my love. Men, you have to know what you believe and what she believes before the courtship begins. Do not bait her with, "If you will suddenly stop being an Arminian and believe the 5 solas and the 5 points, you can have a courtship with me" or "As soon as you say, 'I am a Calvidispiebaptogelical' or 'I am a hedonist. I seek my pleasure ... / not in wealth, no, He's my treasure!', I will have a rock for your finger!" (If you live on a gravel road, rocks are cheap. ;-) )

4. Know when to walk away. I spent a significant amount of time in prayer about her and fasted for probably a total of a week and a half to two weeks, spread over the whole courtship period. During the last month of the courtship, I realized that I already knew what was pleasing to God and was using fasting to try to manipulate Him. I really just needed to obey Him in faith.

5. "They are somehow our brothers, man." - Sho Baraka. Some people who subscribe to false teaching are merely trapped there and will accept the true Word of God when it is shared with them. However, to keep listening to false teachers, they refuse to discern. We cannot say that everyone who does not reject the teaching of a heretic is unconverted. Many people who accept false teaching bear more good fruit for the Lord than I do. Their communion with God is more uninterrupted; they are better at loving the brethren; they are more willing to serve. If I do not love them back, that reflects a problem with my heart, not with theirs.

6. Don't expect someone from an egalitarian background to suddenly become a complementarian because of love. I said in the previous post that her father is a pastor. Her mother is also a pastor and regularly preaches in their church's service on Sundays. To any Reformed Baptist, this is a red flag. Scripture does not permit women to teach or have authority over men in the church. Many people have said this instruction from the Apostle Paul merely applies to the culture of New Testament times, when he did his ministry. I would counter with this: if a church permits women to preach, that is often indicative of more important compromises in doctrine. Here, there were many. I never mentioned the issue of women preaching to her or her family, not wanting to start a fight over a side issue, but I kept this in the back of my mind. People put up a false front to get other people to love them.

7. Doctrinal differences that can be smoothed over between friends become magnified a thousand fold in a courtship, engagement, or marriage. Biblical manhood and womanhood is one very significant area for couples. She had never heard those terms or was unfamiliar with them, so I tried to explain to her what they meant. I showed her from Scripture that it is good for a married woman to be busy at home and have her heart at home, not in the workplace; to work only out of necessity and not define herself by her job. And I told her that my goal in working and planning my future is not to be rich, but to still give her no financial reason to need to work outside the home. Although she was possibly telling me this from a short-sighted point of view, she told me she wanted to always work and admitted to me that she is a workaholic before her long hours started. After the long hours started, she mostly only wanted to discuss her job and did not want to talk about God with me. That was when I truly realized that our visions do not line up. Having a common vision for the family based on a common understanding of Biblical manhood and womanhood resolves many conflicts.

8. I became deeply aware of the global theological famine and, in particular, its effects on Christians in the Third World. Desiring God International Outreach uses the term "global theological famine" to describe the inability of Christians outside the Western world to access theological resources that help establish them in sound doctrine. Even Christians who have access to a complete Bible do not always know how to read it in a profitable way that shows them the truth. They cannot learn the historical and cultural context of the Word. As a result, many of them do not realize that Jeremiah 29:11 was not written to them, claim it as their favorite verse, and believe that God has promised by it to get them out of poverty. And then when they have spent the whole rest of their lives in poverty, their faith is crushed.

What Happened To My Courtship

Back in the Godly Fellowship series, I mentioned that I was courting a young woman, praying about her, and seeking the advice of godly kuyas and ates from my church. I really wanted to write a "Preliminary Thoughts on Courtship" post describing what I have learned about a variety of topics - her, myself, God, the courtship process, our cultures, and so on - during the process.

For context, please permit me to write a short timeline of the events that took place. Last April, she took a truly providential business trip to the US. Initially, her company had selected other people to go. Yet that changed, and they chose her and several of her friends instead for the trip. The company initially slated them to go to a different state, halfway across the country. Two more changes later, the company sent her and her friends to my state for four weeks.

One of my kuyas at church is from the same city as this young woman. Their fathers are pastors and know each other well. My kuya's father, who has since returned to the Philippines, was in town for a short while and preached at my church on the day that I met her. He told me that he had someone for me to meet, a pastor's daughter. Initially, I said no. I was not looking for anyone to date or court. Late in 2007, I had repented of recreational dating and started to read good theological books and pursue God harder than I ever had before. But my friends convinced me to go meet her, and I decided to go with them.

That day still goes down in my life as a memorable day. I do not regret my decision to meet her. She is a quite beautiful, usually very nice girl. We had good godly fellowship from day one. And I started thinking in terms of the first question in the Desiring God article "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage": "What do you believe about everything?" That Saturday, my church was having a special worship service. She, two of her friends, and one of my best friends came with me. Both of my pastors preached. She heard good, sound preaching on worship and liked what she heard. The next week, my seasonal allergies arrived and left me sick for a week and a half. Her company extended her stay for one week because at least one person in her group had arrived in the US after she did and they wanted to have all four of them come home on the same flight. I went out with her and her friends several more times during that week. While we were in an observation tower at an amusement park, we made our courtship official. The next Friday night, I took her to a large, peaceful park where I enjoy hiking and then out to dinner at one of the nicest malls in the area. We talked in the hotel lobby for a bit and then exchanged probably the tightest, most emotional hug I have ever had. That was the farthest we went physically. She waved to me as I drove off, and when I was out of sight of the hotel, I wept enough that I could barely see to drive.

We stayed in touch very regularly for a while after she went home. We would chat online five nights a week, and on Fridays after work we would talk on the phone for three, four, five-plus hours. It was an almost sacred night of the week for me. On my work calendar, I marked myself busy every Friday night and told my friends that if they wanted to spend time with me, they would need to do it on Saturday or Sunday. Friday nights were her time. We read through Joshua Harris's book Dug Down Deep together and talked about what we were reading. Throughout the summer and early fall, we became a lot closer to each other even though we were half a world apart.

Then her work told her that she was in line for a promotion. She was already working about 9-10 hours a day with a long commute on top of that, but in October her client increased her goals while she was also spending an almost full-time effort training new hires. Twelve hours became a short work day for her. This took a huge toll on her spiritual life, and our conversations lost depth as well. Our doctrinal differences became much more apparent, with one of my pastors becoming the new senior pastor of my church and my church's becoming much more focused on expositional preaching and the hard demands of Christ's Lordship over our lives. I was finding that, while she initially agreed with a lot of what I said, as I started to tell her what my pastor was saying, she had little to say and did not really agree with it. Around the same time, I was regularly in touch with her family, who would frequently tell me about prophetic dreams and visions, which they see as binding but often do not back up with Scripture.

As the long hours continued, we stopped chatting online. Another guy at her work, who is not a believer, became interested in her. She would not let him court her, but she never gave her commitment to me either. I stayed in touch with her mostly through her family and occasional phone calls during lunch or on Friday nights. And as I learned more about her doctrine from her family, the Holy Spirit (the one who regenerates dead hearts and convicts of sin, not the one Benny Hinn talks about!) convicted me and left me with a total lack of peace. In February, my pastor showed a video of Benny Hinn's services in church and explained how unbiblical they are. He is also well aware of the organization overseas that my friend and her family are part of and told me that they do similar things. Her family was constantly telling me that I need to fly across the world to attend that group's conferences. I told my pastor that there was no way that I could be part of that and I was going to end the courtship. For several weeks, I did not contact her at all except for one phone call. We both decided to end the courtship in early March.

So it has now been more than two months since the courtship ended. Our one-year anniversary would have been several weeks ago. Recently, she contacted me to inform me that she is now in love with her unbelieving suitor. This was very painful news to take.

God has been teaching me a lot through this. As I have been learning from Him, I have been writing. For the next several posts, I hope to show you, as my reader(s), what He has taught me in hopes that you may exercise wisdom.

Daughters and sons of Jerusalem, Washington, Manila, and every other city, I charge you, for the sake of the name of the King of Glory, the purity of the members of the Body of Christ, and the protection of young men and women's hearts:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,

Though it demand all cost of you and fires

On this fallen sphere."

17 Things To Be As a (Future) Husband.

"Finally, pray less that God would show you who is the right husband or wife and pray more to be the right kind of spouse. Dump your list of seventeen things you need in a husband/wife and make yourself a list of seventeen things you need to be as a wife or husband."

- Kevin DeYoung.

Recently, I reread one of my favorite books, Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung, in its entirety. Having been in a courtship for most of the past year and not knowing which way it will go, now is a good time for me to fill out what I must be. I have also been reading John Piper's Report on His Leave of Absence (http://desiringgod.org/blog/posts/john-pipers-report-on-his-leave-of-absence) and trying to incorporate that into my list.

1. I must be continually abiding in Christ and satisfied in Him. Romantic love is not to be my ultimate source of satisfaction. Christ must be. If I become obsessed with what a woman thinks of me, even if it is my wife, I am actually committing the sin of idolatry before a holy God. Not to mention, it will drive me insane. I know this from my courtship.

2. I must be obedient to the commands of Scripture. This only includes full obedience, because partial or delayed obedience is disobedience. I must be willing to risk rejection by the world and take risks for the sake of the gospel.

3. I must have a good and regular spiritual diet, using the Bible most of all but also doctrinally sound Christian books. Books, I have found, are amazing sources of wisdom. I must read Scripture both systematically and to specific passages, as the Lord leads.

4. I must be constantly aware of my own inadequacies and failures and not be self-righteous. An asawa would do much to show me about my own failings before God and before her and expose my imperfections. Being binata at the moment, no particular person can clue me in to my own failures to the same level that an asawa can.

5. I must be a capable provider who can always have or readily find good work to provide for my asawa and the kids. In providing for them, I must realize that my asawa must have a husband and my children must have a father. Work must never take the top priority in my life.

6. I must be consistently loving and compassionate to my asawa in words, actions, and truth. She will not always like me, and I will not always like her. But I must love her at all times, and she needs to know that. She needs to know that my love, romantically speaking, is only for her and for no one else.

7. I must seek wise counsel from my asawa and from my kuyas and ates in the faith in order to make wise decisions. Although God has called me to biblical headship and will ultimately hold primarily me (not her) responsible for the family that (God willing) He will eventually entrust to me, He has given my asawa a brain too. I am to see her as a helpmeet. And I am to see fellow Christians as people who can help me and who I can help.

8. I must be a consistent student of her language and culture. This includes regular study of Tagalog and being aware and respectful of cultural differences between the US and the Philippines. My goal regarding Tagalog is to eventually make her and me comfortable using either Tagalog or English in the home, so that language is not a barrier. However, I must not see our cultures as the rule in our home. We must give Scripture full authority in our lives and not do things just because our cultures say so if the Bible speaks convincingly to the contrary.

9. I must be disciplined in regards to my body. This means I must have self-control over my eyes and my sexuality. I must also have good exercise habits and a disciplined, healthy diet in order to look physically attractive to my asawa. I should not expect her to make an effort to be beautiful while I let my body go to corpulent, couch-potato waste.

10. I must give entertainment its proper place in life. The average American spends several hours each day watching television. The vast majority of television shows are terrible for me spiritually, and even what is good must have its proper balance. I must determine to not live and die according to how my sports teams are doing.

11. I must choose my words carefully when speaking to her, when speaking to others, and when I am alone. My tongue leads me into so much sin. I often sound uncaring with my words and must make sure that I do not damage others by what I say. If I correct someone, it should be obvious to them that I give them hard words because I love them, not for the sake of being hard. Although known among my friends for doctrinal correctness, I can't be known as critical or exacting. God has forgiven me of much. I must forgive others as He has forgiven me.

12. I must be gracious when people do nice things for me and understanding of their good intentions when they do something kindly that does not ultimately please me. I must repay them for their kindnesses based not grudgingly on a debtor's ethic but based joyfully on the kindness and mercy that God has shown me in redeeming even me.

13. I must meditate frequently on the promises of God and must hope in Him. Ultimately, this includes His redeeming me from the presence of sin. I must make others aware of that redemption - for God's glory and for my joy in that glory.

14. I must worship God as much as possible, with a great deal of passion, faith, and understanding. This includes both public and private worship. He must be my first love.

15. I must be living in community with other believers and seeking godly fellowship. My natural tendency is to withdraw. I am alone when I write. But staying alone all the time is not good for me. I need face time with my friends more than one day a week. And it is important to pray for them and with them. This will permit me to be more caring toward them and seek to please God in this sphere of life.

16. I must make my decisions regarding life with an eye toward my future asawa and future generations. I must be a wise steward of what God has given me, giving regularly to my local church and international missions efforts and avoiding unnecessary purchases and debt. I must consider the long-term effect of decisions related to my career, family life, and ministry, making decisions with my future asawa in mind.

17. I must have a "women and children first" attitude in regards to protecting them. This involves self-sacrifice and willingness to put myself in danger ahead of any woman or child. And this still applies to me even though I don't have an asawa or children right now.

Ah, after writing this, I wish there were, in fact, only 17 things that I had to be!

This Entertaining Truth, Part 2: Sola "Scriptura + My Opinions"?

"In a separate report, Barna found that more than 6 in 10 born-again Christians say they are customizing their faith, not following any one church's theology. 'Americans are increasingly comfortable picking and choosing what they deem to be helpful and accurate theological views and have become comfortable discarding the rest of the teachings in the Bible,' the report notes."

- "Christian faith: Calvinism is Back".

-----

In the last few years, I have picked up on a tendency of American Christians (including myself, to some extent) going into a church service with everything they believe already made up and then filtering everything they hear through that lens instead of through Scripture. There's this notion of "Joel Osteen is saying this; Paul Washer is saying that; they are both Christians, so they must both somehow be telling the truth... so I'll believe both of them." A lot of them don't read their Bibles enough to know the difference, and a lot of them do not "search the Scriptures to see if these things are so" like the Bereans did. And a lot of them don't examine themselves well enough to see whether they or their teachers are genuinely converted. (Note: God is the final arbiter of that, as the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked - Jeremiah 17:9. But: "you shall know them by their fruit" - Matthew 7:16.)

And then as they hear all these teachers saying all these different things, they cancel each other out. So when they do hear something about how their lifestyle habitually does not fall in line with Scripture and that if they don't repent, that is evidence that they may have never been saved, they dismiss it as, "Oh, that's just what John Piper thinks. That's nice. I'll just let him believe what he believes." Just as bad: "Oooo, that's convicting! But I don't need to do anything about it." It becomes like a college lecture on something that has nothing to do with your job: just interesting, just entertainment, just more useless knowledge in a brain that is most likely already full of worldly useless knowledge.

The problem is, God, not you, determines absolute truth. He alone sets the standards that determine whether you are really saved and whether you are growing in holiness. A lot of people mask their opinions with "God told me..." to get away with anything. But the Bible alone holds final authority regarding doctrine, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness.

So I ask: where does your "customized faith" come from? Does it come from legitimate Biblical convictions obtained by reading and praying through Scripture? Or is it just what you want to believe?

It would be nigh upon impossible for me to pick a church that agrees with me 100% on every major and minor issue. I identify, in rapidly descending order of importance, as a Christian, a five-point Calvinist, a Baptist, and a qualified continuationist (in the vein of John Piper and Wayne Grudem). And I don't worship like a dead man. All of this, I arrived at through studying Scripture and listening to faithful preachers from Baptist, Presbyterian, nondenominational, Sovereign Grace, Acts 29, (etc.) churches.

Maybe you are from a Sovereign Grace church, read the preceding paragraph, and said, "I don't see what this guy's problem is. He should just join one of our churches. We agree with him on practically everything." The problem is the will of God.

After spending time in prayer about it and becoming convinced that God would be most glorified in my life right now if I do this, I became a member of a Reformed Baptist church in my area. (This is also the "international church" to which I referred in Godly Fellowship, Part 8.) We don't actually have "Reformed" or "Baptist" in our name. We have gone through three names and two pastors during the two-plus years that I have been there. The majority of the members who were there two years ago have left the church and been replaced by new people whom I do not know as well. And in my age group, our church is so full of young men that we all basically have to look outside our local church for prospective wives - and then make sure that they too agree with us on matters of the faith and can serve in our church - not an easy task. (In our young adult ministry recently, we had five men's small groups and only one for women.) There is really very little in it for me except that I know I am being fed with the Word here and worshiping God truthfully with other genuinely converted people here. And those two things outweigh everything else.

I do not want to make minor issues major, if I can help it in the least. To have fellowship with me as a Christian, someone must agree with me on one thing: the gospel. That is the most important thing in all of Christianity, and everything else in our faith is insignificant to this one thing: Christ died for sinners. And if someone repents of their sins (not just confessing them) and believes in Christ alone, God has given them that repentance and faith and saved them. Nothing else really matters compared to this gospel.

At this stage in life, loving the church means the following for me: "To the wind with 10- or 20-year Christian friendships that were not founded in Christ. Possibly, to the wind with getting married or even finding love, at least for now. I do not wear a cross around my neck. I carry it on my shoulder. And this is no sacrifice to me, because God killing His Son at Calvary was an unthinkable sacrifice, and He did it anyway to glorify His name by saving my soul from His eternal wrath. These are my brothers and sisters. They are with Christ. So I am with them."

When we approach doctrine or the church with apathy or we emphasize our customized theology above everything else, we ought to consider the following:

"You wonder why people choose fields away from the States when young people at home are drifting because no one wants to take time to listen to their problems. I’ll tell you why I left. Because those Stateside young people have every opportunity to study, hear, and understand the Word of God in their own language, and these Indians have no opportunity whatsoever. I have had to make a cross of two logs, and lie down on it, to show the Indians what it means to crucify a man. When there is that much ignorance over here and so much knowledge and opportunity over there, I have no question in my mind why God sent me here. Those whimpering Stateside young people will wake up on the Day of Judgment condemned to worst fates than these demon-fearing Indians, because having a Bible, they were bored with it – while these never heard of such a thing as writing."

- Jim Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty, p. 237, quoted on Pure Church.

Godly Fellowship: Part 7: He Loves Us So Much More Than We Can Love.

"I assure you, the church is not in need of more girls in their late teens and early twenties who are investing their lives in relationships with young men. What we do need, however, is an army of young women with laser-sharp focus on the Lord and His bride. We need more young women serving, praying, and giving. We need more young women developing and using the spiritual gifts and talents with which they have been blessed.

"The time will come soon enough when they will be weighed down with the responsibilities of husbands, children, and households that will hinder their ability to give of themselves outside their homes. In the meantime, let's call our daughters Godward in their focus and encourage them to keep that keen focus until a young man comes along with equal or greater focus that will allow them to do more for their King together than either of them could do on their own."

- Voddie Baucham, What He Must Be: ... if He Wants to Marry My Daughter, chapter 9: "Don't Send a Woman to Do a Man's Job".

My single friends often concern themselves with "why are there no good godly women in this town?". I love this quote from Pastor Baucham because it turns this complaint on its head. If (read: since) God has called me to be a spiritual leader to my future wife, why is finding a wife more important to me than glorifying Christ? The first question must go to me. It is like Stuart Scott says in The Exemplary Husband (a book I would love to read if I can find it!): the reason why a Christian man's marriage is not as strong as it should be lies with the man; he still acts in his own interests and has not given himself enough to becoming more like Jesus Christ. Since Scripture commands us as men to love our wives like Christ loves the church, we must learn much of Christ and become much like Him in order to love at all like He loves.

And let us not think that we truly can love a woman - or anybody - to the degree that Christ loved us. The precious truth of the gospel more than deserves a mention here. Christ laid aside His kingly glory in heaven, took on human flesh, lived a life with no sin at all, and drank the full cup of His Father's wrath by dying for us. The sky went black for three hours because His Father no longer saw Him as His Son. He looked at Christ and saw my sin and the sins of all of His other children. And He accepted the sacrifice of the very life of His only Son as full payment for that sin. As Shai Linne says in "The Cross - 3 Hours",

"The source of all Godly pleasure, tormented as if He was a foul investor or child molestor.

How could He be bruised like He was a goody two-shoes who doesn't think that she needs the good news?

He's perfect in love and wisdom, but He's suffering as if He constructed the corrupt justice system.

We could mourn at the backdrop, Jesus torn like He's on the corner with crack rock, with porn on His laptop.

What is this, kid? His gifts are infinite. But He's hit with licks for religious hypocrites.

He's the Light, but being treated like He's the seedy type who likes to beat His wife.

He's treated like a rapist, treated like a slanderer, treated like a racist or maybe a philanderer.

Jesus being penalized like He had sin inside, filled with inner pride while committing genocide.

I could write for a billion years and still can't name all of the sins placed on the Lamb slain.

But know this: the main thing the cross demonstrated - the glory and the holiness of God vindicated."

Oh, how He loves us! How can I even fathom the idea of loving Him to the extent that He loved me? His love goes so far beyond my limits! Though I desire to please Him with everything, down to the inmost depths of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, I fail Him every day. His blood eternally covers those failures. How can I even comprehend loving my future asawa to the extent that Christ has loved her? I could perhaps die for her to lengthen her life in this world, but my death cannot save her soul! Praise God that His one perfect Lamb died for her too! But, O God, lay my life down that I may glorify You to the highest extent possible for me as a mortal man!

The Apostle Paul writes that the unmarried man can concern himself more with the Lord's affairs (1 Corinthians 7:32). As an unmarried man, do I? I would love to write a longer post at some point giving more detailed thoughts on courtship, but I can say this quickly: before I began my courtship with the woman who I am praying about, I had trouble believing in my life that this verse was even true. Singleness occupied so much of my concern that I thought that it could not possibly be glorifying to God. But when I had no specific woman to pray about, I had so much more time to read and study Him. Now, the young lady and I are praying about each other and seeking His perfect will for us during this courtship season. I spend very much of my time concerning myself with being a student of her. Although she knows English very well, I have been learning her native language and the culture of her country to help minimize cultural differences between me and her. I spend time learning the ways of marriage from kuyas and ates in my church. I spend time figuring out how to best prepare for her financially, emotionally, and spiritually. And commands in Scripture that once had nothing to do with me may start applying to me.

My focus is different. It went from, "Why don't I have a date this weekend?" a few years ago to "How can I glorify God by spending as much time as possible with Him?" And now it has shifted to, "I have so much activity now. How do I glorify God in these practical things that He has given me to do?" But God gives us the same number of hours in each day. And He gives us enough time to do everything we need to do in order to obey Him. How many extra things am I trying to add to my life in the time that He has given me?

"Purify my heart!

Let me be as gold and precious silver.

Purify my heart!

Let me be as gold, pure gold. ...

Purify my heart!

Cleanse me from within, and make me holy!

Purify my heart!

Cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

Refiner's fire,

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy,

Set apart for You, Lord.

I choose to be holy.

Set apart for You, my Master,

Ready to do Your will."

- Brian Doerksen, "Refiner's Fire"

Godly Fellowship: Part Six: With Absolute Purity.

"No one warns young people to follow Adam's example. He waited till God saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared for his mate, and brought her to him. We need more of this 'being asleep' in the will of God. Then we can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all.

"Instead we are set as blood-hounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around. It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women---but he can think of them as he ought--- as sisters, not as sparring partners!"

- Jim Elliot, The Journals of Jim Elliot.

My church is an international church with many Filipino members, so I have had firsthand or secondhand exposure to many cultural customs of the Philippines. One of the customs that, as a Westerner, I have the most trouble grasping is that of a barkada - that guys and girls actually hang out with each other in groups as "just friends" without any romance involved. In junior high and high school, the way I was raised, my mom would often make a big deal whenever I even said hi to a girl. Then I would be so encouraged at my chance to leave my singleness that I thought every single girl that said hi to me was a prospective wife. To this day, I almost only hang out with other guys.

I'm questioning exactly how Biblical it is for a young man to only make it a point to spend time with other young men - or even with older men too. The Bible says that we are to treat older men as fathers, older women as mothers, younger men as brothers, and younger women as sisters - with absolute purity. For a young man in my culture, it is hard to balance "absolute purity" with having anything at all to do with the younger women. It doesn't bother me to spend time with women who are older than me, although if they are married their husbands should be present. And it doesn't bother me to spend time with kids. But then when young ladies who are within several years of my age enter the picture, how can I Biblically have fellowship with them without messing with their hearts – or with mine?

To totally ignore the younger women is to show favoritism towards "my boys" and discriminate against them. This is as bad as the tendency I touched on in a previous post for young men to complete ignore fellowship with the rest of the church body in order to spend more time with a young lady. There are ways that we as Christians often tell each other, "Sit on the floor by my feet" (James 2:3) in more places than just the worship service. Yet they are part of the body of Christ and can be very helpful for fellowship. So, in order for younger women and younger men to best edify one another, we must see each other as Christ sees us, through our identity in Him, which comes from what the Lord has called us, what He has done for us, and how He has set us apart for Him. And it would do us very well to not sensationalize the interactions between the brothers and sisters. If, theoretically, we will do anything short of sin to promote the glory of God, why do we filter out who we will spend time within the body of Christ even though these younger women are, in fact, blood-bought children of the Most High God who, like us, desire to reject sin, follow Christ, and make much of Him?

To seek out only the younger women in fellowship can also have several negative implications. Lecrae has a song called "Live Free" in which he says, "They walk in the church dressed flyer than sea birds / She came to see him; he [is] hoping to see her / Their motives ain't right, and their hearts ain't either / And over God they choose to feed their fever." This is, of course, wrong. And we ought not to fellowship with one segment of the church body at the expense of another.

If I seek out younger women excessively, I ignore my other relationships within the body, perhaps most importantly (for me as a younger man) the "older men as fathers". To become more spiritually mature, I need to learn from men who are older than I am and mature in the faith. One of the best ways to do that is to work alongside these men in various sorts of ministry. But words are as important as actions. To get off on a separate rabbit trail, talk is cheap; but you also cannot share your faith with just your lifestyle. You need words. And similarly, in good godly fellowship, you need both words and action.

In junior high and high school, I often went to my old church to see which girls were there each week. And my motivation for wanting that church's youth ministry to do more outreaches was not getting the Gospel out to more people, but getting more cute girls to come to the church. As I started to grow in the knowledge of the things of God later, I started to realize how wrong it is to think this way. Purity in physical affections is very important, but having a pure heart is harder to maintain. We can hide our hearts' true motives from others more easily than we can conceal physical affection. Seeking to see others within the body the way that God sees them is a constant fight, and we must make war against the sin of seeing other true believers in a way that defines our perceptions of them according to any kind of discriminating factor, not just looks. I pray to this end.