What Happened To My Courtship

Back in the Godly Fellowship series, I mentioned that I was courting a young woman, praying about her, and seeking the advice of godly kuyas and ates from my church. I really wanted to write a "Preliminary Thoughts on Courtship" post describing what I have learned about a variety of topics - her, myself, God, the courtship process, our cultures, and so on - during the process.

For context, please permit me to write a short timeline of the events that took place. Last April, she took a truly providential business trip to the US. Initially, her company had selected other people to go. Yet that changed, and they chose her and several of her friends instead for the trip. The company initially slated them to go to a different state, halfway across the country. Two more changes later, the company sent her and her friends to my state for four weeks.

One of my kuyas at church is from the same city as this young woman. Their fathers are pastors and know each other well. My kuya's father, who has since returned to the Philippines, was in town for a short while and preached at my church on the day that I met her. He told me that he had someone for me to meet, a pastor's daughter. Initially, I said no. I was not looking for anyone to date or court. Late in 2007, I had repented of recreational dating and started to read good theological books and pursue God harder than I ever had before. But my friends convinced me to go meet her, and I decided to go with them.

That day still goes down in my life as a memorable day. I do not regret my decision to meet her. She is a quite beautiful, usually very nice girl. We had good godly fellowship from day one. And I started thinking in terms of the first question in the Desiring God article "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage": "What do you believe about everything?" That Saturday, my church was having a special worship service. She, two of her friends, and one of my best friends came with me. Both of my pastors preached. She heard good, sound preaching on worship and liked what she heard. The next week, my seasonal allergies arrived and left me sick for a week and a half. Her company extended her stay for one week because at least one person in her group had arrived in the US after she did and they wanted to have all four of them come home on the same flight. I went out with her and her friends several more times during that week. While we were in an observation tower at an amusement park, we made our courtship official. The next Friday night, I took her to a large, peaceful park where I enjoy hiking and then out to dinner at one of the nicest malls in the area. We talked in the hotel lobby for a bit and then exchanged probably the tightest, most emotional hug I have ever had. That was the farthest we went physically. She waved to me as I drove off, and when I was out of sight of the hotel, I wept enough that I could barely see to drive.

We stayed in touch very regularly for a while after she went home. We would chat online five nights a week, and on Fridays after work we would talk on the phone for three, four, five-plus hours. It was an almost sacred night of the week for me. On my work calendar, I marked myself busy every Friday night and told my friends that if they wanted to spend time with me, they would need to do it on Saturday or Sunday. Friday nights were her time. We read through Joshua Harris's book Dug Down Deep together and talked about what we were reading. Throughout the summer and early fall, we became a lot closer to each other even though we were half a world apart.

Then her work told her that she was in line for a promotion. She was already working about 9-10 hours a day with a long commute on top of that, but in October her client increased her goals while she was also spending an almost full-time effort training new hires. Twelve hours became a short work day for her. This took a huge toll on her spiritual life, and our conversations lost depth as well. Our doctrinal differences became much more apparent, with one of my pastors becoming the new senior pastor of my church and my church's becoming much more focused on expositional preaching and the hard demands of Christ's Lordship over our lives. I was finding that, while she initially agreed with a lot of what I said, as I started to tell her what my pastor was saying, she had little to say and did not really agree with it. Around the same time, I was regularly in touch with her family, who would frequently tell me about prophetic dreams and visions, which they see as binding but often do not back up with Scripture.

As the long hours continued, we stopped chatting online. Another guy at her work, who is not a believer, became interested in her. She would not let him court her, but she never gave her commitment to me either. I stayed in touch with her mostly through her family and occasional phone calls during lunch or on Friday nights. And as I learned more about her doctrine from her family, the Holy Spirit (the one who regenerates dead hearts and convicts of sin, not the one Benny Hinn talks about!) convicted me and left me with a total lack of peace. In February, my pastor showed a video of Benny Hinn's services in church and explained how unbiblical they are. He is also well aware of the organization overseas that my friend and her family are part of and told me that they do similar things. Her family was constantly telling me that I need to fly across the world to attend that group's conferences. I told my pastor that there was no way that I could be part of that and I was going to end the courtship. For several weeks, I did not contact her at all except for one phone call. We both decided to end the courtship in early March.

So it has now been more than two months since the courtship ended. Our one-year anniversary would have been several weeks ago. Recently, she contacted me to inform me that she is now in love with her unbelieving suitor. This was very painful news to take.

God has been teaching me a lot through this. As I have been learning from Him, I have been writing. For the next several posts, I hope to show you, as my reader(s), what He has taught me in hopes that you may exercise wisdom.

Daughters and sons of Jerusalem, Washington, Manila, and every other city, I charge you, for the sake of the name of the King of Glory, the purity of the members of the Body of Christ, and the protection of young men and women's hearts:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,

Though it demand all cost of you and fires

On this fallen sphere."

The Proper Place of Sports and Delighting in God

At my old church, whose members are predominantly American, the following is a common sight from September through January: People show up to every service wearing American football jerseys. I remember one guy, a grown man in his late 30s, who enthusiastically supports the Dallas Cowboys. He would sit near the front of the sanctuary wearing a hat with blue and white dreadlocks, matching his team's colors. Our church was nowhere near Dallas, and most of our pastors supported other teams. Yet he wanted everyone to know that he supports the Dallas Cowboys.

Naturally, their love for sports, usually American football (I only use that term for it because in other countries, most equate "football" with FIFA or the World Cup), flows out into their conversations. Some people are able to treat it as just a game and take a win or loss in stride. Others live and die by it and use a win or a loss, especially to rival teams, as a great chance to trash talk others in the church who support their teams' rivals. So instead of discussing with others about what the Lord has done in their lives, they relegate that to times of "ministry" and, apart from that, wonder out loud about whether their team's third-string tight end is "questionable" or "probable" for Sunday's game - on the previous Tuesday. Give a tenfold increase in this effect to owners of fantasy teams. (Fantasy sports could be a separate rant in itself.)

For a while, I thought I was better than this. I do not follow American football; if that makes me less American, oh well!

Then Spring Training happened.

My sports to follow are baseball and ice hockey. Basketball is my favorite sport to play, but I don't follow it closely. Recently, the baseball magazines with my name on it started arriving at my house. And I realized that one Major League Baseball team's closer had a great season last year and I didn't know his name. And that left me beside myself. I went on Wikipedia asking myself, "So who is this guy?" He didn't even play for one of my team's rivals. Every day, I come home from work and wonder what happened in baseball that day. My walk with Christ has at times grown very dull, and one of the ways that manifests itself is through an increased interest in sports. Although a win or loss by my teams does not have a great effect on me, sports is still a broken cistern that I run to when Christ is not satisfying enough.

For those in full-time ministry, following sports or being entertained may be an interesting diversion from the duties of ministry. But those who work full-time in secular jobs must at times make a choice between God and entertainment. If work takes up most of life and entertainment takes up the rest, life is not Christ-centered; Christ becomes a mere afterthought at best.

The Christian's relationship to sports must become somewhat of a balancing act. Saying no one can ever watch a game is legalistic, using outward obedience to a revolting law to try to force inward change in the heart, when it just cannot do that. This can be said of any kind of entertainment that is not inherently sinful: movies, video games, the arts, and so on. These can all be used to make much of the Lord. And sometimes people legitimately need a break. Scripture does recognize a benefit in physical exercise as well. I have told some people that if they are fat as a result of not keeping a proper diet and exercise routine, they are in sin. But the passion that leads people to spend whole days bodybuilding in the gym or sitting on the couch watching pregame shows, games, postgame shows, and SportsCenter must be tempered in the life of the Christian. Just today, God brought to my attention that I read an entire sports magazine (I only read the ones that only discuss sports! ;-) ) before I read anything in the Bible. I should be diving into Scripture, because it is life. Why is Scripture so often familiar and dull to me? Why must I rely so heavily on preachers and writers to expound it for me so that I may see its value and beauty? Yet if I sit in a half-billion-dollar sporting cathedral that I helped pay for as a taxpayer and I see a new player on my team, I want to read all of his statistics and scouting report and know all about him. I will probably never meet the guy.

Some of my friends are up in arms about the NFL lockout and its possibility of canceling the NFL season this year. I submit to you that a loss of an American football season may be the best thing that can happen to the American church this year, particularly to its men. Yet in 2004-2005 when the NHL lost a season to a labor dispute, I still found other places to get my hockey fix: video games and listening to juniors games via internet radio. Even now I take some pleasure in the fact that some of those juniors players have made it to the NHL and become stars there. So a lost season by itself will not do anything to drive American men away from chasing these inferior pursuits instead of Christ and Biblical manhood, which gives them a full-time calling to represent their families before God, represent God to their families, and provide for and protect them. Many will still run to college football or to other sports or other hobbies to get their fix. God must do a work to set our affections on Him alone. If He does this to save even one soul or to draw even one soul nearer to His heart, even the economic impacts of a lost season would be worth it, because Christ has infinite worth and you therefore cannot quantify the value of knowing Him.

I have even noticed the impact of sports on my life in what I wear. Any time I wear a hat or a shirt with a team's logo, I give them some sort of homage or support. Yet it would be absurd to say that it is wrong for a Christian to wear anything that supports a sports team, that they can only wear plain colors and patterns or that they must wear Christian t-shirts all the time. (I used to be a church kid that always wore Christian t-shirts. And I was a hypocrite in doing it!) And it is pointless to add man-made rules on top of God's law, when none of us can obey the whole law of God in the first place. One broken rule at any time in life, and we are a goner; we might as well have broken every law. And everyone has. This is why we need the gospel!

Culture is ingrained in us and has a deep influence over what we buy and sell; everything in any economy (save for probably subsistence farming) is strongly influenced by what culture believes we need on top of what we actually need. The only way to escape this is to leave American culture, and even then that does not diminish the importance of the calling that God has given me to be a light where He has placed me and feel my way towards Him in this cultural context for as long as He would have me live in it. Leaving where He has placed me for an ascetic life somewhere else does not destroy the root idols of my heart, although if He sends me I must be willing to go; maybe that is what He wants in order to glorify Himself in me. We must know when to take part in the different areas of our culture and when we need to separate from them for a time to draw closer to the Lord. Putting a regulation on this is impossible because, although all Christians must be growing closer to God, what that looks like practically can vary significantly from one Christian to another.

Yet my point is this. I don't want people to look at me and only see my work or my interests - or to see some condescending church kid who is so holy that he does not need Christ - and judge me based on that. I have great need of Him. I want to be like Him so that when others see me, they don't see me, and they don't see some level of self-willed holiness that they must attain to be close to God. If they look at me and see my Jesus and nothing else - if nothing stands in the way of His person and work being demonstrated in my life - if they see me attacking my many sins with violent, grace-driven effort, consumed by a desire that Christ alone be praised in my life - that is a blessing. Is there anything I would not give to let this happen?

Chisel me, Lord.

Adored, Part 3

And He rejoices in the beloved - who?
Beautiful, lovely, majestic,
Overwhelming the Lover with radiant eyes;
Cascading, persuading, symmetric,
Stealing His gaze as His favorite prize;
Increasing in light as she wins in the fight
To be more like Christ and send idols to flight,
Clear to His sharp sight, she has shone in the night.
The crushed and contrite now love to do right.

He goes on with love-drunk comparisons:
Jewels, handiwork, eternal with wine;
Lilies, fawns, His own grand design;
Pools, tower, crowning glory;
More perfect than any stone cut from the quarry.

She asks for the lovers' escape,
That they may check on the shape
Of the fruits of the vines.
And her heart has inclined,
At last, to submit to her Lover on this day;
His cords of love had bid her, "Come away."

As their new world bears new eccentricity,
Electricity burns the air with unflagging intensity.
"Brevity" does not convey their new reverie,
Though devils came at them with powerful weaponry.
They chase after ecstasy endlessly,
Till the next day breaks steadily to end the night's ebony.
God's grace effectively provided the rarity
That they enjoy this true love eternally without any penalty.
The Father, staged centrally, has marked out her destiny.
His Son's death was her sinful leprosy's remedy.
She would then merrily display the King's heraldry,
As He told her with verity and inspired clarity.

"If only You were my brother--", she starts a cry -
He finishes: "You share with Me in the divine!"
"I could kiss You without shame--",
"Yet shame is a proper name
That I'll take in your world. I'll never own a house frame
Or the applause of men when I tell them to adjust their aim
And look on Me. Yet the bitten cannot in their nature grasp
That to be saved, they must regard the Brazen Asp."

She knows now how to feel her Love's embrace.
Yet to the world, why would she claim a man debased
By the tortures of a cross as her own friend -
More than a friend, more than a brother?
Why would she go to great lengths to defend
And have this strange desire to suspend
Herself on a tree too, her breath to spend,
If this world tells her to deny her Lover?

Adored, Part 2

And then she sees a sovereign king arrive,
With more glory than her mind could e'er contrive.
She cannot contain the excitement in her voice:
"I can see him now! This day, his heart rejoiced!"

He showers this youthful peasant maid with praise.
Do we even see the role this dame portrays?
In her wide eyes, we see the church - today's.
Christ the Lover sees perfection with His eyes amazed.

The law screams, "I must judge you with your death!"
Grace, louder, cries, "Dead sinner, have life's breath!"
Justice roars, "Drink My wrath's eternal cup!"
Forgiveness silences the din: "Your garden has always been locked up!"

He sees the resplendent jewels he gave this daughter
As a reminder of why He did not slaughter
Her under His law's demands, but gave her grace -
Her, being all His chosen race, both Jew and Greek -
Not the self-righteous strong, but the helpless weak -
Who see themselves in His light and are undone,
Who turn from wicked ways to kiss the Son.

He has many bigger yards from more well-known saints to darken,
But the Lover stands here right now to hearken
To the call of His dearly beloved in her garden.
And then He says, "This is My garden!
I will not see what the foxes have trodden,
The years the locusts have eaten or countless sins wanton.
It is - you are -
Complete
and sinless
and wonderful
and fruitful
and altogether beautiful to Me!"

And she will look upon her Lover - every saint! -
And see Him with no flaw or any taint
Though His appearance on this earth would not make anyone desire Him.

Yet here, we love Him with such imperfect passion.
He wishes to enthrall us, but we find our satisfaction
In fleeting little pleasures.
Our feet are washed, and off has gone the robe.
Complacently, we engage this present globe,
Too slack to love the Treasure.

Still, by Lover's grace, Beloved wakes:
"Help my unbelief, although it snakes
Throughout my imperfect love for You and shakes,
At times, my faith that You still love, 'spite my mistakes."
Yet the bolt to her door no longer quakes;
The Lover has gone for now, but never breaks
The bruised reed in the shallows of the lakes.
"Faint with love", she stands out from the fakes.

And she waits for His return - whose?
Radiant, wavy, purest of the pure;
Washed, anchored, sweeter than dripped myrrh;
Rods, pillars, bases, all secure;
Choice, sweet, His words the perfect lure.
"This is my Lover, who takes the highest precedence,
Heaven's one High King; gaze with me on His excellence!"

He stands now in a field, gathering the chosen
Lilies from the surrounding lands, as spoken
By His Father with perfect voice,
In perfect submission to the Father's choice
Of whom to bestow His saving grace,
Not those with no flaws in their face,
Trusting in law-keeping, self-sufficient faith,
But the infants to whom He revealed His grace,
To claim for His sole glory their law-place.

Abhorred

For the proud look in the eye,
For the tongue telling a lie,
For the murders implied by a hate standing by, (Matthew 5.)
For this scheming heart of mine,
For these feet that evil find,
For false witness and vain strife,
Someone had to die.

Not for low self-esteem,
Not to grant a worldling's dream,
Not for a Benz agleam,
Not for more wins for my team,
But for sin - my sins extreme
Against the God who cannot deem
That I can stand in His regime
Unless He would first redeem.

Do you know how a loving God can hate?
He hates because He first loves His own glory -
His own name -
His own attributes -
The name we profane when we do not consider its weight -
Its majesty -
Its dominion -

Over colliding galaxies and orbiting bodies and shifting continents -
That He first shaped in the palm of His hand
And said with a word, "May it be -
It is good. I have fashioned this for the glory and praise and pleasure of Me - alone!"

And all of heaven cheered as they saw this planet,
Freed to spin throughout the dark expanse of space
About its nearest burning star -
To show His creative power -
For His glory.

His dominion extends over every nation, whether in peace or war -
To every city great or small,
To every person rich or poor,
To every creature of the forest, air, and seas,
To every blade of grass that they trample on,
To every cell, molecule, and atom -
Engineered like a little solar system, with electrons orbiting a nucleus,
To show His grand design, even on the smallest scale -
For His glory.

And the angels, beside themselves in adoration,
Respond with their every meditation:
"Holy is the Most High over all creation!"

And my life's reply?
Selfish ambitions,
Not-captive cognitions,
Partial submissions,
Apathetic renditions
Citing "too much tradition"
Of men's compositions
To give Him recognition.

I should constantly strive to do the things which make my Holy Father smile,
To know that He grieves when my heart is not God-besought,
Because He knows that He alone is the source of every perfect gift
And apart from Him I have no good thing at all;
To see my inmost man, with a heart adrift
even for a second, in my mind I fall.
And for even that careless step, I ought
To march with the hellbound ranks, one hundred-file -

Rather than to take the narrow path with room enough for one,
A road with jagged rocks, traveled barefoot by the Son
Of God, who took the forty lashes - smack! -
Was lifted to a cross and nailed there - whack! -
And died the worst of deaths to buy me back. (That was grace.)

My trifles I pursue,
The idols not eschewed,
The thoughts that pleased my old mind unrenewed -
The Lord must abhor each one,
Because for His glory to triumph over that, He had to kill His Son.

Adorned

Envision the seraph:
A "burning one", unequaled in creation.
A "singing one" in constant worship celebration.
Yet to be praised has never been his concentration.
He will instead ascribe all glory to the God of every nation.

A perfect being, yet its perfections can't outdo
its God's, so worshiping a seraph is taboo.
Four of their wings hid their faces and feet from view,
Lest they be impure. They fly with the other two.

Do not think that in their presence you can be a passerby.
Isaiah himself cried out, "Undone am I!"
Supernaturally strengthened just so that he would not die?
He had to be when he saw the Lord nigh.

Consider their God:
There is one God in three Persons - with no brothers.
Not white, black, or Latin - this God checks "other".
But don't fit Him in our boxes. He has no mother.
And at His creations, we stare in wonder.

From the setting sun to the rising tide,
From the highest peaks to the lands' divide,
From the Challenger Deep to the deepest sky,
Creation spreads the fame of the Lord on high.

Now face down, I am entranced with the thought
That this God would call me holy like his priceless, sinless Son.
And more than a servant, He has made me one
co-heir with Christ, rejoicing in what He has done.

Examine the bride:
The world calls her a dirty girl in a dirty dress,
Full of sins not confessed and problems to address.
Many do not even call her a damsel in distress,
And concentrate only on her failures to impress.

The law is extensive. Even to focus on ten,
We would still break each commandment given then.
Liars, lusters, rebels - from each infant to each man
Whether living in Cannes, Iran, or Japan.

On that final day, we cannot point to house or lands,
Only to our Scapegoat who fulfilled the law's demands.
We could never walk next to Him along the ocean sands.
Each second, He carried us in His holy, nail-pierced hands.

And we make much of the Bridegroom:
The King of Glory, eternally co-existing with His Father,
Three in one with the Spirit in perfect pleasure. Why bother
To walk terra firma as a mortal man?
How could Judah's Lion on this mortal coil stand?

The Author of the law gave Him as sufficient grace.
This upholder of stars, planets, and interstellar space
Laid aside His glory to take on a fleshly case
And cast off our sins as far as east from west - erased.

He has named us sons and daughters of His own
And His perfect rule will never be overthrown.
Even as we think of sonship, are there tears,
Especially when our misdeeds large appear?
In this world, until we claim the shining Prize,
Realize that our joy comes through mournful eyes.

When You died there were stripes from a whip and thorns
Composed Your crown as You submitted to this storm
Of wrath for sin - our failures to conform.
Yet there, our lengthy process to transform
To future glory will be done - no more lukewarm.
We will see why You, Lord, suffered in this form:
Diamonds shine as coal compared to how Your bride will be adorned.

Each jewel of her necklace shines brighter than dawn.
Pure are her ways now. To her Savior she's drawn.
Joy on her face replaces her shame woebegone.
Once acting like Hester, she walks in like Esther,
Perfectly arrayed, with each scarlet letter gone!

What is it like to always live in the third heaven
with the Prince of Peace and no need for the weapons
of this war to kill sin, since temptation will die
and we will more clearly see the Christ's glorious eyes?

[This was inspired partially by Paul Washer's sessions on The Son's Glory (first session here) and a tweet by John Piper. I am also tweeting now.]

Flame - "Tonight (All of Me)"

I just want to be,
I just want to be closer to Your heart.
You will find me there.
Everything I am, it's because of You.
It's because of You, and now we sing tonight:

I'm giving You all of me tonight.
I'll let go of everything tonight.
I'm giving You all of me tonight, tonight,
Tonight, I'll give You all of me.

Let's pray:
Dear Father, in the name of Your holy Son,
I desire like Jesus, pray for us to be one (I do)
I desire to give. I desire to serve. I desire to love others with more than my words.
Bless me to be humble. Bless me to be meek.
I want to be a joy when people come around me.
Give me a gentle spirit. Bless me to be content.
Please keep me from my sin. Let me quickly repent.
Please give me discipline. Give me self-control,
to know when to stop and when to say no.
Make me a bold witness. Please remove fear.
Replace it with faith. Pour out Your Spirit here.
Fill me up, Lord. Let me overflow.
Let me overdose. Make me holy. Keep me close.
I want to give it all until there's none left.
But I can't be too giving. Look at Your Son's death.

I just want to be,
I just want to be closer to Your heart.
You will find me there.
Everything I am, it's because of You.
It's because of You, and now we sing tonight:

I'm giving You all of me tonight.
I'll let go of everything tonight.
I'm giving You all of me tonight, tonight,
Tonight, I'll give You all of me.

I can see You talking to the high priest.
Peter just denied You.
for the second time. One more time, he will deny You. (Why?)
One of the officers smacked You in the face,
but he didn't understand that You were actually grace.
But the people would rather see the release of a thief
than to know forgiveness and be with the Prince of Peace. (That's true.)
And as they scream for Pilate to crucify You,
I hear my own voice 'cause every day I deny You. (Somehow.)
But You still bore the cross on Your vertebrae
Walking to Golgotha, what a display of grace!
I see Your weakened body beaten - can't keep me from crying
Your cross was very heavy. They gave it to Simon.
Then You were crucified. They divided Your clothes.
Like the Scriptures prophesied, You died and You rose. (Yes!)
Two thousand years ago, slaughtered on a tree,
You gave all of You. I'm giving all of me.

I just want to be,
I just want to be closer to Your heart.
You will find me there.
Everything I am, it's because of You.
It's because of You, and now we sing tonight:

I'm giving You all of me tonight.
I'll let go of everything tonight.
I'm giving You all of me tonight, tonight,
Tonight, I'll give You all of me.

This I pray, Lord,
To be like Abraham:
Ready to give it all. My only son is the lamb.
Ready to sacrifice everything if You ask,
Because nothing is mine - not even this life that I have.
Everything I own, O Lord, is a gift,
So who am I to hold it with a firm grip?
I give You my talents. I give You my time.
I give You my eyes. I give You my mind.

I just want to be,
I just want to be closer to Your heart.
You will find me there.
Everything I am, it's because of You.
It's because of You, and now we sing tonight:

I'm giving You all of me tonight.
I'll let go of everything tonight.
I'm giving You all of me tonight, tonight,
Tonight, I'll give You all of me.

I'll give You all of me. ...

- Flame, "Tonight (All of Me)", from Captured.

(If you are reading this because you were looking for the words to this song, please check out my other posts from the menu at the right!)

17 Things To Be As a (Future) Husband.

"Finally, pray less that God would show you who is the right husband or wife and pray more to be the right kind of spouse. Dump your list of seventeen things you need in a husband/wife and make yourself a list of seventeen things you need to be as a wife or husband."

- Kevin DeYoung.

Recently, I reread one of my favorite books, Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung, in its entirety. Having been in a courtship for most of the past year and not knowing which way it will go, now is a good time for me to fill out what I must be. I have also been reading John Piper's Report on His Leave of Absence (http://desiringgod.org/blog/posts/john-pipers-report-on-his-leave-of-absence) and trying to incorporate that into my list.

1. I must be continually abiding in Christ and satisfied in Him. Romantic love is not to be my ultimate source of satisfaction. Christ must be. If I become obsessed with what a woman thinks of me, even if it is my wife, I am actually committing the sin of idolatry before a holy God. Not to mention, it will drive me insane. I know this from my courtship.

2. I must be obedient to the commands of Scripture. This only includes full obedience, because partial or delayed obedience is disobedience. I must be willing to risk rejection by the world and take risks for the sake of the gospel.

3. I must have a good and regular spiritual diet, using the Bible most of all but also doctrinally sound Christian books. Books, I have found, are amazing sources of wisdom. I must read Scripture both systematically and to specific passages, as the Lord leads.

4. I must be constantly aware of my own inadequacies and failures and not be self-righteous. An asawa would do much to show me about my own failings before God and before her and expose my imperfections. Being binata at the moment, no particular person can clue me in to my own failures to the same level that an asawa can.

5. I must be a capable provider who can always have or readily find good work to provide for my asawa and the kids. In providing for them, I must realize that my asawa must have a husband and my children must have a father. Work must never take the top priority in my life.

6. I must be consistently loving and compassionate to my asawa in words, actions, and truth. She will not always like me, and I will not always like her. But I must love her at all times, and she needs to know that. She needs to know that my love, romantically speaking, is only for her and for no one else.

7. I must seek wise counsel from my asawa and from my kuyas and ates in the faith in order to make wise decisions. Although God has called me to biblical headship and will ultimately hold primarily me (not her) responsible for the family that (God willing) He will eventually entrust to me, He has given my asawa a brain too. I am to see her as a helpmeet. And I am to see fellow Christians as people who can help me and who I can help.

8. I must be a consistent student of her language and culture. This includes regular study of Tagalog and being aware and respectful of cultural differences between the US and the Philippines. My goal regarding Tagalog is to eventually make her and me comfortable using either Tagalog or English in the home, so that language is not a barrier. However, I must not see our cultures as the rule in our home. We must give Scripture full authority in our lives and not do things just because our cultures say so if the Bible speaks convincingly to the contrary.

9. I must be disciplined in regards to my body. This means I must have self-control over my eyes and my sexuality. I must also have good exercise habits and a disciplined, healthy diet in order to look physically attractive to my asawa. I should not expect her to make an effort to be beautiful while I let my body go to corpulent, couch-potato waste.

10. I must give entertainment its proper place in life. The average American spends several hours each day watching television. The vast majority of television shows are terrible for me spiritually, and even what is good must have its proper balance. I must determine to not live and die according to how my sports teams are doing.

11. I must choose my words carefully when speaking to her, when speaking to others, and when I am alone. My tongue leads me into so much sin. I often sound uncaring with my words and must make sure that I do not damage others by what I say. If I correct someone, it should be obvious to them that I give them hard words because I love them, not for the sake of being hard. Although known among my friends for doctrinal correctness, I can't be known as critical or exacting. God has forgiven me of much. I must forgive others as He has forgiven me.

12. I must be gracious when people do nice things for me and understanding of their good intentions when they do something kindly that does not ultimately please me. I must repay them for their kindnesses based not grudgingly on a debtor's ethic but based joyfully on the kindness and mercy that God has shown me in redeeming even me.

13. I must meditate frequently on the promises of God and must hope in Him. Ultimately, this includes His redeeming me from the presence of sin. I must make others aware of that redemption - for God's glory and for my joy in that glory.

14. I must worship God as much as possible, with a great deal of passion, faith, and understanding. This includes both public and private worship. He must be my first love.

15. I must be living in community with other believers and seeking godly fellowship. My natural tendency is to withdraw. I am alone when I write. But staying alone all the time is not good for me. I need face time with my friends more than one day a week. And it is important to pray for them and with them. This will permit me to be more caring toward them and seek to please God in this sphere of life.

16. I must make my decisions regarding life with an eye toward my future asawa and future generations. I must be a wise steward of what God has given me, giving regularly to my local church and international missions efforts and avoiding unnecessary purchases and debt. I must consider the long-term effect of decisions related to my career, family life, and ministry, making decisions with my future asawa in mind.

17. I must have a "women and children first" attitude in regards to protecting them. This involves self-sacrifice and willingness to put myself in danger ahead of any woman or child. And this still applies to me even though I don't have an asawa or children right now.

Ah, after writing this, I wish there were, in fact, only 17 things that I had to be!

This Entertaining Truth, Part 3: A Soundtrack for Life

In my music collection, I have at least 38 days' worth of songs, sermons, and podcast episodes, accrued through about 13 years of buying music and 4 years of listening to sermons. I definitely appreciate good music and preaching. Most of my days at work are spent, at least partially, listening to various songs in order to block out noise in the office and help me to focus on my tasks. And then I usually listen to music on the way home and sometimes after I get home as well.

As Joshua Harris said well in Dug Down Deep, everyone is a theologian; but is what you believe about God true?

Now I will expand this to musicians and entertainers in general. Every song that contains lyrics expresses theology, whether it says, "How great is our God" or "Shake that [rear end], girl". I say that of the latter example because it still expresses a worldview that says, "The chief end of a man is to pursue pleasure for himself, and women exist to provide him with that pleasure." This is the obviously wrong example to most Christians, although the fact that such songs still express some form of theology is far less obvious. One can find another less obvious example in songs which teach, "God exists to give me what I want."

Christians can respond to this in several ways. One is to still listen to the world but try not to let it affect our worldview. That often sets us up for additional temptation. Others will listen to anything that calls itself Christian without examining its doctrine. And others will only listen to songs that are doctrinally sound.

Customized theology can creep in here as well. Few, if any, people use lyrics alone as the determining factor in what they will willfully listen to. The song must sound good too, right? We obtain some sort of pleasure from listening to music, and it also serves as a means to worship corporately. Otherwise, we would just listen to preaching all the time.

So we can have two filters: one, lyrical; the other, musical. And then our playlists become routine. I don't know anyone who sets up playlists on their music player of choice based on the theology that the songs teach. Most people use a genre, an artist, or just favorite songs. So then the favorite songs become stuck in our heads and we start meditating on the words. And we can get a skewed theology this way. I suspect this is one way how some people listen to songs that say "all things are possible" all day and then start praying outside the will of God.

There exist other dangers in considering music as a soundtrack for life. How many times have I been inclined to pray and decided to listen to my umpteenth holy hip hop song of the day instead? It is trading "best" - communion with the Father - for merely "good" - learning great doctrine. We can listen to doctrinally sound worship music or holy hip hop or read wonderful books or listen to deep expositional preaching all day and still not abide in Christ. Often I need to check myself: would I really rather listen to a full playlist of music than just read Scripture? Would I really rather listen to another sermon than just pray? In doing this, I exalt my teachers instead of my Lord.

And I have found it also sometimes becomes hard for me to sing a simple worship song after a week of listening to lots of doctrinally deep Christian music. If I go into a worship service expecting to sing a certain deep worship song with the rest of the congregation, and I'm disappointed when we sing something simpler instead, the service starts to become about me instead of about God. Even in giving myself to God-centered Christianity, I can still center my Christianity on myself.

Some of my friends have been able to go on a media fast for a week or 40 days. Honestly, I don't think I could do it right now. When I fast from food, I have not been able to also fast from Facebook or checking my email - or sometimes even checking my Blogger stats! When Jesus communed with His Father, He withdrew - away from the disciples, away from ministry and fellowship. Ah, as C.S. Lewis says, "we are far too easily pleased" - with our electronic toys.

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"The best thing some of you can do is take every television set in your house and destroy it - and learn to read, and think, and talk."

- Paul Washer, "The Sovereignty of God and World Missions".

To Chase Him Down

Died He for me,

Whose life disappears like vapor

Who once chased a stack of paper

Instead of my sovereign Maker?

He's one Holy God in three,

His ways know no limitations,

His purpose sees no frustrations,

His Spirit - Regenerator.

His will? To make me holy,

Like Him, who became lowly,

The Son, who suffered slowly

And was once not seen as Son.

Fulfilled? Each prophet's story

By Christ, who left His glory

Who made it auditory:

The redemptive work was done!

My long-gone brother said it well,

I once dangled over hell

Only mercy did sustain me - kept on this earth to tell

That until that final bell

Repentance makes a sinner well

And believing in the spotless, perfect Lamb Who never fell.

It glorified my King to throw off my every chain,

To cleanse great and minor stains,

To test my growing faith with pains.

Let my life song's each refrain

Scream that He my life maintains

And that He by grace sustains

My chase of Him and not the vain.

I read and I write to encounter the divine,

To worship with heart and mind

To speak the truth that I find.

Lord, entrance Your chosen saints

In a state of faithful praise,

Amazed by Your sovereign grace.

Transfix my gaze,

Transform my ways,

To become what befits one who lives in endless day.

Rewrite each phrase,

Ignite my praise,

Set my passion on Your glory. May I never stray.

Many days I have a faraway look in my eyes,

Thinking of my future home where the pleasure never dies.

Considering His perfections, I do well to surmise

That His grace for today makes me able to live wise.

Seek His face, and chase it down,

In your house and in your town

Cling to the gracious Savior whose love and grace abound

Your life cannot be rewound.

Let it send a worthy sound.

Not knowing you were lost, by His mercy you were found.

As a lost sheep, lost coin, lost son, now found -

you can grasp parables now - thoughts unbound.

The Spirit shed light and made your mind renewed:

The Good Shepherd left ninety-nine for you!

Dillon Chase - "How He Loves Remix"

I saw some people have been looking for the words to Dillon Chase's remix of "How He Loves". I transcribed them around the same time that I did the words to his remix of "Here In Your Presence", so here they are. Again, please correct me if anything is not accurate.

"From the chosen of Israel to the present-day times,

God, we are inferior!

This blessing is mine.

I question to find myself truly acquainted with You.

I'm frustrated by what moves me to forget You.

Consumed with Your greatness; You prove to be gracious.

I view this throughout Your Scripture, read it, hear it, feel it.

Consuming my heart, produce from the thought

The depths of the sovereign grace.

God, You are great; I am not.

But You view me as bought.

You Who sought me when I kept on running,

Fingertips stripped away chains I was hugging.

I willfully spit in Your face with my lips.

You wiped it off and let Your blood drip.

"Oh, how He loves us! [Grace alone]

Oh, how He loves us, [Through faith alone]

How He loves us so! [In Christ alone, for Your glory alone]"

"In the heat of the storm, I'm seeking You, Lord.

Your lovingkindness is better than life!

I need You more than anything, You're

More than enough, my Treasure, my Prize!

Yes, You are God. Yes, I am fallen.

But You gave a calling that had to be heard.

You opened up the ears of my heart,

Came near my heart and actually turned.

I wouldn't have wanted to trust in the Gospel

And now I am brought to my knees; I surrender.

Your love overflows; it spills in my mouth.

I yell and I shout,

That Jesus is risen! Jesus is Lord! He's mighty to save!

Humbled by Your grace, I died to my ways!

I try to explain, but I run out of words!

I cry and proclaim Your wondrous works!

Oh, how You loved me first.

Oh, how I am nothing but dirt,

But You make me Your own. You cover my hurt

With Your love, not my works. Only by grace, You're taking me home.

Oh, how He loved us first.

Oh, how we're nothing but dirt,

But He makes us His own. He covers our hurt

With His love, not our works. Only by grace, He is taking us home.

"Oh, how He loves us! [By grace alone, through faith alone]

Oh, how He loves us, [In Christ alone, for Your glory alone!]

How He loves us so!"

"I pray that this world, in their sin and rebellion,

Would turn from their sin and begin to go tell them

That we who belong to the God Who has saved us.

Have hope and not hurt. He is the safe haven.

This here was the greatest. He's holy and just,

Gracious and merciful - that's not enough.

On top of that, He is sovereign 'cause

He receives all who He bought with His blood.

Nothing can keep Him from loving His people,

Not death, man, or satan can seek to

Snatch us from His hand. We're clutched by His grace

Kept by the Spirit, we're one in this race.

Safe in His hands, clutched by His grace:

what got us here was nothing but faith.

Safe in His hands, clutched by His grace:

what got us here was nothing but faith.

"Oh, how He loves us!

Oh, how He loves us!

Oh, how He loves us!

Oh, he loves!

"And we are His portion

And He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If His grace is an ocean, we are sinking.

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets

when I think about the way that He loves us.

Oh, how He loves us!

Oh, how He loves us!

Oh, how He loves!"

- Dillon Chase, "How He Loves Remix", available on the Pause mixtape.