Identities of a Christian Pilgrim in a Fallen World, Part 2

11. I am fighting for joy as I face trials of many kinds. It is important for me to realize that earth is not heaven, so when living on earth seems unbearable it is merely making the many joys of heaven appear sweeter to me. No believer experiences a trial-free Christian life on this planet. Therefore, I see a need to fight for joy relentlessly in order to keep my desire transfixed on God and the reality of my future redemption constantly before me. "The fight for joy in Christ... is a fight for strength to live a life of self-sacrificing love. It is a fight to join Jesus on the Calvary road and stay there with Him, no matter what. How was He sustained on that road? Hebrews 12:2 answers, 'For the joy that was set before Him [He] endured the cross, despising the shame.'" - John Piper. (Hebrews 12:2)

12. I am trusting in God, not in my faith. My faith in God is a gift of His grace. Yet the gifts have imperfections. There are still times when, like doubting Thomas, I cry out to my Lord, "I believe! Help my unbelief." I display woeful inconsistency in my ability to trust Him to work out each detail of my life. If my faith were in my faith instead of in my God, I would be a goner. Yet He is a never-changing God. "Never try to arouse faith from within. You cannot stir up faith from the depths of your heart. Leave your heart, and look into the face of Christ." - Andrew Murray. (Mark 9:24; Ephesians 2:8-9)

13. I am representing Christ to this broken world. When someone who is not in Christ sees me and knows that I am a Christian, I reflect an imperfect picture of a perfect Christ to that person. Hence, I have a great need to live blamelessly and above reproach so that it gives Christ a good name to those around me. "Service in the name of Christ isn't a proof of salvation. ... Saying you represent Christ is not enough. I'll tell you, there are a lot of people who say they represent Jesus Christ, but when their life gets exposed, you ask the question... do they? Just because you say you do doesn't mean you do. Just because you preach Christ doesn't mean you really know Christ. There have been a lot of people, false people, preaching a true message, right?" - John MacArthur. (Matthew 7:14, 1 Timothy)

14. I am a tool in the hand of my God, like clay in the hand of a Potter. But the end is not in being used for something "great"; the end is Him. He will use me for what He will. "Don't overestimate yourself; glorify God. Don't think, 'That couldn't happen to me.' You're a clay pot. A clay pot could be discarded in a second. In and of yourself, no value. But the fact that God has placed the treasure in you gives you value and worth beyond compare. That's totally, totally tied into the treasure you have in Jesus Christ." - Larry Smith, "A Treasure in a Clay Pot". (Isaiah 64:8)

15. I am enjoying the Provider more than the provisions. When the provisions don't come, that cannot shake my faith or my joy. God has not promised me prosperity or guaranteed that I will have everything that I think I need. He knows what I really need and will provide for it in the time that He sees fit. And if He gives me much in the eyes of the world, chances are that I will not be able to enjoy Him because the things that He has allowed me to have will have stolen my affections. If He gives me only my daily bread - a dangerous prayer! - then He teaches me daily dependence on Him and a greater degree of trust in Him as my Father. "Money can’t give you any of the things you ultimately need. It can’t make you holy. It can’t make you righteous. It can’t save you from your sins. Wealth is a sign of blessing, but it’s also one of your biggest temptations because it entices you to boast in yourself." - Kevin DeYoung. (Proverbs 30:7-9)

16. I am sensitive to the sinfulness of my sin. Becoming a Christian means that the Lord has brought me to a point of realizing the sinfulness of my sin against a holy God and has granted me repentance from that sin - repentance, not to switch to another sin but to leave all sins and run hard after Christ. The Lord progressively increases my sensitivity to sin, and there are times when He makes me so aware of my sinfulness that my sinlessness in heaven attracts me more greatly than even the chance to continue living life in this world. "But in a sense, when a Christian sins / It's more sickening than sins of wicked men (why?) / 'Cause we've tasted His goodness as recipients of grace / So every time we sin, it's like we're spitting in His face." - Timothy Brindle, "The Sinfulness of Sin". (Romans 7:24-25; 1 John 3:6)

17. I am denying myself daily. Christ lives in me. He has taken all of me. This leaves no room for myself anymore. So self-denial follows from that. John Piper defines this in terms of Mark 8:35 as Jesus' saying, "What I mean is - My disciples, My loved ones - lose your life in the sense that you lose everything but Me. 'Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.' Die to the world. Die to prestige, die to wealth, die to sinful sex, die to cheating to get ahead, die to the need for people to approve you. Die, and have Me." (Luke 9:23; Galatians 2:20)

18. I am pointing my enjoyment of creation back to the Creator. I find "self-esteem", "self-fulfillment", "self-actualization", and so on to be idolatry. The answer to this is not to complain to God about how He made me, but to take a Biblical view of myself. Yes, in spite of my flaws, the Lord made me in His image, fearfully and wonderfully. But His glory far surpasses mine. I am, by far, not the most glorious human on the earth. The creatures on this earth are not as glorious as those in Heaven. Yet the creatures in glory never go on an ego trip. As holy as they are, they continue to play their part in praising the Creator: "All Thy works shall praise Thy name / in earth, and sky, and sea." - Reginald Heber. (Psalm 139:14; Romans 1:25)

19. I am becoming sanctified in stewardship. Rather than telling me to use my income to support an endless pursuit of the American Dream, the Lord is making me more aware of the needs of the global body of Christ and how materially rich I am as an American. At the same time, I wonder how the vast majority of American Christendom - who pursue these treasures that will pass away - will pass through the needle's eye. "My hope is in the Lord Jesus Christ, who is going to take me to himself. To live is Christ and to die is gain. I'm here on earth to spread the gospel. I'm going to keep my life as wartime as I can in order to maximize my effect for showing Jesus as valuable, not things as valuable." - John Piper. (Matthew 19:24)

20. I am hoping in the second Adam, though I am of the first Adam's race. Since the first Adam brought sin into the world, I must leave sin - and self - in order to follow the Lord; a lifestyle of sin has no place in His kingdom. Praise God that there is a second Adam, a perfect replacement for the fallen first one! "We are like Adam now in weakness and pain, and we shall soon be like him in death, returning to the ground whence we were taken; but we shall rise again to a better life, and then we shall wear in glory and incorruption the image of the second Adam. Conceive the beauties of the risen Redeemer. .... We shall behold His glory, we shall be with Him where He is, and we shall be ourselves glorious in His glory. Is He exalted? you also shall be lifted up. Is He a King? you shall not be uncrowned. Is He a victor? you also shall bear a palm. Is He full of joy and rejoicing? so also shall your soul be filled to the brim with delights. Where He is every saint shall be ere long." - Charles Spurgeon. (Romans 5)

Practical Application: Lecrae's "Rebel Intro"

Many songs are very rich with practical truth that needs to be applied, not just heard. It's easy to hear a song with deep truth and go fast over it from one song to the next. Maybe the song will get stuck in our heads, but sometimes it stays there because it is catchy.

So, because Scripture commands us in James to be a doer of the word and not only a hearer of it, I would like to dive in on a song that has affected me multiple times since I first heard it: Lecrae's "Rebel Intro". As Voice said in "Whatever It Takes", "So now let's make this thing practical, since I am convinced this is God's Word and factual / but not merely a list of facts and features; they are truths that inform for all [of] what belief is." He said this of Scripture, so I will not say that the words of a song are divinely inspired. However, the songs can show us how we can apply truth that is divinely inspired.

Whether teaching us in preaching, singing, rapping, writing, or ministering where life exists, teachers who teach falsely will come under greater condemnation than those who follow them. Similarly, those of us who have heard more truth and refused to live it out have committed more disobedience against God than those who have heard less of the truth. So let's dive in and apply this.

"I'm in rebellion"

What kind of rebellion? The rest will explain.

"Jesus was a rebel, a renegade, outlaw

A sanctified troublemaker but He never sinned, naw"

Jesus was a rebel because He never sinned. Most people define "rebel" by whether we rebel against cultural norms. Criminals are "rebels" because most people believe practically that people are basically good and criminals somehow act against their basically good nature when they break the laws of the land. More conservative people think that people with multicolored hair or a lot of tattoos are "rebels" because they rebel against society's definition of a clean appearance. But Romans 3:10 says that all have sinned and rebelled against God. Christ, as God in human flesh, was by definition a rebel against the society around Him on earth.

"and He lived His life by a different set of Rules

the culture ain't approve so you know they had to bruise Him "

Secular society's rules today tend to base themselves around either 1) living for yourself, or 2) living for others but leaving God out of it. The former are all about pursuing their own happiness by having as much money, power, toys, work, leisure, sex, and other treasures of this world as they can. The latter tend to gravitate toward causes of goodwill but emphasize service to their fellow man more than God. That is living for the glory of others, not the glory of God.

Let me spin it another way for Christians: Many church people (not all are Christians) do not have a Biblical understanding of their new relationship to law. One group is antinomians: "We are under grace now. Throw the law out. Let's do what we want." Another group is legalists, who make their own set of rules, usually starting off with Scripture but leading into absurd applications that don't really fit and forcing them on others. This has a strong moralistic component and often produces outward obedience without a change in heart.

Jesus' set of rules was different because the culture around Him focused on obeying the Mosaic law. Among religious people, obedience to that law was the norm. But Jesus revealed that the hearts of the culture around Him were sinful toward God; what they were doing to get close to God was not good enough, because they still had sin. Perhaps He showed this most notably in the Sermon on the Mount, in several concrete applications of "Love your neighbor as yourself", an old law from Deuteronomy that may have seemed vague. Hating someone was on the same level as killing them; who would have thought? And culture tended not to follow Him; most settled back into "This is how we have always defined and done righteousness", while missing the entire picture.

"that's the way they do man, they swear they so gangsta

everyone the same, everybody do the same stuff

tattoos, piercings, smokin' up and drinking, money and sex plus them extravagant weekends"

Rebellion against God is the norm in society. It is only expressed in different ways and to different extents. I'm not trying to say that getting a tattoo or getting a piercing is right or wrong; that is not my focus in writing this. But most of society rebels against God in ways that are culturally acceptable. They live for the weekends when they can get drunk and enjoy the fruits of their hard work. Or they spend themselves at work in order to become thought of as great in their field or just to have more money. Or they are too lazy to contribute anything to society. These are all different ways to rebel against God.

"man if that's the high life I'll puff puff pass that

you live evaporated like missing a gas cap

I guess I'm passed that; I am in rebellion"

A Christian should rebel against the world's standards of how to live life and live by God's. But do so humbly. "I'm in rebellion" does not mean "Look at how holy I am." It means "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives within me. And the life which I lived in the flesh..." - even if that life meant looking to your own self-righteousness and using that to please God instead of repenting of that and having faith in the finished work of Christ to please God - "I live by faith in the Son of God" - and His present and future grace! - "Who loved me and gave Himself for me." Obey Christ and love Him because He is all you will ever have and all you will ever need.

"I'd rather have a dollar in my pocket than a million

I'm scared to worship money, and my wants over Elyon"

This line strikes me the most of any in this song right now. I'm a young professional with minimal bills and almost 5 years of working full-time. Even though I give more than ten percent of my income to my church and I also give to missions and charity, that giving is not sacrificial. It is out of abundance. I can't imagine being someone who lives for the kingdom of God as a full-time missionary and has to really trust God for their provisions. I like being able to go to the ATM, take more money out than I may need, and see that balance keep going up. Can it be said that I love money?

"I'll remain a rebel while the rest of them just carry on

this is what I live for, this the hill I'm buried on"

The rest are carrying on because they are opposed to the gospel message lived out in you. What you live for is not your own personal holiness, but for Christ Himself.

"if Jesus is the truth that means one of us is VERY wrong

think about it"

And it's not about winning an argument; it's about an absolute standard that God has established and expected us to live by, knowing full well that we can't do it. We will transgress His law. We do need a Savior several times over. We are children of the first Adam, who sinned. We inherited that Adam's sin nature. And we continue to sin each day. Does the depth of "VERY wrong" break you? "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity; and in sin my mother conceived me." It did for King David. One of us is very wrong because one of us continues to follow the ways of the world. But the Christian was once an unbeliever and just as wrong.

"I know that in our day rebel means sinner.

But everyone is sinning, so it is no longer rebellious to sin!

Jesus was a rebel who was counter-cultural."

"No glory in me

all glory to the King on the throne (Jesus)"

Don't rebel to bring glory to yourself. The world won't give you glory. You might give yourself selfish pride if you rebel for this reason. But God's glory far outshines ten billion kings'. He will not allow any part of His glory to be stolen by His creation.

"you either love Him or leave Him alone, but you can't do both"

Being a true disciple of Christ does not leave room for indecisively waffling at the door. You can't be indifferent toward Christ as you may be able to be about a job or a country. You cannot serve two masters, and if you both love Him and leave Him alone - or to put it differently, accept part of Him and reject part of His character and commands - you are doing that and creating God in your own image, when you are really created in His image to give Him glory. Eventually, you will love Christ and hate the ways of this world, or you will love the ways of this world and hate Christ.

"yeah, I know you heard that once in song

I pray you hear 10 more fo ya gone

hey listen up, homes"

Every time you hear truth and don't obey it, your heart will grow harder. But many people have to hear the truth many times before it will change them. God must work at the pace that He wills, to bring Him the most glory. But how many times have I heard the commands of Christ and refused to obey them, thinking they were too radical for me? How many times have I been told to share the gospel with others or even given a specific person to whom I must share the gospel, and I wouldn't do it? How wicked am I?

"Stage is the corner and my crowd is the streets

And I rap the bread of life cause they dyin' to eat"

"The streets" - they are not in the church yet. Most of them don't want to go near it. A Christian has non-Christians in his audience who watch him perform each facet of his life either for the glory of God or for the glory of himself. The world is watching. And they're dying to eat, but they will only eat the bread of life if God gives them a taste for it. They are more inclined to eat what will not satisfy because that is what they want, in their sinful nature. But the sower sowed the seed on all ground, not only the ground that looked fertile; God saw to it that those who would be saved by that message were saved.

"I'm a rebel, you know the kind that die in the street

Cause you refuse to conform, won't eat the kings meat"

Expect opposition from this world system today. Refusing to eat meat that has been sacrificed to an idol is not one of our issues today. But our cultures today have equivalents. And our rebellion against this world system can carry a high cost. Jesus was willing to die in His.

"Christ rebelled by shunning the culture

He eatin' with sinners, giving Pharisees ulcers

He never got married, he was broke, plus homeless

yeah that's the God I roll with"

Jesus Christ was willing to eat with unbelievers. That was significant because Pharisees only associated with their own and looked down on everyone else. When was the last time I sat down with an unbeliever and really talked with them, willingly? For me, evangelism is easier if I am in an unfamiliar place and I have met the person that I am witnessing to for the first time. But when co-workers who are not Christians talk to me, I tend to see it either as a bother from the task at hand or as a necessary break. In doing life, I tend to gravitate toward other believers to the extent that it may make me a Pharisee.

"ya boy gotta wife and no I never cheated"

Never cheating on your wife is by the grace of God. If you are a man with status, other women will want you. If you travel a lot (and rappers do), your wife could never find out if you broke your covenant with her. So this statement has to do with rebellion, but it is not just for status. Nearly every man goes through this form of temptation. It is only by God's grace that we stay faithful.

"I'm prayin for humility whenever I get heated"

Among other times, you can get mad or frustrated when you see the world living in a way contrary to Scripture or yourself not living to a high enough standard. In the former case, the temptation is to exalt yourself for beating the world's game. But that keeps you from standing for the truth with a tear in your eye and pointing the world to Christ.

"forget about the drugs; rebel against pornography"

Don't use sin, such as drugs, as a means of rebellion. Rebel against sin itself, such as looking at pornography, by refusing to engage in it and refusing to support or defend it. Christians should rescue those who are trapped in sins like that. But use wisdom, so that you will not fall. By the grace of God, I don't look at porn. But I have met many Christian men who do. And I don't want to fall, so I know there are some places I cannot go. Draw the line that you will not cross as far from the cliff as you can, and do it while in a wise frame of mind so that you will not have to try to do it in the heat of passion.

"this ain't how it oughta be, homie it' how it's gotta be

A rebel!"

The truth is not just a suggestion or one man's good idea. It is an absolute, worth striving hard for. Here, we have no lasting city. We seek a city that is to come. But that shouldn't stop us from seeking to bring others to that lasting city and using this life to long for that lasting city rather than our temporary monuments to human "greatness" that are passing away.

"You are just a conformist, if you are drunk and naked, driving around on a loud motorcycle, smoking cigarettes and breaking commandments, getting pregnant out of wedlock. Everyone has done that, it's so tired! If you really want to be a rebel, read your Bible, because no one is doing that! That's rebellion. That's the only rebellion left!"

-----

There is nothing better to do with your life today than to give Him glory. Have a passion for His glory and for your joy in that glory; "those two are one passion"!

"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose . . ! You drove them from me, you who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, you who are sweeter than all pleasure, though not to flesh and blood, you who outshine all light, yet are hidden deeper than any secret in our hearts, you who surpass all honor, though not in the eyes of men who see all honor in themselves. . . . O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, and my Salvation."

- Augustine, Confessions.

"I have seen, when I was a boy, a juggler in the street throw up half-a-dozen balls, or knives and plates, and continue catching and throwing them, and to me it seemed marvellous; but the religious juggler beats all others hollow. He has to keep up Christianity and worldliness at the same time, and catch two sets of balls at once. To be a freeman of Christ and a slave of the world, at the same time, must need fine acting. One of these days you, Sir Juggler, will make a slip with one of the balls, and your game will be over."

- C.H. Spurgeon.

Second Thoughts on Park Days and a Philippines Update

For the past 4 years, I have been a season pass holder at my home theme park and have already renewed earlier this month for a fifth season there. But for the first time, I have felt convicted about that recently.

A lot of hobbies start off with very good intentions. I once took a homeless young man to the park with me, paying for the trip myself, and he had the time of his life. I also took a janitor from one of my previous employers to the park with me and allowed him to spend the whole day riding rides with me and other Christian in our office. On other occasions, I have been a single rider but have spent days befriending other single riders from other states and regions. I became friends on Facebook with one of them, and he has been able to see the many Christian quotes I put on my personal Facebook page. So I began to look at park visits as something with potential for evangelism and fellowship.

This year has been different. My usual park buddy from the past 3 seasons got married this spring. I went to the park with him in April before he got married. Other than that, all of my visits have been solo. This year, I have become more of a loner than I was in the past. So the visits this fall have been not only solo, but mostly silent. On my most recent visit, I barely interacted with anyone, just rode rides and interacted a minimal amount with the crews. The weather was awful for riding, but I went anyway because I knew the lines would be short. For the past two visits, the weather was sunny and I could spend the whole way there praying and the whole way back worshiping God in song. This time, I needed music on for the morning drive because it was cloudy. On the way back, I still worshiped but could not feel the reality of the songs in my life. It was mostly emotionless singing into empty space to admire the sound of my own voice. It was hollow, selfish worship using God-centered words.

The week had gone well up to that point. On Monday, my leave had been approved for going to the Philippines. (Since then, I have bought the tickets! :-) ) I had been reading more than I had in most other parts of the year. On the surface I looked pretty holy for the week. But after I got back, God started to reinforce that this park visit was selfish.

As a coaster enthusiast, I keep meticulous ride logs that include the total number of rides I take in each visit, my running totals for the year for each, and where I sat on the train for each ride. But yesterday, my main motive for going was just to make sure that I had more coaster rides this year than last year. I thought I had been slacking off.

But what else could I have been doing? As much as I dislike going to weddings, one of my other friends was getting married that day. There was no Saturday night service for that week, although I had arrived back from the park in time for that. So I could not minister to anyone in my church. It was a lost day, and it is better to lose my life than to waste it.

Going to the Philippines might help me to be less self-centered, and not just because cultures in the East tend to be more group-minded while American culture focuses much more on the individual. Pending a background check, I will get to see at least one of the children that I sponsor. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for his different world. But I don't know what to expect. I know some academic statistics about the international poverty line and how I can't buy a sandwich at Subway here with the money that most people there make in a week - if they can even find work for the day. I have seen pictures of the children that I have sponsored. But I have never been able to reach out my hand and touch a person who is truly poor by global standards. How could this affect me?

I hope and pray that these kids do not see me as an alternate Savior. My American lifestyle - wartime or not - could be a stumbling block that keeps them from seeing the gospel. They have needed to have faith for basic provisions in ways that I have not. But Scripture says, over and over, that as a Christian, I need to help people in need. So, although I seem to do a lot compared to many others in my church, I do very little when I compare myself to the Word. I should be doing more than just sending some money every month. My work weeks know very little of sacrifice, except for giving a good deal of time and effort to do work for others. Working in a job is not often a very voluntary form of service. A person who is common will do that same job and just take the money. A person who is consecrated will not stop there.

So in about 7 weeks, God willing, I will board a flight to the Philippines, not knowing what I may see there. I come with five loaves and two fish, trusting God to do with it as He will - and may that include feeding His sheep and drawing more into His kingdom?

You may be praying for God's plan to be carried out in some area. But some people only have the willingness to pray. Sometimes God's answer to those prayers is to set you on a course to do something through you for His glory. Recently, I have been more convicted that I should spend less time in solitude having high-flown thoughts about serving others and sharing the gospel, and more time actually serving others and sharing the gospel. One could say that the reason is the survival of my church, but that makes an idol out of my church. God will do as He wants with our church, but is His glory really our motivation for serving Him?

Although not entirely related, I feel compelled to mention this. What is the glory of God? Is it only seen in doing things for others, which seems to be the point of Jaeson Ma's song "Glory"? If the glory of God is only reflected in other people and is centered on man, as it were, then either 1) man is the origin of that glory and when God created man, man was given an attribute (glory) that God himself did not have, or 2) God didn't have glory until He created man, which means He gained a new attribute at creation which He has not had since eternity past, and thus He would not be an unchanging God. On another hand, if you don't realize that God does glorify Himself through changing the lives of people, your Christianity will not do any good for the world.

God is an eternally glorious being Who has displayed perfect love and perfect glory among His three Persons (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) since before the world began. He created the universe as a means of glorifying Himself through the vast reaches of space and time. But His glory is eternal. Therefore, when we do things that give Him glory (not that we can give Him any that He does not already have; He needs nothing from us but graciously allows us to serve Him), that is an eternal investment and prevents our lives from being wasted on ourselves.

If you have prayed for me to go to the Philippines, thank you! This is something I have wanted to do for about ten years now for various reasons, but God had to refine those reasons and connect me with the right people in order to glorify Himself through it and not just give me an expensive vacation. I don't know why, but I was just thanking God for it without any tears since I found out I could go, although many tears in the past several years have gone into the prayers that I would go. Maybe it has not completely hit me yet. Maybe it won't until I am actually on the plane. :-)

Philippines: How Would I React to "No"?

Almost exactly a year ago, I posted a series of notes (part 1, part 2, part 3) that addressed the importance of Christians obeying the government. Interestingly enough, a similar topic has now come back in my life a year later, but in a work context.

If you have followed this blog for a while, you would have seen a lot of posts tagged "Philippines", including this one. One of my pastor's friends from a church where he served previously in the Philippines spent one of his semester breaks from law school in the US and made a special trip to our church to help out with our young adults' camp for several days. During the camp and afterward, he ministered to me and others in my church and sought to be as much of a blessing as possible during his short time with us. He is now back in law school, rarely having the time or opportunity for fellowship with other believers, and could use encouragement from any of his friends in the Philippines or the US.

Now I am attempting to go to the Philippines to see him and to visit one of the children who I sponsor. This would be my first trip traveling outside the US, and because others that I know who may have been able to go with me cannot go, I would be taking the trip alone. I would go mainly for a vacation (I need one badly), but I would also want to minister to others and serve the Lord while I am there. Because of family obligations, I would need to spend Christmas on a separate trip within the US and fly to the Philippines from there. The trip itself would last for the rest of his break from law school, and then I would come back and try to return to work within the next several days.

Last week, I saw some very encouraging developments that made taking this trip more possible. My friend emerged from his busy semester in law school (the Philippines has a different school year) with a successful finals week and was able to get back in touch. Several days later, my family gave their support of the trip. This was astonishing. They had been supportive of it when I had a young lady to go see, but since I no longer do, they often asked, "You're going around the world to see a guy?" They are used to young women driving my motives for just about everything. Although I do not try to do that anymore, my sense of humor, which at times relies heavily on self-parody, still reinforces that perception of me, especially with those who have known me the longest.

On Thursday, I mentioned the trip to my boss. Although I mentioned a trip to the Philippines even before I joined the company, at the time it was still a trip on which I expected to become engaged. Yet I continued to save my leave for a trip to the Philippines throughout this year without knowing much as to why, just sensing the need to do it for reasons larger than glorifying myself - and the possibility, however unlikely, that I could go this year. Although I like my job for the most part, I allowed myself to become very burnt out in it, especially during the late summer and early fall, taking as little time off as possible to continue saving leave for this trip.

Independently of my boss's reaction, an answer to prayer happened that day from an unexpected source. Earlier in the week, I had prayed on the way to work that I would bear more of the fruit of the Spirit. Often, my joy becomes very tied to my spiritual performance and to my performance at work. I expect little from others, just that they will do their job and make a good effort, but I am often a ruthless perfectionist in regards to myself. With nothing to look forward to in life for most of this year, I have become very upset when I have not performed well at work and allowed my life and testimony to go into a tailspin as others in my office see how I react to that. I started to buy the notion that no one in this office wants my Jesus because He makes my life more difficult and makes me depressed and occasionally unapproachable. Christ was not causing those bouts of depression during each workweek. I was. Even the renewed possibility of this trip made me much more at peace than usual, and I was able to work pretty well on Thursday and Friday despite being sick.

My boss, who likes to kid around, initially said no when I asked to request the time off. Then I told him that I wanted to go to the Philippines for a couple weeks and he was fine with it. And I thought, "This has to be God's will." My boss likes to mock Christians once in a while even though he has several working for him. I went to HR the following day to check on my leave balances before I put in the paperwork. I gave her more background on my trip, and her reaction was very positive. Having a clearer understanding of the dates, I submitted my time off request.

Most of the trip would be after the New Year due to schedule constraints. The catch is my company's leave policy. The policy limits how much leave I can carry into the new year. With that constraint, my trip would require more leave than that. They made an exception for my team last year so that we could make a deadline, but this year they will not be doing that. Most likely, I would have to go negative with my leave or work extended hours on about half a day's jet lag for the rest of my first week back. The company tries to not advance leave to anyone. The company's top-level executives will have a meeting tomorrow, at which they will discuss whether to let me take my trip. I would appreciate your prayers for that meeting.

I don't want just thinking about this trip to be the most rewarding experience of my life so far. I want to actually take this trip, minister to my friend and sponsored child in person, and see more of what God is doing in the nations - to sing with the stars and the whales, "How great" - how merciful - how just - how faithful - how wise - how powerful - how present - how gracious - how loving - how satisfying - how holy, holy, holy - "is our God" - my Creator - my Savior - my Rock and my Redeemer, in Whom I trust. He is the Lord over all, from the rotating and colliding galaxies to the subatomic particles that praise their Designer out of the sight of human eyes, and also my Lord, who will allow me to go where He would have me go to give Him glory. May I be a faithful servant, qualified to do His will.

So, what does this have to do with earthly authority? God is teaching me something by leaving me hanging during this weekend. He is giving me a greater sense of dependence on Him and allowing me to work closer to Him than usual. My reaction to the outcome of that meeting, whatever it is, is also a tool for me to make much of Christ. And part of the fruit of the Spirit is kind words - showing grace to my employer and not reacting harshly if they tell me no.

My boss and I stayed late at work on Friday and were talking about the trip and the executive meeting after we finished working. My conclusion there was, "We'll see what happens, and I just need to respect their decision." The executives have worked hard to keep our company in business and profitable, and they deserve the titles that they have. If they say no, I am convinced that the most professional way - and the best witness as a Christian - is not for me to tell them, "To heck with you, I'll just get another job and start there in January", and attempt to still take the trip. It is to stay in my current position and continue to serve my employer humbly and as intelligently as I know how.

I don't say this dogmatically for everyone, but just as how I am convinced to act in my own life based on wisdom. God does not really have a will of direction, only wills of decree and desire. He gives us wisdom so that we can make intelligent decisions that please Him without waiting for visions, fleeces, or writing in the sky. And He has a reason why He got me out of the work that I had been doing (at companies that gave me more leave, where it looked like it would have been more possible for me to take this trip), to make much of Him in this specific job. He has given it to me as a means to become better at my craft and support my local church financially while saving to buy a house. And, having been on the other side of (un)employment too, I praise Him for providing for me in this position. It appears He is giving me more than my daily bread now in part so that if He ever allows me to lead my own family, we can creatively live off of one income and, hopefully, practice wartime living.

I grew up as a young punk with a disdain for authority, and in some ways my ideas still jar with the establishment. As a minarchist idealistically, I'll probably never vote willingly for a Republicrat. In business, I shy away from buzzwords as much as possible and just focus on getting my job done. But it is still possible for somebody like me, as likely to listen to Celtic rock and old-school punk as gospel rap, to submit to authority genuinely without kissing up. And God is glorified in that. This is a way to be "faithful over a few things" (Matthew 25:23).

So, to end today's post, I quote these lines from 116 Clique's song "Authority", not at my company, but to myself:

"You ask them, what's a man?

They say, that dude that's got them stacks on stacks [of money]

in rubber bands, finger to the government.

'I want it; I get it; it's mine.

Can't tell me nothing, bro.

My money, my girl, and my nine:

These [are] my rules. What [are] you talkin' 'bout?'

No one man should have all that power.

He doesn't have it 'cause power is not ours!

Sinning like you're in control - no, you are owned.

God is running it. Do as you're told.

Ok, let me talk to him real quick:

Somebody being over me? We say, 'No, no!'

But we gotta get that if we are not submitting,

Then we're missing the fact that we are not our own.

Only God can judge me. And the Judge says,

'If you do not follow, then you can't lead.'

Get it? Live it. Got it? Good.

"If you can't follow, you can't ever lead.

And you don't run a thing 'til you run into the King.

Hey, Who I follow's who they follow when they follow me.

A real man bows down to authority!"

(I encourage comments, but please be sensitive to preserve my anonymity by not mentioning anything that would identify me or my employer.)

Lessons I Learned from Next 2011

Here are some lessons for my spiritual life that I took away from this year's Next Conference. The sessions did not cover these points, but I thought of them as a result of worshiping God and having fellowship with other believers there.

1. Do not think of corporate worship as a performance where you must be seen by God or others. After a couple sessions, the passion of the worship sets started to get to my head. Before one session, I went down the stairs of the hotel like an arena announcer was about to call my name to get on the court in the NBA Finals. And I had my hands in the air like a lot of other people, but no tears in that worship set. I could not really think about God. I wondered why I could not behold the beauty of Christ or really think about what I was singing. I was doing what I was doing not in order to be close to God and worship Him as I ought, but to get the emotional high and the general sense of euphoria first. Crying in a song is stupid unless the subject of the song means more to you than life.

2. If you see someone who you will probably never see again and you know that they also know the Lord, maximize that short time with them by pouring into their life and being a blessing. Similarly, lean upon and learn from the words of Scripture to a point where, as C.H. Spurgeon said, if people cut you, you bleed Scripture. This can be a great encouragement to others.

3. My "bachelor pack", as Brother Washer calls it, is a great help to me spiritually, but is not forever. Four of us made the trip to Next and stayed in two hotel rooms. My roommate, who has been a great friend to me during the several years that I have known him, will be married by the end of this year. One of the other men has been pursuing a young lady for a year. And the other one seems to meet a new young lady every other week! (Only an inside joke. :-) ) As a career-age single, I know that people get married and move on. Several men from my previous church with whom I used to spend a lot of time are now married and have been mostly or completely out of touch with me since their weddings. (It's almost comedic, the responses I may get from saying this. Even recently, someone told me, "You're 25? You're so young. You shouldn't be married yet!" And I'm sure many people from my old homeschool group would think I belong in a monastery because I am not married at my age. Silly culture! ;-) )

4. Thy bachelor pack is not sufficient for thee. There are times when I cannot continue hanging out in my bachelor pack; I must be alone with God. Spending time with them is very edifying but does not, in the end, leave me satisfied. Regularly, I just need to cordon off certain times in my life and say that only God can go there with me. And this does not come, necessarily, at a set time. I can't just schedule certain times in my life for God to reveal more of Himself to me and leave me undone. My schedule is subject to Christ's Lordship. Sometimes He just calls me to come away with Him, and I must do it, or else miss a time of deep and abiding fellowship with my Lord.

5. I was bolder in evangelism on this trip than I am at home. In my own town, I almost never witness, since my work is very busy and tiring and most of my free time goes to either the church or solitude with God. At Next, around many other Christians, I had a few minutes to explain to a Catholic man at the resort why so many people were there for the conference, and hopefully left him with a better understanding of who the God of Scripture is and why we should worship Him. The conference itself could be used as a means to witness to others in the host city.

6. Sometimes the best worship is just to sing the words of God back to Him. The song I will remember the most from this conference is Shane & Shane's "Worthy of Affection", based on Hebrews 1:

"We are the broken down, and we are the beaten up.

But what could stop us from a song of unending love?

Holy is the Lord!

You are a treasure, the hope, the bright and Morning Star.

You are the Lover of our Souls, and You've won our hearts.

We sing of Your great love.

So we sing. We lift our hands and sing:

"You are worthy of affection!

You're the radiance of all of His glory.

Let adoration fill this place.

You hold everything together

By the word of Your immovable power.

We sing a song of praise!"

-----

"1:1 Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, 2 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. 3 He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4 having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.

5 For to which of the angels did God ever say,

“You are my Son,
today I have begotten you”?

Or again,

“I will be to him a father,
and he shall be to me a son”?

6 And again, when he brings the firstborn into the world, he says,

“Let all God's angels worship him.”

7 Of the angels he says,

“He makes his angels winds,
and his ministers a flame of fire.”

8 But of the Son he says,

“Your throne, O God, is forever and ever,
the scepter of uprightness is the scepter of your kingdom.
9 You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has anointed you
with the oil of gladness beyond your companions.”

- Hebrews 1:1-9 (ESV, emphasis mine).

Worried About Our Image And Our Space Up On the Internet

I first got the idea for this title shortly after I heard Lecrae's song "Go Hard" several years ago:

"Oh man, we ain't focused on the war. We're just kicking it,

Worried about our image and our space up on the internet.

Take me out of the game, coach. I don't want to play no more.

If I can't give it all I've got and leave it out there on the court.

Thank You for the grace, for the will and the desire.

Got me living for Your glory instead of living to retire.

But I pray I'll never tire of going hard for Messiah.

I don't need no motivation. You're the Reason I'm inspired!"

I guess I could describe myself as an internet missionary. Jonathan Edwards resolved to use new inventions of mankind for advancing the gospel. In our day, perhaps the best example of this is the internet. Right now, few people in the civilized world have not had exposure to the internet. Nearly everyone I know uses it daily. And many people use it to a point of "addiction", or as I prefer to call it, idolatry.

Having used the internet for well over a decade, it is interesting to note how it has evolved into a tool where we ourselves have a significant influence over its content. The top five websites in the world right now are Google, Facebook, YouTube, Yahoo, and Blogger. All provide some means for the users to submit their own content, and Facebook, YouTube, and Blogger exist for almost the sole purpose of allowing people to say, "This is who I am. This is what I like. I want people anywhere, or at least my friends, to read what I write, see the photos I take, watch the videos I make, and visit the links that I like."

William Shakespeare wrote that all the world is a stage and all of the men and women on it are merely players. I submit to you that all the web is also a stage, which gives all of its players visibility to anyone in the world. Nearly everyone today, my parents' generation and younger, has a web presence, even babies.

So, how are you using your stage? Is it, to you, a means to promote the gospel, to become aware of the needs in the world so that you can pray about them and do something about them if possible, to edify and strengthen others in the faith? If you cannot use it this way, it is better to immediately throw it by.

I say all of this as an exhortation because there is so much potential for us to make much of Christ in new media, yet many people just waste their time with it and use it to say what frivolities they are pursuing with their friends. May I say Farmville and Mafia Wars? If you do use the internet to game, may I ask you: are you even in the real war, or just in a fake war with no eternal or even temporal significance? Friendships grow deeper when the camaraderie occurs because of a real, significant cause - not when we use our time together to pass along even innocent internet memes that result from either our sinful culture or Christians' just wasting their time.

The internet can make us forget about the "war" by giving us mere images and videos of the "war" while taking us off of the battlefield. If I see an image or a story about a country that is closed to the gospel, faithful missionaries risking their lives in the 10/40 Window, or Christians being persecuted, my first reaction should be to pray - hard - and do something, not to just keep paging through images and stories and think, "Maybe God should do something; I'll just go back to my life." This is a reaction of wartime living as applied to how we spend our time.

Does a soldier spend all of his time at the fort? For some, it is their job to stay in the fort and support the other troops. But God has given us this gospel that must be shared. Even those called to hold the rope for missionaries who go down in the well must go down into their local wells themselves. And this is an indictment on me; I rarely share my faith with unbelievers outside the internet. And my unbelieving friends probably just ignore what I have to say on the internet.

Also, my internet browsing habits reveal who or what I really love. I don't spend as much time reading every obscure sports statistic about people who I will never meet as I did before. I frequently visit the various blogs that I list in the sidebar of this site. This is an evidence of God working in my life. But, as Json raps in "Chisel Me", "Am I in love with God or in love with theology?"

Constantly browsing theological sites and switching between browser tabs splits your attention, especially if some of the other sites have nothing to do with God. You must have time alone with God in secret if you are to grow in satisfaction and delight in Him. You cannot take technology with you into that secret place. In a sense, technology is a very great help because it allows ready access to so many resources for advancing the Kingdom and it gives a stage for us as individuals and groups to promote the gospel and make much of our Lord. But, everything in moderation, except for sin, which must be put to death. If I go to that secret place and I am playing with my phone, my heart is divided, even if I am looking at a theological resource - because it says, "Lord, You are not enough. I need this too, or I will not be satisfied."

Based on this, I would also say that we profit from having a printed copy of the Bible. As helpful as commentaries, study notes, and the like can be, I found that after I only read a study Bible for several years, I relied too heavily on the study notes and not on what the Word of God was actually saying. Similarly, in the secret place we must be able to spend time with our full attention on the Word. Always using a phone app as our primary Bible can introduce many more distractions than just reading it in a book.

I realize we are a multitasking generation, and those after us are inheriting that trait from us. Even as I write this, I am working on a Tagalog lesson in Rosetta Stone. But Christ states that the greatest commandment is to love Him with our whole heart, with our whole soul, with our whole mind, with our whole strength - not to divide our attention.

If we want to be chiseled, realize this: the Lord's chisel stops at nothing.

The Proper Place of Sports and Delighting in God

At my old church, whose members are predominantly American, the following is a common sight from September through January: People show up to every service wearing American football jerseys. I remember one guy, a grown man in his late 30s, who enthusiastically supports the Dallas Cowboys. He would sit near the front of the sanctuary wearing a hat with blue and white dreadlocks, matching his team's colors. Our church was nowhere near Dallas, and most of our pastors supported other teams. Yet he wanted everyone to know that he supports the Dallas Cowboys.

Naturally, their love for sports, usually American football (I only use that term for it because in other countries, most equate "football" with FIFA or the World Cup), flows out into their conversations. Some people are able to treat it as just a game and take a win or loss in stride. Others live and die by it and use a win or a loss, especially to rival teams, as a great chance to trash talk others in the church who support their teams' rivals. So instead of discussing with others about what the Lord has done in their lives, they relegate that to times of "ministry" and, apart from that, wonder out loud about whether their team's third-string tight end is "questionable" or "probable" for Sunday's game - on the previous Tuesday. Give a tenfold increase in this effect to owners of fantasy teams. (Fantasy sports could be a separate rant in itself.)

For a while, I thought I was better than this. I do not follow American football; if that makes me less American, oh well!

Then Spring Training happened.

My sports to follow are baseball and ice hockey. Basketball is my favorite sport to play, but I don't follow it closely. Recently, the baseball magazines with my name on it started arriving at my house. And I realized that one Major League Baseball team's closer had a great season last year and I didn't know his name. And that left me beside myself. I went on Wikipedia asking myself, "So who is this guy?" He didn't even play for one of my team's rivals. Every day, I come home from work and wonder what happened in baseball that day. My walk with Christ has at times grown very dull, and one of the ways that manifests itself is through an increased interest in sports. Although a win or loss by my teams does not have a great effect on me, sports is still a broken cistern that I run to when Christ is not satisfying enough.

For those in full-time ministry, following sports or being entertained may be an interesting diversion from the duties of ministry. But those who work full-time in secular jobs must at times make a choice between God and entertainment. If work takes up most of life and entertainment takes up the rest, life is not Christ-centered; Christ becomes a mere afterthought at best.

The Christian's relationship to sports must become somewhat of a balancing act. Saying no one can ever watch a game is legalistic, using outward obedience to a revolting law to try to force inward change in the heart, when it just cannot do that. This can be said of any kind of entertainment that is not inherently sinful: movies, video games, the arts, and so on. These can all be used to make much of the Lord. And sometimes people legitimately need a break. Scripture does recognize a benefit in physical exercise as well. I have told some people that if they are fat as a result of not keeping a proper diet and exercise routine, they are in sin. But the passion that leads people to spend whole days bodybuilding in the gym or sitting on the couch watching pregame shows, games, postgame shows, and SportsCenter must be tempered in the life of the Christian. Just today, God brought to my attention that I read an entire sports magazine (I only read the ones that only discuss sports! ;-) ) before I read anything in the Bible. I should be diving into Scripture, because it is life. Why is Scripture so often familiar and dull to me? Why must I rely so heavily on preachers and writers to expound it for me so that I may see its value and beauty? Yet if I sit in a half-billion-dollar sporting cathedral that I helped pay for as a taxpayer and I see a new player on my team, I want to read all of his statistics and scouting report and know all about him. I will probably never meet the guy.

Some of my friends are up in arms about the NFL lockout and its possibility of canceling the NFL season this year. I submit to you that a loss of an American football season may be the best thing that can happen to the American church this year, particularly to its men. Yet in 2004-2005 when the NHL lost a season to a labor dispute, I still found other places to get my hockey fix: video games and listening to juniors games via internet radio. Even now I take some pleasure in the fact that some of those juniors players have made it to the NHL and become stars there. So a lost season by itself will not do anything to drive American men away from chasing these inferior pursuits instead of Christ and Biblical manhood, which gives them a full-time calling to represent their families before God, represent God to their families, and provide for and protect them. Many will still run to college football or to other sports or other hobbies to get their fix. God must do a work to set our affections on Him alone. If He does this to save even one soul or to draw even one soul nearer to His heart, even the economic impacts of a lost season would be worth it, because Christ has infinite worth and you therefore cannot quantify the value of knowing Him.

I have even noticed the impact of sports on my life in what I wear. Any time I wear a hat or a shirt with a team's logo, I give them some sort of homage or support. Yet it would be absurd to say that it is wrong for a Christian to wear anything that supports a sports team, that they can only wear plain colors and patterns or that they must wear Christian t-shirts all the time. (I used to be a church kid that always wore Christian t-shirts. And I was a hypocrite in doing it!) And it is pointless to add man-made rules on top of God's law, when none of us can obey the whole law of God in the first place. One broken rule at any time in life, and we are a goner; we might as well have broken every law. And everyone has. This is why we need the gospel!

Culture is ingrained in us and has a deep influence over what we buy and sell; everything in any economy (save for probably subsistence farming) is strongly influenced by what culture believes we need on top of what we actually need. The only way to escape this is to leave American culture, and even then that does not diminish the importance of the calling that God has given me to be a light where He has placed me and feel my way towards Him in this cultural context for as long as He would have me live in it. Leaving where He has placed me for an ascetic life somewhere else does not destroy the root idols of my heart, although if He sends me I must be willing to go; maybe that is what He wants in order to glorify Himself in me. We must know when to take part in the different areas of our culture and when we need to separate from them for a time to draw closer to the Lord. Putting a regulation on this is impossible because, although all Christians must be growing closer to God, what that looks like practically can vary significantly from one Christian to another.

Yet my point is this. I don't want people to look at me and only see my work or my interests - or to see some condescending church kid who is so holy that he does not need Christ - and judge me based on that. I have great need of Him. I want to be like Him so that when others see me, they don't see me, and they don't see some level of self-willed holiness that they must attain to be close to God. If they look at me and see my Jesus and nothing else - if nothing stands in the way of His person and work being demonstrated in my life - if they see me attacking my many sins with violent, grace-driven effort, consumed by a desire that Christ alone be praised in my life - that is a blessing. Is there anything I would not give to let this happen?

Chisel me, Lord.