The Heart of a Church Planter

If you have read my posts from several years ago, you may have noticed that I have been championing the cause of Biblical manhood and womanhood for a few years.  I used to compare myself to most of my friends and say that I was one of the most advanced "men" among them because I had a lot of the books and listened to a lot of the sermons.  Lately, I've gone through somewhat of a season of humbling regarding how advanced I am in this.

Andy Mineo's verse in 116 Clique's "Man Up Anthem" has a line which continues to stick in my head after I listen to it:
"Yeah, being a man's got nothing to do with age.
You can be a boy til the day you lay in your grave.
None of us behave like the image of who we're made.
'Cause we're fallen away - it's better known as depraved
Running from responsibility - really we crave
The easy way out of places that call us to pull our weight
Man they blowing through everyday decisions are made,
Responding to the call God's giving 'em from the gate."

The places that call me to pull my weight right now are work and ministry.  Regarding work, I'm admittedly "running out of time to make a sentimental plea".  My job is very mentally intensive, which is part of the reason why I do most of my sacred reading and writing on the weekends.  And my health has not been good this year.  After my trip to the Philippines, I had more jet lag than I have ever had and fell ill for about 2 weeks while I recovered from that.  Then I felt well for about a week or so.  Then, due to ongoing dental treatment with several different dentists, I have had terrible headaches for the past month and a half and counting.  I've needed a lot more help than I would like to ask for at work.  And my already average at best performance has gotten worse.  I sense a desire to go on vacation again and escape the responsibility for a little while.  But this is taking the easy way out of places that call me to pull my weight.  And if I do this to get away from responsibility, I am not manning up.

In ministry, I've noticed that I have mostly been choosing the aspects of my role in the church that do not involve much relation to other people.  But I am called to pull my weight in relating to others.  I am not exempt from sharing the gospel or from ministering directly to the needs of others.  God calls every believer to this role.

Today, I have been realizing that no local church will be exactly like I want it to be.  My church is historically Filipino with a lot of Filipino-Americans and some others.  We are still a small church that meets most definitions of a church plant.  I relate much better to the Filipinos than the Filipino-Americans do.  I can speak a good deal of Tagalog, embrace their culture wholeheartedly, and have been to the Philippines.  Some of the Fil-Ams are much harder for me to relate to.  I don't quite understand or know much about some of the cultural identity that they bring to the table.  So after the Saturday night service, I mostly hope that certain other guys will be there and I can talk with them.  Or it might be like last night, where I couldn't even really join a conversation.  But how sinful is my heart for choosing who I want to minister to?

Part of the regression in my path toward manhood has, no doubt, been due to the lack of examples of godly manhood among my friends in this world.  Other than my pastor, who is just a few years older than I am (more kuya than tito), I can't point to anyone in my church as a godly man who exemplifies Biblical manhood in both work, ministry, and family life - and, most importantly, in affections for Jesus Christ.

I have to say it's my own fault too!  I have a heart for helping pastors to establish Biblical churches in areas that do not have them.  Naturally, a new or restarted church plant will not always have a mature core of charter members who bring all of the strengths that their church needs to have.  Just as our physical bodies will break down and betray us more and more until we meet our Lord Jesus Christ, we should not expect the body of Christ to be perfect here on earth.  We tend to look at churches like Bethlehem Baptist Church (John Piper and soon to be Jason Meyer), Grace Community Church (John MacArthur), Covenant Life Church (Joshua Harris), and other churches like these and expect our smaller local churches to have all the same strengths that they do.  But for each one of these, there are tens or probably hundreds of smaller churches that are wondering why they are not this successful in the eyes of men.

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Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Listening To (March 2012)

"This is the end of my show.  This is the end, I know.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd."

"I can't perform no more. (eh eh)
Can't do these chores no more. (eh eh)
I'm feeling like I'm sick.  It's silly, so I quit.
That's it, I just can't try to please the Lord no more.
Cause really I'm sick of trying to make Him like me more. (you feel me)
Cause every day I've got a fight in store.
I'm guilty, so when I play I never like to score.
No good in me, and I'm sick of my plight - I'm poor.
They told me homie (whaa) the Christian life is better (word)
But they said to be holy and perform for His pleasure.
But now I'm feeling torn, cause the Lord is my treasure,
But I fall and feel scorned when I can't get it together.
But then something clicked.  It's crazy I ignored this:
But even when I slip, this ain't based on my performance.
Christ was equipped, ran a race with endurance.
When His flesh was hit, His righteousness was my assurance. (yea!)

"I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect, listen to the claps from the crowd.
I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect.  Listen to the claps from the crowd."
- Trip Lee, "Show's Over".

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"One God, one hope, one Winner
That shouldn't have taken claim to us sinners.
Jesus, forgive us.  We won't give up
'Cause you give life to us.  Now we're lit up
And we testify that we're rectified
By the sin that crept inside to let us die
Our fleshly pride and messy lives
We didn't deliver us.  We were rescued by You,
Who has all power and all presence to save us.  You're gracious.
And when the eyes of our hearts see You, You truly amaze us.
You were clothed in our shortcomings, so we would
Overcome in fullness, in a way a King could
We could have never climbed that hill.
We never would have got that far.
We would have gave up for real as soon as things started getting hard.
But You overcame. We know You reign.
You hold our shame and throw it in the ocean,
And You sealed us with Your holy flame."
- Dillon Chase, "You Overcame".

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"Man, I know that I'm insecure.
Do really You think I want to walk around like this? 
I'm tired and I'm sick and tired man I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody.  I'm tired of this.

"From the morning when I'm picking out my clothes
To the moment when I walk up out that door,
My pride is shooting up to the roof top,
While the self esteem finds its way to floor.

"Man, I know I've got problems,
And I ain't [fixing to] sit and try to hide them.
So I am [going to] take this beat and just ride it,
And tell the world what I've been finding.

"You've done seen my issues:
Insecure, but I'm not gonna sit through
Another day where I can't break
The habit where I try to please anybody.
Now I've gotta break loose:

"Growing is so hostile.  It's seeming freaking impossible.
You're trying to TAKE the time to mature, but satan will rob you ...

"... One day, Canon will get up,
Say goodbye to dat picture.
Personally separate the simpleton, split up.
Personality changing: the old Canon, I trashed that. ...

"But I'm like a pistol: getting ready to kill the problem.
My adrenaline rush got a little bit of buzz from looking into the closet of problems.
And I've got options. Well, really, one option is to be honest
And see how God has been glorified with myself as the target.
My struggle is pride.  It's so deep down inside.
And I'm tired of the entire way I'm inclined.
I just wanna see such perfection.  
I know I'm just a bride.  I'm the opposite of my husband.  He's perfect. He's a lion -
King lion.  And I ain't lying.
Really I'm sick of trying. I know I ain't perfect at being perfect - 'cause I'm blind,
I notice my instincts, knowing that, yes y'all, my end stinks.
My entire facade is my account.  It's empty.
So, Lord, build me higher than what Bob was building.
Raise me, to the bar higher than all ceilings.
The sky is never my limit, since my Father's the real thing.
So I'm burning this mask, so can you witness the real me."
- from Canon, "Man in the Mirror".

The Glory of God in Loving the Bride of Christ, Part 2

 These are the full notes of my exegesis of Philemon in preparation for the lesson I taught in the Philippines.  In the lesson, I only mentioned the points of this that specifically relate to loving other believers.  Here's the bonus material. :-)

1 Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, 
This is a "prison epistle", and the only one of Paul's letters where he introduces himself as a "prisoner of Christ", in prison for preaching the gospel. I couldn't find anything that said conclusively whether Timothy was also in prison at this time. To Philemon our beloved brother and fellow worker, Philemon was a Christian ministering in the church at Colossae who was not in prison. He was wealthy enough to own at least one slave, Onesimus. Some commentators think Philemon was a pastor.

2 and to Apphia our sister,
This is the only place in the Bible where Apphia is mentioned. This may have been Philemon's wife.

and to Archippus our fellow soldier,
Archippus was also addressed briefly in the book of Colossians(4:17). In that context, Paul mentioned him right after he gave a greeting to the church at Laodicea; Archippus was the only person specifically addressed there and may have been a church leader. Some historical traditions say that he was one of the 72 disciples appointed by Christ in Luke 10. Some historical accounts also suggest that Philemon, Apphia, and Archippus were all martyred under the persecution of Nero.

and to the church in your house:
The church at Colosse was a house church that met in Philemon’s house. He opened his home to allow his church to meet there. Meeting in homes was common in the early church; church buildings did not come until much later.

3 Grace to you ... from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Grace envelopes the teaching of all of Paul's letters, due to its centrality in the Christian faith; Christians are all recipients of it. God has no problems in Himself that we can fix, and there is nothing that we can offer Him. His responses to us are gifts of His grace.

... and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
We have peace with God through Jesus Christ, and by peace, the blessings that result from grace come to us. Both grace and peace are only from God the Father through Jesus Christ. (source: Matthew Henry)

4 I thank my God always, making mention of you in my prayers,
Elsewhere in this book, Paul gives congratulations and commendations regarding Philemon and the others that he mentions based on their faith. However, he still prays for them. No Christian who is still alive is beyond the need for prayer.

5 because I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints;
"I hear of" means that Philemon himself may not have been the one telling Paul about this. The love Philemon showed for the saints and their faith toward Christ had a testimony that reached beyond their city. "Toward all the saints" does not limit Philemon's (or our) love to only believers, but it shows a deeper bond of love between believers that we have in Christ, regardless of whether these saints are Jew, Gentile, slave, free, rich, poor, or any other possible category.

6 and I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every good thing which is in you for Christ’s sake. 
But wasn't it already becoming effective?  "Fellowship" and “effective" mean that the faith was becoming manifested to men (source: John Calvin). Faith communicates itself by good works. "Every good thing which is in you" does not refer to good things that Philemon inherently had in himself, but to things that are there because of his faith in Christ ("for Christ's sake"). This is not to give glory to Philemon, but to give glory to Christ.

7 For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.
Whether he is the pastor of the church or not, Philemon is ministering to the saints in his local church. Nowhere in Scripture is it mentioned that Paul actually had ever gone to Colosse, although one of his messengers, Tychicus, carried this letter and the epistle to the Colossians to Colosse. Paul had been to Ephesus, 100 km away, and was imprisoned there. So Paul has joy that someone he most likely has not seen, who lives in a place that he has most likely never visited, is serving the believers in this local church in a Gentile region (Asia Minor), which is part of the early stages of Christianity spreading around the world and outside the Jewish people.

8 Therefore, though I have enough confidence in Christ to order you to do what is proper, 9 yet for love's sake I rather appeal to you - since I am such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus -
In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul addresses whether Christians can eat meat sacrificed to idols. He says that we can, but not all Christians have this knowledge, and less spiritually mature Christians would be tripped up by that. He says that he will not exercise this liberty around them and gives us an instruction to not cause our brothers to stumble. So he lays down his liberty. In this passage, Paul has the authority and confidence to order Philemon what to do. He was an apostle and mentions that he is "aged", probably at least 50 years old when he wrote this. And he has lived his Christian life preaching the gospel and facing much opposition. But in the verses to follow, Paul is going to lay down his authority to command his brother. He is not going to give a command, but an appeal, to Philemon. He is also writing this letter from a distance and may not know all of the circumstances involved.

10 I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my imprisonment,
"My child" does not mean that Onesimus was Paul’s biological son. "Child" here is a term of endearment. It is referring to Onesimus as a spiritual child. Onesimus and Paul may not have met until Paul was imprisoned in Rome and shared the gospel with Onesimus. You can't have faith in the gospel without first hearing it, so one who gives instruction in it is like a parent (source: John Calvin). "Begotten" means that it was a result of Paul's ministry, not by Paul’s power.  God is the one who saves.

who formerly was useless to you, but now is useful both to you and to me.
He was useless (a pun on his name - "useful") because he stole from his master. He was also useless to Philemon in terms of Christian fellowship because he was not yet a Christian. He is useful now because he is now a Christian, has left that life of sin, and can now be an honest servant. He is also a brother in Christ now who shares a bond with Philemon that they did not have when he stole.

12 I have sent him back to you in person, that is, sending my very heart,
Onesimus is most likely going back with Tychicus because slave-catchers in their day would have intercepted him on the way if he had traveled alone (source: John MacArthur). "My very heart" is also an appeal because it implies that if Philemon rejected the appeal, he was rejecting Paul's heart (source: John Calvin).

13 whom I wished to keep with me, so that on your behalf he might minister to me in my imprisonment for the gospel;
Here, Paul was looking out for the interests of others, not his own interests. He wanted Onesimus to stay near him in prison and minister to him, but he wanted more than that for Onesimus, an escaped slave rightfully owned by Philemon to go back to his master.

14 but without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your goodness would not be, in effect, by compulsion but of your own free will.
He wanted Philemon to obey him willingly, not begrudgingly. Paul is sending Onesimus back, with the hope that Philemon will take him back. Philemon may have been inclined to see this as Paul rejecting Onesimus, "return to sender; I'm not interested in keeping him around". Or Philemon may have seen Onesimus wrong as too significant to accept taking him back.  However, Paul is appealing to Philemon, who he has already commended for his love.

15 For perhaps he for this reason separated from you for a while, that you might have him back forever,
Onesimus went to meet Paul in Rome. Here, Paul is suggesting that the ultimate reason why Onesimus separated from Philemon is so that Philemon might have him back forever. But "forever" means beyond this lifetime. Onesimus and Philemon were not always brothers in Christ, but now they are. The text doesn't seem to say (in English) whether Paul says "he for this reason separated from you", meaning that Onesimus was intentionally doing this, or whether "this reason" means that Onesimus wanted to just run away, but God had a different purpose behind all of it. Calvin thinks it was the latter, pointing to the example of the trials Joseph went through in the book of Genesis. (Thoughts?)

16 no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.
Philemon only knew Onesimus as someone who worked for him and was dishonest at that. There was no spiritually-based relationship between the two of them. Now that has changed. Paul knows firsthand, from Onesimus' being there for him while he was in prison, that Onesimus is a beloved brother to him now. Paul’s understanding in v. 15 is that Onesimus only left Philemon "for awhile", but if Philemon receives Onesimus back, Onesimus will stay and serve him with a heart that God has changed and a repentance over his sin. Also, Onesimus never worked for Paul as his slave. Paul does not know firsthand how Onesimus served Philemon before he was a Christian. Philemon might be the one person who would see the big change in Onesimus' life ("how much more") more than anyone else. Paul claims both Onesimus and Philemon as brothers in Christ, linking the two. Onesimus was already a "brother... in the flesh" to Philemon (not sure: were they actually biological brothers or only living in the same house / of the same lineage?), but now, more importantly, he is a brother in Christ to him.

17 If then you regard me as a partner, accept him as you would me.
Paul urges Philemon to accept Onesimus back because of the evidence in v.16 that he is now a beloved brother. "partner" refers to partnership in the gospel. "Accept him" - a repentant sinner showing genuine evidence of salvation - "as you would me" - a former persecutor of the church who killed Christians but has repented of even that. Philemon has already accepted Paul over a sin that could have had Philemon killed if he ever fell back into it.

18 But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account; 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand, I will repay it
This is the only place in the letter where Paul refers directly or indirectly to Onesimus’ sin. Paul takes the consequences for Onesimus' sin. Onesimus is a runaway slave, and if he has already spent the money, he can't pay it back. Paul has agreed to repay it himself so that the loss of money consequent from the sin would not be a problem for Philemon. "I... am writing this with my own hand" emphasizes that Paul is really the one writing this.

(not to mention to you that you owe to me even your own self as well).
The Bible does not say this directly, but Philemon may have been saved under Paul's ministry. This is a parenthetical statement in some translations, such as the NASB (this one).

20 Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.
The context here is Paul's appeal that Philemon accept Onesimus back. “Accept[ing] [Onesimus] as you would me" (v. 17) would be a benefit and refreshment to Paul. It would benefit Paul to see this relationship between Philemon and Onesimus restored more than it would for Onesimus to stay with Paul (vv. 13, 16).  This is a different kind of benefit and refreshment "... in the Lord... in Christ". The gospel of Christ changed Paul's heart so that he would see Onesimus' being away from him (and possibly never coming back to him) as a "benefit” and "refreshment".

21 Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, since I know that you will do even more than what I say.
Paul appealed to Philemon rather than commanding him (v.9), but still considered that if Philemon followed through on this appeal it would be "obedience" (v. 21). Paul had confidence that Philemon would obey him and accept Onesimus back. He knew that Philemon would do more than simply accept him back.

22 At the same time also prepare me a lodging, for I hope that through your prayers I will be given to you. 
Although Paul was in prison, he had faith that he would not stay there for the rest of his life. He hoped to see Philemon in Colosse. If he had gone, he would have been able to see whether Philemon accepted Onesimus back and what kind of role he had given him.

23 Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, greets you,
Epaphras preached the gospel to his fellow Colossians (his own people) and came to Paul in Rome with a favorable account of the Colossian church while Paul was in prison there. In Colossians 4:12, Paul tells the church at Colosse that Epaphras is "always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God... he has a deep concern for you and for those who are in Laodicea and Hierapolis." In Colossians 1, Paul reminds the church there that they heard of the gospel (v. 5) and understood the “grace of God in truth" (v. 7), which they learned from Epaphras (v.8), who Paul calls "our beloved fellow-bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our [Paul and Timothy's] behalf."

24 as do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, my fellow workers.
Mark: Historical accounts are divided over whether this was the same Mark who wrote the book of Mark. This Mark was definitely with Paul on his missionary journeys and apparently with him during his imprisonment at Rome.
Aristarchus: A Macedonian from Thessalonica. In Acts 20, Aristarchus had accompanied Paul on a missionary journey from Greece through Macedonia to Syria. Aristarchus was also on board a ship with Paul in Acts 27 when they were shipwrecked. When Paul wrote to the Colossians, Aristarchus was in prison.
Demas: Demas was with Paul during his first imprisonment in Rome. He also sends his greetings in Colossians. But in 2 Timothy, Paul writes that Demas forsook him, "having loved this present world". John Calvin wrote of Demas, "And if one of Paul’s assistants, having become weary and discouraged, was afterwards drawn aside by the vanity of the world, let no man reckon too confidently on the zeal of a single year; but, considering how large a portion of the journey still remains to be accomplished, let him pray to God for steadfastness."
Luke: A physician who wrote the Gospel of Luke and the Acts of the Apostles, possibly one of the Seventy.

25 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.
Paul ends this letter similar to how he started it. He started it saying “Grace to you and peace."  Here, he says, "grace... be with [you]."It means that he wants the grace of God to be with his readers as they go. When we read Scripture, we are not reading it 24 hours a day. We read it for part of the day and then go live the rest of the day doing other things. Paul wants the sustaining, sovereign grace of Jesus Christ to stay with them throughout the rest of their daily life. And they need it, because his main recipients also suffer for the sake of the gospel and will eventually die for it. (source: John Piper, Future Grace)

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Applications from Philemon:
1. v4: One of the ways that Paul expressed love for Philemon and the others in his church was that he prayed for them regularly, although they were in another city and he was in prison. Do you regularly pray for other believers - whether you can see them or not - and whether your circumstances are good or not?

2. v13: Being ministered to may seem like a very good thing, but it is not always right to focus on who can help you in your trial if God would be more honored by having them go somewhere else to pursue a different calling.

3. v13: Secular work (in this context, seen as a slave serving a master) is a legitimate calling.  Don’t think that you have to be in full-time ministry in order to glorify God and serve Him.

4.  Center your friendships with other Christians on Christ.  The friendships Paul had with these other servants (Epaphras, Aristarchus, etc.) were based in advancing the gospel and suffering for it. Deep friendships involve camaraderie in a cause. If you have trouble forming deep friendships with other Christians, question the basis of those friendships. Make sure that you are centering your friendships on Christ, not on surface-level worldly interests. This will also help you minister to them, and them to you.

5. vv18-19a: Would you ever pay the consequences for another person’s sin just to restore them to another brother?

6. v21: Can it be said of you that when you are to do some form of service for another believer, you will do more than what they ask? (I'm not saying this about me in the Philippines. :-) )

7. v22: Would you go to great lengths to see or visit people who have benefited from your ministry, or who you have benefited from in their ministry? (Ditto. :-) )

Philippines: How Would I React to "No"?

Almost exactly a year ago, I posted a series of notes (part 1, part 2, part 3) that addressed the importance of Christians obeying the government. Interestingly enough, a similar topic has now come back in my life a year later, but in a work context.

If you have followed this blog for a while, you would have seen a lot of posts tagged "Philippines", including this one. One of my pastor's friends from a church where he served previously in the Philippines spent one of his semester breaks from law school in the US and made a special trip to our church to help out with our young adults' camp for several days. During the camp and afterward, he ministered to me and others in my church and sought to be as much of a blessing as possible during his short time with us. He is now back in law school, rarely having the time or opportunity for fellowship with other believers, and could use encouragement from any of his friends in the Philippines or the US.

Now I am attempting to go to the Philippines to see him and to visit one of the children who I sponsor. This would be my first trip traveling outside the US, and because others that I know who may have been able to go with me cannot go, I would be taking the trip alone. I would go mainly for a vacation (I need one badly), but I would also want to minister to others and serve the Lord while I am there. Because of family obligations, I would need to spend Christmas on a separate trip within the US and fly to the Philippines from there. The trip itself would last for the rest of his break from law school, and then I would come back and try to return to work within the next several days.

Last week, I saw some very encouraging developments that made taking this trip more possible. My friend emerged from his busy semester in law school (the Philippines has a different school year) with a successful finals week and was able to get back in touch. Several days later, my family gave their support of the trip. This was astonishing. They had been supportive of it when I had a young lady to go see, but since I no longer do, they often asked, "You're going around the world to see a guy?" They are used to young women driving my motives for just about everything. Although I do not try to do that anymore, my sense of humor, which at times relies heavily on self-parody, still reinforces that perception of me, especially with those who have known me the longest.

On Thursday, I mentioned the trip to my boss. Although I mentioned a trip to the Philippines even before I joined the company, at the time it was still a trip on which I expected to become engaged. Yet I continued to save my leave for a trip to the Philippines throughout this year without knowing much as to why, just sensing the need to do it for reasons larger than glorifying myself - and the possibility, however unlikely, that I could go this year. Although I like my job for the most part, I allowed myself to become very burnt out in it, especially during the late summer and early fall, taking as little time off as possible to continue saving leave for this trip.

Independently of my boss's reaction, an answer to prayer happened that day from an unexpected source. Earlier in the week, I had prayed on the way to work that I would bear more of the fruit of the Spirit. Often, my joy becomes very tied to my spiritual performance and to my performance at work. I expect little from others, just that they will do their job and make a good effort, but I am often a ruthless perfectionist in regards to myself. With nothing to look forward to in life for most of this year, I have become very upset when I have not performed well at work and allowed my life and testimony to go into a tailspin as others in my office see how I react to that. I started to buy the notion that no one in this office wants my Jesus because He makes my life more difficult and makes me depressed and occasionally unapproachable. Christ was not causing those bouts of depression during each workweek. I was. Even the renewed possibility of this trip made me much more at peace than usual, and I was able to work pretty well on Thursday and Friday despite being sick.

My boss, who likes to kid around, initially said no when I asked to request the time off. Then I told him that I wanted to go to the Philippines for a couple weeks and he was fine with it. And I thought, "This has to be God's will." My boss likes to mock Christians once in a while even though he has several working for him. I went to HR the following day to check on my leave balances before I put in the paperwork. I gave her more background on my trip, and her reaction was very positive. Having a clearer understanding of the dates, I submitted my time off request.

Most of the trip would be after the New Year due to schedule constraints. The catch is my company's leave policy. The policy limits how much leave I can carry into the new year. With that constraint, my trip would require more leave than that. They made an exception for my team last year so that we could make a deadline, but this year they will not be doing that. Most likely, I would have to go negative with my leave or work extended hours on about half a day's jet lag for the rest of my first week back. The company tries to not advance leave to anyone. The company's top-level executives will have a meeting tomorrow, at which they will discuss whether to let me take my trip. I would appreciate your prayers for that meeting.

I don't want just thinking about this trip to be the most rewarding experience of my life so far. I want to actually take this trip, minister to my friend and sponsored child in person, and see more of what God is doing in the nations - to sing with the stars and the whales, "How great" - how merciful - how just - how faithful - how wise - how powerful - how present - how gracious - how loving - how satisfying - how holy, holy, holy - "is our God" - my Creator - my Savior - my Rock and my Redeemer, in Whom I trust. He is the Lord over all, from the rotating and colliding galaxies to the subatomic particles that praise their Designer out of the sight of human eyes, and also my Lord, who will allow me to go where He would have me go to give Him glory. May I be a faithful servant, qualified to do His will.

So, what does this have to do with earthly authority? God is teaching me something by leaving me hanging during this weekend. He is giving me a greater sense of dependence on Him and allowing me to work closer to Him than usual. My reaction to the outcome of that meeting, whatever it is, is also a tool for me to make much of Christ. And part of the fruit of the Spirit is kind words - showing grace to my employer and not reacting harshly if they tell me no.

My boss and I stayed late at work on Friday and were talking about the trip and the executive meeting after we finished working. My conclusion there was, "We'll see what happens, and I just need to respect their decision." The executives have worked hard to keep our company in business and profitable, and they deserve the titles that they have. If they say no, I am convinced that the most professional way - and the best witness as a Christian - is not for me to tell them, "To heck with you, I'll just get another job and start there in January", and attempt to still take the trip. It is to stay in my current position and continue to serve my employer humbly and as intelligently as I know how.

I don't say this dogmatically for everyone, but just as how I am convinced to act in my own life based on wisdom. God does not really have a will of direction, only wills of decree and desire. He gives us wisdom so that we can make intelligent decisions that please Him without waiting for visions, fleeces, or writing in the sky. And He has a reason why He got me out of the work that I had been doing (at companies that gave me more leave, where it looked like it would have been more possible for me to take this trip), to make much of Him in this specific job. He has given it to me as a means to become better at my craft and support my local church financially while saving to buy a house. And, having been on the other side of (un)employment too, I praise Him for providing for me in this position. It appears He is giving me more than my daily bread now in part so that if He ever allows me to lead my own family, we can creatively live off of one income and, hopefully, practice wartime living.

I grew up as a young punk with a disdain for authority, and in some ways my ideas still jar with the establishment. As a minarchist idealistically, I'll probably never vote willingly for a Republicrat. In business, I shy away from buzzwords as much as possible and just focus on getting my job done. But it is still possible for somebody like me, as likely to listen to Celtic rock and old-school punk as gospel rap, to submit to authority genuinely without kissing up. And God is glorified in that. This is a way to be "faithful over a few things" (Matthew 25:23).

So, to end today's post, I quote these lines from 116 Clique's song "Authority", not at my company, but to myself:

"You ask them, what's a man?

They say, that dude that's got them stacks on stacks [of money]

in rubber bands, finger to the government.

'I want it; I get it; it's mine.

Can't tell me nothing, bro.

My money, my girl, and my nine:

These [are] my rules. What [are] you talkin' 'bout?'

No one man should have all that power.

He doesn't have it 'cause power is not ours!

Sinning like you're in control - no, you are owned.

God is running it. Do as you're told.

Ok, let me talk to him real quick:

Somebody being over me? We say, 'No, no!'

But we gotta get that if we are not submitting,

Then we're missing the fact that we are not our own.

Only God can judge me. And the Judge says,

'If you do not follow, then you can't lead.'

Get it? Live it. Got it? Good.

"If you can't follow, you can't ever lead.

And you don't run a thing 'til you run into the King.

Hey, Who I follow's who they follow when they follow me.

A real man bows down to authority!"

(I encourage comments, but please be sensitive to preserve my anonymity by not mentioning anything that would identify me or my employer.)

Andy Mineo (f.k.a. C-Lite) - "Who's Watching"

Theoretical situation:

I take all of your thoughts, just in the past hour, and put them up on a projector screen for everybody to see.

Yo, God sees those.

We're really that wicked. He's really that holy.

Now, He sees those

Lies from the guys that try to divide.

But God's on my side, so the bride will survive.

Keep my eyes on the prize when the conflict arise.

To live is Christ, and it's gain if I die.

Might seem strange, insane in the eyes

Mainstream cats, they chasin' the lies

Thinkin' that everything they attain is the idealistic,

But really, it all stays when you die.

Think I'm crazed 'cause I don't put my faith in the phrase of a page of a book that was made by man?

That's the statement that stands, my neighbors in France (?)

I think you need the basics, man.

If they never look to see what it says, they can't test

To see if it's true or even take the exam.

Basically, fam, they don't want to think about the grave when it's really time to lay in the sand.

And really, it's only because they're afraid to examine

The ways of their heart. It don't make them say, "Yeah!"

If they find truth in the faith in the jam 'cause all of a sudden it would put a change in their plans.

Can't get crunk, can't get high,

No sex yet, gotta wait for your bride.

If that's the concern of your whole life's purpose,

You missed the whole point. That life's worthless.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

What are they trying to say?

Christians, trapped like a prisoner?

Really got it backwards, mister.

[You've] got the roles twisted, just don't see the big picture.

Gotta zoom out, see the truth now.

It's the things that we're staying away from,

Make you think that we're lame and evade fun.

'Cause we call it sin and refrain, my friend.

Yo, it's 'cause we know it'll bring pain in the end.

Let me give examples that's ample:

A mouth (?) can't keep your pants on, romance on the couch

With your girlfriend and a couple more - ow

Sooner or later, you're going to say, "Ouch!"

Or what about when it's time to settle down,

Want to get married, maybe have a small child.

With the girl of your dreams, you could share all your secrets.

What if she asks, "How many girls did you sleep with?"

Or vice versa! A double standard? If you knew how many mans [sic] was in it, it would hurt you.

When you come face to face to touch lips, and wonder what else just kissed you.

I ain't trying to dis. None of us [are] perfect.

But why live in sin if you know it brings a hearse trip?

It ain't worth it! We [were] made for a purpose:

His praise and His worship.

I'm hoping you learn this.

Sin is so wack!

It eventually exploits itself. By the time you figure it out, you can't go back!

That's the reason why I serve Him. He's so real, and I'm so certain.

How do I know?

Well, I met Him when I let Him come up in my frame

I opened my heart and believed, and I ain't never been the same

Outside the blood that was spilled for my sin.

Then I called on His name: Jesus!

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

He's omnipotent, omniscient, infinite. God of the universe, time ain't no limit it.

(I always feel like somebody's watching me!)

His name is Jesus. He sees us. We're all going to meet Him soon.

(This song is from Andy's mixtape Sin Is Wack, available on his website. If you are reading this because you were looking for the words to this song, please check out my other posts from the menu at the right! Also, please let me know if I got any of this wrong.)

"We need to keep theological thugs like you off the street."

As I have mentioned in some earlier posts, I finished switching churches a little more than a year ago. Since then, I have only had occasional contact with friends from my old church. One guy in particular became fast friends with me when he first started going there, when he had not really found his niche there yet. We have a similar educational background, do similar work, and have a similar interest in Reformed doctrine. Meeting him in a church that was pretty close to Arminian (believing only the P of TULIP) was a bit of a shock. When I met him, I was still a cage-stage Calvinist that went to Bible study each week with a long list of quotes from Reformed sermons that I had written down at work. The sermon quotes genuinely helped other members of the group, though others who took a less intellectual approach to Christianity probably felt beat up by some of them

We got back in touch a couple weeks ago for the first time since Next, when he wanted to show me the new place he is renting in preparation for his wedding next month. When he asked what was new, I told him that I was doing pretty well, working hard, and keeping busy serving in my church. And his reply started with this:

"Glad to hear you're keeping busy. Its best we keep theological thugs like you off the street, lol. :)"

Several weeks later, I'm still thinking about this. "Theological thug"? Wow. Is this really the legacy that I left at my old church when I left it?

This assessment is fair any way you look at it. When I was still going to two churches, I was learning a good deal about how to love the brethren. Yet I applied that love conditionally, toward people with a similar interest in theology. I am still doing that, to some extent. I don't enjoy pointless hanging out, talking about nothing, for hours on end. So my love becomes conditional and I become indifferent toward anyone who was not "last seen swimming in a sea of old books with Paul Washer blasting through his earbuds".

The word "thug" is interestingly applied. I'm not a thug in the conventional sense. I look like a yuppie, minus the Starbucks, plus a smoothie. I neither have nor want tattoos or piercings. I've never been in trouble with the law of the land, despite my paranoid nature around speed cameras. In short, some people might call me a model son for a white homeschooling Christian family in a lot of ways - minus, of course, that I graduated from a secular university. People might be surprised to find out that I spent a year as a pseudo-goth in high school and have a current affinity for Christian hip-hop.

When Jesus warns that few actually find the way to eternal life (Matthew 7:14), He is talking to a group of religious people that believe they are saved. It is worth it to keep this in mind. When armchair theologians engage in their version of thuggery, they often do so with no love at all. Pharisees had no love for those who did not reach their level of perceived holiness. Theological thugs of our day are often the same way. They only see love this way:

"And this is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, that you should walk in it." (2 John 1:6)

Without context, you can barely tell what the commandment is. If you are a theological thug, what do you do with texts like these?

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." (1 John 4:7)

"If someone says, 'I love God', and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen." (1 John 4:20)

And it all goes back to these:

"And a lawyer stood up and put Him to the test, saying, 'Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?' And He said to him, 'What is written in the law? How does it read to you?' And he answered, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.' And He said to him, 'You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.' But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, 'And who is my neighbor?'" (Luke 10:25-29).

Here, Jesus affirms the whole point of the law in loving God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind, and in loving your neighbor as yourself. The lawyer realizes that he can't justify himself according to this. When have I ever loved the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength, and all my mind? At best, it is an imperfect passion. When have I ever loved my neighbor as myself? At best, my love for others is inconsistent. Even if I could master this over a lifetime, what about all of my frequent smaller-looking failings where I still acted in my own self-interests rather than in God's interests or the interests of others? What about the years of my life when I lived, not even knowing about this commandment from the law? God's standard still applies to me even when I was ignorant about it. I cannot trust myself for my own salvation!

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loves us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)

You did not start by loving God. If you only love God's commandments and your own ability to keep them, your love is really for your own ability to get everything right. If you really love God, you will love what He loves - and who. You will not only hate outward sins that plague "the world", but the inward sins of your own heart that affect you deeply every day.

The tenses of "love" in this verse are interesting. Other translations might not capture it as well. "We loved God" - I can't tell which past tense this is in the Greek (I don't know Greek), but does this mean "one time", as in, "We never even once loved God"? "He loves us" - this is ongoing. Never failing. Eternal. Perfect love. He never fails to keep us sustained within this love that always protects us, always perseveres, and always ensures our full salvation from the wrath that we deserve to experience for all of eternity.

"His Son" - the object of the Father's love since eternity past and for eternity future. God's love is eternal because He did not have to create anything to make Himself a loving being. He has existed in three persons since before creation: eternally loving, eternally just, eternally all-powerful, eternally all-knowing, and eternally worthy of all praise and adoration. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have had a perfect love for each other for all of time. The only time the Father did not see the Son as perfectly worthy of His love was on the cross, when He saw Him as a sinner who was taking on the sin of everyone for whom He died. God does not need us to love Him (imperfectly) or worship Him (imperfectly) for Him to feel perfectly worshiped.

"propitiation for our sins" - Of everyone who has ever lived in a human body, only Christ is sinless. Only Christ lived the perfect life that we could not live and died the perfect death that we could not die. Therefore, only Christ could atone for our many sins against God. Only Christ could satisfy His Father's righteous, just anger against our sins against Him - including the idolatry of wanting to know everything we can theologically with the improper motive of lording it over others and condemning them for not wanting to have that knowledge or seeing side issues differently than we do.

"Did you know that hell is of infinite duration? The primary reason is because every sin you commit is committed against an infinitely worthy and good God. ...

"David sinned against his people. David committed adultery with a woman. David murdered a man, but in the end he said this:

"'Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned.'

"Why is sin so terrible? Because it is committed against God. Why don't we tremble? We don't know what that means. And why don't we know what that means? Because we do not know who God is. Such a glorious and blessed being!"

- Paul Washer.

Do we even see the sinfulness of theological thuggery - as sinful as any other sin against a holy, just, and merciful God? I'm not saying this about orthodoxy in and of itself, but of orthodoxy for the sake of being proud about it. We need to check ourselves against it and know what it means to be broken over it - not only so that our legacy with others will not involve "he was all law, without grace" or "he was all doctrine, without love", but because sin against the God who loves perfectly runs so much deeper than that. It is more than just an unbalanced application of Scripture. It is actually sin that God hates as much as He hates adultery and murder.

"Please hear my heart, like a stethoscope.

We're taking steps toward death, but looking for hope.

Because we were captured by sin.

We were seized. Now we need to be captured again.

That's why we need to pick them Scriptures up,

Start praying and fasting, and ask the Father to forgive us of -

Forgive us for laziness, forgive us Lord for our pride.

Forgive us for worldliness. Forgive us, cleanse us inside. ...

We confess our lack of love. We confess selfish ambition. ...

O Lord, bring us to repentance!"

- Flame.

This Entertaining Truth, Part 5: Having Great Theology Does Not Equal Repentance And Belief.

I mentioned in a recent post that I visited a Biblical megachurch for their Easter Sunday service this year. The church had a baptism for three people that morning. In at least one of the testimonies, I saw a theme that seems common in youth who grow up in Biblical churches: Kid grows up attending Biblical church with parents. Kid gets old enough to make their own decisions, falls into a sinful lifestyle, leaves the church, gets into all sorts of trouble. At some point, kid hits rock bottom and God saves them, and kid returns to the church they grew up in - but this time, as a true believer.

Reformed churches tend to stress catechizing children - doing this, not with the guarantee of "this will save them", but in hopes that through diligent plowing, the truth will take root in their hearts and they will be genuinely saved. This is a great thing. But it often backfires as God shows us that we are not saved by our own effort or the effort of our parents - "born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:13, ESV). Parents can be raising the "perfect" children, discipling them well at home, having them sit under the preaching of a modern-day Spurgeon Sunday after Sunday, training them like Pavlov's dog to come up with the right answers to every theological question whenever you ask, and have them not really know Jesus Christ. And as they sit under true Biblical preaching week after week, they will search for more and more loopholes around that truth. And if they are listening to a preacher who knows how to close all of those loopholes, they will learn to appease their parents by continuing to hear it while, all the while, deeply hating that truth in their hearts and seeking every possible way to rebel against it.

I grew up as one of those kids who would fire off a whole chapter of Awana sections every week. As a wee lad, I was good at word-for-word memorization. I would finish my books with half a school year left to spare, then complete Scripture memory packets and, at least once, started memorizing a whole book of the Bible. I was the Awana leaders' dream, but I couldn't say much about what the verses actually meant. I wasn't much of a Christian - if I was even one at all at the time. "Repent" was just a word that sounded cool and spiritual. "Application" in sermons that I heard was a foreign language to me. In the background, I wanted to be in another world, whether an imaginary world or a real world where Game Time never ended. And in high school I just wanted my music and my movies. My desire wasn't for God; it was for fun. I didn't want to be part of any small groups where people would actually hold me accountable for growing in sanctification; I just wanted to hang out with my friends and do the minimum to appease their desires to see me bear fruit. And in college, when I started to listen to internet radio, fun meant listening to mostly disgusting comedy routines for hours on end with the excuse that a good clean routine would come on once in a while. Through headphones, you can deceive a lot of people. "What are you laughing at?" "Oh, nothing." Christ had to die for that "nothing" - and for the lie that it was "nothing". You can live casually until you see sin's gravity. But a blind eye can't even begin to see the infinite severity of even one sin against an infinitely holy God.

There is a huge danger in wanting to bear only a minimum amount of fruit for the Lord. It is quite possible that, in effect, in this desire, someone is really saying, "I'm really bearing thistles, but let me spray-paint them to look as much like figs as I can, in my fleshly power, so that, from a distance, more spiritual people will glance at me and say, 'That guy is doing his job for the Kingdom', and they will want me to be their friend. But, oh, how I fear the scrutiny of those who want to look closely at my heart. They will realize, 'He's saying the right words, but his heart is far from Christ. If he were to leave this world right now, God would look on him as his Judge and sentence him to an eternity of eternities in hell, while this hero of deception has everyone, most of all himself, believing that he would be in heaven.' I must do everything I can to keep people from judging me like that." And all the while, they say loudly to others, "I am a five-point Calvinist." They carry a big Bible in a word-for-word translation. They know how to evaluate preachers: "He is a talented exegete and sesquipedalian, but I do not listen to him because we differ on infra- versus supralapsarianism. I would much rather listen to sermons by [fill in the blank]." They sing worship songs only to affirm, "That's... correct. That's... correct. Hey, that ain't right!" But where is the genuine fruit, the genuine rejection of your own sin (not only other people's), and the genuine affections for the Lord?

You can believe in your head without believing in your heart. The more advanced an unconverted person becomes in theology, the more they might become able to trust their own knowledge and say, "Look at me. I read Edwards. I'm definitely in." But that is not trusting in the finished work of Christ and realizing deeply that He had to die even for the pride of propping up your own religious accomplishments. God alone is capable of doing that in the heart of an unconverted person, who by nature hates Him. The Israelites did not have to speak of their own qualifications to look at the bronze serpent on a pole. They only, in their desperate condition, had to fix their eyes on that frightening creature that looks like the same thing that killed their families and friends, and they would be saved from death. And today, you cannot save yourself from spiritual death by knowing which theologians to quote when. Godmust open your eyes and turn your head to look on Christ in His frightening perfections, frightening because Christ is everything you are not and the Lord is thoroughly offended by even the good things you do in your own flesh. But the Father sent His Son, who laid aside His glory to die a gruesome death for your sins on this earth. The unconverted crowd looked upon Him with ridicule, as if to say, "He is not our King! We were expecting dashing good looks and the end of Roman rule, and instead we got this donkey-riding man from Nazareth. Whatever good ever came from there?" But the poor in spirit know: "In this Savior, who died for me, there really is a certain salvation, 'certain' in the surest sense of that word. And, as Spurgeon said, 'How can I [even] trifle with the evil that killed my best Friend?'" Forget yourself; look on Christ and live. Seek Him while He may be found. Turn away from your sins, to Christ, and believe in this gospel.

I do not write this with anyone in particular in mind. If I saw someone in my life acting like this, I would go to them privately and tell them rather than blogging about it. But maybe God will use this to wake someone up. The Lion is not tame, and His truth is not a toy.