Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Listening To (March 2012)

"This is the end of my show.  This is the end, I know.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd.
I know these chains had me trapped for a while.
Don't know when I last relaxed with a smile.
I need a Savior to crack through the clouds.
Shows over - gotta turn my back to the crowd."

"I can't perform no more. (eh eh)
Can't do these chores no more. (eh eh)
I'm feeling like I'm sick.  It's silly, so I quit.
That's it, I just can't try to please the Lord no more.
Cause really I'm sick of trying to make Him like me more. (you feel me)
Cause every day I've got a fight in store.
I'm guilty, so when I play I never like to score.
No good in me, and I'm sick of my plight - I'm poor.
They told me homie (whaa) the Christian life is better (word)
But they said to be holy and perform for His pleasure.
But now I'm feeling torn, cause the Lord is my treasure,
But I fall and feel scorned when I can't get it together.
But then something clicked.  It's crazy I ignored this:
But even when I slip, this ain't based on my performance.
Christ was equipped, ran a race with endurance.
When His flesh was hit, His righteousness was my assurance. (yea!)

"I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect, listen to the claps from the crowd.
I know them chains had me trapped for a while.
That's in my past.  I'm relaxed in Him now.
Christ my Saviour - He cracked through the clouds.
Did it perfect.  Listen to the claps from the crowd."
- Trip Lee, "Show's Over".

-----

"One God, one hope, one Winner
That shouldn't have taken claim to us sinners.
Jesus, forgive us.  We won't give up
'Cause you give life to us.  Now we're lit up
And we testify that we're rectified
By the sin that crept inside to let us die
Our fleshly pride and messy lives
We didn't deliver us.  We were rescued by You,
Who has all power and all presence to save us.  You're gracious.
And when the eyes of our hearts see You, You truly amaze us.
You were clothed in our shortcomings, so we would
Overcome in fullness, in a way a King could
We could have never climbed that hill.
We never would have got that far.
We would have gave up for real as soon as things started getting hard.
But You overcame. We know You reign.
You hold our shame and throw it in the ocean,
And You sealed us with Your holy flame."
- Dillon Chase, "You Overcame".

-----

"Man, I know that I'm insecure.
Do really You think I want to walk around like this? 
I'm tired and I'm sick and tired man I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody.  I'm tired of this.

"From the morning when I'm picking out my clothes
To the moment when I walk up out that door,
My pride is shooting up to the roof top,
While the self esteem finds its way to floor.

"Man, I know I've got problems,
And I ain't [fixing to] sit and try to hide them.
So I am [going to] take this beat and just ride it,
And tell the world what I've been finding.

"You've done seen my issues:
Insecure, but I'm not gonna sit through
Another day where I can't break
The habit where I try to please anybody.
Now I've gotta break loose:

"Growing is so hostile.  It's seeming freaking impossible.
You're trying to TAKE the time to mature, but satan will rob you ...

"... One day, Canon will get up,
Say goodbye to dat picture.
Personally separate the simpleton, split up.
Personality changing: the old Canon, I trashed that. ...

"But I'm like a pistol: getting ready to kill the problem.
My adrenaline rush got a little bit of buzz from looking into the closet of problems.
And I've got options. Well, really, one option is to be honest
And see how God has been glorified with myself as the target.
My struggle is pride.  It's so deep down inside.
And I'm tired of the entire way I'm inclined.
I just wanna see such perfection.  
I know I'm just a bride.  I'm the opposite of my husband.  He's perfect. He's a lion -
King lion.  And I ain't lying.
Really I'm sick of trying. I know I ain't perfect at being perfect - 'cause I'm blind,
I notice my instincts, knowing that, yes y'all, my end stinks.
My entire facade is my account.  It's empty.
So, Lord, build me higher than what Bob was building.
Raise me, to the bar higher than all ceilings.
The sky is never my limit, since my Father's the real thing.
So I'm burning this mask, so can you witness the real me."
- from Canon, "Man in the Mirror".

A Shakespearean Sonnet on Physical and Spiritual Healing

I have written at least a few dozen poems in my life, starting with dozens of mostly non-rhyming dark poems that I used as lyrics to metal songs that I used to improvise in high school and college. After beginning this blog, I rediscovered my love for writing poetry as I wrote the introductory post for "Godly Fellowship", the "Adorned" / "Abhorred" / "A Sword" / "Adored" (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4) series, and other pieces. In these, I gained a greater appreciation for the craft of poetry, as I sought to not merely rhyme at the end of a line, but also have some sense of correct meter and syllable counts, and do some creative internal rhymes. (Side note: The lowercase MC, shai linne, is a master at this! :-) )

Recently, motivated by the sonnets of Dr. D. A. Carson, I made my first attempt at writing a Shakespearean sonnet and came to appreciate some of the great precision that sonneteers must have as they work, as they fit every line into iambic pentameter (blank verse) and keep a consistent rhyme scheme over 14 lines.

I started this sonnet basing it off of my pastor's ongoing series in the book of Mark, when many people approached Christ for various forms of physical healing and would not stop to allow Him to rest. Yet most of them only wanted physical healing and did not realize (or did not find important) that without the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit in their lives, they would shout, "Crucify Him!", with the rest of the masses less than three years later - and that death would not be applied toward their particular redemption. They would be physically healed, but go to hell - still in their sins, unredeemed, lost.

-----

Distressed by ills, the town stopped work to throng

Around my Lord, demanding all His time,

So that one touch would render lame men strong;

Then most retreated to their sinful grime.

I also have petitioned Him to heal

A different ailment, one within my heart,

That worships idols and tries to appeal

To my own hands to catch a flaming dart,

And stay unscathed despite the fervent heat.

The rival sees my hands of burning clay,

He gloats and mocks the mere man he just beat:

"You failure! Keep your hands unraised today."

Despite my prideful words, the Savior's face

Makes prideful Serpent flee: "He's bought by grace."

Recent Meditations: What I Have Been Reading and Listening To

A few things have happened in my life recently. Two weekends ago, I finally finished reading Future Grace by John Piper and started reading The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott. Future Grace was an amazing read, and I have now lent it to another young man in my small group. The main point in it that has applied to me this year was that, although thoughts of depression are common in the Christian life, allowing them to stay there and sink into a state of despondency is a sin that I must make war against. Christ made war against despondency as He prayed in the garden of Gethsemane while His disciples slept. Charles Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, likewise made war against despondency as depression came up very frequently in his Christian life.

Obeying this exhortation to make war against despondency brought me to conviction about the music that I was listening to. On this blog I have occasionally made much of my collection of gospel rap and worship music, but I also listened to a lot of secular metal, industrial music, and depressing rock music that all contained lyrics that, while not objectionable on the surface, fostered depressed and discontent attitudes in me that allowed me to remain in despair and unbelief in the goodness and faithfulness of God. The day that I finished Future Grace, I deleted over 900 songs from my iPod. (Please note: I did not do this as a legalistic statement against listening to secular music. I am not going to legislate that my fellow Christians must do the same thing or else they are not holy. In fact, I did not delete all of my secular music, only that which caused me to sin. I still have a great deal of mostly instrumental trance music, worldbeat music, and other secular music that does not cause me to sin.)

Some would question my decision to read books like The Exemplary Husband. I am not married and not courting anyone. However, the obligations of Biblical manhood that can apply to single men still apply to me. And it is actually refreshing to me to read a book about marriage that does not rely on worldly wisdom. I first heard of this book because Brother Paul Washer has mentioned it in numerous sermons about the family. And I realize that husbands will find this book convicting in different ways than I will, but it is convicting even to me as I consider whether and how I live too casually with respect to the gravity of God's glory.

Last Sunday, my church also voted on its first deacons. I was chosen along with six others, and several more people were nominated for deacon and elder roles. For now, I am one of the two youngest deacons and the only one who is not married or engaged. The roles of deacons in my church are to serve the church, serve as a point of contact for ministries (as a go-between for our pastor/elders and those in charge of ministries, for accountability), and provide Biblical counseling for families in the church. Please pray that all of us as well as our pastor and elders will serve God and the body of Christ for His glory and not our own, in a way that God will find us faithful to Him and His Word.

My church was also quite blessed to collaborate with several other churches around our region yesterday for a quarterly Olympic Games "in-reach". It was encouraging to see several brothers from other churches for the first time in several months and discuss ministry, studies, and our walk with Christ. One of my friends told me that his brother has gone back overseas to study in Bible college, to prepare for a life of missions in a closed country, with the understanding that he will probably lose his life for the gospel there. I have never met this young man but sense a strong desire to fast and pray for him - not to avoid danger for the gospel but to suffer well for Christ when it comes.

Sometimes, it just helps to reflect on words that others have written, sung, and spoken. These are some lyrics in songs that have done a great deal to edify me recently.

"Man all I ever wanted was to be labeled the greatest,

Cassius Clay on spittin' rhymes while rockin' the lastest.

But that crept into my life in Christ. It was evident

As I debated how I was better than the rest of them. [So guilty here!!]

Works-based righteousness: based my worth on some type of list and

If I keep it or not, perfected every night since this.

Now, I'm looking for approval, and I'm selfish,

So all I want to do is try to outdo you!

Silent when you ask me. Later, I'm bragging like a fool.

Far from His image and couldn't see it. Where is the Zoom?

This is grace in my moment of reproof. That helps me see the truth.

Just how I sound, no AutoTune.

And in this life, the last will be first and the first is last.

And He's a servant to the end. We're certain of that.

That's what I heard: freedom from the curse.

Livin' to a hearse, but the latter doesn't matter when you're in reverse."

- Tedashii, "Reverse".

"I found myself in You,

Believing in Your promises. Nothing else is true.

It's all fleeting, gone any minute.

I stand on Christ, the Solid Rock, until Your work is finished.

You could have came as a conquering King,

who knocked dead His opponents, one, two, three.

But You came as a Babe, so meek,

Lived a perfect life and died for me.

Any response would bring glory to Your name.

Holy is the Most High. We live to spread Your fame.

Yes, You're the King that the prophets spoke about,

that the Father was pleased to crush. You took our sins out!

I'll never know how much it really cost when You stretched out Your arms and took up my cross.

I was blind, but now I see right.

You give sight.

You're the Way, the Truth, the Life.

"Man, I wasn't even looking.

I didn't even know how lost I was.

But now the mystery's revealed.
My chance [?] is what it took Him,

but by the Lord's grace, now I'm bought by blood,

because the mystery's revealed."

- Dillon Chase feat. Tre Marquis, "Mystery Revealed".

"All for me, why? No, we don't deserve Your grace.

We deserve the place after death burning under graves.

That's why we praise, 'cause we've been saved from the flames.

Enslaved by Your ways, it's You I try to imitate.

'Daddy, Daddy' - that's what I call You now.

Entrusted like loving vows, stuffing Your word in my mouth,

Chew it up and breathe it out. We love You and scream it loud.

Lord, crush all of our doubts. I stand in awe of You - wow! ...

"I'm in awe of You. And what's amazing is I haven't seen all of You. ...
There is no English word that can describe Your glory.

Though I'm a mess with filthy rags, You didn't ignore me.

You sought covenant with me despite my story,

In fact, You pursued me like Hawks hunt Corey. [?]

I made so many mistakes,

But You sent Jesus so my sins would be replaced.

There are times where I felt that You should've [taken] my life

Or embarrassed me. But instead, Your love took flight.

In fact, in every hard time You've always came to the rescue.

Right on time, and I was never left to

Do it on my own. That's why I stand in awe,

Because You're the greatest one that I ever saw."

- Colt feat. K-Drama, "In Awe of You".

Retreat Reflections: 1.

I have not written much recently due to several weekend events out of town. In the last two weekends of May, I attended a young adults' camp for my church, followed by the Next Conference on Memorial Day weekend. I spent four days in the mountains with my church at the end of June for our first ever, whole-church Family Camp. My church's men's ministry also met on a Sunday morning in June, and Sunday morning is my usual writing time because our Sunday service takes place in the afternoon; we share a building with our host church.

Work has been more hectic with several deadlines and several new people starting on my team, so I haven't had much time to really reflect on Next or the church camps. So, rather than finishing up the posts on courtship now, I am starting this series of posts at the start of a quite welcome three-day weekend at home, while I edit some of my long queue of photos from hiking trips, hopefully start plowing through the roughly 850 photos I took at Next, and (of course) work out. (Suffice to say, I have an interest in photography - but no DSLR yet.)

Our young adults' camp focused on opposition, as a more intense continuation of our series on Saturday nights. Because I worked on the first day of the camp, I arrived partway through the sermon in the first session. One of our pastor's classmates from Bible college was our guest speaker for all four sessions. He now serves as a Presbyterian pastor and will move out of the area later this summer for more training in the ministry. My pastor told our group about him before the camp started, saying, "He is really ghetto but uses more SAT words than I do." And he was right! He had grown up in the inner city with a hard upbringing; he was quite open to discuss that and his struggles with us during the sessions, even though he had not seen many of us before.

The first sermon discussed idolatry with Luke 19 as its text. (Our church only uses expositional preaching, even when we try to go topical. I love that! :-) ) Some of the points were as follows, along with my reflections:

1. Everyone looks for something outside themselves to justify their existence. For many people in my church, this usually means friends and can mean basketball. We are looking for approval from others any way that we can get it. For Zacchaeus, that meant taking a job that allowed him to get rich: a tax collector. Everyone in that society hated tax collectors, but everyone wanted to be one because they had money. It could also mean a girlfriend or courtship; when mine ended a few months ago, I had to struggle to put who I was back together because I had reached a point where she, not God, was justifying my existence. And... God calls this idolatry.

2. "Broken people do broken things." Desire for validation is God-given, but He presents Himself as the only solution. This is why people can get all they ever asked for materially and still feel poor.

3. In order to lose idols, Jesus must become a superior satisfaction.

4. A Christian needs to be worried about succeeding in things that do not eternally matter. "Only the cross of Christ can bestow true glory on your life."

5. "Idols always tell you to come back for more, but they never give you what you were asking for."

Session 2 dealt with costly grace, with Luke 15 as the text.

1. "If I had 100 cars and one broke down, who cares?" But the shepherd cared for the one lost sheep so much that he left the 99 other sheep to go find it, and he rejoiced when he found it. He wasn't treating that sheep as replaceable the way we do with most of our possessions, but as an irreplaceable treasure. This is how God looks upon those He has redeemed!

2. The lost son told his father to drop dead. He made it rain for days and days. When he had squandered everything and come back, the father replaced everything he had lost. It took years to fatten the calf that was killed for the younger son. Tony Campolo: "I belong to a church that throws birthday parties for whores at 3:30 in the morning."

3. God is seeking the lost: "Adam, where are you?" "God does not love cars or big houses. He loves people, unlike Americans."

4. The older brother is more dead in God's eyes. The reason why is damnable good works. Good works are your own righteousness. People who define themselves by their sin, such as drug dealers and pimps, know that they are sinners. "A pastor or worship leader needs the same amount of grace as the most hardened sinner. You nailed Jesus to the cross." Christians must repent of all the good things they have done for the wrong reasons. In the gospel economy, if you bring something to the table, you may not be saved.

5. The Father (God) is the true prodigal. The older brother should have been a search party for the younger brother because the Father was grieving. In my family, this was inverted. My older brother had a prodigal stage in his early twenties. I was still in high school at the time and was trying to approach the situation moralistically, as if to say, "I can be moral. Why can't he?" So I could condemn his sins without a tear in my eyes. I was not going out to the places where he was to try to find him and bring him back. I was not even really praying for him much except for brief mentions in my prayers at night. Mostly, during the several years where I watched him fall, nothing surprised me. I just determined that I would look at him and do the opposite, only rebelling in ways that were socially acceptable within my church at the time. There were still idols and sins in my heart. They were just more culturally acceptable ones. And that is what is dangerous.

Session 3 covered John 6:

1. Tim Keller: If you ask a longtime churchgoer, "Are you a Christian?", the fake Christian will try to validate himself. The true Christian will chuckle that God would choose him - a sober, somber reply understanding that Jesus, the Justifier, went to the cross.

2. How often do you barter with God? These people wanted bread, a kingdom, health, and prosperity, not a cross, holiness, or purity. Earlier in my Christian life, my prayers tended to take the format, "God, if you do this, I'll do that for You." It was conditional surrender, not unconditional surrender based on His Lordship over my life. I was not really looking at Him as my Lord. I thought His government over me was a democracy where I got most of the votes and therefore always won. I had no clue how to submit to Him as my King. Kingship means you submit to Him even if He gives you nothing. But the fact that He gave you Christ should give you unspeakable joy, if you realize even in small part how great Christ is.

3. The crowd did not want the bread of life or its Giver. "Can I go to heaven without truly and affectionately loving my Jesus?"

4. Theology, your decision, and contrition do not and cannot save you. Jesus saves you. "If you are not saved, you do have a relationship with God. You are his enemy."

5. A spiritual high cannot replace a steady relationship with God. "The presence of Christ becomes real, not in miracles, but in mayhem. He becomes closer than your own skin."

6. "The greatest enemy of the best is not the worst, but the very good." Satan did not challenge God's existence, but His goodness.

7. Jesus saved you that you may enjoy Him and glorify Him to all the nations.

8. When you fall, do not trust in doctrine, but in "Christ in you, the hope of glory". The gospel does not tell you to focus on the law but to gaze on Christ. "Take your eyes off the mirror. Gaze upon your Savior and let His beauty transform you."

This post is already long, so in the next post, I will discuss the last session and general reflections.

Lessons Learned from My International Courtship, Part 1

As I mentioned in the previous post, I have been putting together a list of 25 things I have learned during and after my international courtship. Here is the first part of that list:

1. Distance is not a bad thing in a relationship, as long as you maintain clear and regular lines of communication. If anything, distance can actually help because the relationship becomes based on words. It also helps maintain a higher standard of physical purity and takes away temptations to fall in that area. However, emotional temptations still exist and probably become stronger.

2. Trust between two partners in a long-distance courtship is critically important. A great deal of doubts and suspicion arise when you cannot trust the other person to stay committed in a courtship. For about 8 months, I never smiled with interest at another woman, lest I betray my trust to her. She and I were in a stalemate because I would not tell her that I loved her until she showed commitment to me, and she would not give me her commitment or her love until I told her that I loved her. So she allowed other young men to stay in the picture, although her only other suitor was an unbeliever. Ultimately, I did not tell her that I loved her (although I definitely did!) because our doctrinal differences would have left her unwilling to stay involved in my church and my first loyalty is to God, not to a woman. (To clarify, if I were married, I would not divorce my wife if she turned out to embrace false doctrine or be a false believer. Scripture forbids that. But this was a courtship.)

3. Do not use theology to manipulate a courtship partner. For most of this courtship, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I had access to great theological resources and she did not. So in effect, I was using the courtship as a means to teach her sound doctrine. After a while, she felt like she had to earn my love. Men, you have to know what you believe and what she believes before the courtship begins. Do not bait her with, "If you will suddenly stop being an Arminian and believe the 5 solas and the 5 points, you can have a courtship with me" or "As soon as you say, 'I am a Calvidispiebaptogelical' or 'I am a hedonist. I seek my pleasure ... / not in wealth, no, He's my treasure!', I will have a rock for your finger!" (If you live on a gravel road, rocks are cheap. ;-) )

4. Know when to walk away. I spent a significant amount of time in prayer about her and fasted for probably a total of a week and a half to two weeks, spread over the whole courtship period. During the last month of the courtship, I realized that I already knew what was pleasing to God and was using fasting to try to manipulate Him. I really just needed to obey Him in faith.

5. "They are somehow our brothers, man." - Sho Baraka. Some people who subscribe to false teaching are merely trapped there and will accept the true Word of God when it is shared with them. However, to keep listening to false teachers, they refuse to discern. We cannot say that everyone who does not reject the teaching of a heretic is unconverted. Many people who accept false teaching bear more good fruit for the Lord than I do. Their communion with God is more uninterrupted; they are better at loving the brethren; they are more willing to serve. If I do not love them back, that reflects a problem with my heart, not with theirs.

6. Don't expect someone from an egalitarian background to suddenly become a complementarian because of love. I said in the previous post that her father is a pastor. Her mother is also a pastor and regularly preaches in their church's service on Sundays. To any Reformed Baptist, this is a red flag. Scripture does not permit women to teach or have authority over men in the church. Many people have said this instruction from the Apostle Paul merely applies to the culture of New Testament times, when he did his ministry. I would counter with this: if a church permits women to preach, that is often indicative of more important compromises in doctrine. Here, there were many. I never mentioned the issue of women preaching to her or her family, not wanting to start a fight over a side issue, but I kept this in the back of my mind. People put up a false front to get other people to love them.

7. Doctrinal differences that can be smoothed over between friends become magnified a thousand fold in a courtship, engagement, or marriage. Biblical manhood and womanhood is one very significant area for couples. She had never heard those terms or was unfamiliar with them, so I tried to explain to her what they meant. I showed her from Scripture that it is good for a married woman to be busy at home and have her heart at home, not in the workplace; to work only out of necessity and not define herself by her job. And I told her that my goal in working and planning my future is not to be rich, but to still give her no financial reason to need to work outside the home. Although she was possibly telling me this from a short-sighted point of view, she told me she wanted to always work and admitted to me that she is a workaholic before her long hours started. After the long hours started, she mostly only wanted to discuss her job and did not want to talk about God with me. That was when I truly realized that our visions do not line up. Having a common vision for the family based on a common understanding of Biblical manhood and womanhood resolves many conflicts.

8. I became deeply aware of the global theological famine and, in particular, its effects on Christians in the Third World. Desiring God International Outreach uses the term "global theological famine" to describe the inability of Christians outside the Western world to access theological resources that help establish them in sound doctrine. Even Christians who have access to a complete Bible do not always know how to read it in a profitable way that shows them the truth. They cannot learn the historical and cultural context of the Word. As a result, many of them do not realize that Jeremiah 29:11 was not written to them, claim it as their favorite verse, and believe that God has promised by it to get them out of poverty. And then when they have spent the whole rest of their lives in poverty, their faith is crushed.

What Happened To My Courtship

Back in the Godly Fellowship series, I mentioned that I was courting a young woman, praying about her, and seeking the advice of godly kuyas and ates from my church. I really wanted to write a "Preliminary Thoughts on Courtship" post describing what I have learned about a variety of topics - her, myself, God, the courtship process, our cultures, and so on - during the process.

For context, please permit me to write a short timeline of the events that took place. Last April, she took a truly providential business trip to the US. Initially, her company had selected other people to go. Yet that changed, and they chose her and several of her friends instead for the trip. The company initially slated them to go to a different state, halfway across the country. Two more changes later, the company sent her and her friends to my state for four weeks.

One of my kuyas at church is from the same city as this young woman. Their fathers are pastors and know each other well. My kuya's father, who has since returned to the Philippines, was in town for a short while and preached at my church on the day that I met her. He told me that he had someone for me to meet, a pastor's daughter. Initially, I said no. I was not looking for anyone to date or court. Late in 2007, I had repented of recreational dating and started to read good theological books and pursue God harder than I ever had before. But my friends convinced me to go meet her, and I decided to go with them.

That day still goes down in my life as a memorable day. I do not regret my decision to meet her. She is a quite beautiful, usually very nice girl. We had good godly fellowship from day one. And I started thinking in terms of the first question in the Desiring God article "Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage": "What do you believe about everything?" That Saturday, my church was having a special worship service. She, two of her friends, and one of my best friends came with me. Both of my pastors preached. She heard good, sound preaching on worship and liked what she heard. The next week, my seasonal allergies arrived and left me sick for a week and a half. Her company extended her stay for one week because at least one person in her group had arrived in the US after she did and they wanted to have all four of them come home on the same flight. I went out with her and her friends several more times during that week. While we were in an observation tower at an amusement park, we made our courtship official. The next Friday night, I took her to a large, peaceful park where I enjoy hiking and then out to dinner at one of the nicest malls in the area. We talked in the hotel lobby for a bit and then exchanged probably the tightest, most emotional hug I have ever had. That was the farthest we went physically. She waved to me as I drove off, and when I was out of sight of the hotel, I wept enough that I could barely see to drive.

We stayed in touch very regularly for a while after she went home. We would chat online five nights a week, and on Fridays after work we would talk on the phone for three, four, five-plus hours. It was an almost sacred night of the week for me. On my work calendar, I marked myself busy every Friday night and told my friends that if they wanted to spend time with me, they would need to do it on Saturday or Sunday. Friday nights were her time. We read through Joshua Harris's book Dug Down Deep together and talked about what we were reading. Throughout the summer and early fall, we became a lot closer to each other even though we were half a world apart.

Then her work told her that she was in line for a promotion. She was already working about 9-10 hours a day with a long commute on top of that, but in October her client increased her goals while she was also spending an almost full-time effort training new hires. Twelve hours became a short work day for her. This took a huge toll on her spiritual life, and our conversations lost depth as well. Our doctrinal differences became much more apparent, with one of my pastors becoming the new senior pastor of my church and my church's becoming much more focused on expositional preaching and the hard demands of Christ's Lordship over our lives. I was finding that, while she initially agreed with a lot of what I said, as I started to tell her what my pastor was saying, she had little to say and did not really agree with it. Around the same time, I was regularly in touch with her family, who would frequently tell me about prophetic dreams and visions, which they see as binding but often do not back up with Scripture.

As the long hours continued, we stopped chatting online. Another guy at her work, who is not a believer, became interested in her. She would not let him court her, but she never gave her commitment to me either. I stayed in touch with her mostly through her family and occasional phone calls during lunch or on Friday nights. And as I learned more about her doctrine from her family, the Holy Spirit (the one who regenerates dead hearts and convicts of sin, not the one Benny Hinn talks about!) convicted me and left me with a total lack of peace. In February, my pastor showed a video of Benny Hinn's services in church and explained how unbiblical they are. He is also well aware of the organization overseas that my friend and her family are part of and told me that they do similar things. Her family was constantly telling me that I need to fly across the world to attend that group's conferences. I told my pastor that there was no way that I could be part of that and I was going to end the courtship. For several weeks, I did not contact her at all except for one phone call. We both decided to end the courtship in early March.

So it has now been more than two months since the courtship ended. Our one-year anniversary would have been several weeks ago. Recently, she contacted me to inform me that she is now in love with her unbelieving suitor. This was very painful news to take.

God has been teaching me a lot through this. As I have been learning from Him, I have been writing. For the next several posts, I hope to show you, as my reader(s), what He has taught me in hopes that you may exercise wisdom.

Daughters and sons of Jerusalem, Washington, Manila, and every other city, I charge you, for the sake of the name of the King of Glory, the purity of the members of the Body of Christ, and the protection of young men and women's hearts:

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,

Though it demand all cost of you and fires

On this fallen sphere."

Small Group Lesson: Titus 3:1-11

I tweeted recently that I would not have a new post this past weekend because I was preparing a small group lesson. Earlier this week, I taught my small group from the book of Titus. Here are my notes from the lesson:

Context of the book of Titus:

Paul identifies himself as "a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ" (1:2) and writes this letter "for the sake of God's elect and their knowledge of the truth". He is definitely writing to believers here. He considers Titus, a pastor in Crete, his "true son in the faith" (1:4) and co-laborer in the gospel. Titus, a Gentile, ministered to other Gentiles living in Ephesus, Macedonia, and Crete. He had traveled with Paul to Rome, but they had a shipwreck which forced them to take shelter at Crete. Paul left him in Crete to appoint elders in every town, that there might be churches in every town there. The churches there had significant problems with false teaching (1:10-16). Paul combated this by listing qualifications for elders in chapter 1 and instructions for cross-generational fellowship in the church body in chapter 2.

Titus 3: (ESV)

¹Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities,

"them" refers to those who Titus is ministering to in Crete. Crete, in this time, was under the authority of the Roman Empire. So were the recipients of Peter and Paul's epistles, where they were instructed to suffer well for Christ in spite of rulers and authorities (the government - like in Romans) who stood firmly against the truth of God and would even kill them for saying that Jesus is Lord.

to be obedient, to be ready for every good work,

So Titus needs to instruct them to not only submit to these leaders in actions but to use each opportunity they get to do these leaders good. They are not to be Christians whose job is to kick out an oppressive secular regime and put one of their own in power so that they will not be persecuted. Paul, in effect, wants Titus to tell these believers to suffer well for the sake of Christ under the oppressive rule of Rome. This is a practical example of living out Christ's words in Luke 6:28 ("bless those who curse you") and Paul's instructions in Romans 12:14 ("bless those who persecute you").

²to speak evil of no one,

Notice that it says "of" and not "to". "Of" implies that Titus is to instruct the church to not speak evil "about" anyone. This applies to speaking evil to another person or speaking evil about them when they are not looking. Speaking evil robs good works (vv. 1, 8) of their effect on their recipient. It shows an inconsistent walk.

to avoid quarreling,

As Calvin said, there are more ways to fight than with fists and weapons. Quarreling is fighting with words.

to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people

Again, Paul permits no loopholes. The Christian is to be gentle and courteous, both characteristics of Christ, to all people, even those who mistreat them and use them for selfish gain.

³For we ourselves were once foolish,

The word "for" implies that this and what follows serves as a justification for the instructions in vv. 1-2. "Ourselves were once" shows that, in the condition of our hearts and our actions, we were once just like the people that were speaking evil of us and doing wrong to us now. "Foolish", according to Calvin, seems to refer to their past ignorance of the gospel.

disobedient,

This is a contrast to "obedient" in v. 1, here describing their former way of life. Unbelief is inherently wayward and rebellious.

led astray,

Tying this into the next phrase, it seems to be referring to an ability to fall to temptation easily, maybe because of a lack of firm rooting in the faith and the body of doctrine.

slaves to various passions and pleasures,

Their desires ruled them. They did whatever felt right (passions) and whatever gave them joy (pleasures) without considering what the Word of God says is right. "Various" refers to the fact that many different desires were ruling them. It was not just a desire for sex, money, power, the praise of men, or anything else. It was a combination.

passing our days in malice and envy,

"Passing our days" means their lives were just passing by with them continuing in these attitudes of selfish motives and wrong intentions (malice) and being greedy or envious because, in the sinful desires of their heart, they were comparing themselves to others.

hated by others and hating one another.

And in that comparison to others, they were competitors against each other. This "hated by others" does not refer to persecution, because the world hates Christians for a different reason: we are not of the world. The test of assurance of salvation of loving the brethren is a test of true conversion because unbelievers cannot love in the way that we can love.

⁴But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared,

God, in His nature, is true love, not love on the surface like this world has. "Appeared" refers not to Christ's appearing to all men (elect and non-elect), but His work that the elect particularly benefit from in the gospel. We are saved because faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. We must hear the gospel in order to be saved. I would say this refers to the hearing of the gospel and (v. 5) the work of regeneration in us that allowed us to say that we have truly been saved by God. I say this because the "But" stands in contrast to our former ways of life in v.3.

⁵he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,

His work in us is by His mercy, not by our credentials. We can thus say His election of us is unconditional. He saved us. We did not save ourselves. His justice to us was satisfied in the person and work of Jesus Christ, not in our own acts of self-righteousness which He sees as filthy rags. But He must work in us in regenerating our hearts, turning a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. The regeneration is a one-time occurrence. The renewal is day-to-day. As progressive sanctification takes place in us, we exhibit less and less of the characteristics of v.3.

⁶whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,

"Whom" is the Holy Spirit; "He" is God the Father", and "Jesus Christ our Savior" is the means the Father used to save us. This is all of the Trinity acting as one God in three separate persons in one verse. Think about "richly". It means we have no idea how blessed we are with our salvation through Jesus Christ. "Poured out" also highlights the great extent and value of this work. The Father could have just forgiven our sins. But He has declared us "not guilty" and allowed us to enjoy all sorts of spiritual blessings in Christ.

⁷so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

The hope of eternal life is not past or present grace, but future grace. Our inheritance in Christ, made possible by God's mercy and His work in saving us, is that we have certain hope in eternal life. It is certain because we are not hoping in the accomplishments of ourselves, which are subject to inconsistency and never meet God's standards anyway, but in the finished and perfect work of Jesus Christ.

⁸The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things,

"The saying" is v.7. "Insist on these things" means defend them before your churches where you minister and before men. Do not bend on this gospel.

so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works.

Paul's motivation for telling Titus to insist on these things is so that the churches where he ministered - and he assumes the church consists only of believers - would live out their faith.

These things are excellent and profitable for people.

"These things" refers to sound doctrine rooted in the true gospel. This does a true church consisting of real believers a lot of good.

⁹But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.

These are all referring to side issues which pale in importance to the core doctrines of the faith. Genealogies were a particular problem in their day; people in that time, even Gentiles on Crete, had been giving allegorical and mystical interpretations to "he begat him". "Dissension" refers to stirring up controversy. "Quarrels about the law" refers to people making dogmatic statements about things that Scripture does not state clearly. In Judaism there are many commentaries on the Torah which have significant doctrinal weight. They deal with "here is what you should do in this very specific situation". In effect, it adds more law on top of the law. False teachers were also involved in using the law for their own gain by making assertions about it.

¹⁰As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,

This is similar to how Corinth was to deal with the immoral brother, but without bringing this matter before the whole church. We are to treat such a person as a pagan and an outcast (Matthew 18:17). Warning someone twice emphasizes the seriousness of the warning. The warning means: tell them that they are in sin and if they continue down this course the results will be destructive. The "person who stirs up division" refers to someone who seeks to divide the Body of Christ by attacking historic Christian doctrine. The true church is united, but it must be pure by not allowing strange doctrines (in their day, the circumcision group who said people needed to be circumcised in order to be saved) to infiltrate it and over time, cause it to no longer stand for the truths that set it apart as Christian.

¹¹knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

"Warped and sinful" refers to the condition of the person's heart. "Warped" means "twisted" or "perverted"; "sinful" refers to his persistent sin of rejecting the truth. The Greek word translated "a person who stirs up division" is the word from which we get our word "heretic", but in that day it referred to making a choice. This person is stubborn in their choice and not willing to submit it to the Word of God.

Application:

1. As Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, following Christ means "leaving yourself outside." This is not something that the natural man can do. God must work this in us.

2. v.3: From time to time, a Christian will fall into sin or struggle with it for an extended period. Realize that this stems from what you were before the Lord saved you. Fight to live out not your inborn identity, but the identity that Christ has given you.

3. v.3: Most sins come from envy (v.3), which has covetousness as its root. Desire God above all selfish ambition, and covetousness will become less of a problem.

4. vv.6-7: Think often of the significance of your salvation. Thank God for it in worship and prayer, and use it as a motivator for you to discuss the gospel with others, both nonbelievers and other believers. There should never be a time when we find the gospel insignificant and look for other things in Christianity (or psychology or sociology, etc.) to prop up our faith.

5. v.8: Defend the gospel. It is under constant attack from nonbelievers and, perhaps more than that, from fake Christians and misguided believers who think that something else is the gospel.

6. v.9: If you are in a disagreement with someone, consider the importance of the issue that you disagree about. Many Christians tend to fellowship well with another Christian until they happen upon one point of disagreement. Then their fellowship can turn bitter and they can even lose their friendship as they talk about that one issue at length. Also, see if your position is really in line with Scripture or if you have just been arguing based on feeling.

7. v.10: He is writing to a pastor. Most of us are people in the congregation. Have we ever been the person that stirred up division? If so, we need to repent and look at others in light of how God sees them.

A Sword

Builder of Each Constellation,
Inventor of Cogitation,
Definer of Consecration,
He reigns in conflagration,
worthy of all commendation.

He shaped the depths and elevations
With the words of His exhalations.
Most are unfound by our explorations.
Try to start with nothing for your emulations.

Somehow, we only see Christ as Lamb, or we only see Him as Lion.
Each angle sheds another light on the chief resident of Zion.
Many lesser-loved words of Christ need to be underscored,
like this one: "I came to bring a sword."

"It's strange that the Prince of Peace would say something so warlike"
may be a common objection,
but is worthy of correction,
since it is inspired truth despite apparent contradictions.

Yet a gospel of repentance is a call
to find no inherent worth in all
of our ambitions and hope in self.
There, Christ brings the maul
between us and our cosmos since the fall.

And many will find it strange that the score
to a follower of Christ is not based on what we hoard
for ourselves in this world, but the wrath poured
into the cup for Christ to drink down for sins galore.

Yet we were undone to the core
and our sins, we deplored
when He opened our dead eyes and our first sight was the Lord
and we saw that Christ our sins bore.
Are there treasures in store?
Yes, more.
But He Himself is the greatest of all treasures.