The Heart of a Church Planter

If you have read my posts from several years ago, you may have noticed that I have been championing the cause of Biblical manhood and womanhood for a few years.  I used to compare myself to most of my friends and say that I was one of the most advanced "men" among them because I had a lot of the books and listened to a lot of the sermons.  Lately, I've gone through somewhat of a season of humbling regarding how advanced I am in this.

Andy Mineo's verse in 116 Clique's "Man Up Anthem" has a line which continues to stick in my head after I listen to it:
"Yeah, being a man's got nothing to do with age.
You can be a boy til the day you lay in your grave.
None of us behave like the image of who we're made.
'Cause we're fallen away - it's better known as depraved
Running from responsibility - really we crave
The easy way out of places that call us to pull our weight
Man they blowing through everyday decisions are made,
Responding to the call God's giving 'em from the gate."

The places that call me to pull my weight right now are work and ministry.  Regarding work, I'm admittedly "running out of time to make a sentimental plea".  My job is very mentally intensive, which is part of the reason why I do most of my sacred reading and writing on the weekends.  And my health has not been good this year.  After my trip to the Philippines, I had more jet lag than I have ever had and fell ill for about 2 weeks while I recovered from that.  Then I felt well for about a week or so.  Then, due to ongoing dental treatment with several different dentists, I have had terrible headaches for the past month and a half and counting.  I've needed a lot more help than I would like to ask for at work.  And my already average at best performance has gotten worse.  I sense a desire to go on vacation again and escape the responsibility for a little while.  But this is taking the easy way out of places that call me to pull my weight.  And if I do this to get away from responsibility, I am not manning up.

In ministry, I've noticed that I have mostly been choosing the aspects of my role in the church that do not involve much relation to other people.  But I am called to pull my weight in relating to others.  I am not exempt from sharing the gospel or from ministering directly to the needs of others.  God calls every believer to this role.

Today, I have been realizing that no local church will be exactly like I want it to be.  My church is historically Filipino with a lot of Filipino-Americans and some others.  We are still a small church that meets most definitions of a church plant.  I relate much better to the Filipinos than the Filipino-Americans do.  I can speak a good deal of Tagalog, embrace their culture wholeheartedly, and have been to the Philippines.  Some of the Fil-Ams are much harder for me to relate to.  I don't quite understand or know much about some of the cultural identity that they bring to the table.  So after the Saturday night service, I mostly hope that certain other guys will be there and I can talk with them.  Or it might be like last night, where I couldn't even really join a conversation.  But how sinful is my heart for choosing who I want to minister to?

Part of the regression in my path toward manhood has, no doubt, been due to the lack of examples of godly manhood among my friends in this world.  Other than my pastor, who is just a few years older than I am (more kuya than tito), I can't point to anyone in my church as a godly man who exemplifies Biblical manhood in both work, ministry, and family life - and, most importantly, in affections for Jesus Christ.

I have to say it's my own fault too!  I have a heart for helping pastors to establish Biblical churches in areas that do not have them.  Naturally, a new or restarted church plant will not always have a mature core of charter members who bring all of the strengths that their church needs to have.  Just as our physical bodies will break down and betray us more and more until we meet our Lord Jesus Christ, we should not expect the body of Christ to be perfect here on earth.  We tend to look at churches like Bethlehem Baptist Church (John Piper and soon to be Jason Meyer), Grace Community Church (John MacArthur), Covenant Life Church (Joshua Harris), and other churches like these and expect our smaller local churches to have all the same strengths that they do.  But for each one of these, there are tens or probably hundreds of smaller churches that are wondering why they are not this successful in the eyes of men.

You should follow me on Twitter here.

I Have Not Love: A Poem on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Let's say I can write by hand in any script:
Latin, Cyrillic, Indic, Chinese,
And speak the words of any of these,
Be a polyglot with a pile of degrees
And teach others to do the same -
An intellectual exercise -
So that we can pat ourselves on the cranium for our fine accomplishments -
As others do in music, sciences, and the arts:
I forgot the most important part -
The most excellent way.

Were angels good enough as I,
They could speak the tongues of men and their own in the sky -
As useless as an endless recitation of pi
To a two-year-old - if we have not love.
A gong's clang, a cymbal's crash -
It sounds like a late afternoon's dash
Through the metropolis,
As the motorway's educated ideologists
Contribute their own sounds to a cacophony -
Ever crazier, blowing horns of various pitches,
Screaming sarcastic ne'er-too-well wishes,
Passing highway salutes to all -
And having not love!

Or I could be a mysterious man -
A prediction-gifted prince trapped in an ivory tower,
With nothing but my answers to each mystery keeping me company,
Thinking that my facts keep the world functioning
And doctrine is power,
Waiting for a similar princess to give me a flower -
When I am really just a frog this hour -
Who has not love!

Or a man with faith - and not even a dreamer,
I dreamt Olympus Mons and Everest were cast down to the sea just because God wanted them to be
And my church grew and sparkled and gleamed
In radiance: "Let all who are simple come in here"
And get programs, sound preaching, even tears
In worship of the one true God with thousands
While I only have the means and miss the end -
Christ - the source - All things made by, through, and for -
Yet I, with Sardis' heart, have not love!

Or a man with wealth - gold on top of gold
On top of platinum, on top of titanium, encrusted with diamonds -
Super Bowl rings are made from me! -
And yet I radically obey
Give it all away to feed the entire world -
For ten thousand spans of life -
And I live as a jolly average soul
And enjoy the tax breaks -
Or if I give my body from my fame
To be swallowed in ever-climbing flames
"For the sake of Your holy, precious name" -
And have not love?

I am nothing.
The Creator of music calls me noise.
The Author of knowledge deems me a fool.
The Source of true prophecy declares me a fraud.
The God of compassion says I poisoned the least of these.
The Lord who bid me come and die sees no gain in my loss.
I would be better off to never live than to never love -
As He tears the veil and shows -
I have not love -
Nor Him who is it.
In the end, none will twist His perfect love
To point back to themselves and steal His glory.

Let not the sophic man boast of his scholarship
Or the sculpted strut of his sinew
Or the opulent vaunt of his affluence
But let anyone -
Learned or simple,
Atlas' arm or Achilles' heel,
Living large or destitute -
Boast in this:
That they understand and know
Their Maker, the Source of love.

-----

The texts for this poem, as taken from the New American Standard Bible, are below.  Emphasis mine:

1 Corinthians 13:1-3:
 1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Jeremiah 9:23-24:

23 Thus says the LORD, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; 24 but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the LORD.