Godly Fellowship: Part Six: With Absolute Purity.

"No one warns young people to follow Adam's example. He waited till God saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared for his mate, and brought her to him. We need more of this 'being asleep' in the will of God. Then we can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all.

"Instead we are set as blood-hounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around. It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women---but he can think of them as he ought--- as sisters, not as sparring partners!"

- Jim Elliot, The Journals of Jim Elliot.

My church is an international church with many Filipino members, so I have had firsthand or secondhand exposure to many cultural customs of the Philippines. One of the customs that, as a Westerner, I have the most trouble grasping is that of a barkada - that guys and girls actually hang out with each other in groups as "just friends" without any romance involved. In junior high and high school, the way I was raised, my mom would often make a big deal whenever I even said hi to a girl. Then I would be so encouraged at my chance to leave my singleness that I thought every single girl that said hi to me was a prospective wife. To this day, I almost only hang out with other guys.

I'm questioning exactly how Biblical it is for a young man to only make it a point to spend time with other young men - or even with older men too. The Bible says that we are to treat older men as fathers, older women as mothers, younger men as brothers, and younger women as sisters - with absolute purity. For a young man in my culture, it is hard to balance "absolute purity" with having anything at all to do with the younger women. It doesn't bother me to spend time with women who are older than me, although if they are married their husbands should be present. And it doesn't bother me to spend time with kids. But then when young ladies who are within several years of my age enter the picture, how can I Biblically have fellowship with them without messing with their hearts – or with mine?

To totally ignore the younger women is to show favoritism towards "my boys" and discriminate against them. This is as bad as the tendency I touched on in a previous post for young men to complete ignore fellowship with the rest of the church body in order to spend more time with a young lady. There are ways that we as Christians often tell each other, "Sit on the floor by my feet" (James 2:3) in more places than just the worship service. Yet they are part of the body of Christ and can be very helpful for fellowship. So, in order for younger women and younger men to best edify one another, we must see each other as Christ sees us, through our identity in Him, which comes from what the Lord has called us, what He has done for us, and how He has set us apart for Him. And it would do us very well to not sensationalize the interactions between the brothers and sisters. If, theoretically, we will do anything short of sin to promote the glory of God, why do we filter out who we will spend time within the body of Christ even though these younger women are, in fact, blood-bought children of the Most High God who, like us, desire to reject sin, follow Christ, and make much of Him?

To seek out only the younger women in fellowship can also have several negative implications. Lecrae has a song called "Live Free" in which he says, "They walk in the church dressed flyer than sea birds / She came to see him; he [is] hoping to see her / Their motives ain't right, and their hearts ain't either / And over God they choose to feed their fever." This is, of course, wrong. And we ought not to fellowship with one segment of the church body at the expense of another.

If I seek out younger women excessively, I ignore my other relationships within the body, perhaps most importantly (for me as a younger man) the "older men as fathers". To become more spiritually mature, I need to learn from men who are older than I am and mature in the faith. One of the best ways to do that is to work alongside these men in various sorts of ministry. But words are as important as actions. To get off on a separate rabbit trail, talk is cheap; but you also cannot share your faith with just your lifestyle. You need words. And similarly, in good godly fellowship, you need both words and action.

In junior high and high school, I often went to my old church to see which girls were there each week. And my motivation for wanting that church's youth ministry to do more outreaches was not getting the Gospel out to more people, but getting more cute girls to come to the church. As I started to grow in the knowledge of the things of God later, I started to realize how wrong it is to think this way. Purity in physical affections is very important, but having a pure heart is harder to maintain. We can hide our hearts' true motives from others more easily than we can conceal physical affection. Seeking to see others within the body the way that God sees them is a constant fight, and we must make war against the sin of seeing other true believers in a way that defines our perceptions of them according to any kind of discriminating factor, not just looks. I pray to this end.