Godly Fellowship: Part Four: The Way of a Man with a Maiden.

[Note: This was one of the first notes I wrote in this series. The content of this post is mostly unedited from the original draft from fall 2009, since I still consider the points valid.]

¹⁸ "There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:

¹⁹ the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.”

- Proverbs 30:18-19

“Love is not a slave lord that whips a man out of all other thinking or doing, leaving him only with the desire or power to love.”

- Jim Elliot, The Journals of Jim Elliot, “Ecuador, 1952-1955”

How Biblical is it to segment the church body into ages by year, genders, marital statuses, relationship statuses, and the like?

It's not.

And yet, why are most of my friends other single young men who are not in relationships?

Granted, I don't seek out the company of most women. I have some friends who are married women, some friends who are single women significantly older than I am, and some female friends that are just friends.

But most of the time, I seek out godly men for fellowship. This is because, if I seek to become too involved in talking to the ladies and fellowshipping with them face-to-face, it can become a great challenge (greater than it already is) to guard my heart - and to do my part in guarding theirs. I heard something in a sermon by Eric Mason that really validated that. He mentioned how shortly after he got married, an older man in his church took him aside and told him that the way he went about edifying other women in his church was wrong:

"The way that you are ministering to her is flirtatious. I bet when you tell her, 'We need to stop hanging out', she's going to break down crying."

Pastor Mason then said, "Even though I was not sinning with her, it was an encumbrance that was stopping her from growing and stopping me from growing."

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Now what about the men who are in relationships, but not yet married?

These are the people that I just do not get. Sure, you're seeing somebody. Sure, you want to spend time with her. But don't ditch your boys in the process!

You see, you can be real around your boys. If you're following a worldly dating relationship, chances are you are not being real around that girl. Some of you are showing your girlfriends your best face so that you can keep her. And while it is a girl's business to know if her prospective future husband has any skeletons in his closet (spiritual or otherwise), if you're being as open about things you are struggling with to a girl that you are just dating, you or she can still decide to end the relationship, go your separate ways... and she can tell all of her friends your life story. Basically, what I'm saying is: during your non-married life your closest go-to people for spiritual advice, fellowship, or anything ought to be other men who seek to live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world.

I have a few young men that I still fellowship with on a semi-regular basis. One thing they have in common is that most of them are single and not seeing anybody. But other young men (plural!) who would be a great source of fellowship have basically kicked me out of the orchestra (not even second fiddle) as soon as they started seeing somebody. Or at the very least, I become a third wheel.

I realize I may seem like I have been whining in this section of the post. But what I want to say is, I am there for you if you want me to be there. If you don't want me to be there, I suppose I should either make my case to you Biblically about why I should still be there, or get out of your way. Don't kick a single person out of your circle of friends just for being single, without giving them book, chapter, and verse as to why. And if your only reason why is that they are single, you won't be able to give them book, chapter, and verse - because it's not there. I realize that people in different seasons of their lives can, in some ways, be better ministered to by others who are in the same situation. However, the Bible still calls for cross-generational, cross- relationship status fellowship that does not come at the complete expense of ministering and fellowshipping with others who are like ourselves. All who the Lord has saved and, therefore, made into a new creation ought to claim their identity in Christ.

I haven't seen anything in the Bible yet that says the New Testament church needs to be segregated or divided on this particular line, or that there is any social hierarchy in the church's fellowship based on relationship status. (I do realize that elders and deacons need to be "the man of but one wife" - basically, one-woman men, since the Apostle Paul remained single. I am also not considering sinful types of relationships to be Scripturally valid. This is a separate rabbit trail and should not be considered the theme of this post or comment-worthy.)

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^{“ 4}For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

“ ⁵May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, ⁶so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

“ ⁷Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. ⁸ For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews on behalf of God's truth, to confirm the promises made to the patriarchs ⁹ so that the Gentiles may glorify God for his mercy, as it is written:
"Therefore I will praise You among the Gentiles;
I will sing hymns to Your name." ¹⁰ Again, it says,
"Rejoice, O Gentiles, with His people." ¹¹ And again,
"Praise the Lord, all you Gentiles,
and sing praises to him, all you peoples." ¹² And again, Isaiah says,
"The Root of Jesse will spring up,
one who will arise to rule over the nations;
the Gentiles will hope in Him."^[f]

- Romans 15:4-12